Snarky Brides

Future Sister-In-Law Issues!

I'm not sure where to post this, I figured I'd post this here because I need real, honest, blunt advice... but man, I am having an issue with my fiance's sister.

We do not speak at all, okay? I've met her of course but she's never made any effort to even speak to me.
I assume that part of it has everything to do with how they grew up (they grew up pretty damn bad and poor), but she's very social with others but not her family. She seems distant but is there for the holiday festivities.

Anyway, strike #1: My fiance told me that a couple of months ago, she assume that he was my sugar daddy because we were going out to nice places (mind you, these places are like TGIFs and Madame Tussauds.. nothing even exclusive). I think she isn't used to that because of where she grew up and folks didn't have the money to do that. I just could not believe she would go there! I mean, if you're curious, why can't you ask questions? You're going to just assume like that? Because a man is taking out his woman, she must be doing it for money? I also hope it isn't some racial thing because he's White and I'm Black.. I hope she doesn't think the only way I'd date a white man is if he had money because trust me, he is dead broke right now .. He was just making a little good money when he moved to NY on a scholarship last year and was able to get a job with the school. I am not the first Black girl he's dated, btw (not that it matters but it might to some who are trying to make sense of this)

Strike #2: My fiance and I got into an argument a few days ago, not about her BUT he mentioned that she assumed (yes, again) that our relationship wouldn't last because of his financial situation (and because of our ages, 20/23). Honestly, that pissed me off to high heavens!!!! Because now, he's starting to believe that I get mad at him easier because I don't value the relationship as much as I used to when he had money (his words).. and this is completely not true and he knows it. I'm the one who's been helping him find jobs and helping him apply. There's even one job I made him apply to and they friggin' called him the next day! Who else is doing that but me? Not her! And as far as our ages, we are a different bunch. We WANT to settle down. The whole drinking, partying, and sleeping around scene was never for me at all. I was always different.. I've always thought about having just one person to commit to. I hate that people use my age as an excuse to think they can bash me, or us. It's not fair.   

It's so weird because he's always telling me that his family is never in his personal life, which is true because they don't even bother.. I remember trying to reach out to his sister before about something because she knows him way better than I do and she completely shrugged me off. But for a sister who acts like she doesn't care and is so distant (especially to him, he told me he cannot speak to her about anything), she sure does A LOT of assuming! I want to believe that it's because there was a time he did tell her that he thinks he might break up with me because we were arguing A LOT and I think she just took that and ran with it. But he is clearly happy.. he never stops talking about me, posting about me.. Yes, we had our days but I believe we're actually a very strong couple and the arguments we've had actually helped us discover our likes, dislikes, and much more. But I think it's something deeper than him telling her that. I don't know what it is.

You know what's killing me more? I fought hard to get over the sugar daddy comment, grew some balls and swallowed my pride and asked her to be my bridesmaid a couple of weeks ago. She happily accepted! That was great.. I actually wasn't expecting her to accept.. but now I am confused! I am thinking so hard about kicking her out of the wedding party but THAT'S HIS SISTER :-/ I feel like she disrespects our relationship and one times too many! I'm starting to think she's a bit envious of us because we're so young and we were able to find love and make it work.. while her first love has moved on and my fiance feels like she's still not over that. Oh, I just want to add that when he mentioned that we were engaged, she got pissed and said she doesn't know why people need to take relationships to the next level... WTF?


What do I do? I'm trying to think of the problems that can happen AFTER marriage.. like when I have kids and she may want to see them but I don't know how I feel about letting someone who thinks so negatively about me around my kids. I'm just so conflicted right now. It's so hard to be the bigger person at times like this.

[We plan on getting married on April 16th, 2016 btw]

P.S: Sorry for the mistakes if there are some, I'm rushing to type this

Re: Future Sister-In-Law Issues!

  • mslrosemslrose member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014

    beethery said:
    Alrigh,t I read all of this and I have no idea why the hell you asked this girl to be your bridesmaid if she was talking shit on you and the fact that you guys don't talk or get along well. Especially over a year and a half out from your wedding date. 

    I don't know what to tell you beyond that you did yourself dirty by asking her to be a bridesmaid. If you kick her out, expect MAJOR drama. I don't recommend it, but I definitely wouldn't have recommended asking her to be in the WP if you'd brought it up here first.

    I asked her because I thought it was the right thing to do... Much regret. Such pain.

    image

    Edit - I wish I were more active on this site.. I've been here for a while and should have definitely posted this and then asked if it was a good idea.
  • mslrose said:

    beethery said:
    Alrigh,t I read all of this and I have no idea why the hell you asked this girl to be your bridesmaid if she was talking shit on you and the fact that you guys don't talk or get along well. Especially over a year and a half out from your wedding date. 

    I don't know what to tell you beyond that you did yourself dirty by asking her to be a bridesmaid. If you kick her out, expect MAJOR drama. I don't recommend it, but I definitely wouldn't have recommended asking her to be in the WP if you'd brought it up here first.

    I asked her because I thought it was the right thing to do... Much regret. Such pain.

    image
    Nope. You don't have to ask somebody to be a bridesmaid just because she's his sister. Anyone who told you that lied to you. You would not have been in the wrong to not ask her.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • I don't even know where to start with this. 

    Why did your FI tell you what she said regarding the sugar daddy comment? If my brother made a comment like that about my SO, I wouldn't repeat it. And I'd address it directly with him (aka - I would shut that shit down). 

    If you kick her out of your wedding party, prepare for your relationship with her to not only be worse, but probably non-existent. This is his sister. She's not going anywhere. 

    Stop assuming she's envious of you. Seriously. Stop. 

    It seems like the only thing she's done is make that sugar daddy comment. And you've since asked her to be in your wedding. So you need to get over it and move on. Maybe try bonding with her. Call her and ask her out to lunch. If she says no, at least you tried. 
  • I don't even know where to start with this. 

    Why did your FI tell you what she said regarding the sugar daddy comment? If my brother made a comment like that about my SO, I wouldn't repeat it. And I'd address it directly with him (aka - I would shut that shit down). 

    If you kick her out of your wedding party, prepare for your relationship with her to not only be worse, but probably non-existent. This is his sister. She's not going anywhere. 

    Stop assuming she's envious of you. Seriously. Stop. 

    It seems like the only thing she's done is make that sugar daddy comment. And you've since asked her to be in your wedding. So you need to get over it and move on. Maybe try bonding with her. Call her and ask her out to lunch. If she says no, at least you tried. 
    He told me because he never really keeps anything from me, whether it's negative or positive. He wasn't going to hide that. It was also around the time we were arguing a lot and he was wondering if I love him for just more than his money .. I had a feeling that someone was putting something in his head but couldn't put my finger on it. And turns out, it was his sister.

    You know, she actually said this to me:

    "And if you want to reconsider, my feelings would not be hurt, what's most important is that I'm there for the big day."

    That response was after she mentioned that she will be in law school and she most likely won't be there for the pre-wedding festivities. She was actually being nice and I was shocked. She even said "I would love to be your bridesmaid."

    Do you think it's just best if I meet up with her, feel her out, address the situation and/or concerns she has about me being with her brother and just settle it once and for all. I don't want to be curious forever nor do I want her thinking things of me forever.

  • I honestly think you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be, and being more than a little immature in the process.  

    You've asked her, so that's that.  Just let her remain in the party, keep wedding details to a minimum, and be polite and cordial.  There is no need to start drama, which is what will happen if you kick her out of the WP/confront her.    You and FI need to be on the same page.  Obviously there are some trust issues if he asked you to confirm that you're not with him for the money.  

    Ignore anything negative she has said, and work on the future that you and FI are building.  No need to complicate things.




    image
  • mslrose said:
    I'm not sure where to post this, I figured I'd post this here because I need real, honest, blunt advice... but man, I am having an issue with my fiance's sister.

    We do not speak at all, okay? I've met her of course but she's never made any effort to even speak to me.
    I assume that part of it has everything to do with how they grew up (they grew up pretty damn bad and poor), but she's very social with others but not her family. She seems distant but is there for the holiday festivities.

    Anyway, strike #1: My fiance told me that a couple of months ago, she assume that he was my sugar daddy because we were going out to nice places (mind you, these places are like TGIFs and Madame Tussauds.. nothing even exclusive). I think she isn't used to that because of where she grew up and folks didn't have the money to do that. I just could not believe she would go there! I mean, if you're curious, why can't you ask questions? You're going to just assume like that? Because a man is taking out his woman, she must be doing it for money? I also hope it isn't some racial thing because he's White and I'm Black.. I hope she doesn't think the only way I'd date a white man is if he had money because trust me, he is dead broke right now .. He was just making a little good money when he moved to NY on a scholarship last year and was able to get a job with the school. I am not the first Black girl he's dated, btw (not that it matters but it might to some who are trying to make sense of this)

    Strike #2: My fiance and I got into an argument a few days ago, not about her BUT he mentioned that she assumed (yes, again) that our relationship wouldn't last because of his financial situation (and because of our ages, 20/23). Honestly, that pissed me off to high heavens!!!! Because now, he's starting to believe that I get mad at him easier because I don't value the relationship as much as I used to when he had money (his words).. and this is completely not true and he knows it. I'm the one who's been helping him find jobs and helping him apply. There's even one job I made him apply to and they friggin' called him the next day! Who else is doing that but me? Not her! And as far as our ages, we are a different bunch. We WANT to settle down. The whole drinking, partying, and sleeping around scene was never for me at all. I was always different.. I've always thought about having just one person to commit to. I hate that people use my age as an excuse to think they can bash me, or us. It's not fair.   

    It's so weird because he's always telling me that his family is never in his personal life, which is true because they don't even bother.. I remember trying to reach out to his sister before about something because she knows him way better than I do and she completely shrugged me off. But for a sister who acts like she doesn't care and is so distant (especially to him, he told me he cannot speak to her about anything), she sure does A LOT of assuming! I want to believe that it's because there was a time he did tell her that he thinks he might break up with me because we were arguing A LOT and I think she just took that and ran with it. But he is clearly happy.. he never stops talking about me, posting about me.. Yes, we had our days but I believe we're actually a very strong couple and the arguments we've had actually helped us discover our likes, dislikes, and much more. But I think it's something deeper than him telling her that. I don't know what it is.

    You know what's killing me more? I fought hard to get over the sugar daddy comment, grew some balls and swallowed my pride and asked her to be my bridesmaid a couple of weeks ago. She happily accepted! That was great.. I actually wasn't expecting her to accept.. but now I am confused! I am thinking so hard about kicking her out of the wedding party but THAT'S HIS SISTER :-/ I feel like she disrespects our relationship and one times too many! I'm starting to think she's a bit envious of us because we're so young and we were able to find love and make it work.. while her first love has moved on and my fiance feels like she's still not over that. Oh, I just want to add that when he mentioned that we were engaged, she got pissed and said she doesn't know why people need to take relationships to the next level... WTF?


    What do I do? I'm trying to think of the problems that can happen AFTER marriage.. like when I have kids and she may want to see them but I don't know how I feel about letting someone who thinks so negatively about me around my kids. I'm just so conflicted right now. It's so hard to be the bigger person at times like this.

    [We plan on getting married on April 16th, 2016 btw]

    P.S: Sorry for the mistakes if there are some, I'm rushing to type this

  • Was anybody else expecting to see "strike #2" later on in that massive post? 

    The anticipation is killing me.

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    Anniversary
  • Add me to the "mountain out of molehill" list. I think the bigger problem is that your FI is letting it get to his head instead of shutting it down, not that she's saying it. You admit that you don't have much contact with her, so she probably doesn't know you well. I can understand that it's hurtful, but sometimes you just have to move on. This is one of those times.
    Anniversary
  • You asked someone to be in your wedding already? Your like 2 years out - you shouldn't be asking your bridal party yet.

    And yeah- mountain in to molehill. 

    And as @ClimbingBrideNY said - please stop assuming she is somehow jealous of you. And quit talking about their family and the poverty and they obviously weren't raised to do nice things - or that he takes you to places that "aren't even exclusive" - it all makes YOU sound bad.
  • Others have covered it but it was WAY to early to ask anyone to be in your wedding. About 10 months out is the best time. But you've done it, so you've got to deal. 

    If you're already having issues with her, kicking her out of your wedding is basically saying, "Hi, I'll have a Drama combo with a side of angry silent treatment and a lifetime of bitterness. Thanks." 

    Just don't talk wedding at all with her. Your only interaction with her should be asking for her budget for a dress (next Fall at the earliest) and then telling her what dress to wear and where/when to show up. She's not obligated to do anything for you either - the list of "duties" put out by the wedding industry is garbage. So really, your interactions with her about the wedding can be minimal.

    Regarding your relationship with her in general, I think you need to Let. It. Go. You said yourself she's not close to anyone in her family. So she's talking shit? So what? I'm guessing this isn't unusual behavior for her. Just roll your eyes and let her run her mouth. When she makes crappy comments to your FI, HE needs to deal with her. HE needs to stand up for you and shut her down. If he doesn't do that, your problem is HIM - not her.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Agree with PPs that you're definitely overthinking this one. You've asked her to be a bridesmaid, so now she's a bridesmaid. It really isn't a big deal--she'll show up to the wedding in a dress you picked, that's it. It doesn't mean you have to become best friends.

    As for her comments, or "getting in" your FI's head, the talk you need to have is with him. Lay down a boundary, and that boundary is that you do not need or want to hear the nasty shit his sister (or anyone else says about you). That you hope he would shut that kind of talk down immediately, but that ultimately any smack-talk and any repercussions it might have as far as his feelings? Are his to deal with. Healthy couples do not have to "share everything." Sharing "Hey, Tiffany told me you're a gold-digging piece of trash for being with me, isn't that awful?" isn't a loving thing to share. Know this, and shut it down when he starts to pass this kind of info along. If he needs to talk through it with someone, that's understandable, but you can't be that someone in this case. It's about you; you can't possibly be expected to be a subjective audience here.

    Finally, take a breath. Your wedding is pretty far out, and this woman seems to be least dangerous when she's on the far periphery of your life. Be clear with your FI, and leave her alone. You don't have to be best friends; maybe you never will. Maybe she is jealous, maybe she's racist; maybe she's just a miserable hag! Whatever it is doesn't matter, because chances are you can't fix her; you can just keep her toxicity out of your relationship.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • mslrosemslrose member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    @rajahmd - If you understood his situation, you'd see where he was coming from. But you don't so you think that he meant I was with him for his (nonexistent) money. He seemed to ask me to "make sure."

    @abbyj700 - I don't understand the issue with asking people to be in my bridal party? I didn't know there was a time limit for that. I personally don't think it makes me sound bad, that's EXACTLY how I feel. She's not used to seeing this stuff and when she does she assumes I'm with him for money? No thanks.

    @southernbelle0915 - Again, I've made the decision to ask the people who are closest to me (except her) to be in my bridal party. I don't get it.. if you know you have close girlfriends, you ARE going to want them to be part of your bridal party.. I don't think there's a time I should wait to ask. It is my decision, after all. Honestly, if I kick her out now, I highly doubt she'll start any drama with me.. they're from a family where they have much bigger fish to fry besides someone kicking them out of their wedding party. I was actually thinking about not talking about the wedding with her at all, I'm glad you mentioned that.. that was my plan.
    I really have no choice but to let her run her mouth. I remember when he told me she said those stuff and I was like "YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?" and he got really pissed off at me because I didn't give him a chance to tell me what he said back to her. So, he has defended me and I'm thankful for that!

    @KatieinBkln - You're right, lol. But it's just weird to think that this woman, who is older than I am couldn't just sit me down and talk to me.. but instead wants to run her mouth. If she was so curious about who her brother is dating and their intentions, why couldn't she just send me a message, text, or talk to me when I visited their family the first time for Thanksgiving..and then again for Christmas? You know? We've definitely had a talk about the whole situation. He pretty much told me that's how his sister is. You're probably the only one who thinks my wedding is far out because two days ago, my mother reminded me that I'll be getting married in a year and a half :-/ lol. It's not as far out when we think about it. 2015 is already almost here. I'll try my best to just forget about it and focus on more important things.. I just have a habit of thinking long term.. I just have a really bad experience with people talking crap about my mother to me because they didn't like her and I don't want that to happen to my kids with her.

    @suorange - No. You're way off. I'm not lying when I say this guy isn't even making sugar daddy money. But when your self esteem is really low and you're in a difficult situation and then the person closest to you tells you that your partner is with you for your money.. your mind will start going places, even if he knows deep down inside that is just completely not true.

  • mslrosemslrose member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    zitiqueen said:
    mslrose said:
    I'm not sure where to post this, I figured I'd post this here because I need real, honest, blunt advice... but man, I am having an issue with my fiance's sister.

    We do not speak at all, okay? I've met her of course but she's never made any effort to even speak to me.
    I assume that part of it has everything to do with how they grew up (they grew up pretty damn bad and poor), but she's very social with others but not her family. She seems distant but is there for the holiday festivities.

    Anyway, strike #1: My fiance told me that a couple of months ago, she assume that he was my sugar daddy because we were going out to nice places (mind you, these places are like TGIFs and Madame Tussauds.. nothing even exclusive). I think she isn't used to that because of where she grew up and folks didn't have the money to do that. I just could not believe she would go there! I mean, if you're curious, why can't you ask questions? You're going to just assume like that? Because a man is taking out his woman, she must be doing it for money? I also hope it isn't some racial thing because he's White and I'm Black.. I hope she doesn't think the only way I'd date a white man is if he had money because trust me, he is dead broke right now .. He was just making a little good money when he moved to NY on a scholarship last year and was able to get a job with the school. I am not the first Black girl he's dated, btw (not that it matters but it might to some who are trying to make sense of this)

    Strike #2: My fiance and I got into an argument a few days ago, not about her BUT he mentioned that she assumed (yes, again) that our relationship wouldn't last because of his financial situation (and because of our ages, 20/23). Honestly, that pissed me off to high heavens!!!! Because now, he's starting to believe that I get mad at him easier because I don't value the relationship as much as I used to when he had money (his words).. and this is completely not true and he knows it. I'm the one who's been helping him find jobs and helping him apply. There's even one job I made him apply to and they friggin' called him the next day! Who else is doing that but me? Not her! And as far as our ages, we are a different bunch. We WANT to settle down. The whole drinking, partying, and sleeping around scene was never for me at all. I was always different.. I've always thought about having just one person to commit to. I hate that people use my age as an excuse to think they can bash me, or us. It's not fair.   

    It's so weird because he's always telling me that his family is never in his personal life, which is true because they don't even bother.. I remember trying to reach out to his sister before about something because she knows him way better than I do and she completely shrugged me off. But for a sister who acts like she doesn't care and is so distant (especially to him, he told me he cannot speak to her about anything), she sure does A LOT of assuming! I want to believe that it's because there was a time he did tell her that he thinks he might break up with me because we were arguing A LOT and I think she just took that and ran with it. But he is clearly happy.. he never stops talking about me, posting about me.. Yes, we had our days but I believe we're actually a very strong couple and the arguments we've had actually helped us discover our likes, dislikes, and much more. But I think it's something deeper than him telling her that. I don't know what it is.

    You know what's killing me more? I fought hard to get over the sugar daddy comment, grew some balls and swallowed my pride and asked her to be my bridesmaid a couple of weeks ago. She happily accepted! That was great.. I actually wasn't expecting her to accept.. but now I am confused! I am thinking so hard about kicking her out of the wedding party but THAT'S HIS SISTER :-/ I feel like she disrespects our relationship and one times too many! I'm starting to think she's a bit envious of us because we're so young and we were able to find love and make it work.. while her first love has moved on and my fiance feels like she's still not over that. Oh, I just want to add that when he mentioned that we were engaged, she got pissed and said she doesn't know why people need to take relationships to the next level... WTF?


    What do I do? I'm trying to think of the problems that can happen AFTER marriage.. like when I have kids and she may want to see them but I don't know how I feel about letting someone who thinks so negatively about me around my kids. I'm just so conflicted right now. It's so hard to be the bigger person at times like this.

    [We plan on getting married on April 16th, 2016 btw]

    P.S: Sorry for the mistakes if there are some, I'm rushing to type this

    Were you planning on responding to my post or did you just want to re-post it for whatever reason? Because I don't get it...
  • mslrose said:
    @rajahmd - If you understood his situation, you'd see where he was coming from. But you don't so you think that he meant I was with him for his (nonexistent) money. He seemed to ask me to "make sure."

    @abbyj700 - I don't understand the issue with asking people to be in my bridal party? I didn't know there was a time limit for that. I personally don't think it makes me sound bad, that's EXACTLY how I feel. She's not used to seeing this stuff and when she does she assumes I'm with him for money? No thanks.

    @southernbelle0915 - Again, I've made the decision to ask the people who are closest to me (except her) to be in my bridal party. I don't get it.. if you know you have close girlfriends, you ARE going to want them to be part of your bridal party.. I don't think there's a time I should wait to ask. It is my decision, after all. Honestly, if I kick her out now, I highly doubt she'll start any drama with me.. they're from a family where they have much bigger fish to fry besides someone kicking them out of their wedding party. I was actually thinking about not talking about the wedding with her at all, I'm glad you mentioned that.. that was my plan.
    I really have no choice but to let her run her mouth. I remember when he told me she said those stuff and I was like "YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?" and he got really pissed off at me because I didn't give him a chance to tell me what he said back to her. So, he has defended me and I'm thankful for that!

    @KatieinBkln - You're right, lol. But it's just weird to think that this woman, who is older than I am couldn't just sit me down and talk to me.. but instead wants to run her mouth. If she was so curious about who her brother is dating and their intentions, why couldn't she just send me a message, text, or talk to me when I visited their family the first time for Thanksgiving..and then again for Christmas? You know? We've definitely had a talk about the whole situation. He pretty much told me that's how his sister is. You're probably the only one who thinks my wedding is far out because two days ago, my mother reminded me that I'll be getting married in a year and a half :-/ lol. It's not as far out when we think about it. 2015 is already almost here. I'll try my best to just forget about it and focus on more important things.. I just have a habit of thinking long term.. I just have a really bad experience with people talking crap about my mother to me because they didn't like her and I don't want that to happen to my kids with her.

    @suorange - No. You're way off. I'm not lying when I say this guy isn't even making sugar daddy money. But when your self esteem is really low and you're in a difficult situation and then the person closest to you tells you that your partner is with you for your money.. your mind will start going places, even if he knows deep down inside that is just completely not true.

    Sometimes people have no problems when they ask the WP this early. But many, many, many times they do. Just head over to Wedding Party and Moms and Maids. All kinds of people are looking to kick people out of their WP because they asked to early and their relationships changed. So that advice is just general. I wish you the best of luck and that those situations don't find you.
    *********************************************************************************

    image

  • mslrose said:
    @rajahmd - If you understood his situation, you'd see where he was coming from. But you don't so you think that he meant I was with him for his (nonexistent) money. He seemed to ask me to "make sure."

    @abbyj700 - I don't understand the issue with asking people to be in my bridal party? I didn't know there was a time limit for that. I personally don't think it makes me sound bad, that's EXACTLY how I feel. She's not used to seeing this stuff and when she does she assumes I'm with him for money? No thanks.

    @southernbelle0915 - Again, I've made the decision to ask the people who are closest to me (except her) to be in my bridal party. I don't get it.. if you know you have close girlfriends, you ARE going to want them to be part of your bridal party.. I don't think there's a time I should wait to ask. It is my decision, after all. Honestly, if I kick her out now, I highly doubt she'll start any drama with me.. they're from a family where they have much bigger fish to fry besides someone kicking them out of their wedding party. I was actually thinking about not talking about the wedding with her at all, I'm glad you mentioned that.. that was my plan.
    I really have no choice but to let her run her mouth. I remember when he told me she said those stuff and I was like "YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?" and he got really pissed off at me because I didn't give him a chance to tell me what he said back to her. So, he has defended me and I'm thankful for that!

    @KatieinBkln - You're right, lol. But it's just weird to think that this woman, who is older than I am couldn't just sit me down and talk to me.. but instead wants to run her mouth. If she was so curious about who her brother is dating and their intentions, why couldn't she just send me a message, text, or talk to me when I visited their family the first time for Thanksgiving..and then again for Christmas? You know? We've definitely had a talk about the whole situation. He pretty much told me that's how his sister is. You're probably the only one who thinks my wedding is far out because two days ago, my mother reminded me that I'll be getting married in a year and a half :-/ lol. It's not as far out when we think about it. 2015 is already almost here. I'll try my best to just forget about it and focus on more important things.. I just have a habit of thinking long term.. I just have a really bad experience with people talking crap about my mother to me because they didn't like her and I don't want that to happen to my kids with her.

    @suorange - No. You're way off. I'm not lying when I say this guy isn't even making sugar daddy money. But when your self esteem is really low and you're in a difficult situation and then the person closest to you tells you that your partner is with you for your money.. your mind will start going places, even if he knows deep down inside that is just completely not true.

    Sometimes people have no problems when they ask the WP this early. But many, many, many times they do. Just head over to Wedding Party and Moms and Maids. All kinds of people are looking to kick people out of their WP because they asked to early and their relationships changed. So that advice is just general. I wish you the best of luck and that those situations don't find you.
    Ah, I see. Well, on the bright side, I actually haven't an idea of who's going to be in my official bridal party list. I had an idea but who knows, things can change like you said. For example, two girls that I'd love to be in my bridal party.. but they live in two different states.. is that going to work? Maybe, maybe not.
  • mslrose said:
    @rajahmd - If you understood his situation, you'd see where he was coming from. But you don't so you think that he meant I was with him for his (nonexistent) money. He seemed to ask me to "make sure."

    @abbyj700 - I don't understand the issue with asking people to be in my bridal party? I didn't know there was a time limit for that. I personally don't think it makes me sound bad, that's EXACTLY how I feel. She's not used to seeing this stuff and when she does she assumes I'm with him for money? No thanks.

    @southernbelle0915 - Again, I've made the decision to ask the people who are closest to me (except her) to be in my bridal party. I don't get it.. if you know you have close girlfriends, you ARE going to want them to be part of your bridal party.. I don't think there's a time I should wait to ask. It is my decision, after all. Honestly, if I kick her out now, I highly doubt she'll start any drama with me.. they're from a family where they have much bigger fish to fry besides someone kicking them out of their wedding party. I was actually thinking about not talking about the wedding with her at all, I'm glad you mentioned that.. that was my plan.
    I really have no choice but to let her run her mouth. I remember when he told me she said those stuff and I was like "YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?" and he got really pissed off at me because I didn't give him a chance to tell me what he said back to her. So, he has defended me and I'm thankful for that!

    @KatieinBkln - You're right, lol. But it's just weird to think that this woman, who is older than I am couldn't just sit me down and talk to me.. but instead wants to run her mouth. If she was so curious about who her brother is dating and their intentions, why couldn't she just send me a message, text, or talk to me when I visited their family the first time for Thanksgiving..and then again for Christmas? You know? We've definitely had a talk about the whole situation. He pretty much told me that's how his sister is. You're probably the only one who thinks my wedding is far out because two days ago, my mother reminded me that I'll be getting married in a year and a half :-/ lol. It's not as far out when we think about it. 2015 is already almost here. I'll try my best to just forget about it and focus on more important things.. I just have a habit of thinking long term.. I just have a really bad experience with people talking crap about my mother to me because they didn't like her and I don't want that to happen to my kids with her.

    @suorange - No. You're way off. I'm not lying when I say this guy isn't even making sugar daddy money. But when your self esteem is really low and you're in a difficult situation and then the person closest to you tells you that your partner is with you for your money.. your mind will start going places, even if he knows deep down inside that is just completely not true.

    You've only asked one person, that relationship has already changed and your'e ready to kick her out of your party...but you can't figure out why your other relationships could change in the next two years?

    And it can be exactly how you feel - that she's jealous of you, and he takes you to places that aren't exclusive enough for you...but it sounds bad. It really does make it sound like you have issues with money and are kinda obsessed with status based off of money. If that's the case, that's fine, but know it isn't going to be viewed by all in a positive light.
  • mslrosemslrose member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    abbyj700 said:
    mslrose said:
    @rajahmd - If you understood his situation, you'd see where he was coming from. But you don't so you think that he meant I was with him for his (nonexistent) money. He seemed to ask me to "make sure."

    @abbyj700 - I don't understand the issue with asking people to be in my bridal party? I didn't know there was a time limit for that. I personally don't think it makes me sound bad, that's EXACTLY how I feel. She's not used to seeing this stuff and when she does she assumes I'm with him for money? No thanks.

    @southernbelle0915 - Again, I've made the decision to ask the people who are closest to me (except her) to be in my bridal party. I don't get it.. if you know you have close girlfriends, you ARE going to want them to be part of your bridal party.. I don't think there's a time I should wait to ask. It is my decision, after all. Honestly, if I kick her out now, I highly doubt she'll start any drama with me.. they're from a family where they have much bigger fish to fry besides someone kicking them out of their wedding party. I was actually thinking about not talking about the wedding with her at all, I'm glad you mentioned that.. that was my plan.
    I really have no choice but to let her run her mouth. I remember when he told me she said those stuff and I was like "YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?" and he got really pissed off at me because I didn't give him a chance to tell me what he said back to her. So, he has defended me and I'm thankful for that!

    @KatieinBkln - You're right, lol. But it's just weird to think that this woman, who is older than I am couldn't just sit me down and talk to me.. but instead wants to run her mouth. If she was so curious about who her brother is dating and their intentions, why couldn't she just send me a message, text, or talk to me when I visited their family the first time for Thanksgiving..and then again for Christmas? You know? We've definitely had a talk about the whole situation. He pretty much told me that's how his sister is. You're probably the only one who thinks my wedding is far out because two days ago, my mother reminded me that I'll be getting married in a year and a half :-/ lol. It's not as far out when we think about it. 2015 is already almost here. I'll try my best to just forget about it and focus on more important things.. I just have a habit of thinking long term.. I just have a really bad experience with people talking crap about my mother to me because they didn't like her and I don't want that to happen to my kids with her.

    @suorange - No. You're way off. I'm not lying when I say this guy isn't even making sugar daddy money. But when your self esteem is really low and you're in a difficult situation and then the person closest to you tells you that your partner is with you for your money.. your mind will start going places, even if he knows deep down inside that is just completely not true.

    You've only asked one person, that relationship has already changed and your'e ready to kick her out of your party...but you can't figure out why your other relationships could change in the next two years?

    And it can be exactly how you feel - that she's jealous of you, and he takes you to places that aren't exclusive enough for you...but it sounds bad. It really does make it sound like you have issues with money and are kinda obsessed with status based off of money. If that's the case, that's fine, but know it isn't going to be viewed by all in a positive light.
    I think you're misinterpreting what I said. I don't get where I said these places weren't "exclusive enough" for me. I mentioned they aren't exclusive because they are literally places people ALWAYS go to.. not places people with some type of VIP status go to. She made it seem like we were going to exclusive places and he was spending thousands of dollars when we actually got into Madame Tussauds for free because a friend of mine works there. It's weird you say I'm obsessed with status when this man comes from one of the most dysfunctional families I've seen and right now, he's struggling pretty badly and I am there behind him 200%, helping him keep his sanity because he really thinks poorly of himself at this moment... I don't see how that's obsessed with status? If I were "obsessed with status" wouldn't I break up with him the moment I noticed he didn't have enough money? Oh, also.. if I were obsessed with status, I wouldn't have let him buy me a Sterling Silver $80 (that I actually chose). I don't think you understand what it means for someone to be obsessed with someone's financial status.. because trust me, I've seen that before and I am FAR from it. As far as the wedding party, I've actually spoke about it with two of my very closest friends and they would love to be in the bridal party.. I've been friends with them for a long time, I don't think all of a sudden that relationship will change; it's a very different situation than the sister, who doesn't even know me but is talking out her ass.
  • mslrose said:
    Sometimes people have no problems when they ask the WP this early. But many, many, many times they do. Just head over to Wedding Party and Moms and Maids. All kinds of people are looking to kick people out of their WP because they asked to early and their relationships changed. So that advice is just general. I wish you the best of luck and that those situations don't find you.
    Ah, I see. Well, on the bright side, I actually haven't an idea of who's going to be in my official bridal party list. I had an idea but who knows, things can change like you said. For example, two girls that I'd love to be in my bridal party.. but they live in two different states.. is that going to work? Maybe, maybe not.
    I had 4 BMs. They were in 3 different states. It was fine.

    There's absolutely nothing required of BMs. They are guests of honor, nothing else. They literally buy the dress you pick out (in a budget you ask ahead of time) and show up to the wedding sober. When you ask them, you might say "we plan to get married in [name of city, state]" so they can decide whether they can afford the trip. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • mslrosemslrose member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    mslrose said:
    Sometimes people have no problems when they ask the WP this early. But many, many, many times they do. Just head over to Wedding Party and Moms and Maids. All kinds of people are looking to kick people out of their WP because they asked to early and their relationships changed. So that advice is just general. I wish you the best of luck and that those situations don't find you.
    Ah, I see. Well, on the bright side, I actually haven't an idea of who's going to be in my official bridal party list. I had an idea but who knows, things can change like you said. For example, two girls that I'd love to be in my bridal party.. but they live in two different states.. is that going to work? Maybe, maybe not.
    I had 4 BMs. They were in 3 different states. It was fine.

    There's absolutely nothing required of BMs. They are guests of honor, nothing else. They literally buy the dress you pick out (in a budget you ask ahead of time) and show up to the wedding sober. When you ask them, you might say "we plan to get married in [name of city, state]" so they can decide whether they can afford the trip. 
    Oh yeah! I live in New York, but having the wedding in South New Jersey to accommodate his family because I know there are some who may want to attend but may not be able to travel all the way to New York (especially since it is so expensive). I think NJ is a pretty good deal for both families. I also don't plan on having a lot of BMs (I keep reading that as baby mama, lol). I want a short ceremony.

    Edit: forgot to add that his family is in Philadelphia
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