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Chit Chat

Dad stuff. Why do I try?

JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
edited September 2014 in Chit Chat
So.  My dad is sort of... "dad" challenged.  He seems to be lacking a lot of the emotional receptors other dads have about their daughters.  He's never been particularly worried about me staying out late or going to college or anything.  He had a very neutral response to our engagement and has made it pretty clear he's not very interested in the wedding.  He snarks about it to my sister behind my back and generally makes it known that he doesn't approve of the large party we are throwing.  Fine, whatever, it's not like he's got to be involved.

He called today as we were walking out of the mall after registering and asked what I was up to.  So I told him.  His response: "Oh.  A wedding registry? [pause] Do you really think you need anything?"  Me: "Dad, if you don't want to get us anything, you don't have to.  This is just if people want to use it, nobody has to."  Dad: "I'm not even thinking about me individually.  I'm thinking about lots of people getting you lots of things that you potentially don't need.  The whole concept of a wedding registry is just foreign to me."

WTF, Dad.  Just let me mention my wedding one goddamn time without criticizing everything.

We changed the subject and had a nice conversation after that.  And he said he wants to FaceTime me tomorrow on my birthday because he wants to "share something" with me.  So, perhaps he has something nice planned and I just bit his head off about the registry for no reason.  I just really wish he would act more... dad-like and just be happy for me about stuff.

ETA: I was just sitting here looking at our cute StDs in their box from VistaPrint.  And figuring Dad would think they are stupid.
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"I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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Re: Dad stuff. Why do I try?

  • Hugs. I'll share my daddy with you.

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  • :( I'm sorry. 

    I know it's hard. But just don't mention the wedding to him any more. He's calling, so he's got some "dad" in him somewhere - but if he's snarking about the wedding then just leave it out of your conversations with him.
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  • If it makes you feel any better, I have a "normal dad" and he didn't care about registries either. 
    Anniversary

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  • Hugssss. I'l share my dad with You too. He gives the most awesome squeezy hugs.

                                               

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  • Thanks guys. I genuinely don't expect him to be actually interested in the wedding registry. I mentioned it because he asked what we were doing, and that's what we were doing at the time. I just would expect him to not be a dick about it.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • penguin44 said:
    If it makes you feel any better, I have a "normal dad" and he didn't care about registries either. 
    There are normal dads? 

    I'd offer to share mine, but he's not much fun. He just makes fart jokes and sits on the couch.
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  • Maybe that's how he shows his jealous dad emotions
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  • larrygaga said:
    Maybe that's how he shows his jealous dad emotions
    That's what I got from this too. Your dad is showing some jealousy in a very melodramatic teenager way.
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  • beethery said:
    larrygaga said:
    Maybe that's how he shows his jealous dad emotions
    That's what I got from this too. Your dad is showing some jealousy in a very melodramatic teenager way.
    Hmm.  I hadn't thought of that before.  What about this sounds jealous to you guys, @beethery and @larrygaga?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I'm sorry.  Unfortunately not everyone's parents are super cut out for the experience.  Please promise that if he says anything snarky to you tomorrow just hang up immediately.  Don't let him spoil your birthday.

    Happy birthday for tomorrow!
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    beethery said:
    larrygaga said:
    Maybe that's how he shows his jealous dad emotions
    That's what I got from this too. Your dad is showing some jealousy in a very melodramatic teenager way.
    Hmm.  I hadn't thought of that before.  What about this sounds jealous to you guys, @beethery and @larrygaga?

    BOX

    Dads can sometimes (most of the time) be super protective of their girls. Also many times they don't know how to properly get out emotions of their little girl being taken away from them, so they act weird. I'm not sure what that emotion they can't properly express is, so I put it as jealousy. 
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  • larrygaga said:
    beethery said:
    larrygaga said:
    Maybe that's how he shows his jealous dad emotions
    That's what I got from this too. Your dad is showing some jealousy in a very melodramatic teenager way.
    Hmm.  I hadn't thought of that before.  What about this sounds jealous to you guys, @beethery and @larrygaga?

    BOX

    Dads can sometimes (most of the time) be super protective of their girls. Also many times they don't know how to properly get out emotions of their little girl being taken away from them, so they act weird. I'm not sure what that emotion they can't properly express is, so I put it as jealousy. 
    I wonder.  He's never been one for the "little girl" stuff.  But maybe he just doesn't know how to express himself?  That would be nice, at least.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • It just sounds like he's 'negging your shit because it's not focused on him. 

    It doesn't come off like he's mad that he won't be the prettiest princess or anything, just "Oh well all these gifts you don't need, you don't need a big party, I'm going to shit-talk behind your back to your sister, weh weh!" Kind of childish way of showing jealousy/bitter betties/pressedness.

    That's an awful lot of caring and having something to say about it for someone who doesn't approve of how you're doing things, right?

    Here's an example:

    My cousin started attending a really prestigious private school. My aunt L is working her ass off to afford it, and my cousin is getting a fucking awesome education from that school. My other aunt heard about it and started telling anyone who would listen that they're cutting the arts program from that school (not true), and that my cousin isn't going to do well enough to stay in that school. Sounds like jealousy to me.
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  • beethery said:
    It just sounds like he's 'negging your shit because it's not focused on him. 

    It doesn't come off like he's mad that he won't be the prettiest princess or anything, just "Oh well all these gifts you don't need, you don't need a big party, I'm going to shit-talk behind your back to your sister, weh weh!" Kind of childish way of showing jealousy/bitter betties/pressedness.

    That's an awful lot of caring and having something to say about it for someone who doesn't approve of how you're doing things, right?

    Here's an example:

    My cousin started attending a really prestigious private school. My aunt L is working her ass off to afford it, and my cousin is getting a fucking awesome education from that school. My other aunt heard about it and started telling anyone who would listen that they're cutting the arts program from that school (not true), and that my cousin isn't going to do well enough to stay in that school. Sounds like jealousy to me.
    Maybe.  That would be a nicer alternative than thinking he's just being a crabby grouch.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Bear in mind that I just compared him to my gossipy sass brigade of an aunt, so I might be reading too much into it.
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  • Agree with beethery.  I wonder too if it's an even deeper jealousy of your general success in life.  You have overcome a lot to get where you are, and you're only just beginning on your path to greatness.




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  • Agree with beethery.  I wonder too if it's an even deeper jealousy of your general success in life.  You have overcome a lot to get where you are, and you're only just beginning on your path to greatness.
    Aw, thanks.  You are so sweet.  
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I have nothing to add except for virtual hugs and a happy early birthday to you, @JCbride2015‌!
  • lurkergirllurkergirl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    Agree with beethery.  I wonder too if it's an even deeper jealousy of your general success in life.  You have overcome a lot to get where you are, and you're only just beginning on your path to greatness.
    Aw, thanks.  You are so sweet.  
    Well, I have my moments :)

    Hey, a few minutes until your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    edited b/c I can't math :(  and I kind of wish I could love my own post because Ralph makes me laugh like a fool. 




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  • Oh, life-twin. My sperm donor gave me the "why are you bothering to go to college, just get a job and get married so you can take care of me when I'm old" crap. He didn't even come to my graduation. I'm not sure if he knew I got married as I had no desire to send him an invitation. My half-brother might have told him since we're Facebook friends, but who knows. Dads are humans. And some humans can have healthy relationships with others. Some, unfortunately, are just emotional vampires.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I'm sorry about your dad. (((Hugs)))

    It is after midnight here so it is officially your birthday! Happy birthday!!!!
  • Happy birthday JC! You are amazeballs and I hope your day is rad as fuck!
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  • ((hugs)) 

    Dads can be strange.  I'm incredibly close with my father, daddy's little girl, but it's like he's missing a part of his brain that tells him how to deal with emotions.  When I got engaged, he was SUPER mad at me for moving out to the Cali to be with slothieguy and tried to say it was because he was worried I wouldn't find a job (or some equally weak BS).  My mom told me it was because he was just going through a weird transition with me moving across the country and taking such a large step in my life, but it was coming off as "I'm-just-going-to-be-a-real-dickbag-and-not-support-you".  We didn't talk for a couple months and when we did, it was just negativity all around.  (We eventually worked through it, but shit it sucked.)

    Obviously not the same situation, just wanted to share my experience with dads being weird when it comes to weddings.  Sending some love and birthday wishes your way--hang in there!!
    Anniversary

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  • It's your birthday here! I hope you have a great birthday, and that your dad turns out to have something super nifty during your FaceTime today.

    *hugs*
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  • Hugs for the dad being difficult stuff and happy birthday!

    Anniversary
  • Happy Birthday JC!

    I hope this helps- my Dad is not a touchy feely kind of guy. Bedtime goodnights growing up involved a handshake from him. Now that I've been out of the house for college/law school/life, I get hugs upon arrival for a visit, and departure. That's about the extent of his ability to show affection to anyone but my mother (and theirs is private).

    Dad didn't understand the registry thing either. I finally just told him we needed new towels, I'd liked some pretty china for special occasions, and we had people bugging us, so we just did a small registry. Once he got the "it's not that they need stuff, but Dad's extended family whom we never talk to was badgering me because I'm basically the last child to get married" he calmed down.

    My Dad did pay for my wedding, but let me make most of the decisions. He did have an initial snit about "weddings in the bride's hometown," and thought we should have it in the area my folks retired to. I showed him the costs of places where he was, and how limited the options were. Then I took him to my top two choices in my area- he loved my favorite, which had the indoor venue backup for the ceremony (Marines love having a backup plan), and was shocked at how much cheaper things were at this location.

      He trusted my ability to declare whether the beef entree was up to par (we're carnivores), but when it came to the wedding cake, I brought him cupcake samples to try, since they use the same batter recipes- I was immediately told to book the cake. We also cleared the "together with our families" wording with him, and just generally kept him in the loop. But he was at no point significantly interested in what I was doing.

    Fast forward to wedding, we had a beautiful, smooth wedding, cocktail hour, and reception. He's STILL raving about the fantastic job I did putting this together, and showing off the album I made for my folks. He's also still getting feedback from guests he knows, and loving it. His new favorite picture is one where he's kissing me on the cheek before the ceremony.

    Getting off my soapbox...

    Dad might not be super interested, but I promise, JC, he'll come around. Good birthday vibes on your way!!
  • Happy almost birthday! (It's 11:39pm and I'm going to sleep so this is the closest you'll get from me!)
  • Happy birthday! Eat lots of cake!
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  • That is sucky, for sure. 


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 
  • I'm sorry he's been so negative. Does your dad have much experience with weddings? It might be that weddings don't interest him, so he's unintentionally critical. Have you thought about saying, "Dad, I love you, but I'm a little hurt by your constant criticism about wedding-related things. This is a really happy time for FI and me. I know weddings aren't really your thing, but if you could try not to criticize, that'd mean a lot to me." 

    Oh, and:

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