Wearing white to a wedding.

climbingsingle · September 2014

I know this has been discussed many times. And most of us fall into two camps: 1. It's tacky. 2. Who cares.

I can't help it, but as a guest, this is something that totally bothers me. I'd never in a million years wear white to a wedding. You have 99.9% chance that the bride will be in a white dress. And out of all the colors you could choose to wear, your pick white? No. I will side-eye the shit out of you.

As a bride, I probably would notice. But that's just something I do. I love checking out people's outfits.

But now, this Saturday, I'll get to see! FI received a message from one of his friends yesterday asking if it was OK for his girlfriend to wear a white dress to the wedding. Now, if you're asking, there's got to be at least ONE part of you that knows it could be wrong or not received well, correct?

I told FI to tell his friend that his girlfriend is welcome to wear whatever she'd like.

I know a lot of people in my circle will be side-eyeing her. We all attended a wedding not too long ago wear a guest wore a white dress. And people were talking shit about her all night. Yikes.

larrygaga · September 2014

It bothers me too. Honestly, on my wedding day I know I won't notice or care, but when I attend other wedding's and see it I can't help but think they are huge attention whores. If you wear white to a wedding and are not the bride, you are an attention whore.

I feel the same way about proposing at a wedding or announcing any big news. It looks like you can't stand someone else to be in the spotlight for more than 10 seconds.

Everyone gets their day, so let them have their damn day.

If someone asked me if it's okay to wear white, I would tell them they would be perceived as trying to take away attention from the bride and it looks really bad. I would also say if that doesn't bother them, than go ahead and wear white. I would tell them what people will think because maybe they don't actually realize how tacky it is and I would never let a friend be tacky.

ohmrs2014 · September 2014

One of DH cousins, who was also doing a reading at the ceremony, was apparently going to wear a white dress. She was casually talking to my MIL about what she was going to wear and MIL asked her what she wearing. Well, MIL apparently had a heart attack when she said a white dress. DHs cousin apparently had no idea that this "wasn't acceptable." She ended up wearing a green dress and the BMs were in green LOL.

cupcait927 · September 2014

I will never understand why women wear white to weddings. Like you said, there are a million other colors to choose from and frankly, most people don't look good in white. It's AW-ish behavior. I wouldn't let it ruin my night if a guest shows up in white to my wedding but you bet that I'll notice it.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

I'm with you, I really side eye white at a wedding. I judged my MIL hard when she bought (specifically for the wedding) a white knee length lace covered dress for a December wedding a few years ago. I couldn't help but notice a girl I know from high school changed for her reception and the dress was very similar recently. If you truly only own one wedding appropriate dress and it's white, fine. If I were in that place, I'd probably go under dressed and wear black skinny jeans and heels or something.

climbingsingle · September 2014

cupcait927 said:

I will never understand why women wear white to weddings. Like you said, there are a million other colors to choose from and frankly, most people don't look good in white. It's AW-ish behavior. I wouldn't let it ruin my night if a guest shows up in white to my wedding but you bet that I'll notice it.

Exactly! It comes off as a total AW move. And I'm with you - it would in no way ruin my day. I'd probably think about it for all of 10 seconds. But still.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

ohmrs2014 said:

One of DH cousins, who was also doing a reading at the ceremony, was apparently going to wear a white dress. She was casually talking to my MIL about what she was going to wear and MIL asked her what she wearing. Well, MIL apparently had a heart attack when she said a white dress. DHs cousin apparently had no idea that this "wasn't acceptable." She ended up wearing a green dress and the BMs were in green LOL.

Oh my god, this made me clutch my pearls. Good grief. If that would have happened, I would have judged her so.freaking.hard. That makes is like 10x worse!

beethery · September 2014

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

beethery said:

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

See I judge white hard, but I think this is fine. How many times do we see brides in floral red patterns? My mom wore white slacks to a summer, casual wedding with a coral top & accessories and I think that's fine. Anything white AND satin, lace or sparkly will get the side eye from me.

AprilH81 · September 2014

beethery said:

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

I have zero issues with a dress with a white background with a print because the eyes go to the print and the white fades away (most of the time anyway). I think you're good there.

ALL white dress? I judge.

blabla89 · September 2014

beethery said:

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

I don't like those shoes either. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing a floral dress with a white background.

ohmrs2014 · September 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

ohmrs2014 said:

One of DH cousins, who was also doing a reading at the ceremony, was apparently going to wear a white dress. She was casually talking to my MIL about what she was going to wear and MIL asked her what she wearing. Well, MIL apparently had a heart attack when she said a white dress. DHs cousin apparently had no idea that this "wasn't acceptable." She ended up wearing a green dress and the BMs were in green LOL.

Oh my god, this made me clutch my pearls. Good grief. If that would have happened, I would have judged her so.freaking.hard. That makes is like 10x worse!

I would have been shocked as anything and would have side-eyed it hard, as I'm sure mostly all of the guests would have. But I would like to think it wouldn't ruin my day, but luckily I'll never have to find out LOL.

ohmrs2014 · September 2014

beethery said:

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

I agree with PP, I personally don't see anything wrong with a white background on a dress. I don't think I would do it, but that's just because white doesn't look on me, my wedding dress was ivory.

climbingsingle · September 2014

Yeah, a white dress with a pattern or design doesn't bother me. But an all white dress - heeeeell no.

l9i · September 2014

I went to a wedding last summer which was more rustic, casual, so people weren't super fancy including the couple (read simple column dress not fluffy ballgown). And then walks in a guest with a solid white maxi dress.... My jaw hit the floor. To me it's one thing for a short dress, but to make it a long dress too... I'm not sure why the guest (family friend) thought that choice was appropriate but people were talking shit all night.

I snickered a but when I looked at our wedding photos because I didn't notice a coworker in an off white dress. She shared one of the photos of her and her BF on her facebook page and said "' 'Joe' and I at the wedding!" Someone commented "You got married?!!". There was back and forth and the person thought she got married because of her dress color. I never noticed that night but thought that interaction was funny.

beethery · September 2014

Good to know. It looked cute and wasn't even REMINISCENT of anything bridal, so I didn't think anything of it. Though I know there are some out there who would be like... "you need to put dye in the whites of your eyes for a wedding, anyone but the bride having anything white at all is unacceptable how very dare you" lol

climbingsingle · September 2014

l9i said:

I went to a wedding last summer which was more rustic, casual, so people weren't super fancy including the couple (read simple column dress not fluffy ballgown). And then walks in a guest with a solid white maxi dress.... My jaw hit the floor. To me it's one thing for a short dress, but to make it a long dress too... I'm not sure why the guest (family friend) thought that choice was appropriate but people were talking shit all night.
I snickered a but when I looked at our wedding photos because I didn't notice a coworker in an off white dress. She shared one of the photos of her and her BF on her facebook page and said "' 'Joe' and I at the wedding!" Someone commented "You got married?!!". There was back and forth and the person thought she got married because of her dress color. I never noticed that night but thought that interaction was funny.

Hahahahaa! I'm totally cracking up at that.

blabla89 · September 2014

beethery said:

Good to know. It looked cute and wasn't even REMINISCENT of anything bridal, so I didn't think anything of it. Though I know there are some out there who would be like... "you need to put dye in the whites of your eyes for a wedding, anyone but the bride having anything white at all is unacceptable how very dare you" lol

I don't care that much. To me it's more like, "Ummm...don't you know better? Bless your heart." Obviously no one is going to mistake a white-clad guest for the bride, but you know they will be side-eyed all night.

larrygaga · September 2014

beethery said:

At my aunt's wedding, as we were all walking into the church, I noticed a girl with a big sneer on her face. She was wearing a white tube dress with an eyelet lace overlay and a skinny black belt. And some of these shoes (I hate these fucking shoes):

She acted out the whole time at the reception, and everyone knew she was pressed as hell about something.

I wore a white dress that was mostly covered in red flowers and didn't think anything of it until years later. Whoops.

I pretty much don't care if someone wears white unless that person is acting like a flaccid asshole, then me and that person gonna have a problem.

White with print is a whole 'nother story. You were probably fine. It's an all white dress that is the big NONO

ShesSoCold · September 2014

My 15 year old SIL wore white to our wedding. It was whiter than my dress and one of those shorter dresses with a long sheer overlay that people wear now. And big clompy white heels that she couldn't walk in. The first thing H's aunt said to me after the ceremony was "WTF is Beulah wearing??!?!?!". I hadn't noticed but apparently everyone else did.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

A friend wore a white dress to my wedding (still weird talking about that in the past tense!) and the first thing that came to mind was "oh crap, she's wearing white. I can't wait to tell the Knotties about this because... wait... nope, I don't really think I care!" But here's the thing. Some asshole said something to her about it and made her feel really bad, and THAT upset me more than her dress did. When I was chatting with another mutual friend she told me "LOL can you believe L wore white?! What was she thinking? She just came over and said someone called her out on it and asked if I knew that people weren't supposed to wear white to weddings. I said of course, everyone knows that! She's really embarrassed. Then red wine spilled on her and I think it was karma."

I really wanted to go hug L and tell her it didn't bother me.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Maybe that girl was being such a twat because she knows a white eyelet dress and black leather work pumps don't go, skinny belt or not.

I didn't mind (or really think about) how my cousin wore white to my wedding, but when I'm a guest and another guest does it I throw serious shade. The worst I ever saw was for a low-budget wedding. The bride had her tea-length white lace dress made by a retired seamstress in town, and it came out lovely.

Then a guest showed up in a tea length ivory satin dress. It looked like she not only wanted to compete with the bride, but actually out-dress her. It was appalling.

larrygaga · September 2014

lolo883 said:

A friend wore a white dress to my wedding (still weird talking about that in the past tense!) and the first thing that came to mind was "oh crap, she's wearing white. I can't wait to tell the Knotties about this because... wait... nope, I don't really think I care!" But here's the thing. Some asshole said something to her about it and made her feel really bad, and THAT upset me more than her dress did. When I was chatting with another mutual friend she told me "LOL can you believe L wore white?! What was she thinking? She just came over and said someone called her out on it and asked if I knew that people weren't supposed to wear white to weddings. I said of course, everyone knows that! She's really embarrassed. Then red wine spilled on her and I think it was karma." I really wanted to go hug L and tell her it didn't bother me.

This is exactly why I would tell someone it's tacky if they asked me. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad about what they were wearing!!!

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

larrygaga said:

lolo883 said:

A friend wore a white dress to my wedding (still weird talking about that in the past tense!) and the first thing that came to mind was "oh crap, she's wearing white. I can't wait to tell the Knotties about this because... wait... nope, I don't really think I care!" But here's the thing. Some asshole said something to her about it and made her feel really bad, and THAT upset me more than her dress did. When I was chatting with another mutual friend she told me "LOL can you believe L wore white?! What was she thinking? She just came over and said someone called her out on it and asked if I knew that people weren't supposed to wear white to weddings. I said of course, everyone knows that! She's really embarrassed. Then red wine spilled on her and I think it was karma." I really wanted to go hug L and tell her it didn't bother me.

This is exactly why I would tell someone it's tacky if they asked me. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad about what they were wearing!!!

Oh definitely, I would tell them if they weren't already wearing it and at the event with nothing they can do about it! But at that point, the ship has sailed so just let her enjoy herself. Ain't nobody outdressing me that day anyway.

SmileDamnit · September 2014

On the scale of fucks, I could give absolutely zero. That said, people are always on the hunt for something to judge, so it's obviously an easy target & the people ballsy enough to do it should be prepared accordingly. But as a bride, people's attire was about the lowest thing on the my radar on wedding day.

FutureMrsN3312 · September 2014

I'm a total bitch. I noticed H's cousin (the now only unmarried girl cousin) wore a white dress to our wedding. While on the dance floor I said look at your asshole cousin. Once I got my pro pics back I posted one on fb of me and my BFF dancing with asshole cousin right behind/next to us and you can see her white dress.

moutonrouge · September 2014

At a wedding we went to this summer, the MOB was wearing a white, floor length, beaded-lace overlay gown. I thought it was way weird and very AWish.

sarawifenow · September 2014

I think it is tacky as hell to wear white to another person's wedding. I would never dream of doing it.

At my cousin's wedding, a guest wore a long white dress that was a sweetheart a-line. She got some crazy side-eyes that night.

lurkergirl · September 2014

I just don't understand white to a wedding. Either it's like @blabla89 said where it's a "bless your heart" moment or you're just trying to be AW.

pinkcow13 · September 2014

I totally side eye this. I make an effort not to wear any white at a wedding. I won't tell anyone not to wear white to my wedding, and chances are I'll notice, but not care if someone does. But I do side eye it. We went to a wedding last month, and one of the guests wore a tiny, skin tight white dress with at least 6 inch heels. I'm talking one wrong move, or one slip on those heels, and it would have been ass central. I looked at FI like

wandajune6 · September 2014

I think it's trashy to wear a white dress to a wedding. I will judge you for it.

White dresses with flowers or other patterns are perfectly fine. They are not pure white dresses.

While I will judge you, my mouth will stay shut. I will notice it but, if asked, I'll say that the wearer looks beautiful.

But I will notice and judge.

Wearing white to a wedding.

Re: Wearing white to a wedding.

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