Vent not very happy right now

AprilH81 · September 2014

DH and I don't usually fight over this, but there have been many discussions since we moved in together about house work.

DH insists that he doesn't "see" clutter and his normal version of cleaning is to put stuff away. I have to remind him to dust, Windex and vacuum.

I get so very frustrated that he gets home about 30 minutes before me, yet I end up getting them mail, cooking dinner, clean up the kitchen and whatever other chores need to be done. The only thing he does himself without prompting is mowing the lawn and taking out the trash (which is awesome, don't get me wrong).

If I point blank ask him to help or to take care of something he will do it 99% of the time, I just get tired of asking.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

AprilH81 said:

DH and I don't usually fight over this, but there have been many discussions since we moved in together about house work.

DH insists that he doesn't "see" clutter and his normal version of cleaning is to put stuff away. I have to remind him to dust, Windex and vacuum.

I get so very frustrated that he gets home about 30 minutes before me, yet I end up getting them mail, cooking dinner, clean up the kitchen and whatever other chores need to be done. The only thing he does himself without prompting is mowing the lawn and taking out the trash (which is awesome, don't get me wrong).

If I point blank ask him to help or to take care of something he will do it 99% of the time, I just get tired of asking.

@AprilH81 That is my H as well. H and I have different definitions of clean. Clean to me is that the house has been dusted and vacuumed, the kitchen/entryway floor mopped and the bathrooms shining. H's version is that dirty clothes aren't on the bedroom/bathroom floor and the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher.

We have had numerous arguments about our roles in regards to house duties but he always tells me that he literally does not see the house as dirty, while I look around at the dog fur covered coffee table, overflowing laundry basket and dust galore.

As for the second bolded. Ugh, my frustration level with that is off the charts. H works a more physically demanding job then me but we are both out of the house for the same number of hours (H some days less number of hours) so I feel that we should share the household chores. Just because I sit in a cube listening to boring ass meetings and writing minutes all day doesn't mean that I am any less tired then he is when I come home. Just like him I want to come home and sit on the couch and watch tv but the exploding laundry basket and the dirty dishes and the 10 pounds of dog hair accumulating on the sofa won't magically clean/disappear themselves. We were once arguing about this crap when I asked him if he though magical fairies came out at night and did the laundry.

And for the last bolded sentence. Boy do I get tired of asking. By now you would think he would just know what needs to be done. I do the same shit week in and week out. Laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, bathrooms, change towels/sheets. It isn't rocket science but for some reason he never "knows" what needs to be done.

I know adults should just come to an agreement about chores and that a chores list should be only for kids, but in reality most people need to see the divide of who does what in writing. It really helps to show the other person what the other does and to figure out how the jobs can be divided more evenly.

jdluvr06 · September 2014

When she and I first started living together he never helped with chores or anything. I got sick of it and when I talked him about it he thought he was doing just as much as I was. So I stopped doing everything until he got the picture. It took a week. After that we split up the chores pretty evenly. Honestly now that he works from home he does more around the house than I do because he sees it all the time now.

AprilH81 · September 2014

Maggie0829 said:

AprilH81 said:

DH and I don't usually fight over this, but there have been many discussions since we moved in together about house work.

DH insists that he doesn't "see" clutter and his normal version of cleaning is to put stuff away. I have to remind him to dust, Windex and vacuum.

I get so very frustrated that he gets home about 30 minutes before me, yet I end up getting them mail, cooking dinner, clean up the kitchen and whatever other chores need to be done. The only thing he does himself without prompting is mowing the lawn and taking out the trash (which is awesome, don't get me wrong).

If I point blank ask him to help or to take care of something he will do it 99% of the time, I just get tired of asking.

@AprilH81 That is my H as well. H and I have different definitions of clean. Clean to me is that the house has been dusted and vacuumed, the kitchen/entryway floor mopped and the bathrooms shining. H's version is that dirty clothes aren't on the bedroom/bathroom floor and the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher.

We have had numerous arguments about our roles in regards to house duties but he always tells me that he literally does not see the house as dirty, while I look around at the dog fur covered coffee table, overflowing laundry basket and dust galore.

As for the second bolded. Ugh, my frustration level with that is off the charts. H works a more physically demanding job then me but we are both out of the house for the same number of hours (H some days less number of hours) so I feel that we should share the household chores. Just because I sit in a cube listening to boring ass meetings and writing minutes all day doesn't mean that I am any less tired then he is when I come home. Just like him I want to come home and sit on the couch and watch tv but the exploding laundry basket and the dirty dishes and the 10 pounds of dog hair accumulating on the sofa won't magically clean/disappear themselves. We were once arguing about this crap when I asked him if he though magical fairies came out at night and did the laundry.

And for the last bolded sentence. Boy do I get tired of asking. By now you would think he would just know what needs to be done. I do the same shit week in and week out. Laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, bathrooms, change towels/sheets. It isn't rocket science but for some reason he never "knows" what needs to be done.

I know adults should just come to an agreement about chores and that a chores list should be only for kids, but in reality most people need to see the divide of who does what in writing. It really helps to show the other person what the other does and to figure out how the jobs can be divided more evenly.

We must be sister wives except for us it is the cat hair. lol

DH and I both have desk jobs that while mentally draining, are not physically demanding. So it should be pretty easy to come in and do a few things immediately and then veg out the rest of the evening.

In addition to the lawn and trash, DH is also pretty good about unloading the dishwasher when it is clean.

I'm thinking of coming up with a daily list of things than need done so that we work just a few minutes each day and then it doesn't (shouldn't) build up to the point of having to spend 6 hours cleaning on the weekend.

jackannlu · September 2014

scribe95 said:
As far as savings, I would just pick an amount that is automatically transferred from checking to savings every week. That's what we do.

That's what we do as well, and we consider that money untouchable except for emergencies. Even if I really want a new purse or he wants the new iPhone :-(

[Deleted User] · September 2014

princessleia22 · September 2014

Regarding chores: DH and I both are compatible in the "who hates the chore less" area. He hates laundry, I don't mind it. I hate dishes, he doesn't mind doing them. He hates cleaning bathroom, but I don't mind it (too much). I hate vacuuming, he doesn't mind it. So, we really balance out on most of the chores. Shortly after we moved in together, we did have a point where we just seemed to disagree on how often some chores should be done. I would think the kitchen wasn't cleaned enough, he felt the same about the bathrooms. So, we did sit down and create a chore schedule. I had one of those magnetic dry erase calendar boards, so we set up a schedule for the whole month. So, I bought printable magnet sheets and typed all our chores on it, then cut them up so each chore was its own magnet. If it was a chore we wanted done once a week, I'd print 4 magnets for it, one for each week. And we already had decided which were his chores, which were mine, and which we would share, so I printed them in different color text to show who's chore it was. We sat down and determined together how often each should be done and put the magnets on the board. It worked great... for about 6 months. During that time our house was always clean. But, then we got busier and just started slacking on it. We still have the same division of chores, but the schedule is gone. We've both gotten so busy that we usually just set aside a couple hours each weekend and clean everything. Regarding Money: Agreeing on finances is always tough. Everyone is raised with different values of money. I'm the type that wants to start saving more, but has trouble putting that into action. Amazon is the devil when it comes to budgeting... but I LOVE that site. It's too easy to casually buy stuff without thinking about it when it's just a press of a button on your computer or phone. Avoiding Amazon purchases is my biggest weakness. But, that's one area where you just need to figure out what works for both of you. For the first few years of our relationship, my DH had worked just a part time job while going to school, and we lived mainly off my income. He's now working a full time job and he's still working that part time job also. When we were planning our wedding we decided to have all his part time income direct deposited into a separate account, to help use for wedding expenses. We even opened it at a different bank, to make it harder to access the money or avoid getting online to transfer the money back to our other accounts. After the wedding, to help increase our savings, we now have his full time income also set to deposit in that account. So all his income, from both jobs, is direct deposited to there now. We figure that we lived off just my income once, so we should be able to cut back and do it again. And if we can pull it off without touching it, that should add up quickly into a good savings. But, I've found that anytime you can have the money set up to move on its own, you are less likely to notice it missing and less likely to spend it. And I found it super helpful to have it in an account that isn't linked to our main bank accounts. We have 4 accounts at our primary bank (2 checking, 2 savings), all of which are linked, and I'm often getting online and transferring money between the accounts. It's too easy to do. But, it's much harder to go to the other bank to withdraw money to physically move to our primary bank. And if I think about doing it, I usually put more thought into whether I really need to move the money and if it's worth affecting our savings... and I usually decide to leave it alone. I don't think about it as much if it's just a click of a button on the computer to move the money.

AprilH81 · September 2014

After griping about DH I feel the need to brag.

Tomorrow night we are having friends over for dinner. This will be the first time they have seen our new house so I want it to look nice. This weekend I casually mentioned to DH that Monday we would clean one level and Tuesday we would clean the other. Last night after dinner we were watching TV and he got up from the couch and went upstairs... I could hear him moving around, opening doors and I couldn't figure out what he was doing. He was cleaning.

He remembered that it needed done and got started without me.

SBmini · October 2014

Today, DH moved 5% of his check into savings and he's been doing a lot more around the house- without being asked. Which in turn is encouraging me to do more.

So we're on the right track!

Vent not very happy right now

Re: Vent not very happy right now

Choose Another Board

Search Boards