I'm at my wits end today. It's been building for a while but I just want to run around screaming because I'm so frustrated.
The most recent example: FI got a photo radar ticket while driving my car. No big deal, it happens. He told me not to worry, he'd take care of it right away. Well, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm in default because he never did anything with it. Ugh, fine. I ask him about it, he apologized, said he forgot. Okay, I can handle that. I asked him to please take care of it now. Either pay it, or go fight it. "Well, how do I fight it?" "I don't know. Go down there and find out." "How can you expect me to fight it if you don't even know how." THEN JUST PAY IT. Ugh.
I don't know if I'm just being overly cranky or what, but I'm so mad. My girlfriend put it to me this way: "You're agreeing to love, honour, and cherish, not love, honour and coddle so let him figure it out." I just don't know.
Anyone else feel like sometimes they have to mother their partner? (I hate the term partner but I'm too cranky to think of something better.)
Re: Does Anyone Else Get Super Frustrated With Their Partner?
I was like this with my ex-FI... he could do very little on his own, not even use the internet (unless it involved porn).
I decided I wasn't ready to be a mother to an almost-40-year-old.
I don't think he ever grew up either, went back to live with his mom, worked now and then.
So yes I know the struggle - no, I wouldn't sign up for a lifetime!
Marriage is a partnership. The first year, you are working out who does what better. I'm the "travel agent" who organizes his time, reminds him of appointments, even reminds him of a favorite TV show he wants to watch. He gets very upset if he forgets to listen to Science Friday on the radio. He's the bill payer and budget control. We never make any important financial decisions without discussing it and agreeing. We seldom have money conflicts, since we share the same goals.
Most of our conflicts were about raising the children. He wasn't a hands-on Daddy. I don't remember that he ever changed a diaper. Our son needed special therapy, and that was left to me. When the kids got older, he was there for those teenage years. He was important as a role model for them both.
Every couple has to work out how they go through life. You have barely begun. Good luck!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I think it is natural to get frustrated with your SO. Lord knows H does some things that royally piss me off, but those feelings are few and far in between. I think that's the key. Do those annoyed feeling happen more often than not?
Now for this particular situation. Not paying a speeding ticket is a big deal. That will only screw you over in the end. The fact that he didn't pay it after he told you he would makes me think that he doesn't have respect for the situation. At least not as much as he should. I would be sitting there while he made the payment.
I think I'm so screwed up from my parents splitting after 30 years that I'm just so scared that FI is going to up and leave if I tell him I'm frustrated. Which I KNOW he won't. We've talked about how I'm feeling about my parents, and he's made it perfectly clear that he's not going anywhere. But there's still that little what if in the back of my mind that thinks it could happen.
I'm working with a therapist right now to get deal with everything that's happening. I don't want any of what I'm saying to be misconstrued as me not being sure I want to marry him or anything negative like that. It's just a big change for me.
It makes me feel better that you all sometimes have to hold their hands too, and that it's not just me. Thanks guys
I was running out the door to go workout yesterday. So I asked H if he could do a couple things for me while I was gone. He said nope, sorry he was making dinner for us. What was he actually doing? Standing in the kitchen, reading a magazine, waiting for the water to boil.
Fumes came out me ears. So yes, I get frustrated with my H.
The next morning I went out into the kitchen to find my now empty oatmeal box with empty wrappers sitting on the counter 3 feet away from the trashcan. After picking up the half roll of used paper towels and multiple water glass sitting on his computer desk that accumulated over the week. But he's totally OCD.
Now, if he refused to go to the court without her and pitched a fit until she did it for him, that would be a different story.
SO has been driving me crazy by complaining that my homework stresses him out at night. Dude, I work all day, then I go to the gym, make you dinner and then finally get to my homework. Tough titties that you just want to watch Netflix and my studying is apparently stressful. (He truly does respect and support me in my education, and I get where he's coming from, but he really needs to learn to handle it better).
Also, if the bathroom is being used, he will use the kitchen sink to brush his teeth and I am not on board with that.
We all get irritated with our SO's at times. Just communicate with him and make sure you don't let it build up until it explodes. As long as he makes efforts to change his actions and communicate with you, I think you'll be fine.
I dare you to name one person that isn't slightly annoying or frustrating.
Edit: I would never marry a man I had to mother. Ugh.
He also used my face cloth to clean the outside of the toilet when we moved because he couldn't find a rag. I went and bought a new one.