Black-Tie

larrygaga · October 2014

I hope someday I'm invited to a true black tie wedding! I don't know anyone rich and classy enough, lol! Mine will be the closest it gets, and it's not even a little close.

I wanna wear an evening gown.

I got invited to a "black tie" wedding where the bride just doesn't understand what's going on. Too busy being excited about the all presents she spams for. It's literally a catholic ceremony at 1 and the reception starts at 6. Registry info is on the invite. It's family so I gotta make an appearance, but I will probably skip the ceremony. Nothing against catholics, it's just the ceremony and reception are a 30 minute drive apart, sans traffic. She's also wearing cowboy boots and the boys have camo vests to wear.

I don't think it counts to be black tie no matter how fancy your wedding is, if you are going to have that much rudeness.

MrsMarende · October 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

Personally I think if there is NO alcohol it could still be black tie, but if there is alcohol and it is not of a certain caliber than it is not.

@jells2dot0 Did you still request black-tie attire. I am having a similar situation. Everything in the wedding is top notch. 5 course dinner, top shelf booze, valet, white glove service, ect. ect. we are having live music during the ceremony and at the cocktail hour, however my fiance wanted a DJ. I tried to convince him of a band, but the music is the only thing he has any real interest in and he wants a DJ so we can have many different types of music including traditional African music (that is where he is from).

I have been struggling with this, because I do want guests to know the formality but I also want to stay on the right side of etiquette. Californians tend to be more laid back in the dress department, but the event really does call for a more formal attire.
The best way to indicate the event is fancy is to have fancy invitations and a swanky venue. If I get a super formal, fancy invitation to an evening wedding at a venue known for its swank, I'm going to dress to the nine, probably get my hair done, etc. If I get a casual, cheap invitation to an afternoon banquet hall wedding, I will wear a more casual dress and heels. Out of curiosity, why do you care if people wear gowns?

My invites are very opulent and so is the venue. I think sometimes you and I and other people like us can take for granted that we know that a fancy invitation and venue means fancy attire, but I have been to many events where all the cues were there but I am the most overdresses person at the party.

I do think our wedding will be fancy enough for gowns, but the real reason I ask is because there are a few closer friends that know some about the wedding and have commented that it is very formal and asked if they should wear a gown/tux.

I know my mom has told some of the people who have asked her that she is wearing a gown and so are all of the bridesmaids. I want to give people the right answer when they ask and would like some consistency in the formality of dress between guests so that everyone feels comfortable and I don't want anyone that comes in a gown to feel like they spent money on it for nothing.

KatieinBkln · October 2014

MrsMarende said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Personally I think if there is NO alcohol it could still be black tie, but if there is alcohol and it is not of a certain caliber than it is not.

@jells2dot0 Did you still request black-tie attire. I am having a similar situation. Everything in the wedding is top notch. 5 course dinner, top shelf booze, valet, white glove service, ect. ect. we are having live music during the ceremony and at the cocktail hour, however my fiance wanted a DJ. I tried to convince him of a band, but the music is the only thing he has any real interest in and he wants a DJ so we can have many different types of music including traditional African music (that is where he is from).

I have been struggling with this, because I do want guests to know the formality but I also want to stay on the right side of etiquette. Californians tend to be more laid back in the dress department, but the event really does call for a more formal attire.
The best way to indicate the event is fancy is to have fancy invitations and a swanky venue. If I get a super formal, fancy invitation to an evening wedding at a venue known for its swank, I'm going to dress to the nine, probably get my hair done, etc. If I get a casual, cheap invitation to an afternoon banquet hall wedding, I will wear a more casual dress and heels. Out of curiosity, why do you care if people wear gowns?

My invites are very opulent and so is the venue. I think sometimes you and I and other people like us can take for granted that we know that a fancy invitation and venue means fancy attire, but I have been to many events where all the cues were there but I am the most overdresses person at the party.

I do think our wedding will be fancy enough for gowns, but the real reason I ask is because there are a few closer friends that know some about the wedding and have commented that it is very formal and asked if they should wear a gown/tux.

I know my mom has told some of the people who have asked her that she is wearing a gown and so are all of the bridesmaids. I want to give people the right answer when they ask and would like some consistency in the formality of dress between guests so that everyone feels comfortable and I don't want anyone that comes in a gown to feel like they spent money on it for nothing.

I think if people ask you (and ONLY if they ask) it's totally appropriate to say, "My bridesmaids and my mother will be wearing gowns, and the groomsmen will be in tuxes." They should get the hint from there.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

KatieinBkln said:

MrsMarende said:

southernbelle0915 said:
The best way to indicate the event is fancy is to have fancy invitations and a swanky venue. If I get a super formal, fancy invitation to an evening wedding at a venue known for its swank, I'm going to dress to the nine, probably get my hair done, etc. If I get a casual, cheap invitation to an afternoon banquet hall wedding, I will wear a more casual dress and heels. Out of curiosity, why do you care if people wear gowns?

My invites are very opulent and so is the venue. I think sometimes you and I and other people like us can take for granted that we know that a fancy invitation and venue means fancy attire, but I have been to many events where all the cues were there but I am the most overdresses person at the party.

I do think our wedding will be fancy enough for gowns, but the real reason I ask is because there are a few closer friends that know some about the wedding and have commented that it is very formal and asked if they should wear a gown/tux.

I know my mom has told some of the people who have asked her that she is wearing a gown and so are all of the bridesmaids. I want to give people the right answer when they ask and would like some consistency in the formality of dress between guests so that everyone feels comfortable and I don't want anyone that comes in a gown to feel like they spent money on it for nothing.

I think if people ask you (and ONLY if they ask) it's totally appropriate to say, "My bridesmaids and my mother will be wearing gowns, and the groomsmen will be in tuxes." They should get the hint from there.

This.

I don't think your scenario is different from anyone else's. It's all relative. Generally, when people ask what they should wear to a wedding, it's fine to say, "well, the BMs are wearing ____, the GMs are wearing ____, the venue is ____...."

And here's the thing... people who pay attention to invitation/venue formality and generally dress appropriately for events will do so anyway. People who always wear whatever will wear whatever no matter what you do or write on your invites. And I guess at the end of the day, what's going to happen if someone wears a casual cocktail dress instead of a gown? Spoiler alert: Nothing.

If you are focused on the right stuff on your wedding day, you will give no fucks what people are wearing on your wedding day. You will probably not even notice.

MrsMarende · October 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

KatieinBkln said:

MrsMarende said:

southernbelle0915 said:
The best way to indicate the event is fancy is to have fancy invitations and a swanky venue. If I get a super formal, fancy invitation to an evening wedding at a venue known for its swank, I'm going to dress to the nine, probably get my hair done, etc. If I get a casual, cheap invitation to an afternoon banquet hall wedding, I will wear a more casual dress and heels. Out of curiosity, why do you care if people wear gowns?

My invites are very opulent and so is the venue. I think sometimes you and I and other people like us can take for granted that we know that a fancy invitation and venue means fancy attire, but I have been to many events where all the cues were there but I am the most overdresses person at the party.

I do think our wedding will be fancy enough for gowns, but the real reason I ask is because there are a few closer friends that know some about the wedding and have commented that it is very formal and asked if they should wear a gown/tux.

I know my mom has told some of the people who have asked her that she is wearing a gown and so are all of the bridesmaids. I want to give people the right answer when they ask and would like some consistency in the formality of dress between guests so that everyone feels comfortable and I don't want anyone that comes in a gown to feel like they spent money on it for nothing.

I think if people ask you (and ONLY if they ask) it's totally appropriate to say, "My bridesmaids and my mother will be wearing gowns, and the groomsmen will be in tuxes." They should get the hint from there.

This.

I don't think your scenario is different from anyone else's. It's all relative. Generally, when people ask what they should wear to a wedding, it's fine to say, "well, the BMs are wearing ____, the GMs are wearing ____, the venue is ____...."

And here's the thing... people who pay attention to invitation/venue formality and generally dress appropriately for events will do so anyway. People who always wear whatever will wear whatever no matter what you do or write on your invites. And I guess at the end of the day, what's going to happen if someone wears a casual cocktail dress instead of a gown? Spoiler alert: Nothing.

If you are focused on the right stuff on your wedding day, you will give no fucks what people are wearing on your wedding day. You will probably not even notice.

Like I said, I don't really care for me personally, but I do care for the comfort of the guests themselves. Like others have said earlier, if you show up and are horribly overdressed you may want to leave.

I don't want anyone to feel over or under dressed and therefore be uncomfortable.

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