Out-of-Town Weddings

steph861 · September 2014

Just out of curiosity, how many out-of-town (i.e., flight or 5+ hour drive) would you go to in a year? Let's assume they're all for good friends / relatively close family members. At what point do you say, "no, I don't think I can afford to go to any more weddings this year"?

lurkergirl · September 2014

Well, it depends on how far. I would make the 5-8 hour drive to Florida many times, but I also have lots of free places to stay there. If we're talking flying across the country? I'd probably only do it 2, maybe 3 times.

I know several people who travel every month or multiple times per month for DWs. They have lots of $$$ and flexible working hours though.

Maggie0829 · September 2014

Probably at the most two. And that is if H and I don't have any big vacation planned. If we had a big vacation planned then 0-1 OOT weddings. Vacation time and travel money is almost priceless in our home and if we are going to use it then it will most likely be to a place and date of our choosing not someone's wedding (unless of course the location of the wedding is a place where H and I want to go so that would be like killing two birds with one stone.

blabla89 · September 2014

For me it's not so much the money (because I rack up crazy miles) as taking the time off work. How many weddings I can take time off for depends on what else I have going on in a year. If I have a 4-day conference, then a trip home for Grandma's birthday, then traveling for the holidays, plus taking a couple days here and there to take care of personal stuff, that only leaves me with a few days left that I could potentially travel to an OOT wedding.

bethsmiles · September 2014

This probably sounds horrible but I have yet to be invited to an out-of-town wedding where the person was close enough to me that I was going to travel for the wedding. Since I moved away from my hometown (9+ hour drive) I've gotten a lot of wedding invites from friends. I only went to the ones where I happened to be visiting my family anyway, all the others I declined. I also declined my cousin's wedding invitation because it was on the other side of the country.

There are only 2 people in the world I would go to an out-of-town wedding for - my brother and my best friend. All of SO's friends/immediate family are local so we've never had to travel for any of their weddings and he's not that close to family so we've never attended any of his cousin's weddings that have been on the other side of the country.

steph861 · September 2014

Would you feel obligated to go to an OOT wedding if it was for a couple that attended your OOT wedding?

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

DH and I are at the age where all of our friends are getting married. We are from different states originally, so that's a factor. And our friends have scattered all over the country so that's another factor.

We've already gone to 5 OOT weddings in the last year. Two were driveable, 4 hrs and 8 hrs. The others - flights. We have another in Kansas City in November and another in Jamaica this winter.

Fortunately, we can swing this financially right now. But I am starting to get really tired of using all my PTO days for weddings. Of course this is my personal opinion based on my personal experience but.. death to the week-day wedding!!!

JaxInBlue · September 2014

This year our number was 1 - but it was my sister's and we had a few more expenses than attending as a guest, plus we made it a longer vacation to see other family. We actually turned down a wedding for a cousin because we were collectively running out of vacation time.

In general, though, I think I could comfortably handle 3 and would do 4-5 if it was absolutely necessary (V,VIPs, not all in the same season, could mix and match driving/flying, hotels/crashing with others). DH, on the other hand, would say 0 - he goes only to weddings for immediate family members and VIP friends, and won't travel long distances unless it's someone super special. Weddings just aren't his thing so he has a hard time justifying the expense of long distance.

thisismynickname2 · September 2014

Purely hypothetical, I'd probably do 3 or 4. I really enjoy traveling so a wedding is a great excuse for a weekend getaway. That being said, I would be unlikely to attend any extracurricular wedding-related events that same weekend because I'd prefer to entertain myself.

I actually even attended a wedding I technically didn't really want to go to, just because I wanted to check out the city it was in.

Couggal12 · September 2014

It would probably depend on how far out of town they were. If we could drive to them then we'd probably be more likely be able to go but, if we had to fly to all of them then we might have to limit the amount we can make. We do have a lot of airline miles saved but, with PTO and other expenses it just wouldn't work out to be able to fly out a lot during the year and make it work financially and with our jobs.

Fran1985 · September 2014

Almost all mine are out of town and usually pretty far. This year I went to 4, last year was 7

I am hoping the wave stops soon!

bethsmiles · September 2014

steph11814 said:

Would you feel obligated to go to an OOT wedding if it was for a couple that attended your OOT wedding?

Nope. Everyone's situation is different. They may enjoy traveling more than I do, it might have been easier financially for them, or maybe they just consider our relationship to be closer than I do. I'm not completely cold-hearted I would be sad to miss it and send a nice gift, maybe take them out for a nice dinner to celebrate the next time we see each other.

sarawifenow · September 2014

FI and I would probably only do 1 a year. We have limited PTO and travelling is expensive!

KPBM89 · September 2014

We've gone to 4 this past year and we drove for each of them (we have two dogs that cannot fly and have to travel with us).

First one: 13 hour drive there, drive back took 15 hours with traffic

Second: 18 hour drive there, 20 back (holiday weekend)

Third (ours, in my home state): 12 hour drive there, 12 back

Fourth: 14 hour drive there in traffic, 12 back

That's 116 hours of driving. And one of those was July 3rd, a Thursday. First was a close friend, second was family, third was ours, fourth was my MOH's. We did have to miss one that would've been a 16 hour drive each way b/c we simply didn't have an extra PTO day to use for the Friday drive. We generally don't vacation because we save PTO for times when we're driving to see family/ friends or going to weddings, but we do have a pool and live near a lake so we don't need to travel far to do fun vacation type things. It isn't easy doing all that driving, but thankfully we're done going to weddings for this year.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

steph11814 said:

Would you feel obligated to go to an OOT wedding if it was for a couple that attended your OOT wedding?

Maybe. It depends on the couple and what else is going on. In response to your first question, I wouldn't do it more than 2 times a year.

ETA: I wouldn't say I would feel "obligated" per se, but I would be more likely to have a good relationship with them and would want to do so.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

I'd probably only do two, MAYBE three that required an overnight stay (2-4 hour drive) and one that required a flight. It's just a LOT of time (whether it's PTO or just my own personal weekend hours) to devote to someone's wedding. Thankfully though, I haven't (yet) had to make the choice to decline a wedding for that reason.

lc07 · September 2014

For me, it's about who's wedding in life will I NOT miss. If they all happen to get married in the same year, I'd do as much as I could to attend all of them. For example, come Hell or High Water I would not miss my brother or sister's weddings. Nor 3 of my best friends'.

But there have been other years with lots of OOT weddings and I've gone to none of them because none of them were for those people and I had other stuff going on, didn't want to pay the expense, etc.

lc07 · September 2014

steph11814 said:

Would you feel obligated to go to an OOT wedding if it was for a couple that attended your OOT wedding?

No. I've attended an OOT wedding for someone who did not attend mine, and I've declined invitations from people who did attend mine.

novella1186 · September 2014

Maybe 1 or 2.

Last fall we got invited to two OOT weddings in a row and only went to 1. The other one was only a three hour drive, but we still would have had to pay for our hotel room and devote pretty much the entire weekend to it, and their invitation was incredibly rude (included registry information, said there would be a cash bar, said food would not be served even though it was during dinner time, said "go eat beforehand" because food would not be served, said "kids are not welcome," and so on. SOAKED in rudeness). Spending a few hours driving and paying for a hotel room wasn't too unreasonable to us, but the invitation made me so mad that I refused to waste anything on that couple.

If it was for a close friend who's not rude, it would be worth the effort, as long as it fit our budget.

Cookie Pusher · September 2014

It really depends on where we are in my production cycle at work. If we're in the middle of final proofing/submission, it's almost impossible for me to get more than a half-day off without throwing the rest of my office off schedule. I'm on a 2 weeks busy/2 weeks slow schedule, so if the wedding were to fall during my slow weeks, I'd probably burn a few vacation days and go.

steph861 · September 2014

novella1186 said:

Maybe 1 or 2.

Last fall we got invited to two OOT weddings in a row and only went to 1. The other one was only a three hour drive, but we still would have had to pay for our hotel room and devote pretty much the entire weekend to it, and their invitation was incredibly rude (included registry information, said there would be a cash bar, said food would not be served even though it was during dinner time, said "go eat beforehand" because food would not be served, said "kids are not welcome," and so on. SOAKED in rudeness). Spending a few hours driving and paying for a hotel room wasn't too unreasonable to us, but the invitation made me so mad that I refused to waste anything on that couple.

If it was for a close friend who's not rude, it would be worth the effort, as long as it fit our budget.

Oh my effing god. That has to be the rudest invitation I've ever heard of.

erinlin25 · September 2014

It would totally depend on the time of year and how much notice we had to schedule around/save money. Now that our business is established and we have employees we trust to run things while gone, we will definitely make every effort to go to an OOT wedding and just make a vacation out of it. I had to decline my cousins OOT wedding a few years ago because we just could not make it work for the schedule.

and it should never matter if people went to an OOT wedding to determine if you should go to theirs--never tit for tat! If you can go, great! If not, it is OK to decline. People who do OOT/destination weddings have to know and understand that even if people "want" to go, it just may not work out.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

steph11814 said:

novella1186 said:

Maybe 1 or 2.

Last fall we got invited to two OOT weddings in a row and only went to 1. The other one was only a three hour drive, but we still would have had to pay for our hotel room and devote pretty much the entire weekend to it, and their invitation was incredibly rude (included registry information, said there would be a cash bar, said food would not be served even though it was during dinner time, said "go eat beforehand" because food would not be served, said "kids are not welcome," and so on. SOAKED in rudeness). Spending a few hours driving and paying for a hotel room wasn't too unreasonable to us, but the invitation made me so mad that I refused to waste anything on that couple.

If it was for a close friend who's not rude, it would be worth the effort, as long as it fit our budget.

Oh my effing god. That has to be the rudest invitation I've ever heard of.

I got invited to an OOT wedding, which included on the RSVP which pot-luck dish you would be bringing. And, to top it off, this was for a college classmate to whom I had not spoken in over 10 years.

steph861 · September 2014

sarahbear31 said:

steph11814 said:

novella1186 said:

Maybe 1 or 2.

Last fall we got invited to two OOT weddings in a row and only went to 1. The other one was only a three hour drive, but we still would have had to pay for our hotel room and devote pretty much the entire weekend to it, and their invitation was incredibly rude (included registry information, said there would be a cash bar, said food would not be served even though it was during dinner time, said "go eat beforehand" because food would not be served, said "kids are not welcome," and so on. SOAKED in rudeness). Spending a few hours driving and paying for a hotel room wasn't too unreasonable to us, but the invitation made me so mad that I refused to waste anything on that couple.

If it was for a close friend who's not rude, it would be worth the effort, as long as it fit our budget.

Oh my effing god. That has to be the rudest invitation I've ever heard of.

I got invited to an OOT wedding, which included on the RSVP which pot-luck dish you would be bringing. And, to top it off, this was for a college classmate to whom I had not spoken in over 10 years.

I smell a spin-off thread...

sarahufl · September 2014

We go to entirely too many OOT weddings....I would love to know what we have spent in airfare, hotels, rental cars, etc over the years.

That said, it is usually because we really want to go. I have only been to 1 OOT wedding that I went out of a sense of obligation (and it sucked and cost me a fortune). If we decline, it is typically based on if we have other plans and not because they are OOT.

Over the past, let's say 5 years, I have gone to at least 25 weddings. Most of them have been OOT. We had 10 this year alone, 7 of which required travel.

labro · September 2014

It would depend on cost. We went to one OOT wedding this year in Seattle. It was $2k just for our flight and hotel. We were super frugal the entire weekend though and spent less than $200 overall...but it still hurt. I think I'd only go to one wedding like that in a year. If it was a 5 or 6 hour drive sort of thing, then I'd be willing to go to as many as I was invited to. FI and I are cool with leaving after work and driving through the night/arriving super late. I think our Seattle trip was the exception to the rule as far as wedding travel for us.

princessleia22 · September 2014

It would depend on who they were and my relationship with them and what I could actually afford. I've skipped a couple OOT weddings for cousins, just because it wasn't feasible at that time (money, work, etc.). But, if they were true VIP's that I really wanted to be at their wedding, I'd probably try to attend all if possible. But, if I had a lot of weddings all at once and some of them were friends or cousins that I wouldn't be really upset about missing, I'd probably skip the less important ones.

steph861 · September 2014

sarahufl said:

We go to entirely too many OOT weddings....I would love to know what we have spent in airfare, hotels, rental cars, etc over the years.

That said, it is usually because we really want to go. I have only been to 1 OOT wedding that I went out of a sense of obligation (and it sucked and cost me a fortune). If we decline, it is typically based on if we have other plans and not because they are OOT.

Over the past, let's say 5 years, I have gone to at least 25 weddings. Most of them have been OOT. We had 10 this year alone, 7 of which required travel.

!!!!

JCbride2015 · September 2014

Depending on how close I am to the couple, I'd probably make it work no matter how many people in my closest circle happened to get married the same year. I'm talking sister, cousins (I only have 2), BFFs-- basically, my BMs. One of my BMs just got engaged and she lives in Australia, so I'm anticipating a VERY OOT wedding within the next couple of years!!!

Realistically this would depend on what I'm staffed on for work. It's very up-and-down depending on what kind of matter you're working on, so even though I get lots of PTO, if I'm on a trial or a big document production, I just can't get the time off.

NowIamMrsKlein · September 2014

We had 4 this year that were back in our home town. Which is a province over, about 7.5 hour drive. We attended all of them. It was insane. We only attended them all because they were family weddings (little sister and close cousin) and 2 very close friends weddings. I think if they were cousins we never saw or friends that we werent as close too we probably only would have done two.

We drove to all of them, including the 2 that were back to back weekends (I've never been so exhausted in my life). Flying unfortunately just isnt an option. We are in a remote northern location and while 2 big airlines fly out of it, they like to charge an obscene amount. It would have cost us about 1500$ for the 1.5 hour flight. As opposed to the 300$ in gas for the round trip of driving. (Thankfully we were able to stay at my parents to never had to pay for hotel)

As far as I am aware we only have one OOT wedding next year, besides our own OOT one. We may not go to the one, just because of its time in relation to our own. I probably wouldnt do 4 again. I'd say max 2 or 3. And I will never do back to back weekends in a row. It was just not worth it.

falsara · September 2014

I went to my Cousins out of town wedding in 2011. It was a 14 hour drive. But I also got to see my parents, and my Grandparents, and basically everyone on that side of the family.

I would go to any OOT weddings where it was a friend or a family member that I was close to BFF since 8th grade. You bet I'll be flying across country. Same thing for any of FI''s friends (they're my friends too that's how we met). If it's my snotty cousin on my Dad's side who hasn't bothered to talk to me in 10 years......NO.

Since then I haven't been invited to any weddings. No one else in my circle of family or friends has gotten married since then and we don't have any weddings coming up.

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