Remember when I couldn't decide whether or not I should fire my photographer? (http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1039584/do-i-fire-the-photographer-update-vent/p1)
Well I fired her, because it seemed like that's what I needed to do and it was also what my FI wanted. Since she's a family friend, I was so extremely nice about it, and I ended by saying "I wish you the very best, always." I made sure to get this over with while there was still more than 7 months to go before the wedding so she would have plenty of time to re-book that date, which I'm sure she will because she's a pretty well-known and in-demand photographer. I ended up being more concerned for her than I was for myself and my wedding and actually regretted firing her because I didn't want to make her feel bad.
This morning, weeks after I had fired her, I get a lovely e-mail back from her. She knows I fired her because of all the drama and tension with my sister, so she scolded me for "just making everything even more awkward." And so on. She made sure to let me know that SO many other brides had asked her to do their weddings on that date and she had turned them all down for my sake, and now she would have to just "eat the loss". Um.. what loss? If she's been so sought-after, she'll still be able to book that date, and I know she hasn't invested any money in specifically doing my wedding. In fact, she was giving me a special discount, so she will make MORE money if she re-books that date with a different bride now. But wait, she also made sure to point out that she was "generous enough" to offer me that discount out of the kindness of her heart and as a favor to my family. She ended this very professional message by saying "You need to find a way to fix things with your sister. You only get one family." Which was so nice of her, since the issues with my sister have been eating me alive and it's not like I haven't been trying to figure out how to make shit work out. I'm going to go ahead and guess that my sister has made me out to be an epic evil villain in all of this, and she's the victim, so that's probably why the photog put the burden on me to "fix it." Well now my sister and the photog have even more to say about me. Good for them.
Aside from that, my mother finally succeeded in guilt-tripping me into making the first move for a truce. Last night I e-mailed my sister (because she ignores my calls) and told her that whatever I did, I'm genuinely sorry and I'm not even mad at her anymore, nor do I need an apology to just move on so that our mom can calm down about this. I'm a little sore from getting so trampled on. Also if anyone's seen my self-worth, please tell it to come back. No reply from my sister yet.
Also, picked up my wedding dress yesterday. I weigh about 100 lbs and the dress is too small. The seamstress wasn't there, so I couldn't talk to her about it. It wasn't so small that they couldn't zip it, but it had this weird boning in it that I did not think it would have, and it was so tight on my waist that the boning dug in and was so effing painful. After wearing it for about 15 minutes I couldn't take it anymore, so there's no way I can wear that thing for hours and hours. I'm sure there's a way to fix it so I'm not really freaking out about it, but I did not in a million years expect that dress to be too tight on me. Ugh. I fucking hate this wedding stuff right now.
Sorry for posting long whiney rants two days in a row. I feel like such a huge Debbie Downer. I wish I could quit being an adult just for today, go home, sit in my pajamas, and watch crappy horror movies. And not talk to anyone. Leave me alone, world.