Matron of Honor problems

Re: Matron of Honor problems

• levioosa member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  
  

  
  

  You never said she based her friendship to you like that.  We were going off of what you posted.  You came off as selfish, rude, and needy.
  
  Also custom=/=etiquette.  
  
  Hope you enjoy your friends and family judging you for treating them like shit for "YEARS TO COME."

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• levioosa member

  

  October 2014

  SaraBrideSoon said:

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  
  MUD!

  It's MUD or I lose a little more faith in humanity.  lol

  
  

  
  

  

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• flantastic member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  Oh my.

  
  

  I had no idea that everyone but me will be hoping to forget my wedding. I better talk to my fiance.

  
  

  Thank you. Thank you so much for the enlightenment and the well wishes. Time either to remove the stuffiness and uncomfortableness from my wedding, or call it off. I should also probably assess whether my friends love me if they didn't offer to help with the party, even though it's my fiance's and my responsibility.

  
  

  You have helped me realize so much... thank you!!! 

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• plainjane0415 member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  
  But really, why did you pick her?  

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  October 2014 edited October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  1. I was married decades ago. I didn't expect my bms to do anything except buy their dresses and show up, which is exactly what they expected of me when I was their bm. We didn't have bps, family members paid for our showers, bms who had to travel were offered a couch or sleeping bag at the bride's homes. We kept it simple. We didn't look for lists of duties for bms or gms.

  2. My friends are very nice people. We help each other out when we can, without laying on a guilt trip or feeling cheated if someone isn't able to pitch in. We don't keep track of who owes who a phone call or favor.

  3. I have no doubt that people will remember and talk about your wedding for years to come.

  
  

                     

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  October 2014

  It sounds like you are friends with this woman just so that you can talk badly about her and judge her.  You would be doing her a favor to kick her out and end the friendship.  She deserves to see what kind of person you really are and get away from you.  You should be ashamed of yourself, but I doubt you have the maturity for such self awareness.
  

  
  

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• slothiegal member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  October 2014

  MyNameIsNot said:

  It sounds like you are friends with this woman just so that you can talk badly about her and judge her.  You would be doing her a favor to kick her out and end the friendship.  She deserves to see what kind of person you really are and get away from you.  You should be ashamed of yourself, but I doubt you have the maturity for such self awareness.
  

  
  

  So much this. I'm just wondering why the hell you consider this person a friend when you seem to dislike every last thing about her.

  

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• SachaBee member

  

  October 2014

  what the...

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• AddieCake member

  

  October 2014

  Welcome to TK, Knottienumbers. I don't like you.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report5 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  First of all, I did NOT pick her for the help. I can and will do it all myself. I said that it would have been nice to OFFER. If u all can not understand the meaning of a friend that is supposed to care about you, I don't know what to tell you. I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. Have a nice day in ur diluted little world. Because I know for DECADES it has been customary for MOHs to be the brides right hand woman and to help with everything the bride needs. Have fun with ur stuffy, uncomfortable weddings that everyone BUT u wants to forget. Mine will be a BLAST and will be talked about for YEARS TO COME!!!

  For all the wrong reasons.
  

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• swolfle member

  

  October 2014

  I think you are starting unnecessary drama. You should have known better than to pick her if you wanted help planning.. she didn't even plan ahead for her own wedding so I'd imagine she'd be even less invested in yours. My advice is to demote her to bridesmaid and pick someone else that is happy to help you in all the ways you'd like. 

  
  

  I am also doing a ton of DIY, and I have to say you're very smart to be getting a head start on everything. I did the same and did most of it myself (because I gave myself enough time to do so). When it came time to put the invitations together I had a crafting party, I invited, my MOH, mother-in-law, and a couple friends. It was a lot of fun and it helped me get a project that would have taken over a week done in an afternoon. My point is, MOH or not, it's not her "duty" to do anything as many people before me have pointed out, but don't forget you also have lots of other people in your life that would be happy to help. If you have over a year you'll be absolutely fine. I planned my whole wedding in 8 months and I still have time to spare.

  
  

  Chin up!!

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• novella1186 member

  

  October 2014

  swolfle said:

  I think you are starting unnecessary drama. You should have known better than to pick her if you wanted help planning.. she didn't even plan ahead for her own wedding so I'd imagine she'd be even less invested in yours. My advice is to demote her to bridesmaid and pick someone else that is happy to help you in all the ways you'd like. 

  
  

  I am also doing a ton of DIY, and I have to say you're very smart to be getting a head start on everything. I did the same and did most of it myself (because I gave myself enough time to do so). When it came time to put the invitations together I had a crafting party, I invited, my MOH, mother-in-law, and a couple friends. It was a lot of fun and it helped me get a project that would have taken over a week done in an afternoon. My point is, MOH or not, it's not her "duty" to do anything as many people before me have pointed out, but don't forget you also have lots of other people in your life that would be happy to help. If you have over a year you'll be absolutely fine. I planned my whole wedding in 8 months and I still have time to spare.

  
  

  Chin up!!

  The bolded is terrible advice. OP, don't do anything that rude and shitty to your friend unless you intend to hurt her feelings. Since the MOH is not required to help you with things, there is NO REASON to pick an MOH for the sole reason of helping with things.
  

  

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• MollyandD member

  

  October 2014

  Knottie27764573 said:

  I did talk to her today as a matter of fact. Her exact words to me were, "I am NOT loving or kind to ANYONE unless they have something I WANT!" I guess THAT is the kind of friend u all LIKE and WANT in ur wedding. But not I. 

  I cut this quote to focus on what struck me as a strange thing to say. I'm pretty sure no one ever said they wanted selfish friends. YOU picked this girl. None of the others posting here did. 

  
  

  I didn't want friends like this in my wedding. So I picked people I actually like. You have yet to say why you picked her, so I'm going to make a list of guesses until you give a real reason.

  
  

  Guesses as to why you picked her:

  1.) You helped her, and therefore thought that, by some sort of wedding magic, she would want to help you. 

  2.) She's really pretty and would look good in photos. 

  3.) She's really ugly and would make you look good in pictures. 

  4.) She's popular, and you look cool hanging out with her after school. (And you're very young.)

  5.) She's an alien controlling your mind. You have no control over your actions and shouldn't be held responsible. 

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• XrebeccaX member

  

  October 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  Knottie27764573 said:

  Btw, I would turn her down for any help. So that's not the problem. The problem is that she is not even showing ANY interest in the wedding AT ALL. Also, I wanted to set straight that I did what I did for her because she backed me into a corner and guilted me saying she had no one to help her.

  Stuck in the box, but...

  
  

  Yeah, I understand this feeling sucks. My best friend never showed any interest - none - in anything having to do with my engagement or wedding. She never even asked to see my ring. In fact the only thing she said to me about it at all was something passive aggressive about our decision to have only family at our wedding and reception.

  
  

  So that sucked. But if you're going to wait for other people to initiate conversations about your wedding, you might be waiting a long time. People have other things going on in their lives. It's pretty reasonable that she would wait to hear from you about any plans or needs that you might have.

  
  

  Also some people are just more helpful than others, or more versed in the experience of being in a wedding party. Or maybe she's a jerk! In any event, you'll need to be the person to ask her for help with things (though understand she's not obligated) or whatever.

  
  

  And as others have said, who cares what she thinks of your plans. She doesn't have to like them. She had her shot at a wedding, this is your party.

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• HappyinLove56 member

  

  October 2014

  Honestly, I could understand why a bride would want her friends help (even if there were perhaps more polite ways to go about it).  Especially her maid of honor.  Both my maid of honors came dress shopping with me (along with my Mom) and it was a special moment.  Did they have to?  No.  Would I have understood if they couldn't make it?  Yes.  But it was still nice.   It made me feel nice that they wanted to be there for me. 

  
  

  As people, we all want to feel loved and valued, all the time.  Weddings are very touchy feely events for some people so I think those feelings of wanting to feel special and loved amplify.  I get why you would want your MOH to be excited and supportive.  I agree with others that you can't make her feel this way.  And obviously, a MOH is not around JUST to do your dirty work.  And I agree with others that nobody cares about your wedding HALF as much as you do.  

  
  

  I'm glad your other bridesmaids are being supportive and I hope that your wedding planning takes a turn for the positive.  It sounds like you have lots of people who love you and want you to feel special.   Happy planning!

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• flantastic member

  

  October 2014

  Another note - I get asked a lot about my wedding. I run an educational program, and my teachers will ask me about it. My parishioners will ask me about it. Anyone who's heard I'm getting married will ask me about it. It's easy small talk for them, but considering I don't have much to say on the subject (I'm not exactly a gusher), it's somewhat awkward for me.

  If my best friend had an inkling of this, she might choose not to ask me about my wedding and talk about anything else. I'm not saying this is what's happening, but it's good not just to assume she's totally uninterested.

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• esstee33 member

  

  October 2014

  You guys, she said in her very first post: "Now that I am getting married, I thought she would be the perfect MOH considering SURELY she appreciated everything I did for her and would be there for me in the same manner."

  
  

  She picked her because she wanted a brideslave.

  
  

  Boo fucking hoo, OP, people have lives and don't care about your wedding. Welcome to real life! 

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• cambryn member

  

  October 2014

  If she was unwilling to do that stuff for her OWN wedding, what made you think she'd turn about and take on what you did for yours?

  
  

  I get it- sometimes when you give and give you expect turn around- when I was a lot younger I was SO that person for friends. I'd stay up til three in the morning helping them on school projects, or help organize everything for them- and then be disappointed that they never seemed to return even a little of that sort of help. 

  
  

  Sounds like you gave too much of yourself, and now are feeling very bitter about it. 

  
  

  She won't change her priorities, so it's best to let go those sorts of expectations. If you have a list of people who may or may not want to help send out a message that you're doing a lot of DIY and if anyone wants to craft with you, you'd love to treat them to some food and tv as you guys do it. 

  
  

  I do think your second message meltdown was unnecessary, though. As snarky as people can come off on here, they mean well- and going into full out all caps is not going to help your situation. 

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• abbyj700 member

  

  October 2014

  OP-I couldn't help but read almost all of your posts and think you are a terrible person...seriously...

  
  

  
  

  Bridezilla and you're still a year out? Lord sista...you're going to have issues ! 

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