Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
bizzy592
member
For your enjoyment
Hi all,
I attended a disaster of a wedding last weekend, and just have to share.
To begin with, I was invited on facebook. In a comment. On the event page for their engagement party, when I sent my regrets. A week later I did get a private message, and so was a little less insulted (had been assuming I was a last-minute invite, either forgotten or b-listed). Eventually they created a fb event for their wedding. BYOB, and requesting cash gifts. Semi-formal to formal dress. Do they understand that formal is black-tie?
My expectations weren't very high. But, I know that I'm more of a planner than most, and understand that they are unconventional people, working with a very small budget. Given that, I asked whether there was anything I could bring. As they'd mentioned BYOB, I was thinking maybe a bottle or two of liquor for the bar.
The day before the wedding (OOT for me) I got a note from the bride, asking whether I might bring a few "things to nibble on" for the "time between the ceremony and dinner". For 100+ people.
So, Fi and I showed up for their 2pm wedding, and discovered that it was being held outside. In October. We had both worn business casual, which was fairly appropriate, but my stockinged legs were regrettable. Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails. The other guests were pre-gaming to stay warm (a predictable consequence of a BYOB wedding, I suppose), and after waiting an hour, we cracked open a bottle of wine ourselves. The bridal party showed up at 4pm. Without apology.
The reception took place in an unheated barn. I had brought a cheese board, 2 platters of crudites, and 2 of charcuterie - all of which were gone within minutes. Perhaps because it was freezing, and everyone had been drinking for hours. Dinner arrived 2 hours later, which ran out after about 70 guests (buffet style, and people were hungry).
But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.
I don't think they'll make the guest list for ours next summer.
I attended a disaster of a wedding last weekend, and just have to share.
To begin with, I was invited on facebook. In a comment. On the event page for their engagement party, when I sent my regrets. A week later I did get a private message, and so was a little less insulted (had been assuming I was a last-minute invite, either forgotten or b-listed). Eventually they created a fb event for their wedding. BYOB, and requesting cash gifts. Semi-formal to formal dress. Do they understand that formal is black-tie?
My expectations weren't very high. But, I know that I'm more of a planner than most, and understand that they are unconventional people, working with a very small budget. Given that, I asked whether there was anything I could bring. As they'd mentioned BYOB, I was thinking maybe a bottle or two of liquor for the bar.
The day before the wedding (OOT for me) I got a note from the bride, asking whether I might bring a few "things to nibble on" for the "time between the ceremony and dinner". For 100+ people.
So, Fi and I showed up for their 2pm wedding, and discovered that it was being held outside. In October. We had both worn business casual, which was fairly appropriate, but my stockinged legs were regrettable. Most guests had gone with a similar level of formality, except for one poor young man, who wore white tails. The other guests were pre-gaming to stay warm (a predictable consequence of a BYOB wedding, I suppose), and after waiting an hour, we cracked open a bottle of wine ourselves. The bridal party showed up at 4pm. Without apology.
The reception took place in an unheated barn. I had brought a cheese board, 2 platters of crudites, and 2 of charcuterie - all of which were gone within minutes. Perhaps because it was freezing, and everyone had been drinking for hours. Dinner arrived 2 hours later, which ran out after about 70 guests (buffet style, and people were hungry).
But at least we were there for their wedding day, to celebrate the beginning of their shared lives, right? That's what we thought, until a friend let us in on the secret, that they'd actually eloped nearly a year prior.
I don't think they'll make the guest list for ours next summer.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: For your enjoyment
Lol
I'll assume they had a PPD because they couldn't afford their "dream wedding" in the first place.
Soooo...they have a PPD a year later to "make up for this"...yet apparently still can't afford their dream wedding. Just doubly eye rolling.
I honestly don't have a huge problem with PPDs, if they're open about it, and especially if they treat it as a celebration of their marriage, and leave out the ceremony. But this was done so inconsiderately, and so falsely, that it felt like guests were only invited for the (cash only, please) gifts.
They were super up front about it and had a big-ass, nice party. He is Cuban and his father provided some of the best Cuban food I have ever had. They had a very nice open bar. It was a good time.
But this? WTF? That is horrifying.
Also, you provided a TON of food for them. I can't believe you brought all that, especially being OOT. You are a better person than I am. But yeah, I wouldn't expect a thank you.