social media is making me not want kids..

SJM7538 · October 2014

and it's really kind of sad. H and I never wanted kids but recently my nephews have me maybe changing my mind and wanting a kid in a few years. but then social media comes along and I get so scared im going to be "one of those" parents.

example... my brother txted me the other day and told me I need a hobby bc I put too many pics of my dogs on Instagram. yet all he posts is pictures of his guitars and my nephew. mostly my nephew.

then... a friend (well more like an acquaintance) just had a baby a few months ago. all she does is hashtag baby talk. the other day she posted this ridiculous rant about how if you cant accept that Her child is now the biggest part of her life then don't bother being in her life (clearly something happened with someone) and just now I post about how she freaked out at a Jehovah's Witness that rang the doorbell and woke up the baby. really? so no one can ring your doorbell ever??

other people do ridiculous stuff as well and maybe I'm biased bc I don't have Kids but I really really don't ever want to be like that!

end rant!

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

My FB feed is nothing but baby pics. I have no desire to have children and so combing through all of them gets old. A few of my friends are good about the parenting photo thing and occasionally post some great stuff about the pitfalls of being a mom. I know I have to accept that I'm the odd one out and they probably don't understand why I post cat pics or pics of my trips or even why I don't want to be a mom. I try to limit my postings and for those that go overboard, I just scroll past them and move on.

luckya23 · October 2014

WOW, I feel the exact same way!

My sister/nephew is actually the reason I'm hating parents on social media at the moment... the rest of my friends (seriously - ALL OF THEM) are much more reasonable about it.

My nephew is 15 months, and they live in CT, about 2 hrs from me. They came into town on Saturday when I was getting ready to come up north for my e-pics Sunday, and I asked her to go get her nails done with me so I could at least see her even though I didn't have time to stay and fawn over the baby at our parents' house.

She turned me down, so I said ok well I don't have time to hang out tomorrow.

I ended up stopping by my parents' while they were there to pick something up, and my mom was like "Don't you want to stay and visit with your nephew?" And I said "Ehh I don't really have time."

So a little later on, after I left the house, she blows up my phone with texts about how I "disrespected her son" and she should slap the shit out of me, how I'm a horrible person and just jealous of her having a baby and that he overshadows my wedding, on and on and on.

So she defriended me on facebook too - guess who doesn't get to annoy the crap out of me with their incessant posts anymore???

Oh, about the doorbell, I just put a little sign up this week not to ring it because FI sleeps during the day. There are very few reasons I want anyone to ring the bell anyway and get the dogs going!

SJM7538 · October 2014

@alucky23‌ I totally get the doorbell thing. H works nights as well and we have four dogs. but to yell at someone who rings your doorbell and has no idea there is a sleeping child inside? really ?

luckya23 · October 2014

She doesn't sound very smart to not put up a sign or just disconnect the bell... how is anyone supposed to know??

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

There's an article out right now on my Facebook saying how modern parenting is destroying marriages, because one parent becomes so absorbed into their child's life like they are the most important thing.. And then when kids leave the house the parents don't know how to love each other again.

I love children, and I can't wait to have our own, but I think I want my husband to always be the most important person in my life (not my child) so together we can take care of our children together.

I already have problems making our dog the center of our world. But it's not like I ignore DH for the dog.

What do you think about that idea? Should your husband be the most important person in your life? Or your children?

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange

esstee33 · October 2014

#1 - People are crazy, babies or not. Babies seem to make it worse sometimes. Not always, though!

#2 - I'm so glad I don't have a FB to have to look at these sorts of things. My IG feed is slightly baby and pet crazed, but in a cute way.

SJM7538 · October 2014

and @alucky23‌ I can't believe your
sister treated you that way! that is awful

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

esstee33 said:

#1 - People are crazy, babies or not. Babies seem to make it worse sometimes. Not always, though!

#2 - I'm so glad I don't have a FB to have to look at these sorts of things. My IG feed is slightly baby and pet crazed, but in a cute way.

I would edit this slightly to "People are crazy, social media or not. Social media just makes it more obvious sometimes."

Obsessive people have always obsessed over their kids (or dogs or birds or plants or whatever). We just weren't always exposed to it, because they weren't as empowered to share every detail. They used to just write descriptions of every poop in the kid's baby book rather than posting it online in real time, and bitched to the neighbor about the UPS man ringing the bell at nap time rather than telling the whole world. But just because the power exists to over-share every detail doesn't mean every person is going to do it.

luckya23 · October 2014

Thank you, I know, it just goes to show that some people really do lose ALL touch with reality when they have a baby!

She's a nut, she won't leave him for 3 minutes - not even with his father! But he goes to daycare, so......

Even while I was there, I was trying on my e-pic dress for my mom and my aunt brought the nephew into the bedroom and closed the door (uh, since I was changing...) and my sister burst in and was like "Hey why would you take my baby away and close the door????"

@Sugargirl1019, I can certainly see that being true!

If I did have kids, I would hope that I could still put my husband first.... I mean, I don't want to come second, so I assume he doesn't either!

I'm sure it's complicated though especially when they are small and have definite (and seemingly infinite) needs.

emmaaa · October 2014

@Sugargirl1019 I think it is good to have a balance. I honestly think when you have a child, that child and those children should be the most important person in your life. Their needs should always come before the needs of your husband because you CHOSE (hopefully) to bring a child into this world so it is your responsibility to take care of them.

that is not to say that your husband shouldn't still be important. He should! Very important! I think it would be hard for new parents to find the balance between putting their children first but never forgetting your partner still has needs.

esstee33 · October 2014

@lolo883 That's a very good distinction.

KatieinBkln · October 2014

I didn't want to have kids the first year I was a lifeguard. By the second year, I was 50-50. By the third year, I was not only certain that I'd have kids, but also that I'd never be one of "those" moms whose entire existence revolved around her 3-year-old's whims. Which is to say, don't worry. Being one of "those" type of people (whether it's parents or anything else) is ultimately a choice. The fact that you're noticing people's bad behavior makes you less likely to emulate it. Also, check out STFUparentsblog.com for some cleansing mockery of all the worst parental FB offenders.

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

Of course, I don't think anyone is arguing "I'm not going to feed or clean baby because husband needs the sex".

Hopefully husband would help with the care of children so you can love each other and grow in your relationship that way. I hope no one ever stops communicating with their spouse because they're too busy and involved with the child.

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

Don't forget how parents will remind you in their posts that having kids means dealing with a disgusting amount of bodily fluids on a daily basis. Ummm thank you for telling me about the river of snot coming out of your kid and how it got on you, or how your kid just shit their pants and you now have to clean up human feces. Or that you haven't slept in a week because of your kid. That sounds real cute. I'm just gonna go ahead and OD on birth control pills.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:
Don't forget how parents will remind you in their posts that having kids means dealing with a disgusting amount of bodily fluids on a daily basis. Ummm thank you for telling me about the river of snot coming out of your kid and how it got on you, or how your kid just shit their pants and you now have to clean up human feces. Or that you haven't slept in a week because of your kid. That sounds real cute. I'm just gonna go ahead and OD on birth control pills.

Oh yes. I had never heard of a "blow out" until a few friends just had to post about it. Yuck.

beethery · October 2014

Every day I find myself leaning more and more towards not having kids. Social media and all the gross shit my aunt had to deal with are big factors.

sarahufl · October 2014

All this stuff existed before social media- it was just less obvious. In a certain age bracket, you have to assume that your feeds will be full of baby stuff. Just hide the people you don't want to see or don't go on FB at all.

I am really looking forward to having a family, but I know what to post on social media and what not to post. I would rather see a picture of someone's baby than someone passed out drunk in a thong with their head in the toilet (something that DID appear in my social media feeds in my 20s.)

KatWAG · October 2014

I had a baby a few months ago. Dont let a few crazy parents give all of us a bad name! I have literally posted 5-7 pictures EVER on facebook of the baby. I think I post more pictures of the dog bc the dog does more silly things while the baby still just kind of lays around. ( i feel a little guilty saying that.)

The bride who posts 1000s of things about her wedding will be the mom who posts rants about doorbells. Some people just cant step away from social media.

And yes I do agree with that article. My marriage comes first. It is the core of our family. I am not going to cancel date night because little timmy had a bad dream last week.

Liatris2010 · October 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

Don't forget how parents will remind you in their posts that having kids means dealing with a disgusting amount of bodily fluids on a daily basis. Ummm thank you for telling me about the river of snot coming out of your kid and how it got on you, or how your kid just shit their pants and you now have to clean up human feces. Or that you haven't slept in a week because of your kid. That sounds real cute. I'm just gonna go ahead and OD on birth control pills.

So much this. I also like how parents find the fact that kids are gross to be a reason to want kids. Sorry mom, but seeing your baby, leaking snot, drool, and urine (all at once!!!) does not make me want one. I love my dogs, but I never tell people they should get giant furry dogs because they make huge stinky shits, shed everywhere, get sand in your bed, and leave drool stains on the upholstery.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

emmaaa said:

@Sugargirl1019 I think it is good to have a balance. I honestly think when you have a child, that child and those children should be the most important person in your life. Their needs should always come before the needs of your husband because you CHOSE (hopefully) to bring a child into this world so it is your responsibility to take care of them.

that is not to say that your husband shouldn't still be important. He should! Very important! I think it would be hard for new parents to find the balance between putting their children first but never forgetting your partner still has needs.

But you are also choosing to be in a marriage/relationship with your SO so your SO should be equally as important as any child you bring into that relationship.

Yes, there are times when the child should come first. If your child is sick then taking care of them trumps your SO wanting to show you his latest Fantasy Football scores. But other times your SO should come first, such as a scheduled date night trumps Little Susie wanting to paint a picture.

In the end it really comes down to balance. One person should not always trump the other.

KatieinBkln · October 2014

Liatris2010 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

Don't forget how parents will remind you in their posts that having kids means dealing with a disgusting amount of bodily fluids on a daily basis. Ummm thank you for telling me about the river of snot coming out of your kid and how it got on you, or how your kid just shit their pants and you now have to clean up human feces. Or that you haven't slept in a week because of your kid. That sounds real cute. I'm just gonna go ahead and OD on birth control pills.

So much this. I also like how parents find the fact that kids are gross to be a reason to want kids. Sorry mom, but seeing your baby, leaking snot, drool, and urine (all at once!!!) does not make me want one. I love my dogs, but I never tell people they should get giant furry dogs because they make huge stinky shits, shed everywhere, get sand in your bed, and leave drool stains on the upholstery.

It's kind of hilarious, right? "OMG you don't even know what a mess IS until you have kids! Let me tell you some things about potty training, right now" turns into "HOW DARE YOU WRINKLE YOUR NOSE AT MY PRECIOUS ANGEL" right quick. It's hard to keep up.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

@Sugargirl1019 I think it is good to have a balance. I honestly think when you have a child, that child and those children should be the most important person in your life. Their needs should always come before the needs of your husband because you CHOSE (hopefully) to bring a child into this world so it is your responsibility to take care of them.

that is not to say that your husband shouldn't still be important. He should! Very important! I think it would be hard for new parents to find the balance between putting their children first but never forgetting your partner still has needs.

But you are also choosing to be in a marriage/relationship with your SO so your SO should be equally as important as any child you bring into that relationship.

Yes, there are times when the child should come first. If your child is sick then taking care of them trumps your SO wanting to show you his latest Fantasy Football scores. But other times your SO should come first, such as a scheduled date night trumps Little Susie wanting to paint a picture.

In the end it really comes down to balance. One person should not always trump the other.

This. You have to weigh wants versus needs. DH wants to have sex but the baby needs to be fed, sorry DH you have to wait. Kid wants you to never leave his side ever but you need grown up time to sustain your relationship, sorry kid but get over it.

emmaaa · October 2014

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

@Sugargirl1019 I think it is good to have a balance. I honestly think when you have a child, that child and those children should be the most important person in your life. Their needs should always come before the needs of your husband because you CHOSE (hopefully) to bring a child into this world so it is your responsibility to take care of them.

that is not to say that your husband shouldn't still be important. He should! Very important! I think it would be hard for new parents to find the balance between putting their children first but never forgetting your partner still has needs.

But you are also choosing to be in a marriage/relationship with your SO so your SO should be equally as important as any child you bring into that relationship.

Yes, there are times when the child should come first. If your child is sick then taking care of them trumps your SO wanting to show you his latest Fantasy Football scores. But other times your SO should come first, such as a scheduled date night trumps Little Susie wanting to paint a picture.

In the end it really comes down to balance. One person should not always trump the other.

I definitely agree with that. I was mainly referring to physical needs such as safety, food, shelter, and clothing, which I should have specified.

Balance is definitely important and maybe it isn't about who is the most important all of the time, but rather who is the most important at that given situation.

@KatWAG raised a good point about the marriage and that relationship is the core of the family and that is just as important to a child. I just think it is also important for a parent to be able to step back and look at what is best for the child. Obviously, I would hope, the child's well being would trump an abusive partner.

rsbloom · October 2014

I loved that article about modern parenting destroying marriages!

My friends with kids and my aunts used to make me think I'd be a terrible mom, because I wouldn't give up my friends, work, etc to stay home and have my whole world revolve around the kids.

I want kids with FI, but not until we're ready and they aren't going to be our whole lives.

princessofgenovia · October 2014

Honestly, and this sounds crazy selfish, but I think I have to put myself first. If I'm not taking care of me, I can't properly take care of my relationship or my (future) child.

My mom was one who always put herself dead fucking last and I've seen what that does to someone. It's taken her years to learn that putting herself first is important.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

princessofgenovia said:

Honestly, and this sounds crazy selfish, but I think I have to put myself first. If I'm not taking care of me, I can't properly take care of my relationship or my (future) child.

My mom was one who always put herself dead fucking last and I've seen what that does to someone. It's taken her years to learn that putting herself first is important.

I think this is a good point as well. You need to be happy with yourself first and foremost, because if you aren't your unhappiness will seep into other aspects of your life like your relationship and children.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

emmaaa · October 2014

And FTR, when I say put your child first, I don't mean that everything and everyone else shouldn't be important or a part of your life. Just beause one thing comes first, doesn't mean those things that comes second, third, and fourth mean any less to you than they did before.

bethsmiles · October 2014

@Sugargirl1019 - I love the article you posted! So many of my friends seem to have entirely lost their identity to their children. It sucks. I really don't think it's healthy for children or parents for the child to be the center of their entire world. They should see their parents living full lives outside of things that only revolve around them. And they should see their parents having a loving, functioning relationship which doesn't happen if you put your relationship on hold until the kid moves out.

Ndelible · October 2014

I gotta go with my children being the most important persons in my life. FH is second. Why? Because FH is an adult, who can take care of himself. However, I (and now we) are responsible for our children. That does not mean that their every whim or want is catered to. It means the exact opposite. We are raising human beings and we want them to be good ones. Our relationship is the most important, but we balance it with life lessons for the chil-ren. And that includes our relationship with each other.

I would not have respect for anyone who put their spouse before their children. I'm talking big stuff here.

social media is making me not want kids..

Re: social media is making me not want kids..

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