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Budget Weddings

Help!! Extremely low budget!!!

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Re: Help!! Extremely low budget!!!

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2014
    Wow. There are a bunch of rude women on this forum. Why the constant need to attack people who offer suggestions that you may not agree with? Just say you don't agree and move on. No need to turn into a bunch of bullies! I'm new to this forum and am so disappointed in the comments I have seen on so many of these posts.
    Nobody was rude.  We are trying to keep auntheater from DOING something that is rude.
    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion.  It does not vary with neighborhood or community.  There are etiquette rules about hosting a party (wedding) that anyone can read in a standard etiquette guide.  Even the most liberal wedding etiquette books (Emily Post) say that pot luck or fund raising for a wedding is rude and tacky.
    What would you rather read?  An answer that says, "Oh, yes, I think wearing a clown suit at your wedding is a beautiful idea!", or a truthful answer that gives you advice, backed up by experience and etiquette authorities like Emily Post corp., Cranes, Miss Manners, and Amy Vanderbilt?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • @Jessica2426 ; It sounds perfectly lovely!  This is how to work within a budget and have a beautiful wedding.
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    [Deleted User]theartistformerlyknownasmrstrevor3
  • @Jessica2426 that sounds awesome! I work at a rec center that's very beautiful, and they offer such affordable weddings and events to the local residents there. Had I worked there before I got married, I definitely would have leaned towards it as an option! It saves a lot of money and hassle to have a kitchen, tables, chairs, reception area and a place for the ceremony all in the same place (our rec center also has a chapel attached).

  • I had some of my goofy friends ask if we can "night swim" when its over?? Haha. I told them they can do whatever but I am pretty sure night swimming is not on my list!
  • For a venue, look into renting a park building, community center, or VFW hall.  With food, remember you don't need to go with a "wedding" caterer - think of restaurants you like to eat out at - many do catering; even places like Qdoba & Noodles if you're really short on cash.  For a dress, look at bridesmaid dresses - many come in white.  I got mine for $103 - a long white dress that no one would know wasn't a "wedding dress."  I made bouquets & bouts myself from fake flowers from Michael's bought with their 40% off coupons and we did the iPod thing.  It took a little bit of time to order the songs appropriately (so all the slow don't play at once), but well worth the $$ saved on a DJ since no one in my family is really that into music or dancing all night.  And, if you're only having 30-50 people, you really shouldn't need to buy that much liquor.  Good luck!
  • I agree with mama 2 stepmama - such rude folks here.  

    You should buy a simple white gown from Macy's or JC Penney or other good-quality department store.  You should be able to get something nice for about $150.

    If bad gets to worse, you could have a morning ceremony in a park by an officiant and then have a breakfast brunch at a good quality restaurant.  You can have a mimosa toast and have breakfast selections served to the guest followed by cake and coffee.  Many can tie off a private section for you if they don't have a party room.

    I think you could get this for around $25-30 per person including gratuity.  Keep it small -- about 25-30 guests.  It would still be an elegant affair and would be a perfect way to spend a beautiful Sunday.  Get small potted flowered plants from Home Depot or similar store for centerpieces (at about $10 apiece).  For invites, go to retailmenot.com and do a search for vistaprint.  You could buy reasonable invites for about $25 or so for the smaller size.  For a favor, get their magnets with your photo, which should run about $1 a piece and place in a colored cup with candy (peppermints and butterscotch and cinnamon wrapped candy) and tie with clear cello and a ribbon from the 99 cents store.

    Have a friend take photos with your guests in a nearby park.  Should be nice!  Good luck.  Email if you need help.  Best, Esther.  [email protected]
    VanessaLedesmasydalishKnottie27969378
  • adk19 said:
    I agree with mama 2 stepmama - such rude folks here.  

    You should buy a simple white gown from Macy's or JC Penney or other good-quality department store.  You should be able to get something nice for about $150.

    If bad gets to worse, you could have a morning ceremony in a park by an officiant and then have a breakfast brunch at a good quality restaurant.  You can have a mimosa toast and have breakfast selections served to the guest followed by cake and coffee.  Many can tie off a private section for you if they don't have a party room.

    I think you could get this for around $25-30 per person including gratuity.  Keep it small -- about 25-30 guests.  It would still be an elegant affair and would be a perfect way to spend a beautiful Sunday.  Get small potted flowered plants from Home Depot or similar store for centerpieces (at about $10 apiece).  For invites, go to retailmenot.com and do a search for vistaprint.  You could buy reasonable invites for about $25 or so for the smaller size.  For a favor, get their magnets with your photo, which should run about $1 a piece and place in a colored cup with candy (peppermints and butterscotch and cinnamon wrapped candy) and tie with clear cello and a ribbon from the 99 cents store.

    Have a friend take photos with your guests in a nearby park.  Should be nice!  Good luck.  Email if you need help.  Best, Esther.  [email protected]
    Or you can just not do a favor and save money there.  Especially since I don't want a magnet with your photo on it.
    This. So much this.
    lovedrynjnrsgirlmrstrevor3fieryredsam
  • It may be against etiquette but only you know your guests. My group of friends have "stock the bar" parties pretty frequently. That's just how we are. FI and I recently moved and are planning a house warming/stock the bar party in the next few weeks. Some people may be offended by something like that but they don't know your friends and family. 
    VanessaLedesmaKnottie91623918kcharleton0513Knottie27969378
  • so is it considered rude to instead of register for gifts register for a honey moon fund? my fiance and i both lived on our own for a while before we got together, and weve lived together for a couple years before getting engaged. we have everything we need for our house. We found a poem that says we would rather enjoy some sun than recieve gifts (in a cute and clever way). Would this go against wedding etiquette?
    VanessaLedesma

  • jnrsgirl said:
    In both my family and community it is acceptable to help the couple in any way needed for their wedding. As I mentioned in my original post, my fiance and I are not having a bridal shower because we do not wish to receive gifts- same goes for wedding gifts too.

    A complete outsourcing would be having all of our guests pay for everything in order to attend our wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and reception ourselves. We are not fortunate, like many others, to have financial assistance from our families- and we will not go into debt to have our dream wedding. So if our guests are willing to celebrate us by gifting a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer to be served at our reception- at a party being thrown on our behalf and not by us- then we will graciously accept it. 

    The original poster mentioned that she would not skimp on food or alcohol because her family loves to party. Maybe she has family and friends like mine that wouldn't mind helping by gifting alcohol? Clearly this is unacceptable in many of your social circles. Either way it was just a suggestion to her. 
    Many of the brides here are paying for their own weddings with no outside help. Just because mommy and daddy aren't forking over their savings to pay for your wedding isn't a good enough reason to force your guests to pay for the wedding liquor. This is never acceptable. It is rude and extremely selfish! I am paying for my own wedding. My guests will not be paying for a single thing. No dinner expenses or liquor costs... Nothing. Oh and we too will not be receiving any outside assistance. Please don't ask your guests to "stock the bar" for your reception (aka the event YOU are supposed to host to thank them for coming to share in your day).
    so is it considered rude to instead of register for gifts register for a honey moon fund? my fiance and i both lived on our own for a while before we got together, and weve lived together for a couple years before getting engaged. we have everything we need for our house. We found a poem that says we would rather enjoy some sun than recieve gifts (in a cute and clever way). Would this go against wedding etiquette?
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    tiphenieB said:

    jnrsgirl said:
    In both my family and community it is acceptable to help the couple in any way needed for their wedding. As I mentioned in my original post, my fiance and I are not having a bridal shower because we do not wish to receive gifts- same goes for wedding gifts too.

    A complete outsourcing would be having all of our guests pay for everything in order to attend our wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and reception ourselves. We are not fortunate, like many others, to have financial assistance from our families- and we will not go into debt to have our dream wedding. So if our guests are willing to celebrate us by gifting a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer to be served at our reception- at a party being thrown on our behalf and not by us- then we will graciously accept it. 

    The original poster mentioned that she would not skimp on food or alcohol because her family loves to party. Maybe she has family and friends like mine that wouldn't mind helping by gifting alcohol? Clearly this is unacceptable in many of your social circles. Either way it was just a suggestion to her. 
    Many of the brides here are paying for their own weddings with no outside help. Just because mommy and daddy aren't forking over their savings to pay for your wedding isn't a good enough reason to force your guests to pay for the wedding liquor. This is never acceptable. It is rude and extremely selfish! I am paying for my own wedding. My guests will not be paying for a single thing. No dinner expenses or liquor costs... Nothing. Oh and we too will not be receiving any outside assistance. Please don't ask your guests to "stock the bar" for your reception (aka the event YOU are supposed to host to thank them for coming to share in your day).
    so is it considered rude to instead of register for gifts register for a honey moon fund? my fiance and i both lived on our own for a while before we got together, and weve lived together for a couple years before getting engaged. we have everything we need for our house. We found a poem that says we would rather enjoy some sun than recieve gifts (in a cute and clever way). Would this go against wedding etiquette?

    Yes.
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    so is it considered rude to instead of register for gifts register for a honey moon fund? my fiance and i both lived on our own for a while before we got together, and weve lived together for a couple years before getting engaged. we have everything we need for our house. We found a poem that says we would rather enjoy some sun than recieve gifts (in a cute and clever way). Would this go against wedding etiquette?
    Yes, this would be considered extremely rude. Cutesy poems don't make it less rude. If you don't need household items, just don't register. Most people will get the hint and just give you cash anyway. If you're not registering, though, make sure to decline showers, since those are entirely for gift-giving. 
    image
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    so is it considered rude to instead of register for gifts register for a honey moon fund? my fiance and i both lived on our own for a while before we got together, and weve lived together for a couple years before getting engaged. we have everything we need for our house. We found a poem that says we would rather enjoy some sun than recieve gifts (in a cute and clever way). Would this go against wedding etiquette?
    @tiphenieB Yes, that's extremely rude.  If you simply do not register, most people will probably give you cash gifts anyway.  

    And as a general rule of thumb, if you think you need a cutesy poem to make something less offensive, you probably just should not do that thing.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    abbyj700mrstrevor3
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    awitmer77 said:
    It may be against etiquette but only you know your guests. My group of friends have "stock the bar" parties pretty frequently. That's just how we are. FI and I recently moved and are planning a house warming/stock the bar party in the next few weeks. Some people may be offended by something like that but they don't know your friends and family. 
    A housewarming is different from a wedding. I think there are quite a few people on here who wouldn't bat an eye at a "stock the bar" housewarming party. The difference is that a wedding reception is a party you throw specifically to thank your guests for taking the time out of their day to watch you get married. Therefore, they shouldn't be asked to shoulder any of the costs.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    wrigleyvillemrstrevor3
  • @jcbride2015 couldn't it then also be argued that asking people to furnish a new home is rude? yet people have done that for ages. People arent entitled to gifts anymore than they are entitled to a special trip with the person they love. 
    Knottie91623918
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    tiphenieB said:
    @jcbride2015 couldn't it then also be argued that asking people to furnish a new home is rude? yet people have done that for ages. People arent entitled to gifts anymore than they are entitled to a special trip with the person they love. 
    Nope, this is not true at all.

    A physical gift registry is there for the convenience of any guests who wish to help furnish a home.  It should never be mentioned by the marrying couple or included on invitations, and is only spread by word of mouth if the gift-giver inquires-- so, you aren't "asking" people for anything.  

    The primary purpose of a gift registry is to prevent duplicates and let the gift-giver know things like china and flatware patterns, so people can buy individual pieces of those larger sets.

    None of those justifications are true for honeymoon or cash registries.  Everybody knows cash is a great gift.  I highly doubt you'll be upset if you get duplicate $20 bills.

    And unlike a traditional registry, a cash or honeymoon registry does in fact come across as asking rather than as a convenience for guests.  You're drawing attention to the fact that you want money.

    Look-- you seem to have an inkling this is rude because you have asked about it a few times, and think you need a poem to soften the blow.  If you want to go ahead and do it, knock yourself out.  But I promise you, somebody will be offended and think it looks tacky.  And they probably won't say it to your face.

    ETA: Also, honeyfunds skim a fee off your gifts, either by outright asking your guests to pay a fee, or taking a fee from what they eventually hand over to you.  It's basically an idiot task.  If people want to give you money, they'll write you a check.  Totally free and easy.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    chibiyuilovedrynjnrsgirl
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    wedding registries are primarily used for bridal showers. Bridal showers came about to shower the couple with gifts to start their new marriage off on the right foot, as it was assumed back in the day that the new couple would be starting off married in a brand new home, having never lived together. Items on a traditional registry are usually things a couple would need for daily use- towels, sheets, pots, kitchen utensils, etc. These items are not really considered luxuries, but rather necessities to properly run a home. And, again, the purpose of a shower (where registries stemmed from) is to give gifts. It's a known gift giving event. 

    A honeymoon is definitely a luxury. Many of your guests may not even be able to afford a vacation of their own!

    edit- spelling

     







  • I got my Save the Dates and invitations online from VistaPrint - I used Groupons to pay for them and got really great deals (ie paid $17 for $70 worth from Vistaprint)
    I scoured seasonal clearance and used coupons at Michael's for centerpieces and decorations (I spent maybe $50 to decorate 12 guest tables plus the rest of the room).
    After we got engaged, my husband and I set up a joint bank account. We agreed on a budget and then with each paycheck we would each put in a set amount. Every wedding related expense came out of that account and we were lucky enough to come in under budget in the end.
    Good luck!
  • sydalishsydalish member
    Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited November 2014
    auntheater said:
    In both my family and community it is acceptable to help the couple in any way needed for their wedding. As I mentioned in my original post, my fiance and I are not having a bridal shower because we do not wish to receive gifts- same goes for wedding gifts too.

    A complete outsourcing would be having all of our guests pay for everything in order to attend our wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and reception ourselves. We are not fortunate, like many others, to have financial assistance from our families- and we will not go into debt to have our dream wedding. So if our guests are willing to celebrate us by gifting a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer to be served at our reception- at a party being thrown on our behalf and not by us- then we will graciously accept it. 

    The original poster mentioned that she would not skimp on food or alcohol because her family loves to party. Maybe she has family and friends like mine that wouldn't mind helping by gifting alcohol? Clearly this is unacceptable in many of your social circles. Either way it was just a suggestion to her. 
    Ignore the catty girls and their bad attitudes. I know exactly what you're talking about and while it doesn't suit my event and guest list - I'm sure for some a "stock-the-bar" or BYOB idea would work out great. Especially for a smaller more intimate/family&friends type affair.

    For all the etiquette experts, perhaps you need more lessons on manners because your rude commentary doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Grow up ladies.
    714hbbridehaleyskyekcharleton0513Knottie27969378
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    sydalish said:
    auntheater said:
    In both my family and community it is acceptable to help the couple in any way needed for their wedding. As I mentioned in my original post, my fiance and I are not having a bridal shower because we do not wish to receive gifts- same goes for wedding gifts too.ii

    A complete outsourcing would be having all of our guests pay for everything in order to attend our wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and reception ourselves. We are not fortunate, like many others, to have financial assistance from our families- and we will not go into debt to have our dream wedding. So if our guests are willing to celebrate us by gifting a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer to be served at our reception- at a party being thrown on our behalf and not by us- then we will graciously accept it. 

    The original poster mentioned that she would not skimp on food or alcohol because her family loves to party. Maybe she has family and friends like mine that wouldn't mind helping by gifting alcohol? Clearly this is unacceptable in many of your social circles. Either way it was just a suggestion to her. 
    Ignore the catty girls and their bad attitudes. I know exactly what you're talking about and while it doesn't suit my event and guest list - I'm sure for some a "stock-the-bar" or BYOB idea would work out great. Especially for a smaller more intimate/family&friends type affair.

    For all the etiquette experts, perhaps you need more lessons on manners because your rude commentary doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Grow up ladies.
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    Anniversary
    fwtx5815esstee33
  • edited November 2014
    sydalish said:

    auntheater said:
    In both my family and community it is acceptable to help the couple in any way needed for their wedding. As I mentioned in my original post, my fiance and I are not having a bridal shower because we do not wish to receive gifts- same goes for wedding gifts too.

    A complete outsourcing would be having all of our guests pay for everything in order to attend our wedding. My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding and reception ourselves. We are not fortunate, like many others, to have financial assistance from our families- and we will not go into debt to have our dream wedding. So if our guests are willing to celebrate us by gifting a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer to be served at our reception- at a party being thrown on our behalf and not by us- then we will graciously accept it. 

    The original poster mentioned that she would not skimp on food or alcohol because her family loves to party. Maybe she has family and friends like mine that wouldn't mind helping by gifting alcohol? Clearly this is unacceptable in many of your social circles. Either way it was just a suggestion to her. 
    Ignore the catty girls and their bad attitudes. I know exactly what you're talking about and while it doesn't suit my event and guest list - I'm sure for some a "stock-the-bar" or BYOB idea would work out great. Especially for a smaller more intimate/family&friends type affair.

    For all the etiquette experts, perhaps you need more lessons on manners because your rude commentary doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Grow up ladies.


    *********etf boxes***********

    And you think telling people to grow up, that they have bad attitudes, and calling people catty makes YOU an etiquette expert with good manners. Pot, meet kettle.
    *********************************************************************************

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    chibiyuiesstee33theartistformerlyknownasericandmarie
  • The only rude behavior I've seen here is suggesting that it's OK to ask/allow one's guests to fund a party you've planned. YOU alone are responsible for YOUR choices.

    If you hadn't been attending all these Stock the Bar party all these years, you might have been able to save up enough money to host your own wedding sufficiently. 

    image

    If you can't afford booze, don't have booze. If you can't afford dinner, don't have your reception at dinner time. Get married at 2:00, throw some cheese and crackers at people, some box mix cupcakes, done and done. Or elope. Or have 10 guests. There are lots of right answers that don't involve making other people responsible for your hosting choices.

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    fwtx5815wrigleyville
  • Have it at your house. If you don't have the yard, living area or parking space for it, maybe find a friend or family member with a back yard or larger living area? Not paying for venue overhead is a great way to save.

    Keep the guest list low.

    Another idea I have heard is have a brunch wedding; you wouldn't have to buy any alcohol besides champagne for a toast.

    You could also consider having the ceremony at city hall; you'd have to call your city hall to see how many people could feasibly attend the ceremony. Not paying for an officiant to come out to a venue could save money.

    Also, check your state's laws for who can officiate. Some states allow for persons to become officiants, and you don't have to be a judge or ordained minister to officiate. Having a friend or family member register as an officiant could be a great way to save money, if city hall is not your cup of tea--you could even say it is his or her wedding gift to you, so it's free for you (and they save on buying a gift).

    Get married on a weekday. If you need to hire help, oftentimes help comes cheaper on off-days. Supply and demand; they are in high demand on weekends, but often out of work on weekdays.

    Get married off-season, for the same reasons as mentioned above.

  • You know what? It's your wedding, do it your way.  Think creatively, DIY stuff if you want,and have time and skill, scour the sales and make Ebay your best friend.

    Having a low-cost wedding doesn't mean you can't have a special, elegant day. Little is often more, and having a simple wedding means less things to think about and it'll bring down your costs!

    In general, and from my own experience, off-season (October-March) weddings are cheapest.

    Shrink your guest list - work colleagues (unless they're friends), vague "Jane Smith plus-one"s, and your mum's friend from the bridge club can go. Would the party/family gathering not be the same without them? INVITE! Don't just invite people you're not close to because it's "just how things are done".

    Don't mention the word wedding to vendors until AFTER you have signed a contract! Just say party or family reunion; it can drop costs by as much as 20%.

    Don't buy into the concept of "without X my wedding won't be perfect!"  Guess what? It will be, because you're marrying the lucky guy/girl you're in love with.  Make it about the marriage, not the wedding.

    Make it about you guys. I'd much rather people put money towards our honeymoon than buy us stuff we don't actually need! In my social circle it's OK to say "We don't actually need anything, really, it'll be amazing if you come, but if you really would like to get us something, we're trying to save up for a scuba experience in Turkey/home refurb/etc."

    With regards to BYOB weddings, we're providing a signature cocktail, beer, wine, water and fruit juice, but if anyone wants anything more complicated then they can bring it themselves.  Why is it against etiquette? Yes, I want my guests to have fun and enjoy themselves, but why does that mean there has to be a full £10,000 open bar?  Also, potluck weddings work in come cultures/social circles.  If ours wasn't so big, I'd consider it! 

    Etiquette DOES vary by neighborhood, country, religion, culture; that's kinda the point.  If I ate with my fingers in the UK, I'd get funny looks - it's "rude".  But in India (lived there for a while) it's common practice to the point where it's difficult to find restaurants that have cutlery, and it's certainly not found in the home.

    PS to all those who use the dreaded T word; I HATE the word tacky.  What does it even mean, anyway? Maybe I think you're wedding is tacky.  You'll probably think mine is, but guess what? I don't give a rats ass, because if we enjoy it, and the people who are coming enjoy it, then let it be.  It's similar to, if not the same as, the juvenile concept of what's "cool" or "hip" or "in" or whatever is said these days.
    haleyskyeclassicalandedgyKnottie27969378
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