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Wedding Reception Forum
Picking a wedding location
Help! I just got engaged. I live in CA and have a moderate sized family. My fiance's family is very small and lives overseas. I am trying to balance me having 100 people to his 6 if I had it local vs a destination wedding (which would cut down my nimbers) but have the added cost of airfare and lodging for everyone. I would then probably have to do a reception after the fact at home anyway. Any suggestions?
I was thinking US virgin Islands but that adds up fast unless you just want a quicky ceremony on a beach.
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Re: Picking a wedding location
[QUOTE]Help! <strong><font color="#ff0000"> I</font></strong> just got engaged. <strong><font color="#ff0000">I </font></strong>live in CA and have a moderate sized family. My fiance's family is very small and lives overseas. <font color="#ff0000"> <strong>I </strong></font>am trying to balance me having 100 people to his 6 if<strong><font color="#ff0000"> I</font></strong> had it local vs a destination wedding (which would cut down my nimbers) but have the added cost of airfare and lodging for everyone. <font color="#ff0000"> </font><strong><font color="#ff0000">I</font> </strong>would then probably have to do a reception after the fact at home anyway. Any suggestions?<strong><font color="#ff0000"> I </font></strong>was thinking US virgin Islands but that adds up fast unless you just want a quicky ceremony on a beach.
Posted by vg527[/QUOTE]
<div>There's a whole lot of "I" in this post and no "we." What does your fiance think?</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Picking a wedding location : There's a whole lot of "I" in this post and no "we." What does your fiance think?
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ok. I guess the knot is not for me. WE discussed wedding plans and WE decided to try to minimize MY numbers so that HIS family would not be overwhelmed. WE discussed doing a destination wedding for those purposes and HE said HE would be happy with whereever I wanted. However HE is overseas and not available to talk to all the time so I thought the knot would be a helpful place to get suggestions and advice. Once I come up with some location ideas WE were going to discuss them to find the best for US. Sorry if my word choices were deemed wrong and my style of planning due to being long distance doesn't work with others. </div><div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Picking a wedding location : Ok. I guess the knot is not for me. WE discussed wedding plans and WE decided to try to minimize MY numbers so that HIS family would not be overwhelmed. WE discussed doing a destination wedding for those purposes and HE said HE would be happy with whereever I wanted. However HE is overseas and not available to talk to all the time so I thought the knot would be a helpful place to get suggestions and advice. Once I come up with some location ideas WE were going to discuss them to find the best for US. Sorry if my word choices were deemed wrong and my style of planning due to being long distance doesn't work with others.
Posted by vg527[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Try not to be offended. Realize that you had ONE post and Drama has been around here for years and years. I haven't been around as long as she has, but I have seen my fair share of "ME" brides who don't seem to care what their fiance's think.</div><div>
</div><div>It's important that you and your fiance reach this decision together, as it affects both of you. It sounds like you have discussed it at length. Many couples have the same problem that you guys do -- families live very far apart, and it's almost impossible to plan something that will please everyone. Destination weddings are an option. I would only do this if the two of you WANT a destination wedding. Otherwise, just get married in whatever place feels right to both of you, and accept the fact that you will never be able to please everyone.
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I know your respective guests lists are very lopsided, but I don't necessarily think thats a bad thing if you do have a local wedding and the group is dominated by your side.
Hopefully he has some friends or coworkers or something that can come and add a bit of balance, but even so, I don't think you should not invite anyone just so your list is even, say if you can accommodate 130 guests in your budget for a local wedding and he only has 30 to invite and you have 100...is that really a problem?
Basically you just need to decide what is best for you and your budget and your family situation. If you keep the DW small with family only invited, it is perfectly acceptable to have an AHR (at-home reception) afterwards, but that can be expensive. You can also have a small local wedding. It's your wedding, you can invite whoever you want.
If you just got engaged, then don't panic. Enjoy being engaged for awhile--you don't have to talk wedding stuff right away. Maybe the next time you see him in person, then you can have more in-depth conversations and just think over your options in the meantime.
With All the Trimmings
I also had a DW, and we had 32 guests. We live in MA and had the wedding on Martha's Vineyard, so everyone was required to travel and get a room. Everyone loved it and they spent their down time exploring as well. We were able to coordinate everything via phone and emails, and everything came out perfectly.
So, DWs can be done from afar. You may want to post on the DW boards and see what people might have to say about specific islands and resorts, etc. It sounds like people are going to have to travel to you regardless, and you'll have to think about who your must have people are (parents, siblings, grandparents,etc). If you decide on a DW, you can always have a non-wedding related party after when you get home. Just keep the list invited to the wedding small.
Good luck on whatever you decide!
As far as the expense, talk to the VIPs (parents, sibs, etc) about whether or not they'd be able to afford a destination wedding.
Where is his family? Is there anyplace that would be easier for his family to get to than others? For instance, I'm thinking if they're in Japan, maybe Hawaii would be easier - things like that.