need help on wedding gift etiquette!!!

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

annakay511 said:
I would feel the exact same way!! People are selfish, that's the sad truth. I have a friend that over the years I have come to realize what I can expect from her - she doesn't go out of her way to do anything for anyone, ever. Its a hard pill to swallow sometimes but you have to decide if their friendship is worth keeping. (Also, sidenote, you should not have let yourself be a doormat to the bridezilla friend. You only needed to get her one gift for the shower, no matter how many you were invited to!)

You sound like a super friend. /sarcasm

beethery · November 2014

annakay511 said:

I would feel the exact same way!! People are selfish, that's the sad truth. I have a friend that over the years I have come to realize what I can expect from her - she doesn't go out of her way to do anything for anyone, ever. Its a hard pill to swallow sometimes but you have to decide if their friendship is worth keeping. (Also, sidenote, you should not have let yourself be a doormat to the bridezilla friend. You only needed to get her one gift for the shower, no matter how many you were invited to!)

You're awful.

bbydede · November 2014

Love Languages is a great read. No, gift giving is not one of my languages. But I always come to a party with a gift, even if it's just a cheap bottle of wine. If I can't afford a gift, I give a gift certificate to my weekend business. Or, like in the OP, I eat whatever food is left in the pantry (IE: only pancake mix) in order to save money for someone's wedding gifts. My H and I have talked about certain friends (the ones I mentioned we have given quite a few favors to like trips to Europe etc) and how big of moochers they have been. It's not because of their financial situations they don't do anything for anyone, they are just cheapskates. They are the first to grab from the tray and the last to offer to fill it. I wrote this just wondering if anyone else feels slighted by giving the same people several gifts (IE: wedding gift, hosting their baby shower and giving a gift, birthday, housewarming) and then not getting a card in the mail when you actually host your first event ever. You would think that after you did so much for someone they would appreciate it and think hey, they've done a lot for us, lets send them a nice congratulatory card in the mail? I think it is proper to return the favor.

mrscomposer · November 2014

bbydede said:

Love Languages is a great read. No, gift giving is not one of my languages. But I always come to a party with a gift, even if it's just a cheap bottle of wine. If I can't afford a gift, I give a gift certificate to my weekend business. Or, like in the OP, I eat whatever food is left in the pantry (IE: only pancake mix) in order to save money for someone's wedding gifts. My H and I have talked about certain friends (the ones I mentioned we have given quite a few favors to like trips to Europe etc) and how big of moochers they have been. It's not because of their financial situations they don't do anything for anyone, they are just cheapskates. They are the first to grab from the tray and the last to offer to fill it. I wrote this just wondering if anyone else feels slighted by giving the same people several gifts (IE: wedding gift, hosting their baby shower and giving a gift, birthday, housewarming) and then not getting a card in the mail when you actually host your first event ever. You would think that after you did so much for someone they would appreciate it and think hey, they've done a lot for us, lets send them a nice congratulatory card in the mail? I think it is proper to return the favor.

bbydede said:
LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Oh snap.

First of all - no one cares that you 'work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere'; you would definitely not be the only one here who does. Second of all - back the hell off. I've seen Beethery offer SEVERAL times to do formatting or design work for people on this site on her own time. If she does that for internet strangers, I'm betting she does just fine for her friends in real life.

Lastly - your wording is entitled and boorish. Is giving someone a trip to Europe a gift or a favour, as you call it? I paid for a friend to come to Egypt with me. I've paid for the first installment of a friend's soccer fees for a major year. These were gifts. I do not expect repayment, I do not expect tit for tat, I do not expect sweet fuck all. When I give a gift, it is a gift. It is not a payment in order to receive something back.

There were people who came to our wedding who didn't bring gifts. I was over the moon to have them there - I didn't give a rat's ass that they came empty handed. That's not the point of a wedding. If you're keeping track of whether people give the same as you do, you need to reevaluate your friendships and how you respond to people.

LondonLisa · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Wow, you really are a class act, aren't you?

Frankly, anyone who needs to SAY how generous they are, isn't generous. They are emotionally manipulative; they give because they expect the same in return and praise, not because of the goodness of their own heart. And that is one of the most selfish and entitled traits a person can have.

ETA: @Beethery has fantastic advice. You sound like a woman who starts a fistfight at a child beauty pageant at the airport holiday inn express.

slothiegal · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Everything @LondonLisa said.

beethery · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

This is hilarious. Stay pressed and awful.

Expecting gifts is awful person behavior.

STAY AWFUL.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Excuse you?

Uh,uh honey. No we don't come on here and try (and fail) to insult a reg because we are sad people didn't give us the amount of attention and gifts we feel we are entitled to because we think we are far more important then we actually are.

You wanna kill yourself working two jobs to impress people with your gifts, go for it. But don't fucking attempt to insult people who don't do the same. You sound like a spoiled little girl. Grow the fuck up.

slothiegal · November 2014

bbydede said:

Love Languages is a great read. No, gift giving is not one of my languages. But I always come to a party with a gift, even if it's just a cheap bottle of wine. If I can't afford a gift, I give a gift certificate to my weekend business. Or, like in the OP, I eat whatever food is left in the pantry (IE: only pancake mix) in order to save money for someone's wedding gifts. My H and I have talked about certain friends (the ones I mentioned we have given quite a few favors to like trips to Europe etc) and how big of moochers they have been. It's not because of their financial situations they don't do anything for anyone, they are just cheapskates. They are the first to grab from the tray and the last to offer to fill it. I wrote this just wondering if anyone else feels slighted by giving the same people several gifts (IE: wedding gift, hosting their baby shower and giving a gift, birthday, housewarming) and then not getting a card in the mail when you actually host your first event ever. You would think that after you did so much for someone they would appreciate it and think hey, they've done a lot for us, lets send them a nice congratulatory card in the mail? I think it is proper to return the favor.

Since you don't seem actually interested in other viewpoints, here you go:

You're right. They're terrible people. Don't associate with them anymore. You are AWESOME and the best person in the world and gee, can I be your friend??!

(Also, some advice: get some ramen to store in your pantry for those tough times, c'mon.)

levioosa · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Wow, you're awful. You should dump your friends so they can finally be rid of you.

And sweetheart, try getting off your high horse. Many of us here work 2-3 jobs and are also generous with our friends. News flash: You're not that special.

beethery · November 2014

I swear, the posters on TK never cease to amaze me.

Today, I found out that I got called a hood rat by someone who couldn't budget properly to the point where she had to eat fucking pancake mix for a while so that she could afford to give some OOT gift.

Wild.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

beethery · November 2014

MagicInk said:

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

It's one thing if milk was involved and actual pancakes were made. It's a whoooooooole other level if just dry pancake mix was being consumed.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

beethery said:

MagicInk said:

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

It's one thing if milk was involved and actual pancakes were made. It's a whoooooooole other level if just dry pancake mix was being consumed.

Well yes, if it was just dry mix...that's just gross. And no gift is worth eating dry pancake mix. My friend would get a bottle 2 buck chuck....maybe.

levioosa · November 2014

MagicInk said:

beethery said:

MagicInk said:

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

It's one thing if milk was involved and actual pancakes were made. It's a whoooooooole other level if just dry pancake mix was being consumed.

Well yes, if it was just dry mix...that's just gross. And no gift is worth eating dry pancake mix. My friend would get a bottle 2 buck chuck....maybe.

I'd also like to chime in that you can get shit tons of vegetables for under a dollar....plus beans and rice are the ultimate poor man's food. I lived on $20 worth of groceries for a month once, and I was definitely not eating pancake mix the whole month.

ETA: A valuable word

slothiegal · November 2014

levioosa said:

MagicInk said:

beethery said:

MagicInk said:

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

It's one thing if milk was involved and actual pancakes were made. It's a whoooooooole other level if just dry pancake mix was being consumed.

Well yes, if it was just dry mix...that's just gross. And no gift is worth eating dry pancake mix. My friend would get a bottle 2 buck chuck....maybe.

I'd also like to chime in that you can shit tons of vegetables for under a dollar....plus beans and rice are the ultimate poor man's food. I lived on $20 worth of groceries for a month once, and I was definitely not eating pancake mix the whole month.

But that doesn't make as good of a "I'm such a martyr" story.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

adk19 said:

Ok, I'm big on the idea of Love Languages, and it's obvious to me that the OP's primary love language is Gifts. This means she shows her love by giving gifts, and she understand that others love her when they give her gifts. This means that her friends who show their love through Quality Time or Words of Affirmation are not speaking to the OP in ways that she understands. This also means that when doesn't receive gifts, she doesn't receive love. As an adult, she should learn this and learn to understand that not everybody understands and shows love in the same way. OP, I recommend that you read the book (or an article about it online), and do some analysis about how the people closest to you understand love. I think you'll be a lot happier if you understand Gifts is not the only answer.

I'm not a fan of Love Languages and rather just think OP is behaving selfishly and immaturely.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

And who the fuck do you think you are exactly, rolling on in here and bitching about your friends who didn't give you a damn wedding gift and then trying to throw shade at other people for calling your shitty self out?

Go on now, move the fuck along to a forum that will validate your bullshit.

beethery said:

I swear, the posters on TK never cease to amaze me.

Today, I found out that I got called a hood rat by someone who couldn't budget properly to the point where she had to eat fucking pancake mix for a while so that she could afford to give some OOT gift.

Wild.

Yeah and notice which infamous GBCKer/JK I'm back liked her response.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

Technical issues- move along ;-)

alpacalunch · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Slow your roll, chiquita. That was uncalled for. Welcome to the internet, where people will tell you things you need to hear, because you're acting like an ungrateful, shady, obnoxious bridezilla.

And expecting gifts from people is rude, no matter what's occurred. So back off.

PS: roll? role? This is killing me.

beethery · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

And who the fuck do you think you are exactly, rolling on in here and bitching about your friends who didn't give you a damn wedding gift and then trying to throw shade at other people for calling your shitty self out?

Go on now, move the fuck along to a forum that will validate your bullshit.

beethery said:

I swear, the posters on TK never cease to amaze me.

Today, I found out that I got called a hood rat by someone who couldn't budget properly to the point where she had to eat fucking pancake mix for a while so that she could afford to give some OOT gift.

Wild.

Yeah and notice which infamous GBCKer/JK I'm back liked her response.

I'll give you one guess as to who isn't surprised.

sarawifenow · November 2014

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Snort. Good one! Seriously, you are going to have to try harder than that. You can usually tell how much your comment failed by the number of people who didn't "love" it...or in your case, who did love it.

@Beethery--Why didn't you ever tell me you were a hoodrat?

beethery · November 2014

sarawifenow said:

bbydede said:

LOL Beethery you are a hood rat. Just over here talking shit to people who work 2 jobs and give gifts everywhere. I hope you get up off the computer and get a job yourself so you can do nice things for a change and stop running your awful mouth.

Snort. Good one! Seriously, you are going to have to try harder than that. You can usually tell how much your comment failed by the number of people who didn't "love" it...or in your case, who did love it.

@Beethery--Why didn't you ever tell me you were a hoodrat?

I thought everybody already knew! It's obvious that many (the list goes on and on, including OP and another parched individual), were already aware. I didn't think I needed to put it out there as a I do not give even the most minuscule flying, land-based, or maritime fuck what goes on in their heads (short answer: not much).

I'm perfectly comfortable in my hood rat life. Things are great here.

sarawifenow · November 2014

Oh, NeNe! I feel like this thread should now be filled with RHW gifs.

beethery · November 2014

sarawifenow said:

Oh, NeNe! I feel like this thread should now be filled with RHW gifs.

I don't have one of NeNe saying that she does not give a fuck what a dry-pancake-mix eating or thirsty lying individual thinks of her, so I'll add this one:

It's hard not to go NayNay on people. It really is.

amelisha · November 2014

I am feeling so Canadian right now. What on earth is "hood rat"?

Also, I think I need to bankrupt myself buying OOT gifts for everyone I know so I can go on the pancake mix diet and drop ten pounds before Christmas. Sounds fun, and I bet making the pancake mix with water would lower the calories even further. Great idea, OP!

novella1186 · November 2014

amelisha said:

I am feeling so Canadian right now. What on earth is "hood rat"?

Also, I think I need to bankrupt myself buying OOT gifts for everyone I know so I can go on the pancake mix diet and drop ten pounds before Christmas. Sounds fun, and I bet making the pancake mix with water would lower the calories even further. Great idea, OP!

"hood rat" here in the states is apparently someone who is fucking awesome, bitch-tastic in a good way, and gives logical sound advice that speshul snowflakes hate.

esstee33 · November 2014

levioosa said:

MagicInk said:

beethery said:

MagicInk said:

I am curious about this pancake mix thing. Was it actually used to make pancakes, or did you just eat it like straight from the box?

Because I mean...living on pancakes for a week doesn't really sound too horrible to me. I lived on PB&Js a few different times in college. PB&Js are good. I did not complain.

It's one thing if milk was involved and actual pancakes were made. It's a whoooooooole other level if just dry pancake mix was being consumed.

Well yes, if it was just dry mix...that's just gross. And no gift is worth eating dry pancake mix. My friend would get a bottle 2 buck chuck....maybe.

I'd also like to chime in that you can shit tons of vegetables for under a dollar....plus beans and rice are the ultimate poor man's food. I lived on $20 worth of groceries for a month once, and I was definitely not eating pancake mix the whole month.

I think you forgot a word, but I approve of the result.

You can shit vegetables for free, usually, but you have to pay for them before you eat them.

Also I really want to imagine the girl is scooping dry pancake mix into her mouth, then pouring milk in there, then shaking her head violently to mix it up. Pancakes and bonus maybe neck injury!

KatieinBkln · November 2014

I am always late to the shit shows.

Personally, I don't even like balancing my checkbook. Keeping accounts of all the gifts given vs. received in my whole life sounds exhausting as all fuck.

need help on wedding gift etiquette!!!

Re: need help on wedding gift etiquette!!!

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