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Is this a good idea?

2

Re: Is this a good idea?

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    blabla89 said:

    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Some people actually do this. It happened on my fb wall earlier this year. I couldn't resist posting about it, and the knotties responded with shock and horror. The responses the bride got on her facebook weren't great, either. I believe @SaraWifeNow also had a crazy story about wedding stuff on facebook. So no, not necessarily MUD.

    I think the OP was well-intentioned, just misguided. But hey, she asked for advice, we gave it, hopefully she'll take it. At least she isn't whining about how mean we are and how she feels sooo sorry for our SO's.





    Indeed I do, @blabla89. Indeed. I. Do.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    slothiegalchibiyui
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    blabla89 said:

    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Some people actually do this. It happened on my fb wall earlier this year. I couldn't resist posting about it, and the knotties responded with shock and horror. The responses the bride got on her facebook weren't great, either. I believe @SaraWifeNow also had a crazy story about wedding stuff on facebook. So no, not necessarily MUD.

    I think the OP was well-intentioned, just misguided. But hey, she asked for advice, we gave it, hopefully she'll take it. At least she isn't whining about how mean we are and how she feels sooo sorry for our SO's.





    I saw a post like this on my FB wall as well. I just shook my head and unfollowed the person.
  • mslrosemslrose member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Lol.


    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    We don't exactly have a budget. We're going to visit venues and see how much they're asking.
    -----------------

    Okay, I wish I could respond to everyone but I want to thank everyone for the feedback.. the ones who actually did provide feedback without the unnecessary insults :-) I spoke to him about it, it's a no go. Thanks!!!
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    mslrose said:

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Lol.


    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    We don't exactly have a budget. We're going to visit venues and see how much they're asking.
    -----------------

    Okay, I wish I could respond to everyone but I want to thank everyone for the feedback.. the ones who actually did provide feedback without the unnecessary insults :-) I spoke to him about it, it's a no go. Thanks!!!


    This is a really bad way to plan.  You need to have a budget going into it - why waste your time looking at a venue if its clearly out of your price range?  Or if it obviously can't accommodate the number on your guest list? 

    You need to decide on a budget, then start to make a guest list so you can figure out how many people you will invite and can afford to invite.  Then see which venue is acceptable given (1) your budget and (2) the number of people you are inviting.

    Doing this totally out of order is bound to take lots of unnecessary time and cause stress for you and potentially others - not to mention hurt the feelings of poeple who initially thought they would be invited

  • mslrose said:

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    **Stupid Box**
    What if the venues you look at are booked on your date? Or the only ones available are too small or more than you want to spend? Then again, in this particular instance I suppose that last question is moot if you don't even have a guest list or a budget.

    You have a date you would like to get married, sure, but until contracts have been signed then, no, you don't actually have a date. If you 1) have no idea how many people you are inviting and 2) don't "exactly have a budget" then you have no idea what to look for when it comes to picking a venue. You don't pick your guest list to fit your venue, you pick your venue to fit your guest list. 
    image
    luckysnorkelMaggie0829
  • ssautter said:
    mslrose said:

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Lol.


    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    We don't exactly have a budget. We're going to visit venues and see how much they're asking.
    -----------------

    Okay, I wish I could respond to everyone but I want to thank everyone for the feedback.. the ones who actually did provide feedback without the unnecessary insults :-) I spoke to him about it, it's a no go. Thanks!!!


    This is a really bad way to plan.  You need to have a budget going into it - why waste your time looking at a venue if its clearly out of your price range?  Or if it obviously can't accommodate the number on your guest list? 

    You need to decide on a budget, then start to make a guest list so you can figure out how many people you will invite and can afford to invite.  Then see which venue is acceptable given (1) your budget and (2) the number of people you are inviting.

    Doing this totally out of order is bound to take lots of unnecessary time and cause stress for you and potentially others - not to mention hurt the feelings of poeple who initially thought they would be invited

    Since my mother is the one paying, she really doesn't seem to have a budget... so if that's what floats her boat. I guess she'd rather just hear the prices of all the venues and make her decision that way. Honestly, I don't even want over 150 people at my wedding .. more like 100 or so. Looking in South NJ, the prices are okay.
  • So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mslrose said:
    So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*

    So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

    What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

    What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

    What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

    So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2014
    mslrose said:

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Lol.


    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    We don't exactly have a budget. We're going to visit venues and see how much they're asking.
    -----------------

    Okay, I wish I could respond to everyone but I want to thank everyone for the feedback.. the ones who actually did provide feedback without the unnecessary insults :-) I spoke to him about it, it's a no go. Thanks!!!
    So you don't know what you want to spend or who you want to invite, but you have a date and are looking at venues? 

    You're doing this really backwards. Good luck to you. 

    This is the way you plan a wedding when you care more about time of year (date) and ambiance (venue) than the actual people you invite.
    MGPFizzySips
  • KatWAG said:
    mslrose said:
    So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*

    So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

    What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

    What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

    What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

    So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

    Maybe I'm just careless but I'm sure there are people who know they won't be invited because they're just not close to us (or him).

    We have about eight venues to visit, I'd hope at least ONE of them has an available date.

    But I see what you're saying.. but it's not my fault that my mom doesn't have a budget.. at least not yet.
  • Ok since you do not want more than 150 people, you should not look at venues that hold more than 150 people.

    Also, even though your mother has not given you a budget, you should still ask so that you know where to look.  The number she may have in mind may be total expenses and not just the venue. I wouldn't plan anything until you have an idea of what she is expecting so that you're not stuck footing a bill for something you cannot afford because you went past what she is willing to contribute. And if she says you can spend anything you like and there is no budget, well that's awesome. 

    Have you done any research of these 8 places?  Will they hold 150 people? Here are places in South Jersey ( I refined the search to places that hold up to 150 people). 
    image
    mslrose
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Also, is your mom contributing ALL of your budget? Because only a certain percent should go toward your venue. Do you have a backup plan if mom decides the venue is all she is paying for? Unless you truly have an unlimited budget it would be good to at least look at one of the many budgeting tools or breakouts to give you an idea of what percentage of your budget should be spent on venue only. For example, most budget tools suggest that 50-60% of your budget should go toward the actual reception, which include venue.

    mslrose

  • Ok since you do not want more than 150 people, you should not look at venues that hold more than 150 people.

    Also, even though your mother has not given you a budget, you should still ask so that you know where to look.  The number she may have in mind may be total expenses and not just the venue. I wouldn't plan anything until you have an idea of what she is expecting so that you're not stuck footing a bill for something you cannot afford because you went past what she is willing to contribute. And if she says you can spend anything you like and there is no budget, well that's awesome. 

    Have you done any research of these 8 places?  Will they hold 150 people? Here are places in South Jersey ( I refined the search to places that hold up to 150 people). 
    Yes, I've done my research.. I'm very picky! Thank you for the link.. that's where I got some of my venues from :-)

    kasmith1 said:
    Also, is your mom contributing ALL of your budget? Because only a certain percent should go toward your venue. Do you have a backup plan if mom decides the venue is all she is paying for? Unless you truly have an unlimited budget it would be good to at least look at one of the many budgeting tools or breakouts to give you an idea of what percentage of your budget should be spent on venue only. For example, most budget tools suggest that 50-60% of your budget should go toward the actual reception, which include venue.
    Not all but most. I'm sure we'll figure something out.
  • Just no.  No.  No.

    Also, how can you have a date without a venue?  What if everywhere is booked?  for example, I'm getting married next October.  We had 2 dates we wanted.  At least one of them was already booked over a year out.

    You need to talk to your mom about what she's willing to pay.  What's the point of wasting time looking at venues that 1) aren't available the date you already think you're getting married and 2) might be out of your price range?
    image


    levioosamslrose
  • mslrose said:

    Maybe I'm just careless but I'm sure there are people who know they won't be invited because they're just not close to us (or him).

    We have about eight venues to visit, I'd hope at least ONE of them has an available date.

    But I see what you're saying.. but it's not my fault that my mom doesn't have a budget.. at least not yet.
    Nope! Do not assume this. People are rude rude rude sometimes and seriously anyone might assume they're invited to your wedding. A lady I work with, who I don't know at all, has been nagging me CONSTANTLY for an invitation to my wedding and I keep desperately trying to bean-dip her but she won't leave it alone. It's weird because I don't ever mention my wedding around her or at work for that matter. We have a small guest list (well, about 120 so not too small) so I'm not inviting any colleagues at all. But she's still rude enough to assume she should be invited and to nag me about it. That's why saying stuff on facebook can easily open a WHOLE can of worms that you do not want to get stuck dealing with! 
    image
    bumbletiger88
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    KatWAG said:
    mslrose said:
    So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*

    So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

    What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

    What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

    What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

    So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

    In reading other posts, it goes from bad to worse. OP says she has selected a date of April, 2016. She has already asked someone to be a BM, regrets it, and is considering kicking her out.
  • mslrosemslrose member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    MobKaz said:
    KatWAG said:
    mslrose said:
    So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*

    So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

    What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

    What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

    What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

    So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

    In reading other posts, it goes from bad to worse. OP says she has selected a date of April, 2016. She has already asked someone to be a BM, regrets it, and is considering kicking her out.
    I don't see why or how that's your issue? Regarding the bridesmaid issue, I've already settled that, if you curious. I don't think it's a big deal if I already set my date but not set on a venue. It's really not that serious. It isn't. So, do you have anything productive to add or will you continue to nitpick the issues you see?
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're going about this all backwards and are about to create a huge headache for yourself.  We're honestly trying to help you.  


    image
    novella1186
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    People are just saying you need to be a little flexible on your date in case the right venue at the right price is already booked for the day you want.
    beetheryluckysnorkelcupcait927RebeccaB88
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    mslrose said:
    ssautter said:
    mslrose said:

    redoryx said:

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

    Wrong. We have set a date already..which is why I know when I NEED to visit venues.


    I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    Lol.


    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    We don't exactly have a budget. We're going to visit venues and see how much they're asking.
    -----------------

    Okay, I wish I could respond to everyone but I want to thank everyone for the feedback.. the ones who actually did provide feedback without the unnecessary insults :-) I spoke to him about it, it's a no go. Thanks!!!


    This is a really bad way to plan.  You need to have a budget going into it - why waste your time looking at a venue if its clearly out of your price range?  Or if it obviously can't accommodate the number on your guest list? 

    You need to decide on a budget, then start to make a guest list so you can figure out how many people you will invite and can afford to invite.  Then see which venue is acceptable given (1) your budget and (2) the number of people you are inviting.

    Doing this totally out of order is bound to take lots of unnecessary time and cause stress for you and potentially others - not to mention hurt the feelings of poeple who initially thought they would be invited

    Since my mother is the one paying, she really doesn't seem to have a budget... so if that's what floats her boat. I guess she'd rather just hear the prices of all the venues and make her decision that way. Honestly, I don't even want over 150 people at my wedding .. more like 100 or so. Looking in South NJ, the prices are okay.

    You create a guest list of 100-150 people you actually WANT to invite, assume that 100% of them will attend (it does happen more often than you would think), and invite those people. When considering your list, prioritize your ideal guests into groups, like: 1) MUST have VIP guests that you would rather move wedding than not have them there (parents, siblings, BFF, etc.); 2) we would really like to have them there, but it won't destroy my day if they aren't there (cousins, other friends, etc.); and 3) if we have space and budget, it may be nice to include these guests, but it really doesn't matter TOO much (2nd cousins, neighbor, your parents old family friend, etc.).  Wherever you hit your max. guest number (100-150 people), that's where you stop the invites. And you tell yourself that it's okay if that 2nd cousin or friend you haven't seen in 2 years doesn't get an invite, even if they may be somewhat upset, because you know that all the people YOU really want/need there will be there.

    I wanted a small wedding with max. 50 guests.  Luckily my DH has a smaller family.  But, my family is pretty large. I am somewhat close to several of my cousins and would have liked some of them to see my wedding, but I have 20 1st cousins.  Most of them are married or in serious relationships, so that's 40 guests, not including any of their kids.  And don't even get me started on 2nd or 3rd cousins, which I actually am in regular contact with.  There was no way to invite them all and have the wedding I wanted.  So I made the tough choice and I invited my aunts/uncles but decided not to invite any of my cousins. Yes, some of them were upset by that choice, but I just told them we had a limited number of guests allowed due to venue & budget, so weren't able to invite everyone we may have liked.  And even though it may have been nice to invite them, it didn't make or break my day. It wasn't going to leave me in tears that they weren't there, so inviting them wasn't a requirement to me having a great wedding. And I am so much happier to have had the small, intimate wedding that I wanted.

    image 

  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    Ok since you do not want more than 150 people, you should not look at venues that hold more than 150 people.

    Also, even though your mother has not given you a budget, you should still ask so that you know where to look.  The number she may have in mind may be total expenses and not just the venue. I wouldn't plan anything until you have an idea of what she is expecting so that you're not stuck footing a bill for something you cannot afford because you went past what she is willing to contribute. And if she says you can spend anything you like and there is no budget, well that's awesome. 

    Have you done any research of these 8 places?  Will they hold 150 people? Here are places in South Jersey ( I refined the search to places that hold up to 150 people). 
    I disagree with the first bolded, and agree with the second.

    I'm going with the theme, and explaining them in reverse ;)

    My parents are basically footing the bill. My mom wanted to get a sense of what things cost before she gave me a number, so we did some online research. That was pretty easy to find out. Some places charge you a rental fee, some places just do a price per person, sometimes that price per person is $150, sometimes its $50. After that, she looked into her finances and gave me a number. She said, "ideally this will be a $1,000,000 or under wedding. But I don't want to spend more than $1,200,000." (Those figures are not what she actually said. I wish! Well, I don't actually know how I'd spend that much on a wedding, but I'm sure it's possible!)

    That total figure made it possible to figure out how much we could afford to spend on the venue/ reception, and how I thought I would split up the rest of my vendor and attire purchases. We have so far stuck fairly closely to it. That initial "total" was SO important to know.

    Now, for the first bold:
    If you think you might invite 150 people, you should ABSOLUTELY have a place picked out that holds OVER 150 people. You want your guests to have space to move around, and space for vendors. And what if someone ends up in a relationship? Or you make a new wonderful friend? You want to pick a place that gives you wiggle room. I am inviting at most 130 people (this is if everyone ends up with a significant other. If things stay the way they are right now, the invite list is at 115). I anticipate 100 people RSVPing yes. I think the venue I chose holds up to 200 people. It is a large space for the number of people, but not too large. I think it will be nice. And they only had me "guarantee" 90 people for my price minimum. So, don't just look for places that are 150 people and under!
    novella1186
  • mslrose said:
    MobKaz said:
    KatWAG said:
    mslrose said:
    So why don't you go ahead and make a guest list of about 150?
    I've actually started! My family alone is about 60 people.
    *le tear*

    So whats happens when your Fi sends out a facebook blast and 100 people (and their dates) want to come to the wedding? What will you do?

    What happens if you fall in love with a venue that isnt avialable on the date you have decided on?

    What if the ceremony site isnt available on the date you picked?

    What if your mom decides she only wants to pay for 100 people and your fi already asked all those if they want to attend?

    So where I am going with all this? You are going about all this backwards and you are leaving yourself open to a whole bunch of issues down the road.

    In reading other posts, it goes from bad to worse. OP says she has selected a date of April, 2016. She has already asked someone to be a BM, regrets it, and is considering kicking her out.
    I don't see why or how that's your issue? Regarding the bridesmaid issue, I've already settled that, if you curious. I don't think it's a big deal if I already set my date but not set on a venue. It's really not that serious. It isn't. So, do you have anything productive to add or will you continue to nitpick the issues you see?
    Regarding the bolded -- if you've narrowed it down to sometime in the month of April 2016, you're fine.  Nothing wrong with having a month in mind during the initial planning stages.  But, if you have your heart set on one specific date in April, then you'll have a much greater chance of venues already being booked up.  You'd be surprised how far in advance some venues book weddings.

    Basically we're just trying to prepare you for the fact that you might have to be a little flexible.  If you want a specific venue, you might have to compromise on your date.  If you want a specific date, you might have to cross some otherwise great venues off your list.
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    chibiyui
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