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Bachelor Party Woes

BritandTysonBritandTyson member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
BM says the bachelor party is a surprise and not to worry, I won't be mad at all.  I'm not conviced so I call BM's GF.  She tells me their plan and I throw up because I'm so upset about it.

They plan to kidnap FI take him to a city 3 hours away and have already made reservations at all the srtip clubs, plan on getting tons of booze and drugs...

I am soooo not okay with this.  I'm not really comforable with strippers to begin with...but strippers in another town and a hotel room? No way!

BM's GF agrees with me and so do all the other guys' GFs.  We decide that it shouldn't happen.  We're all going to meet tonight to figure out what to do.

I don't really know what more to tell the guys to get our point across.  Has this happened to anyone else? what did you say?

TIA for any advice! and sorry if this is long
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Re: Bachelor Party Woes

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    Night_SpriteNight_Sprite
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    I don't care about the strippers, but what is this drug business?
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    Kati0105Kati0105
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    I find it odd that you are more upset about the strippers than the (presumably illegal) drugs.  For what it's worth, I am 90% sure FI's bach party will also involve all of those elements, as it will be taking place in Vegas.  I trust him and thus don't mind, so I'm sorry I can't relate.
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    SwedishChick2011SwedishChick2011
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    I hate strip clubs.  Blech.  Also, what kind of drugs are we talking about?
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    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
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    You're worried about strippers over drugs? 

    It's his bachelor party - you don't really get a say.  If you can't trust him then you shouldn't be with him.  Get over it.
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    BritandTysonBritandTyson member
    First Comment
    I know that FI doesn't do drugs at all.  I trust him to not do any, but I know that the guys were talking about doing them themselves
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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I can't say I would be happy about the strippers either (judge if you will, but I don't want my FI rubbing up against another naked woman) BUT like pp said I think the bigger issue would be the drugs.  I don't think that the group of GF's ganging up on the guys is going to change their minds, though.  It would more than likely just piss them off and make them want to do MORE of this stuff.
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    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
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    Mr Stack had strippers IN his hotel room before they went out on the town and I never once thought it was suspicious or was worried something bad would go down. 
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    BritandTysonBritandTyson member
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    I just hate that the guys went behind my back about it.  I told them they could do whatever, but that FI should come home that night.  None of the girls want their BF's etc going out of town.

    PLus I know that FI won't be okay with this.  We had agreed that we both weren't big on the parties and it's just a pointless excuse to get wasted.
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    Night_SpriteNight_Sprite
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    This sounds like a trust issue.  He can see naked people on his computer every day if he wants to.
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    salt78salt78 member
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    Strippers are whatever. I'd be SERIOUSLY concerned about drugs. WTF!?
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    pag41989pag41989 member
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    I would be more upset about the drugs... I could get over another city and strippers but illegal drugs? I think your FI needs to re-evaluate his choice in friends.
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    salt78salt78 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:0f1090cd-154c-43ff-be8d-a5f95928d570">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just hate that the guys went behind my back about it.  I told them they could do whatever, but that FI should come home that night.  None of the girls want their BF's etc going out of town. PLus I know that FI won't be okay with this.  We had agreed that we both weren't big on the parties and it's just a pointless excuse to get wasted.
    Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]

    Why wouldn't they "go behind your back"? Really it's none of your business what the Best Man plans.
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    betrothed123betrothed123
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Chill a bit.  There's no reason to be getting so worked up over this that you vomit.  There really isn't.

    I don't care about strippers (then again, I've been to strip clubs, so I know what goes on.  I firmly believe that most women who hate strippers have no idea what they are about), but I don't like the idea of hotel room strippers.  They are more like hookers.

    If you trust your FI you have nothing to worry about.  If he's trustworthy he won't do anything that would break your trust in him.

    I do agree, though, that the drugs are a bigger deal.  Are your FI's friends the type of people who do illegal drugs often?  If so, and he's not into the drugs, why are these guys his closest friends?
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    BritandTysonBritandTyson member
    First Comment
    Good for you stackeye! I guess i'm a bit insecure about it and I agree with futuremrsT.  I think it's gross.
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    crfischecrfische member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Ummm....

    I can't even go there today.
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    mocha beansmocha beans member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:626a3d53-317b-4bda-a52c-527b3cddf752">Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]BM says the bachelor party is a surprise and not to worry, I won't be mad at all.  I'm not conviced so I call BM's GF.  She tells me their plan and I throw up because I'm so upset about it. They plan to kidnap FI take him to a city 3 hours away and have already made reservations at all the srtip clubs, plan on getting tons of booze and drugs... I am soooo not okay with this.  I'm not really comforable with strippers to begin with...but strippers in another town and a hotel room? No way! BM's GF agrees with me and so do all the other guys' GFs.  We decide that it shouldn't happen.  We're all going to meet tonight to figure out what to do. I don't really know what more to tell the guys to get our point across.  Has this happened to anyone else? what did you say? TIA for any advice! and sorry if this is long
    Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]

    Stip clubs would be okay-ish for me.  Are there going to be strippers at a hotel room?  That would not be okay.

    And drugs?  Is this a normal thing for him and his buddies?  If so, there's no way I'd be marrying him in the first place, and if I found that out the future of the marriage would be precarious at best right now.

    I don't know how I'd approach the situation, because I've never thought about something like this happening.
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    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    First Comment
    If your issue is the bachelor party is something your FI might not even like, then you may have more of a valid point - HOWEVER, I still don't think it's your business, especially after you said you didn't care what they planned.  The GF shouldn't have even told you - - sounds like getting all the girls involved is making a mountain out of a mole hill.
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    Kati0105Kati0105
    First Comment
    I also think it's weird that you asked the BM about the bach party instead of having an honest conversation with your FI about it.  He should be the one telling his guys that he doesn't want strippers/drugs/etc, it shouldn't be you and the girlfriends trying to convince them what to do.  If they want to take him out of town for a night though, why do you care if you really trust him?  I'm very confused by the things you are focusing on here.
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    FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:ffda3155-1a56-44c9-ae95-0005328a11bc">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]This sounds like a trust issue.  He can see naked people on his computer every day if he wants to.
    Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

    Looking at naked people on the computer and taking a stripper's g-string off with your teeth are different.
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    salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:97596e18-1ac4-4696-aa7d-f7689479d4af">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you stackeye! I guess i'm a bit insecure about it and I agree with futuremrsT.  I think it's gross.
    Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]

    It's just a job. A lot of women make a good living dancing and can support their families that way. None of them want to bone your FI. They are just as much at work as I am right now.
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    vallyhoovallyhoo
    First Comment
    You threw up you were so upset? Bless your heart.
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    BritandTysonBritandTyson member
    First Comment
    I'm not a fan of most of his friends to be honest.  We have close friends that are married and she and I were both really susprised to hear that he helped plan it.

    Is there someone that I should talk to about it? or just try to let it go?  That night I'm having a slumber party with a few girlfriends so I guess I wouldn't be worrying all night...
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    Koopa17Koopa17 member
    First Comment
    Yeah, I am trusting of FI and don't care about strippers but I'll be damned if I'll just sit back and let his friends surprise him with a party that involves drugs.  Besides the fact that he's a cop and can't risk being around that crap, I would draw the line there anyway.  If i told him I'm absolutely uncomfortable with him being around drugs and he didn't care and went anyway, we wouldn't be getting married.
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    betrothed123betrothed123
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:0f1090cd-154c-43ff-be8d-a5f95928d570">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just hate that the guys went behind my back about it.  I told them they could do whatever, but that FI should come home that night.  None of the girls want their BF's etc going out of town.
    Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]

    They don't have to tell you what they are doing.  It has nothing to do with you.  You shouldn't have pushed your way in to find out what was going on.

    And really, how controlling can you be?  He has to be home that night?  Holy crap!  I spent the night of my H's party at my parents' house so that if he and the guys wanted to come home and continue the party, they wouldn't have to worry about me being in the way.

    The other girls are not your problem either.  If they want their guys staying in town/coming home that night, that's their issue to deal with.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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    Kati0105Kati0105
    First Comment
    Looking at naked people on the computer and taking a stripper's g-string off with your teeth are different.

    I would also argue that going to a strip club and taking a stripper's g-string off with your teeth are very different.  If OP's FI isn't even that into strippers, I don't foresee anything like this happening.  Honestly this isn't even allowed to happen at most strip clubs.
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    salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:02560aa1-c93a-4f04-93d2-42931a047cf1">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party Woes : Looking at naked people on the computer and taking a stripper's g-string off with your teeth are different.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    This doesn't happen in strip clubs.
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    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:97596e18-1ac4-4696-aa7d-f7689479d4af">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good for you stackeye! I guess i'm a bit insecure about it and I agree with futuremrsT.  I think it's gross.
    Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]


    I didn't say I LIKE strippers or want Mr Stack around them - i'm just saying I trust that he wouldn't disrespect me as his FI/Wife around them.  You know what I mean?  But I also know Mr Stack has absolutely NO interest in strip clubs. 

    If I had a DH who constantly went to strip clubs then it would most definitely bother me. 
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    pag41989pag41989 member
    First Comment
    I would be talking to them about this... not because of the strippers or going out of town but the DRUGS. Which you don't seem to be focusing on. If you trust FI this should not be an issue.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
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    I would be more worried about the drugs. That's a no no no in my book.

    Strippers ok, but I would have a problem with them IN his hotel room too.

    Just tell your FI, he can deal with it, not you. You will only make it worse. The BM will hate you if you turn this into something. FI can tell them he doesn't want it & he would be pissed (MY FI would be).


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    BritandTysonBritandTyson member
    First Comment
    So, should I just get over it?

    But now i know that FI probably won't be able to enjoy himself because of me and him had talked about.

    He's been out of town for the past 4 months and just got back a couple days ago so he didn't really have anything to do with what the guys planned.
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