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Moms and Maids
pinkjunebride15
member
Bridesmaids on my last nerve!
My bridesmaids are driving me nuts!
A little back story: Where I live, when a couple is engaged we have a party called a Wedding Social, it's basically a fundraiser for the bride and groom where people buy a ticket to attend, buy tickets for drinks and buy tickets for raffle prizes. The social is usually organized by the bride and groom with help from the bridal party who are supposed to contribute their time as well as help sell tickets and donate a prize for the raffle. (If this concept confuses you, that's fine, it's a local thing, just so long as you get the jist of who's supposed to do what)
A little back story: Where I live, when a couple is engaged we have a party called a Wedding Social, it's basically a fundraiser for the bride and groom where people buy a ticket to attend, buy tickets for drinks and buy tickets for raffle prizes. The social is usually organized by the bride and groom with help from the bridal party who are supposed to contribute their time as well as help sell tickets and donate a prize for the raffle. (If this concept confuses you, that's fine, it's a local thing, just so long as you get the jist of who's supposed to do what)
Anyway, so about a month before the social my MOH tells me she'll come for the last couple of hours because she is going to a hockey game...that's right, instead of helping, she's going to watch hockey, I wanted to flip, but I didn't. Next, about 2 weeks before the social one of my bridesmaids tells me she wont know until the day of if she'll be able to make it or not...ok, fine...THEN a different bridesmaid tells me 4 days before my social that she hasn't sold a single ticket and she didnt put together a prize...well, it was this point I had a nervous break down and cried for the better part of 2 hours because I couldn't believe how much my girls had let me down.
So here I am wondering what to do...should I just let it be water under the bridge and hope they get better? or should I just kick everyone to the curb and find someone else to take their place?
I should also mention, it was a themed party and none of them dressed up and they barely helped all night when they were there.
So here I am wondering what to do...should I just let it be water under the bridge and hope they get better? or should I just kick everyone to the curb and find someone else to take their place?
I should also mention, it was a themed party and none of them dressed up and they barely helped all night when they were there.
What should I do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaids on my last nerve!
2. Bridesmaids and groomsmen do not have to do anything for the bride an groom other than show up to your wedding dressed and sober. It's definitely really nice when they offer to do more than that (plan a bachelorette party or shower, help with stuffing invitations), but you really can't expect them to. You can be super excited if they offer. That's it. You certainly can't expect them to devote time to your "wedding social." They have lives and obligations, and your wedding and the events surrounding it are just not as important to them as the things going on in their own lives. That's just how it is. Doesn't mean they aren't good friends, just means they aren't irresponsible/ weirdly obsessed with you.
3. So, with the above two points in mind, you need to get over this. Enjoy planning your wedding, look forward to that day, but don't ruin your friendships or cause drama because your friends aren't living up to unrealistic expectations.
This was me reading this:
Girl you sound very bridezilla with this. You need to take a chill pill, remember that your wedding isn't as important to anyone else as it is for you, and apologize to your friends.
As stated by PPs, even if it is considered normal, a fundraiser for your wedding is tacky. And to expect your friends to drop their plans to raise money and get prizes is a bit ridiculous. You need to lower your expectations of your bridal party. The only ones who are expected to do anything for your wedding is you and your FI. If anyone else volunteers, that is wonderful, but no one (not even parents) are expected to help you with your wedding.
Also, your bridal party is supposed to be your nearest and dearest. The fact that you have even considered kicking them out is astounding.
Side note: If was told to sell raffle tickets, create a prize, and show up in a costume to a party for one of my best friends, I would tell them I had other plans as well because clearly they do not think of me as a friend.
Your friends are trying to tell you something. They aren't responsible for helping you raise money to pay for your wedding. Your wedding is not a charity. Figure out what you and fi can afford to spend and plan accordingly. If you need more money, get a second job, have a tag sale or delay your wedding until you have enough money to host your guests properly.
It's not my job.
It's not anyone's job to sell tickets for you or come up with a prize. It doesn't matter where you're from or how "expected" this is. You aren't a charity, so you have no right to expect people to spend any money for you other than for your bridesmaids to acquire their dresses.
Yes, you owe them all an apology for expecting this.
That being said, my family pushed us to have one. I told them no because a) I had zero time to plan it and b) its just too stressful.
It's a like a dollar dance - just because "everyone does one" doesn't make it right.
Back to your issue about your bridal party - all they have to do is show up to the wedding, hopefully not drunk and preferably in the dress ya'll decided on.
Welcome to TK. I don't like you.
I'm from Alberta, but married a Manitoban in Manitoba. Our social discussion went like this:
Him (pained look on his face): are we going to have a social?
Me (aghast): FUCK NO.
I got kissed for that. Just because everyone does it, doesn't mean you should have. Just because your bridesmaids didn't do everything you wanted them to, doesn't mean they were required by law to do so. Pay for your own damn wedding, and get over it.
OP you have been around here long enough to know that kicking your bridal party out is rude. You are expecting FAR too much from them. Have you said thank you for what they have done for you? Have you shown them any appreciation? Don't forget that they are your nearest and dearest, first and foremost. Just because you are getting married doesn't give you the right to treat them like hired help. You're reading way too much into the wedding industry as far as "responsibilities" of your bridal party. I harbored a lot of resentment towards my best friend for a long time after wedding because of the way she treated me when she was getting married and she wasn't half as bad as you are making yourself sound right now.
Please, take a step back and think about the way you sound right now. A wedding is not worth losing your friends because they didn't live up to your unrealistic expectations.
I'm not even going to touch the wedding social issue because I find the entire concept horribly tacky.