Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?
Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?
I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.
And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.
Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives.
No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.
What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding? An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?
They're doing deli trays from a grocery store....so...I dunno. I just know it's a dry wedding so I'm planning on having some poinsettias before I show up.
Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?
Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?
I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.
And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.
Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives.
No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.
What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding? An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?
I would prioritize a whole lot of things below crab cakes, really.
I really want to know what the MOB responds to you with. I'm curious as to whether she will let it go because you challenged her or hold firm and demand he's not invited - so rude! In the case of the latter I'd seriously consider dropping out if BFF can't stand up for your relationship...
This is so messed up! Was he invited int he first place or did they just conveniently leave SOs off the invites? Just wondering what level of disgusting and gross this is, bc inviting guests is about as bad as it gets.
Invites haven't actually been sent yet (to most of us)! MOB took upon herself to send them out to her friends and family about a week and a half ago and then they're sending out all the others this week. Bride found out about this and her and MOB got in a huge fight last week over it. MOB was "helping" by addressing the invitations (she has very nice penmenship and Bride and Groom do not), and basically b-listed the rest of us. Bride took away the invites after this shit storm happened.
So now that she's got a yes form a lot of her friends and family, the couple's friends, and the Groom's family must suffer her consequences.
MOB and I will not have a good relationship after this. I'll be as polite as is necessary but that's about it.
-----SITB----
To the bolded are you freaking kidding me!? Please tell me all the invites she sent out were at least on the original invite list and she didn't take it upon herself to invite who she wanted.
This is so messed up! Was he invited int he first place or did they just conveniently leave SOs off the invites? Just wondering what level of disgusting and gross this is, bc inviting guests is about as bad as it gets.
Invites haven't actually been sent yet (to most of us)! MOB took upon herself to send them out to her friends and family about a week and a half ago and then they're sending out all the others this week. Bride found out about this and her and MOB got in a huge fight last week over it. MOB was "helping" by addressing the invitations (she has very nice penmenship and Bride and Groom do not), and basically b-listed the rest of us. Bride took away the invites after this shit storm happened.
So now that she's got a yes form a lot of her friends and family, the couple's friends, and the Groom's family must suffer her consequences.
MOB and I will not have a good relationship after this. I'll be as polite as is necessary but that's about it.
-----SITB----
To the bolded are you freaking kidding me!? Please tell me all the invites she sent out were at least on the original invite list and she didn't take it upon herself to invite who she wanted.
Side note-I would have killed her.
Luckily yes. They were not just random added on people. I think she thought Bride would fine with it because they were already going to get invitations anyways.
Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?
Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?
I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.
And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.
Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives.
No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.
What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding? An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?
Doesn't really matter. I wouldn't waste $40 on an envelope that just gets thrown away about 5secs after the recipient opens it.
It's the same reason I didn't waste thousands of dollars on calligraphy for the addresses themselves.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Good for you, standing up to both of them. Your BFF needs to grow a spine and not let her mother control HER wedding. I would be pissed at both of them. How DARE she ask you to be MOH and then ask to just go along with what her nutty mom says?
Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your FI. Just from what I read it sounds like MOB has lost her mind. Hopefully someone slaps some sense into her soon.
Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?
Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?
I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.
And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.
Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives.
No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.
What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding? An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?
They're doing deli trays from a grocery store....so...I dunno. I just know it's a dry wedding so I'm planning on having some poinsettias before I show up.
Are you sure your FI wouldn't prefer to decline?? :-p Dry wedding and cray cray MOB...I'd rather sit at home and watch football - hell I'd rather clean the garage out than attend this shitstorm if I wasn't a drama-loving, etiquette-Knot-zie!
So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?
That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...
Right?!
She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan).
I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane.
Your so-called friend said this bullshit, or her mother?
I'd be seriously reconsidering my friendship with someone who disrespected my relationship to this level. Fuck everything about that.
Agree with this! This might need to be a friendship that is paused until someone remembers that a wedding is not an excuse to be a dictator. I'd take the month of October off from wedding related friend stuff.
You should take off November too, Thanksgiving and all.
Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?
Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?
I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.
And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.
Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives.
No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.
What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding? An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?
They're doing deli trays from a grocery store....so...I dunno. I just know it's a dry wedding so I'm planning on having some poinsettias before I show up.
Are you sure your FI wouldn't prefer to decline?? :-p Dry wedding and cray cray MOB...I'd rather sit at home and watch football - hell I'd rather clean the garage out than attend this shitstorm if I wasn't a drama-loving, etiquette-Knot-zie!
He might want to stay home, but I'm bringing him as my back up. Someone is gonna have to be in charge of posting bail.
This story horrifies me for all the above mentioned reasons. It also horrifies me because my newly engaged friend told me she was fighting over the guest list with her FMIL, and in attempt to keep numbers low, she.... wait for it!.... asked her coworkers if they didn't mind not bringing their spouses, since, you know, they've never met and why would they want to attend a wedding of a couple they never met....
I don't think she has any idea she surely offended these people.
That is so messed up!! Can't wait to hear about all the rest like the MOB response.
As to someone who said they never knew friends treated friends so badly before coming on TK I have a doosey for you. My friend is a wedding photographer, she did mine and many other friends for discounted rates but we still paid her travel, meals, half her package cost, etc.
Last weekend she drove 6 hours to do her friend's daughter's wedding. Because of her husband's work schedule she brought her 5 year old with her because the friend/MOB said it was no problem. So my friend arrives and finds out she's sharing a bedroom with her friend/MOB and a few teenagers. My friend puts her son down to sleep Friday night before the wedding at 9pm and the other people sharing the room come in and out and turn the lights on no fewer than 25 times between 9pm and 2am. So my friend and her son get no sleep. They did not warn my friend that she'd be staying in a room with other people or she would have gotten her own. And you'd think the MOB would have told the teenagers to be resceptful of the sleeping 5 year old?!
Saturday she photographs the wedding all day, and they do NOT give her dinner! She literally had to ask a waiter for a glass of water because she didn't have a seat and nothing was offered to her.
I was pretty shocked that her own friend who hired her did not feed her dinner. This is apparently why vendors have to put it in their contracts!
That is so messed up!! Can't wait to hear about all the rest like the MOB response.
As to someone who said they never knew friends treated friends so badly before coming on TK I have a doosey for you. My friend is a wedding photographer, she did mine and many other friends for discounted rates but we still paid her travel, meals, half her package cost, etc.
Last weekend she drove 6 hours to do her friend's daughter's wedding. Because of her husband's work schedule she brought her 5 year old with her because the friend/MOB said it was no problem. So my friend arrives and finds out she's sharing a bedroom with her friend/MOB and a few teenagers. My friend puts her son down to sleep Friday night before the wedding at 9pm and the other people sharing the room come in and out and turn the lights on no fewer than 25 times between 9pm and 2am. So my friend and her son get no sleep.
They did not warn my friend that she'd be staying in a room with other people or she would have gotten her own. And you'd think the MOB would have told the teenagers to be resceptful of the sleeping 5 year old?!
Saturday she photographs the wedding all day, and they do NOT give her dinner! She literally had to ask a waiter for a glass of water because she didn't have a seat and nothing was offered to her.
I was pretty shocked that her own friend who hired her did not feed her dinner. This is apparently why vendors have to put it in their contracts!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I just can't with this woman. Long story short, she messaged me back and "totally understands" and FI can come.
Long story long:
She messages me back and says:
I understand how in love you are. I was just trying to figure out how to make my daughter's special day perfect, obviously this isn't the right path and FI is welcome. I guess part of me is just sad, I'll be watching my daughter get married, you're getting married, two of her bridesmaids are already married, and there I'll be sitting all alone. I really wish I had a man to love me like the two of you have. I just wanted you to understand that I've been feeling jealous over your relationships.
And it went on like that for awhile I kind of just skimmed it because it wall very "woe as me I'm currently single" blah, blah blah, bitch you're 50 learn to process your emotions like a grown up. She pulls this whole song and dance anytime she and her daughter get in a fight that it's just because she's jealous of her daughter's relationship. Don't put that shit on your kid or your kid's friend. Feel it if that's what you feel, but then go out for margaritas with your girlfriends and talk about it there. Don't fucking lash out at me. Also, she's been married twice. Her abusive first husband (and Bride's dad) passed away when we were in grade school, and her and her second husband split up after a year of marriage...like almost 5 years ago. And really I don't think she wants a relationship, she just wants to be married and have someone take care of her.
My response was "I'll see you at the shower this weekend, and FI is looking forward to the wedding", I left out because he knows it's gonna be a shit storm of crazy.
That woman is insane. My MOH actually asked me if I would prefer if her FI stayed home for our wedding since it was literally our parents, siblings/their SOs, and her/FI that were invited. I told her she was nuts and of course he was invited. Why do people do these things?!
I can't understand the idea of not inviting a SO, regardless of ring status.
We got married 2 weeks ago, and our 10 year anniversary is in 2 months. We got engaged after 9 years of dating. H's cousin didn't invite me to their wedding 2 summers ago because of the no ring no bring bullshit. They got married after a year of dating, but I wasn't considered family after 7 years of being around because we weren't engaged yet. H declined and I didn't even send a card to them. I was pissed.
Cut your budget elsewhere. Not inviting a SO is a huge offence for me.
How many people have they over-invited? Is it something where they could just squeeze in a few more tables/chairs, or are we talking over-firecode here?
So my best friend is getting married in December. Oh yay good for her! I'm gonna be a MOH, really? Oh that's great yes of course I'll do it! All of this was decided months ago.
Now I get a FB message from the bride's mom about how many people RSVP'd yes...many more then they expected. So she wanted me to know, they're having to institute a "no ring, no bring" policy (dumbest shit ever), and since I only recently "got the ring", she wants to know if I could just leave FI at home.
Dafuq you say? So I text my best friend (the girl getting married) to ask her if her mother has lost her damn mind. Seriously, was there some recent head trauma? Should be we going to the hospital? And my best friend says "Well, I know it's technically not right, but well...can you just go along with it? To not make waves?" I want to point out last year she was in a friend's wedding and didn't get a plus one. Two weeks after the invites went out her now FI became her boyfriend and she called up to demand he being invited to as they were social unit. Her friend said of course she could bring him and made no big deal over it. But now I can't bring the guy I'm engaged too? And not only that, we've been together for over two fucking years! It's not like some dude I just met and decided "Oh hey I'll marry this dude".
Unfortunately, my mother raised me with a spine and I let BFF know that, no I was not leaving my FI at home and I'd be very hurt if he wasn't invited. And then I messaged her mother back and said "We're a social unit, of course he will be attending". I'm not the only one, one of the other maids was told her boyfriend wasn't invited because they're just dating. She has no spine and went along with it.
Oh gosh, that is TERRIBLE. And then for MOB to be such a drama queen. Jeesh. What is wrong with people?
Jenna's story reminds me of something that happened to my sister at FBIL's wedding. They invited her like two weeks beforehand just verbally, like an afterthought, because they had a lot of declines. Fi's cousin "Roberta" had blocked two rooms but only wound up needing one, so we arranged for my sister K to stay in that unused room. K paid the front desk directly for the room and settled in.
Later that day, FMIL calls me to ask if K wouldn't mind sharing the room with this random cousin Christina and her little girl. Christina has been estranged from the family until recently and she was also B-listed, is attending at the last minute, and can't afford a hotel room. I tell FMIL no, my sister has paid for this room, she has never met Christina or her daughter, and K will probably come back to the room really late and the little girl won't get any sleep. FMIL says okay, then she goes around me and asks Fi to ask K. NO, he says. Fine. FMIL drops it.
Even later that night at the after party, Roberta asks me if yet a different cousin can stay in K's room. Because this cousin, Rachel, didn't plan for her own room, either. I tell Roberta no. A few minutes later, Rachel comes up asks me how how many beds K's room has. I ask her why it matters. "Because I will have to sleep on the couch in Roberta's room, but I know K is next door because Roberta originally blocked that room, and she has two beds in there to herself."
Finally K told Rachel she was happy to share, and half the room was $X. Rachel got all quiet and then declined the offer, because she said she couldn't afford it.
WHAT. The everloving fuck. So you are trying to pressure my sister, who you've met maybe once, into sharing her hotel room but you weren't even planning to pay for any of it? and FMIL too. It was like circling vultures.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
Oh gosh, that is TERRIBLE. And then for MOB to be such a drama queen. Jeesh. What is wrong with people?
Jenna's story reminds me of something that happened to my sister at FBIL's wedding. They invited her like two weeks beforehand just verbally, like an afterthought, because they had a lot of declines. Fi's cousin "Roberta" had blocked two rooms but only wound up needing one, so we arranged for my sister K to stay in that unused room. K paid the front desk directly for the room and settled in.
Later that day, FMIL calls me to ask if K wouldn't mind sharing the room with this random cousin Christina and her little girl. Christina has been estranged from the family until recently and she was also B-listed, is attending at the last minute, and can't afford a hotel room. I tell FMIL no, my sister has paid for this room, she has never met Christina or her daughter, and K will probably come back to the room really late and the little girl won't get any sleep. FMIL says okay, then she goes around me and asks Fi to ask K. NO, he says. Fine. FMIL drops it.
Even later that night at the after party, Roberta asks me if yet a different cousin can stay in K's room. Because this cousin, Rachel, didn't plan for her own room, either. I tell Roberta no. A few minutes later, Rachel comes up asks me how how many beds K's room has. I ask her why it matters. "Because I will have to sleep on the couch in Roberta's room, but I know K is next door because Roberta originally blocked that room, and she has two beds in there to herself."
Finally K told Rachel she was happy to share, and half the room was $X. Rachel got all quiet and then declined the offer, because she said she couldn't afford it.
WHAT. The everloving fuck. So you are trying to pressure my sister, who you've met maybe once, into sharing her hotel room but you weren't even planning to pay for any of it? and FMIL too. It was like circling vultures.
That's super skeezy as hell. I'm glad your sister didn't let the awkwardness of the moment get to her and allow herself to be pressured to let Rachel have the place for free. Good for her.
Re: You just got the ring (vent)
It's the same reason I didn't waste thousands of dollars on calligraphy for the addresses themselves.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You should take off November too, Thanksgiving and all.
Yes, please keep us posted.
That is so messed up!! Can't wait to hear about all the rest like the MOB response.
As to someone who said they never knew friends treated friends so badly before coming on TK I have a doosey for you. My friend is a wedding photographer, she did mine and many other friends for discounted rates but we still paid her travel, meals, half her package cost, etc.
Last weekend she drove 6 hours to do her friend's daughter's wedding. Because of her husband's work schedule she brought her 5 year old with her because the friend/MOB said it was no problem. So my friend arrives and finds out she's sharing a bedroom with her friend/MOB and a few teenagers. My friend puts her son down to sleep Friday night before the wedding at 9pm and the other people sharing the room come in and out and turn the lights on no fewer than 25 times between 9pm and 2am. So my friend and her son get no sleep. They did not warn my friend that she'd be staying in a room with other people or she would have gotten her own. And you'd think the MOB would have told the teenagers to be resceptful of the sleeping 5 year old?! Saturday she photographs the wedding all day, and they do NOT give her dinner! She literally had to ask a waiter for a glass of water because she didn't have a seat and nothing was offered to her.
I was pretty shocked that her own friend who hired her did not feed her dinner. This is apparently why vendors have to put it in their contracts!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I can't understand the idea of not inviting a SO, regardless of ring status.
We got married 2 weeks ago, and our 10 year anniversary is in 2 months. We got engaged after 9 years of dating. H's cousin didn't invite me to their wedding 2 summers ago because of the no ring no bring bullshit. They got married after a year of dating, but I wasn't considered family after 7 years of being around because we weren't engaged yet. H declined and I didn't even send a card to them. I was pissed.
Cut your budget elsewhere. Not inviting a SO is a huge offence for me.