Too cold for outdoor ceremony???

slothiegal · October 2014

kk111415 said:

beethery said:

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say there are certain points where guests have certain expectations and adults. Being able to dress oneself is one of those points. If it's too cold to be outside in a coat, the region clearly isn't habitable and I have no idea how you found a venue.

I live in New England. I am not native to the area. I do not hang out outdoors unless it's over 70. If I'm outside, I'm walking from my car to wherever I drove out for, or my house/place of work is on fire. Alright? I don't do cold well but by golly, here I am.

I am getting married at 5pm on 10/10/15. This year, on that date, the high was 65 degrees F, the leaves were gorgeous, and it was bright and breezy all day. It was 45 degrees at 9am that day. and obviously significantly cooler that evening.

My grandparents can't deal with the cold. I would be a fucking douchebag if I made them dick around for my ~*special day*~ just because I want to have my ceremony surrounded by natures bounty out in the gorgeous leaves and shit. My pictures and the magical fucking atmosphere are not more important than the comfort of the people I care about since I invited them to come all the way up from GA to watch me get married.

That's nice and all, but if I want to have people at my wedding, I need to make sure they're comfortable. What part of this is so hard to understand?

For the record, I got a really nice town hall with humongous windows and really nice views for any guests who want to look at the leaves and enjoy the heated fucking room. BE NICE TO YOUR GUESTS OR DON'T HAVE ANY.

You need to calm down a bit, there's no need to talk trashy like that to people you don't even know. You can get your point across without cursing and being rude- and people will take you much more seriously. But your response is laughable.

I really hope for your sake you aren't staying in New England. I'm a true native and I strongly appreciate all that it has to offer. The seasons are what makes it such a wonderful place to live in. But if you can't handle it, I would try to move south where you can enjoy yourself a little more. You are pretty much saying you are stuck inside between October and May. This isn't the place for you. That's in no way an insult or me trying to be mean, just the truth.

That being said, you aren't the best person to reply on this topic since you have such an extreme view. I'm personally working with a bunch of New England natives who don't experience the high sensitivity to mildly cold temperatures like you do. If I was inviting a bunch of people from the South, I would totally be sympathetic to the temperature change for them.

Yeah @beethery, you better calm down. I know that you don't usually talk like that, so you must be REALLY worked up. And you should probably just pick up and move south, it's not like there's anything keeping you in New England, right???

beethery · October 2014

kk111415 said:
You need to calm down a bit, there's no need to talk trashy like that to people you don't even know. You can get your point across without cursing and being rude- and people will take you much more seriously. But your response is laughable.

I really hope for your sake you aren't staying in New England. I'm a true native and I strongly appreciate all that it has to offer. The seasons are what makes it such a wonderful place to live in. But if you can't handle it, I would try to move south where you can enjoy yourself a little more. You are pretty much saying you are stuck inside between October and May. This isn't the place for you. That's in no way an insult or me trying to be mean, just the truth.

That being said, you aren't the best person to reply on this topic since you have such an extreme view. I'm personally working with a bunch of New England natives who don't experience the high sensitivity to mildly cold temperatures like you do. If I was inviting a bunch of people from the South, I would totally be sympathetic to the temperature change for them.

I like cuss words. Big deal.

Furthermore, it is incredibly clear that you are not going to get the point we're making, regardless of whether or not I use profanity.

Also, I find this comical because I am an avid snowmobiler and snowboarder/skier. I don't do that shit every day. I don't take my sled to work. To tell me that I ought to move back down south (which FI would hate because he's from NH and he can't do high heat and humidity for most of the year) is funny. Thank you for your concern but I'm staying here. On the daily during the winter, I deal with the snow as necessary, and go from A to B. I've adapted as needed. However, I don't go MAN THIS IS THE BEST and go sit out in the yard on top of 4-6' of built up snow every day during the winter. If that's what you do because you can handle the cold, uhhh... great?

People don't like being cold in their nice clothes. What if I had a full catholic wedding ceremony mass outside at the top of Pat's Peak when it was 50 out*? Even FI, who LOOOOVES the cold, would be like, "B, even MY grandma (who is from fuckin Sherbrooke, QC and knows what cold is like) is blue. Why did we do this?" and I went, "But she's here for our special day! She should've dressed appropriately, wtf!" he would probably go "Hey, Father BlahBlah, can we just not sign this because she doesn't give a rat's ass that our grandparents came 'unprepared'?"

Chuckles for days, y'all.

*btw this is a no-go, catholic ceremonies happen in the church for anyone who is trying to get ideas. I'm going for a hypothetical.

ohannabelle · October 2014

Bunny0530 said:

I'm planning on getting married on October 31st and want the ceremony to be outdoors in Northern NJ probably around 4 or 4:30pm. Is it too cold to have a 15-20 minute ceremony outside at that time of year? I'm really set on having it outside because the view at the venue is gorgeous. I would supply little blankets or hand warmers for people as well. The only other date they have available is September 5th and then I would not be able to have the fall theme that I am so in love with.

Well, let's go to the weather map, Bunny, and skip the opinions. The average temperature, historically, for October 31st in Northern New Jersey is....drum roll, please....about 45 degrees, with an average high of 50 and an average low of 40. Barring any freak occurrences (an 82 in 1946 and 20 in 1975) that's what you can expect.

In weather forecastland, that falls under the heading of too damned cold.

If you want fall foliage, have an indoor ceremony someplace with windows, decorate the eff out of it with autumn colors, using the money you would have spent on little blankets, heaters and hand warders, and enjoy being a good hostess.

Voila. It's magic.

ETA: that's right, I said hand warders. You know.

klk111415 · October 2014

So, If I could predict the future, I would buy lottery tickets. But I can't so as far as I'm concerned, all of you ladies can get up in arms that I'm such a horrible person- but I'm going to play it by ear. Thank you to those of you who stayed mature during this discussion and made valid points. @beethery you contradicted yourself multiple times, saying "I do not hang out outdoors unless it's over 70. If I'm outside, I'm walking from my car to wherever I drove out for, or my house/place of work is on fire. Alright? I don't do cold well but by golly, here I am."

Followed by: "I am an avid snowmobiler and snowboarder/skier." I was just replying to your first comment which I now see was a huge exaggeration.

You don't seem to be the type to want to give helpful advice, you'd rather be a hot headed troll who needs to put others down if they don't take your advice to the T. You can't make good points by being rude to people. This is probably the happiest time in every brides life, and your that miserable person who just wants to tell everyone else how to run their life, and if they disagree with you, you respond with aggression and attitude. Stop being a bitch to total strangers. You are no better than anyone else here.

Being that I'm a bride to be, I know that I have a lot of ideas and I tend to tell people, do what makes you happy- which doesn't mean that you should make others unhappy so you can experience your vision. It's all about being creative and seeing how you can make everyone happy, including yourself (the person who is getting married) So rather than tell @bunny0530 don't have your wedding in October because it would be like waterboarding your guests, I say talk to the venue and see what your options are. If you have a short ceremony, you might be able to keep your guests warm by being creative. But always have a backup plan in place. Most of the brides I know who planned for outdoor ceremonies and got rain or snow all used their back up plan and because it was their wedding day, they were just as happy because it was their special day that they had been waiting for for so long. Nothing stood in the way of their happiness. I hope that regardless of what day you choose, you have a beautiful day which will be the start of a new chapter in your lives together.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

I live in MD and have my whole life. We have hot summers and cold ass winters. I am a native to my state and my region. And with that said, I FUCKING HATE THE WINTER!!! I hate the cold and the crazy wind and snow and ice that come with it. Hate. HATE. If the temperature is not between 65 and 80 I am miserable. So you can still be a native to your area but hate certain weather with the fiery passion of 100 burning suns.

klk111415 · October 2014

That's totally true! I don't disagree. I mean, there are summer lovers, and winter lovers, and everyone in between. I have a friend desperately looking to move south with her husband because she doesn't handle the cold well. Totally understandable. I'm one of those crazy winter lovers and can't handle the heat that well. My mom is in the same boat but she has MS and can't handle the summer heat for that reason.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

kk111415 said:

That's totally true! I don't disagree. I mean, there are summer lovers, and winter lovers, and everyone in between. I have a friend desperately looking to move south with her husband because she doesn't handle the cold well. Totally understandable. I'm one of those crazy winter lovers and can't handle the heat that well. My mom is in the same boat but she has MS and can't handle the summer heat for that reason.

Exactly, which is why we are all saying that having an outdoor wedding in NY in November when it will most likely be in the colder side is not the best idea. You love winter and that is great. I wish I loved it to. Well I do love it from the comfort and warmth of my own home...so pretty. But if I go out, mother nature can suck it. But just because you love winter and the cooler temps does not mean that all the natives up there do, which is why it is best to just take some pics outside and keep all other festivities inside where coats will not need to be worn and people are comfortable. Yes, the natives of that area know how to dress and deal with the weather but that doesn't mean that they want to stand outside.

klk111415 · October 2014

@maggie0829 Yeah, I'm slowly coming to terms with what everyone is saying. I'm going to see what the options are and if it is an unseasonably warm day, I always have the option to move it outside. I haven't asked the catering manager at my venue for pictures of indoor ceremonies. That's on my list of things to do. He's also renovating the place so I'm hoping that will put me at ease with the indoor option.

Maggie0829 · October 2014

Yeah it sucks when what you originally want ends up not being what you end up with. I wanted a wedding by the water and outside. But that would have meant a 3+ hour drive for all of our guests and we knew that since it would have been a destination that some people would decline because of the distance. I also know my luck and it would have rained horribly. So I took a day to say goodbye to my first "vision" and then I made a new "vision" and H and I couldn't have been happier with how everything turned out.

beethery · October 2014

kk111415 said:

So, If I could predict the future, I would buy lottery tickets. But I can't so as far as I'm concerned, all of you ladies can get up in arms that I'm such a horrible person- but I'm going to play it by ear. Thank you to those of you who stayed mature during this discussion and made valid points. @beethery you contradicted yourself multiple times, saying "I do not hang out outdoors unless it's over 70. If I'm outside, I'm walking from my car to wherever I drove out for, or my house/place of work is on fire. Alright? I don't do cold well but by golly, here I am."
Followed by: "I am an avid snowmobiler and snowboarder/skier." I was just replying to your first comment which I now see was a huge exaggeration.

You don't seem to be the type to want to give helpful advice, you'd rather be a hot headed troll who needs to put others down if they don't take your advice to the T. You can't make good points by being rude to people. This is probably the happiest time in every brides life, and your that miserable person who just wants to tell everyone else how to run their life, and if they disagree with you, you respond with aggression and attitude. Stop being a bitch to total strangers. You are no better than anyone else here.

Being that I'm a bride to be, I know that I have a lot of ideas and I tend to tell people, do what makes you happy- which doesn't mean that you should make others unhappy so you can experience your vision. It's all about being creative and seeing how you can make everyone happy, including yourself (the person who is getting married) So rather than tell @bunny0530 don't have your wedding in October because it would be like waterboarding your guests, I say talk to the venue and see what your options are. If you have a short ceremony, you might be able to keep your guests warm by being creative. But always have a backup plan in place. Most of the brides I know who planned for outdoor ceremonies and got rain or snow all used their back up plan and because it was their wedding day, they were just as happy because it was their special day that they had been waiting for for so long. Nothing stood in the way of their happiness. I hope that regardless of what day you choose, you have a beautiful day which will be the start of a new chapter in your lives together.

This is such a poorly executed attempt at a callout.

Furthermore, name calling violates the TOS set up by The Knot, which you agreed to upon creating your account and starting to post here. I find this humorous as you tried to knock me for swearing (which does not violate the TOS).

You need to do some soul-searching on accepting criticism. I don't think you're a terrible person. I think you are misguided about how to treat your guests. I could say a lot of things about your mental capacity and reading comprehension, and potentially your understanding of life, but like I've mentioned before, it is abundantly clear that you're going to continue to miss the point. To say little of the number of times I've seen this kind of asinine nonsense go down, you're probably 3-5 posts away from DD'ing and trying to GBCK. Maybe 10-15 if we should be so lucky.

As far as my participation in winter activities, it is entirely possible to spend my daily life going from car to building, with the exception of times that I go sledding or boarding. I live ten minutes from a small ski resort, and the powerline trail runs right behind my house. To infer that because I don't screw around outside building snowmen and shit every day does not make me an avid snowmobiler or snowboarder is comical, if incorrect. I go riding probably once a month as long as the snow is adequate, and I go snowboarding at Crotched Mountain (yep, that's the real name!) once a week if I'm not too tired. Please, enlighten me further on how I'm not an avid participant in those activities, by all means.

I'd say good try, but that would be being dishonest.

Once again, treat your guests right. It's not that hard.

climbingsingle · October 2014

H and I originally wanted to get married hanging off the side of a mountain. Seriously (we're rock climbers). But is was a logistical nightmare for our guests, so we changed up our plan.

For the record, I love the winter. I love the first snowfall. H and I ski in Vermont. I still don't want to be sitting outside for a wedding ceremony in November. Even if your ceremony is only 10 minutes long, that means I'll be sitting outside for at least 20 minutes, because I always arrive early.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

kk111415 said:

@maggie0829 Yeah, I'm slowly coming to terms with what everyone is saying. I'm going to see what the options are and if it is an unseasonably warm day, I always have the option to move it outside. I haven't asked the catering manager at my venue for pictures of indoor ceremonies. That's on my list of things to do. He's also renovating the place so I'm hoping that will put me at ease with the indoor option.

This is a great idea.

I've been on both ends of the weather shit stick. I went to a wedding in August in Texas that was outdoors *because B&G's vision* and it was MISERABLE. I went to a wedding in November in Michigan where they did the ceremony inside and then kicked everyone out so they could set up the reception and that was MISERABLE.

In both cases, I heard guests telling the bride and groom how lovely everything was and congratulations and oh how beautiful they looked, blah blah blah.... And then immediately turn around and be like what the ever loving fuck is this? Why are we outside in this? Lesson: internet strangers will tell you what people are actually thinking.

esstee33 · October 2014

@kk111415 You do realize that everyone is in agreement with @beethery, right? The only one "disrupting our happy forum" here is you. Everyone has given you great advice, which you've willfully ignored because you're too stubborn to let go of your "vision." November is cold, usually, and no matter how short your ceremony is, you need to have a warm ceremony. There really isn't wiggle room with that, no matter where your guests are from.

klk111415 · October 2014

@esstee33 Yes, I realize that. I think based on my recent response that is quite evident. Even after saying a bunch of times that I am coming to terms with the fact that it will probably be too cold, everyone still thinks that I'm saying "I don't care for my guests" Which is not the case at all.

@beethry as a mod, you should set a good example of how people should communicate in forums and discussions.

esstee33 · October 2014

kk111415 said: @esstee33 Yes, I realize that. I think based on my recent response that is quite evident. Even after saying a bunch of times that I am coming to terms with the fact that it will probably be too cold, everyone still thinks that I'm saying "I don't care for my guests" Which is not the case at all.
@beethry as a mod, you should set a good example of how people should communicate in forums and discussions.

Everyone keeps saying that because you're saying you'll consider having it indoors, but you're pretty sure everyone will be a-ok because of a laundry list of justifications, as though the fact that they're native New Englanders makes it OK to make them sit in the cold. Or you claim that they won't even be cold, when I'm positive you can't possibly know the individual cold tolerances of everyone on your guest list.

You had a moment there in the middle of this shitshow where you acknowledged that your vision was probably going to have to be sacrificed, thanked everyone for their advice, and seemed to be moving on with your life. Now all of a sudden you're back and name-calling and being generally unpleasant towards everyone again for seemingly no reason. I don't understand what your purpose is anymore. Just to come back for shits and giggles and be obnoxious and call people names? To try to convince people to use less profanity? You're not making any friends coming in here and talking about your special day and trying to dictate how people post.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

kk111415 said:

@esstee33 Yes, I realize that. I think based on my recent response that is quite evident. Even after saying a bunch of times that I am coming to terms with the fact that it will probably be too cold, everyone still thinks that I'm saying "I don't care for my guests" Which is not the case at all.

@beethry as a mod, you should set a good example of how people should communicate in forums and discussions.

To the bolded, nothing @beethery posted is against the terms of service. The TOS rules this forum and people can post as they please as long as they abide by those rules. She is abiding by the rules.

As in life, people may not always deliver things the way you prefer. YOU may not always deliver things the way others prefer. Oh well. That's life. Trying to micromanage other people is a total waste of your time.

What were you expecting to achieve? That @beethery will read this one liner and say "HALLELUJAH! I have seen the light!"? If you really think that your words can have that effect on people in general, you need a reality check. Otherwise, you're just poking the bear.

klk111415 · October 2014

I'm fine, and I thought my response was clear that I am now going to look into my other options. As shown below:

With a wedding not happening until next November, all I can really do is "consider" my options.

kk111415 said:

@maggie0829 Yeah, I'm slowly coming to terms with what everyone is saying. I'm going to see what the options are and if it is an unseasonably warm day, I always have the option to move it outside. I haven't asked the catering manager at my venue for pictures of indoor ceremonies. That's on my list of things to do. He's also renovating the place so I'm hoping that will put me at ease with the indoor option.

beethery · October 2014

kk111415 said:

@esstee33 Yes, I realize that. I think based on my recent response that is quite evident. Even after saying a bunch of times that I am coming to terms with the fact that it will probably be too cold, everyone still thinks that I'm saying "I don't care for my guests" Which is not the case at all.

@beethry as a mod, you should set a good example of how people should communicate in forums and discussions.

You should set an example for all the posters who can't take critique and instead of making up excuses masquerading as justifcations and figure out a better plan.

I'll take your critique on my moderating into as much consideration as you've taken the suggestions. Thank you!

klk111415 · October 2014

Waving my white flag... sorry for being rude to you @beethery.

Viczaesar · October 2014

kk111415 said:

Viczaesar said:

kk111415 said:

I'm not sure what you mean by "NY Metro" area but I live in the Bronx and work in Manhattan. Have you felt it outside today? I had my AC on last night. You can't say that it's too cold. It's been in the 70's and wearing a light jacket is even unbearable. Yes it's mid October but the weather is all over the place. You can't predict anything.

September 5th is still summer. Children won't even be back in school yet. Labor day is the 7th. My friend got married on August 31st and wanted a fall theme but it was 90 degrees and so humid that a bridesmaid passed during the ceremony from the heat. She decided against the fall theme. Fall doesn't even begin until September 21st. Although I would love to say that you can start white girl freaking out about fall on September 1st- you can't. The leaves are still green, fall favorites aren't even out. I couldn't even get a darn pumpkin beer a few days before the official start of fall- and I live for pumpkin everything.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/things-all-basic-white-girls-do-during-the-fall#4ih516l

If you choose the 5th you will get the added benefit of having an extra day off from work (on the 7th) but on the other hand you may have friends and family traveling for the holiday. The sun will still be high in the sky and it will be warm. The sun sets at 7:23pm that day.

If you choose the October date, you would get the added benefit of it actually feeling like fall. Travel for your guests is much cheaper (it won't be a holiday weekend). You can run with your fall theme with apples, pumpkins, mums, gords, fall colors and leaves. The sun will be setting at the most beautiful time of day and it's the best time to take pictures. See how you feel in a couple of weeks and check the temperature. You may be surprised that it's not as cold as people say it's going to be. And I don't get why people think your guests are going to be suffering. You aren't making them sit outside in subzero weather. Maybe a slight chill to the air but nothing unbearable. YOU might be cold, but hell- you are marrying the love of your life- I think you will be so excited you won't even notice. Leave a note in your invitation that tells your guests you will be having an outdoor ceremony. They will come prepared and if they don't you can have a back up plan by offering pashminas. Or look into renting propane heaters. There are so many solutions that will allow you to have what you want and make your guests comfortable. Be creative.

What the fuck? "White girl freaking out"? HATE.

It was a joke based on the buzzfeed article I posted which I find extremely funny... and it's totally making fun of myself. Calm yourself, darling.

Yes, I understand what you were referencing. No, I won't calm myself. I find the article stupid and the phrase offensive.

Viczaesar · October 2014

kk111415 said:

This discussion had nothing to do about me, and everything to do with the girl who started the discussion because she wanted to know if she could have her outdoor ceremony in late October. Can she? Sure. I find a ceremony where everyone is bundled up for a short time, (the same amount of time some people have to stand outside waiting for their train in their work clothes) not that different than forcing your guests to sit outside in the unbearable heat because you wanted your perfect summer outdoor ceremony. I was at a wedding where a bridesmaid literally passed out during a 30 minute ceremony. I spent another ceremony getting a nasty burn on my shoulder from being outside in the sun for just 15 minutes in early May. You can all complain and tell me off for putting my guests need second- but I'm not. And the girl who started this discussion also wouldn't be putting her guests needs second. My guests as I said a million times, will be well informed. They aren't going to show up in short cocktail dress with nothing to cover them. And from the guests I have already spoken to, including family and friends, they all are fine with it. I will consider my options and choose the most appropriate one when the time comes. But thanks for all of your concern!

By jove, you're right! They're BOTH wrong.

rajahmd · October 2014

pinkrevenge said:
By the way, I was married 11/03 and it was a high of 55F with a 15mph breeze. It was cold, I could tell, floofy dress and bolero and all. We had our wedding inside, but we did take some outdoor shots, as quickly as humanly possible because my bridesmaids were pinching their knees together in the cold. Ain't no way a thin shall would have sufficed.

Heck, it was kind of cold in the room I was getting ready in. There is NO WAY I would have done that outside unless I was having a casual fire pit wedding in my jeans.

WE HAVE THE SAME ANNIVERSARY! Just a different year. That makes me really happy.

Viczaesar · November 2014

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say there are certain points where guests have certain expectations and adults. Being able to dress oneself is one of those points. If it's too cold to be outside in a coat, the region clearly isn't habitable and I have no idea how you found a venue.

Dumb.

Edited to clarify: I mean the content of the post, not the poster.

fwtx5815 · November 2014

Viczaesar said:

Knottie30291358 said:

I'd say there are certain points where guests have certain expectations and adults. Being able to dress oneself is one of those points. If it's too cold to be outside in a coat, the region clearly isn't habitable and I have no idea how you found a venue.

Dumb.

Edited to clarify: I mean the content of the post, not the poster.

Is this the same knottienumbers that tried (& failed) to use like 10 SAT words in one sentence on that Registry thread? I can't tell bc I'm on my phone

but, if it is

Please don't stop. The attempts to condescendingly disagree with both the majority of regs AND etiquette experts is funny. I like it but in a judgy way.

beethery · November 2014

dallasbetch said:

Knottie30291358 said:
I'd say there are certain points where guests have certain expectations and adults. Being able to dress oneself is one of those points. If it's too cold to be outside in a coat, the region clearly isn't habitable and I have no idea how you found a venue.
Dumb.

Edited to clarify: I mean the content of the post, not the poster.
Is this the same knottienumbers that tried (& failed) to use like 10 SAT words in one sentence on that Registry thread? I can't tell bc I'm on my phone but, if it is Please don't stop. The attempts to condescendingly disagree with both the majority of regs AND etiquette experts is funny. I like it but in a judgy way.

The very same.

Too cold for outdoor ceremony???

Re: Too cold for outdoor ceremony???

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