Declining friend's wedding to go to another's engagement party? (Update in the comments)

Maggie0829 · November 2014

kat1114 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

So, you told her you'd only be able to attend her ceremony. She had already RSVP'd to your wedding, and then left right after the ceremony?

Right. I can understand her not wanting to come to the reception, but it sucks that we paid for her and her FI to come and they didn't show.

But this happens to almost every couple out there. We had a handful of no shows as well even though they RSVPd. It sucks but there is really nothing you can do about it.

climbingsingle · November 2014

I do think it's weird that she did that. And it certainly seems like she did it just because you're only attending her ceremony. That seems pretty immature.

beethery · November 2014

Personally, I'd be coming down with the shits that day. I'm not nice though so... do with that what you will.

levioosa · November 2014

Man that's passive aggressive. I would be questioning if I wanted to remain friends. It's not like you no-showed; you let her know, and you still attended the ceremony. She's being immature.

esstee33 · November 2014

Whooooo boy. That's a dramatic, passive-aggressive move on her part.

I'd probably still go to the ceremony because I said I would, congratulate them, then go to the engagement party.

Is this a close-ish friend? Or, anyway, a friend with whom you'd like to maintain a relationship?

kat1114 · November 2014

esstee33 said:

Whooooo boy. That's a dramatic, passive-aggressive move on her part.

I'd probably still go to the ceremony because I said I would, congratulate them, then go to the engagement party.

Is this a close-ish friend? Or, anyway, a friend with whom you'd like to maintain a relationship?

We were closer at one point, but we've grown apart the last few years. Mostly we keep in touch via seeing each other's crap on Facebook, with the occasional random text thrown in the mix. And she's one of those annoying Facebook people (lots of political arguments and sharing crap), so that doesn't help. I honestly don't know if I care to maintain a relationship with her.

Jessie42613 · November 2014

I had a friend like that once. She was very "tit-for-tat" and would only do for others exactly what they did for her. For example, I wasn't able to attend her baby shower, so she declined my surprise birthday party a few months later. (That's only one example out of several years' worth of examples) We aren't friends anymore, and I don't miss her. She was exhausting.

Honestly, it depends on how many fucks you give. If you really don't care to be friends with this chick anymore, then blow off the wedding. Is it sort of a crappy thing to do? Yeah - but it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

levioosa said:

Man that's passive aggressive. I would be questioning if I wanted to remain friends. It's not like you no-showed; you let her know, and you still attended the ceremony. She's being immature.

Back up the assumption and drama train- did this woman say that the reason she skipped the reception was because OP RSVP'd to only her reception? I didn't see that stated anywhere.

If the friend didn't come out and say anything, I wouldn't waste the energy creating drama by assuming she did it out of spite.

levioosa · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

levioosa said:

Man that's passive aggressive. I would be questioning if I wanted to remain friends. It's not like you no-showed; you let her know, and you still attended the ceremony. She's being immature.

Back up the assumption and drama train- did this woman say that the reason she skipped the reception was because OP RSVP'd to only her reception? I didn't see that stated anywhere.

If the friend didn't come out and say anything, I wouldn't waste the energy creating drama by assuming she did it out of spite.

I'm only going off what the OP said. I'm also guessing this type of behavior isn't unusual, hence my comment that I would be evaluating the friendship. The OP said herself that they just showed up for her ceremony then were rude to her husband. Seems like a passive aggressive move. I'm not doing all that much assuming here. It seems like a pretty big coincidence otherwise.

esstee33 · November 2014

kat1114 said:

esstee33 said:

Whooooo boy. That's a dramatic, passive-aggressive move on her part.

I'd probably still go to the ceremony because I said I would, congratulate them, then go to the engagement party.

Is this a close-ish friend? Or, anyway, a friend with whom you'd like to maintain a relationship?

We were closer at one point, but we've grown apart the last few years. Mostly we keep in touch via seeing each other's crap on Facebook, with the occasional random text thrown in the mix. And she's one of those annoying Facebook people (lots of political arguments and sharing crap), so that doesn't help. I honestly don't know if I care to maintain a relationship with her.

Yeah, that just confirms what I said before. I'd go to the ceremony, bounce to the engagement party, then let this friendship just fade away. Going to the ceremony means you're not burning any bridges should you want to revisit the friendship later.

ChemFanatic25 · November 2014

kat1114 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

So, you told her you'd only be able to attend her ceremony. She had already RSVP'd to your wedding, and then left right after the ceremony?

Right. I can understand her not wanting to come to the reception, but it sucks that we paid for her and her FI to come and they didn't show.

I'm a terrible person. If she didn't at least let you know she wasn't going to be at the reception after already RSVP'ing, I wouldn't even bother getting a gift. Get some of the money you lost from her no-show. But that's just me. Luckily I don't have friends who are like that.

huskypuppy14 · November 2014

She sounds like a complete Bitch. However, you did say you would go to her ceremony, so I would still go. It sounds like you made the right choice though in going to your friends engagement party instead of this bitch's reception.

Also, I completely disagree with the poster who said to suck it up and attend the wedding, and that a wedding is more important than an engagement party. An invitation is not a summons, you don't have to attend every wedding you are invited to. And the ceremony is the important part, not the reception.

There is absolutely no reason to attend someone else's wedding if you have something better you want to do (as long as your RSVP accordingly). Random other people don't get to decide what is more important to the OP. If the OP said she would rather sit home and watch reality TV instead of go to this wedding, who are you to say that's wrong.

Liatris2010 · November 2014

I'd still go to the ceremony. Be the bigger person and keep the commitments you make.

annakay511 · November 2014

Easy out- you got friend B's invitation first. You tell friend A you are so sorry, but you can't attend because you have already committed to another event. You don't need to go into a lot of details.

Declining friend's wedding to go to another's engagement party? (Update in the comments)

Re: Declining friend's wedding to go to another's engagement party? (Update in the comments)

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