Does Anyone Else Get Super Frustrated With Their Partner?

climbingsingle · November 2014

He has a bad habit of making plans for us and then forgetting to tell me. That doesn't always work well with my social anxiety. I've told him a million times to please not spring things on me like that. Shit, if you want to surprise me, buy me some fucking flowers. Or take me on a vacation.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

If anything, I probably annoy him more than he annoys me....

My beef is in him standing up for himself and to his family, which is kind of an ongoing saga. He moved to my home state across the country from his folks for a job before we even met. They freaked out when we moved in together (I think they always thought their baby would move home). They make him feel guilty about it All. The. Time. "you're missing everything here" "(sister name) is coming home for fathers day, see how easy that is because she lives here - you'll miss it" Like, pretty brutal stuff meant to make him homesick. And it's constant. He's too sweet to tell them to STFU.

Last year, H was in a wedding in their hometown within two weeks of Thanksgiving. They literally expected us to fly out for the wedding, then fly back two weeks later for Thanksgiving and threw an "omg you're abandoning our family" fit when we said it didn't make sense. Um, really? So we invited them to our house for Thanksgiving, but they of course declined. In the 5-6 years we've been together, they've been to visit him/us 3 times. We've been to visit them about 12.

He never tells them to stop trying to make him feel bad or that if they want to see us, just buy a damn plane ticket. I've kept my mouth shut - it's his family after all. But if they ever ask me directly, y'all know I'll tell them what I think.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

loro929 said:

There are definitely some things that FI does that frustrate me (for example: he likes cleaning in a certain way, so more times than not after I clean he will re-wipe down the area as per his liking), but if he told me he would do something for me - and I find out by a letter demanding a payment that he did not, I would be more than frustrated - I would be livid. If he "forgot" to take care of something so simple as a speeding ticket, some red flags would be raised for trusting him in the future with more complex responsibilities.

Seriously? The OPs FI forget to pay the speeding ticket. That happens. Then he is unsure how to fight it so he asks how to do that. Well unless you have had a speeding ticket before you wouldn't know how to fight it and asking for help is normal, better then him not asking and just not dealing with it. But I certainly don't see this as a red flag where he will not be capable of taking care of a larger issue.

So much this. People make mistakes.

Lord knows i do. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's something else to assume it's red flag for bigger issues.

But this is TK. . . we love to yell Red Flag and throw out psychological evaluations!

I mean clearly her FI has Dissociative amnesia due to his inability to remember to pay the speeding ticket. Duh!

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

lacqueredlover said:

I'm sure you do shit that annoys him too. That's life. Nothing is perfect. It annoys my FI that I don't put away the laundry right away when we get it back. It annoys me that he leaves all the cabinets open. We all do things that annoy our significant other.

Pft, I dunno what your problems are. . . all of you! But I'm fucking perfect, so if my DH has an issue he needs to have a come to Jesus moment with himself. There's nothing I do that would warrant him being annoyed.

beethery · November 2014

lacqueredlover said:

larrygaga said:

I'm the frustrating one of the relationship and FI has the patience of a saint. I dare you to name one person that isn't slightly annoying or frustrating.

Screw you, I'm perfect.

But no seriously, RuPaul is perfect. That's about it.

1. Today is RuPaul's birthday.

2. We get on each other's nerves sometimes. It's normal.

lacqueredlover · November 2014

beethery said:

lacqueredlover said:

larrygaga said:

I'm the frustrating one of the relationship and FI has the patience of a saint. I dare you to name one person that isn't slightly annoying or frustrating.

Screw you, I'm perfect.

But no seriously, RuPaul is perfect. That's about it.

1. Today is RuPaul's birthday.

2. We get on each other's nerves sometimes. It's normal.

Um yesterday was RuPaul's birthday @beethery . How dare you not know that? Funny story, Ru and my FI share a birthday. coincidence? I think not.

Cookie Pusher · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

loro929 said:

There are definitely some things that FI does that frustrate me (for example: he likes cleaning in a certain way, so more times than not after I clean he will re-wipe down the area as per his liking), but if he told me he would do something for me - and I find out by a letter demanding a payment that he did not, I would be more than frustrated - I would be livid. If he "forgot" to take care of something so simple as a speeding ticket, some red flags would be raised for trusting him in the future with more complex responsibilities.

Seriously? The OPs FI forget to pay the speeding ticket. That happens. Then he is unsure how to fight it so he asks how to do that. Well unless you have had a speeding ticket before you wouldn't know how to fight it and asking for help is normal, better then him not asking and just not dealing with it. But I certainly don't see this as a red flag where he will not be capable of taking care of a larger issue.

So much this. People make mistakes.

Lord knows i do. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's something else to assume it's red flag for bigger issues.

But this is TK. . . we love to yell Red Flag and throw out psychological evaluations!

I mean clearly her FI has Dissociative amnesia due to his inability to remember to pay the speeding ticket. Duh!

It's obviously time for counseling and a divorce!

lacqueredlover · November 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

loro929 said:

There are definitely some things that FI does that frustrate me (for example: he likes cleaning in a certain way, so more times than not after I clean he will re-wipe down the area as per his liking), but if he told me he would do something for me - and I find out by a letter demanding a payment that he did not, I would be more than frustrated - I would be livid. If he "forgot" to take care of something so simple as a speeding ticket, some red flags would be raised for trusting him in the future with more complex responsibilities.

Seriously? The OPs FI forget to pay the speeding ticket. That happens. Then he is unsure how to fight it so he asks how to do that. Well unless you have had a speeding ticket before you wouldn't know how to fight it and asking for help is normal, better then him not asking and just not dealing with it. But I certainly don't see this as a red flag where he will not be capable of taking care of a larger issue.

So much this. People make mistakes.

Lord knows i do. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's something else to assume it's red flag for bigger issues.

But this is TK. . . we love to yell Red Flag and throw out psychological evaluations!

I mean clearly her FI has Dissociative amnesia due to his inability to remember to pay the speeding ticket. Duh!

It's obviously time for counseling and a divorce!

What is this, the Nest? Did he grab her ass too?

beethery · November 2014

@lacqueredlover because I'm a dumb ass terrible fan

(((((((((((((( WORST.

However, I met RuPaul once. He was very tall and had the most perfect robin's egg blue Ferragamo coat on.

esstee33 · November 2014

Of course he frustrates me from time to time. He won't admit it, but I know I frustrate him sometimes, too. We're two independent people trying to coexist around each other all the time, and that can always lead to issues.

His ex and his mother both treat(ed) him like he's incapable of doing basically anything, so I try not to get super frustrated with him when it seems like he needs a little extra hand-holding, though. But also, I tend to be way more opinionated and he's very laid-back, so I'm usually the decision-maker in the first place. He's always trying to help out, but sometimes he just doesn't know what I need him to do, even though it's simple, intuitive stuff to me. I can't fault him for not being able to read my mind.

lacqueredlover · November 2014

beethery said:

@lacqueredlover because I'm a dumb ass terrible fan (((((((((((((( WORST.

However, I met RuPaul once. He was very tall and had the most perfect robin's egg blue Ferragamo coat on.

RuPaul lives within 15 blocks of me. It's my life goal to meet him on the street. I've met several other of the queens but he reigns supreme.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

lacqueredlover said:

Cookie Pusher said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

loro929 said:

There are definitely some things that FI does that frustrate me (for example: he likes cleaning in a certain way, so more times than not after I clean he will re-wipe down the area as per his liking), but if he told me he would do something for me - and I find out by a letter demanding a payment that he did not, I would be more than frustrated - I would be livid. If he "forgot" to take care of something so simple as a speeding ticket, some red flags would be raised for trusting him in the future with more complex responsibilities.

Seriously? The OPs FI forget to pay the speeding ticket. That happens. Then he is unsure how to fight it so he asks how to do that. Well unless you have had a speeding ticket before you wouldn't know how to fight it and asking for help is normal, better then him not asking and just not dealing with it. But I certainly don't see this as a red flag where he will not be capable of taking care of a larger issue.

So much this. People make mistakes.

Lord knows i do. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's something else to assume it's red flag for bigger issues.

But this is TK. . . we love to yell Red Flag and throw out psychological evaluations!

I mean clearly her FI has Dissociative amnesia due to his inability to remember to pay the speeding ticket. Duh!

It's obviously time for counseling and a divorce!

What is this, the Nest? Did he grab her ass too?

Oh please, the armchair psychology is strong on this site.

I mean it's all fun and games until everyone has BPD and PPD.

jenna8984 · November 2014

lacqueredlover said:

I'm sure you do shit that annoys him too. That's life. Nothing is perfect. It annoys my FI that I don't put away the laundry right away when we get it back. It annoys me that he leaves all the cabinets open. We all do things that annoy our significant other.

We had this argument on Sunday.

DH- Are you going to finish the laundry?

Me- It is finished.

DH- it's in the basement in the dryer. It needs to be folded and put away.

Me- I consider the laundry process "done" when it's clean and dry. Therefor it's done.

DH- No, it's done when it's put away.

I put it away like 20 minutes later because I know how much he hates folding and his argument kind of won me over lol

beethery · November 2014

lacqueredlover said:

beethery said:

@lacqueredlover because I'm a dumb ass terrible fan (((((((((((((( WORST.

However, I met RuPaul once. He was very tall and had the most perfect robin's egg blue Ferragamo coat on.

RuPaul lives within 15 blocks of me. It's my life goal to meet him on the street. I've met several other of the queens but he reigns supreme.

He came to NH last presidential election season ahead of the primaries. I'm pretty sure the whole purpose of his trip was to say, "I AM NOT RON PAUL, or RAND PAUL."

It was very exciting.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

jenna8984 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I'm sure you do shit that annoys him too. That's life. Nothing is perfect. It annoys my FI that I don't put away the laundry right away when we get it back. It annoys me that he leaves all the cabinets open. We all do things that annoy our significant other.

We had this argument on Sunday.
DH- Are you going to finish the laundry?
Me- It is finished.
DH- it's in the basement in the dryer. It needs to be folded and put away.
Me- I consider the laundry process "done" when it's clean and dry. Therefor it's done.
DH- No, it's done when it's put away.
I put it away like 20 minutes later because I know how much he hates folding and his argument kind of won me over lol

He hates folding yet he tells you that the laundry is not done because it is still in the dryer and not put away? Yeah, I would have told him to start folding his own damn laundry or stop telling me when he considers laundry done.

amelisha · November 2014

abbyj700 said:

amelisha said:

I am totally mom in most of our day-to-day life. I cook all the meals (and make him eat instead of starving himself because he can't be bothered to put down the Playstation controller), do all the laundry, do all the housecleaning and dishes and grocery shopping...and yeah, sometimes I do get a bit frustrated that without me he'd be starving and filthy....

But he is the one who is going to make sure we can afford to retire. He's the financial planner, investor, etc etc and if it weren't for him I'd either have to actually learn how to manage my money (unlikely) or spend the rest of my life with $42 in my savings account, making terrible shopping decisions and having no idea that people have, like, RSPs and stock portfolios. So it does kind of balance out.

It's all good to have one person in the house who's better with finances - but I'd advise anyone to learn about financial planning and be aware of the household finances. I had a friend who always said "oh, well Lisa handles the money" and he was always sure his wife was doing a stellar job at it. Until one day he woke up and they $40k in debt outside of their mortgage and cars (think credit cards, time share, none essentials). After 15+ years of marriage - he had NO idea.

I have learned so much just from having someone like FI around me , and I have gotten myself through university and to the age of 27 without incurring any debt at least, so I'm not quuuuite as clueless as I made myself sound

But I just don't care like he does. He's got a real passion for the whole thing, and I know it frustrates him sometimes when I'm like "Okay, great, you moved those investments, can we get cheeseburgers now?"

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

Maggie0829 said:

jenna8984 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I'm sure you do shit that annoys him too. That's life. Nothing is perfect. It annoys my FI that I don't put away the laundry right away when we get it back. It annoys me that he leaves all the cabinets open. We all do things that annoy our significant other.

We had this argument on Sunday.
DH- Are you going to finish the laundry?
Me- It is finished.
DH- it's in the basement in the dryer. It needs to be folded and put away.
Me- I consider the laundry process finished when you fold and put the clothes away if that's what you want. The dryer does not have a padlock on it. Go forth and fold, my little flower. "done" when it's clean and dry. Therefor it's done.
DH- No, it's done when it's put away.
I put it away like 20 minutes later because I know how much he hates folding and his argument kind of won me over lol

He hates folding yet he tells you that the laundry is not done because it is still in the dryer and not put away? Yeah, I would have told him to start folding his own damn laundry or stop telling me when he considers laundry done.

This exactly.

My "FTFY" conversation would be above.

luckya23 · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

I'm going to guess that your FI has acted like this before, right?

Pretty sure OP is the one who deals with her FI's boss for him....

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

amelisha said:

abbyj700 said:

amelisha said:

I am totally mom in most of our day-to-day life. I cook all the meals (and make him eat instead of starving himself because he can't be bothered to put down the Playstation controller), do all the laundry, do all the housecleaning and dishes and grocery shopping...and yeah, sometimes I do get a bit frustrated that without me he'd be starving and filthy....

But he is the one who is going to make sure we can afford to retire. He's the financial planner, investor, etc etc and if it weren't for him I'd either have to actually learn how to manage my money (unlikely) or spend the rest of my life with $42 in my savings account, making terrible shopping decisions and having no idea that people have, like, RSPs and stock portfolios. So it does kind of balance out.

It's all good to have one person in the house who's better with finances - but I'd advise anyone to learn about financial planning and be aware of the household finances. I had a friend who always said "oh, well Lisa handles the money" and he was always sure his wife was doing a stellar job at it. Until one day he woke up and they $40k in debt outside of their mortgage and cars (think credit cards, time share, none essentials). After 15+ years of marriage - he had NO idea.

I have learned so much just from having someone like FI around me , and I have gotten myself through university and to the age of 27 without incurring any debt at least, so I'm not quuuuite as clueless as I made myself sound But I just don't care like he does. He's got a real passion for the whole thing, and I know it frustrates him sometimes when I'm like "Okay, great, you moved those investments, can we get cheeseburgers now?"

jenna8984 · November 2014

Maggie0829 said:

He hates folding yet he tells you that the laundry is not done because it is still in the dryer and not put away? Yeah, I would have told him to start folding his own damn laundry or stop telling me when he considers laundry done.

Lol yes we decided long ago that he hates laundry and I hate dishes (we don't have a dishwasher). But I honestly don't mind laundry and he doesn't mind dishes so it's been an argeement that those are our respective jobs. Of course we help each other out here and there but for the most part that's my job and dishes are his job so I knew he was just busting my balls about it. If I really said no, he would have done it.

abbyj700 · November 2014

jenna8984 said:

Maggie0829 said:

He hates folding yet he tells you that the laundry is not done because it is still in the dryer and not put away? Yeah, I would have told him to start folding his own damn laundry or stop telling me when he considers laundry done.

Lol yes we decided long ago that he hates laundry and I hate dishes (we don't have a dishwasher). But I honestly don't mind laundry and he doesn't mind dishes so it's been an argeement that those are our respective jobs. Of course we help each other out here and there but for the most part that's my job and dishes are his job so I knew he was just busting my balls about it. If I really said no, he would have done it.

We have a similar arrangement - but if DH ever spoke to me the way yours did - I would stop doing his laundry.

lacqueredlover · November 2014

Neither of us actually does the laundry. We have it sent out in our building and it comes back all folded haha. I just am lazy about putting it away because it doesn't bother me. If it bothers him, he can put it away.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

abbyj700 said:

jenna8984 said:

Maggie0829 said:

He hates folding yet he tells you that the laundry is not done because it is still in the dryer and not put away? Yeah, I would have told him to start folding his own damn laundry or stop telling me when he considers laundry done.

Lol yes we decided long ago that he hates laundry and I hate dishes (we don't have a dishwasher). But I honestly don't mind laundry and he doesn't mind dishes so it's been an argeement that those are our respective jobs. Of course we help each other out here and there but for the most part that's my job and dishes are his job so I knew he was just busting my balls about it. If I really said no, he would have done it.

We have a similar arrangement - but if DH ever spoke to me the way yours did - I would stop doing his laundry.

I mean, if they have this arrangement though and the agreement is that things get done a certain way, I can see it.

Say the dishes agreement is that he washes, manually dries and puts away the dishes. She comes into the kitchen and there's a pile of dishes on the counter when the agreement is that they get put away. I don't think it's out of the question for her to ask him if he's going to finish the job.

Originally, I thought it was a little off, too. But it sounds like the agreement is she does laundry, he does dishes.

amelisha · November 2014

I have a deep spiritual kinship with the cheezburger cat, is all I'm saying.

flutteringinfl · November 2014

FI is actually kind of irritating me right now (as in, literally as I type this) because he's trying to figure out his Christmas gift. He does this EVERY Christmas and birthday. Part of the fun for him of receiving gifts is trying to figure out what it is, and part of the fun for me is giving gifts people didn't know were coming. So naturally, we clash a little bit there. He prods and I dodge and yet he somehow always figures it out. Right now he's telling me he thinks he knows what it is but is afraid to tell me for fear that I'll get him something else if he's right. I didn't think what I was planning on getting him was something he really wanted so he's probably wrong...

larrygaga · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

loro929 said:

There are definitely some things that FI does that frustrate me (for example: he likes cleaning in a certain way, so more times than not after I clean he will re-wipe down the area as per his liking), but if he told me he would do something for me - and I find out by a letter demanding a payment that he did not, I would be more than frustrated - I would be livid. If he "forgot" to take care of something so simple as a speeding ticket, some red flags would be raised for trusting him in the future with more complex responsibilities.

Seriously? The OPs FI forget to pay the speeding ticket. That happens. Then he is unsure how to fight it so he asks how to do that. Well unless you have had a speeding ticket before you wouldn't know how to fight it and asking for help is normal, better then him not asking and just not dealing with it. But I certainly don't see this as a red flag where he will not be capable of taking care of a larger issue.

So much this. People make mistakes.

Lord knows i do. It's okay to be frustrated, but it's something else to assume it's red flag for bigger issues.

But this is TK. . . we love to yell Red Flag and throw out psychological evaluations!

I mean clearly her FI has Dissociative amnesia due to his inability to remember to pay the speeding ticket. Duh!

Did you see the thread about Trouble in Paradise on TN?

The internet is full of psych 101 students who understand how the whole world works.

princessleia22 · November 2014

Oh yeah, I definitely feel like I have to lead DH by the hand sometimes.

Shortly after we started dating, he decided to go back to college, but didn't know what to do. I had to do all his financial aid forms (and still do every year), I had to go with him to visit the registration office... hell, I even took his first class with him! He still doesn't know how to register for a class, although he has learned how to go to the registration or financial aid office himself to resolve problems. But, he usually will call me asking for advice while he attempts those things on his own. And when he manages it successfully, I so want to tell him "good boy" and give him a cookie.

I handle all the finances in our household. He just knows how to look and see if there is money in the account. And he knows that I have a binder with all the bill stuff, but he's never looked at it.

But, my biggest pet peeves:

1) He leave his clothes in every room of the house and can't pick up his dishes or trash. He leaves dishes all over the house.

2) And trash gets left on whatever table is closest, even though I have conveniently located a trash can in each room of the house. He will even leave trash sitting on the table just inches from a trash can! That one really annoys me.

But, then he will complain that house is always a mess!

3) Oh, and he doesn't know how to close any cabinet doors or drawers. I can't count how many times I've smashed my knee on the open dresser drawer or hit my head on a cabinet door. Oh, and every kitchen cabinet door being open doesn't help with the house looking like a mess. I close them everyday, but he opens them right back up.

But, DH does all the cooking, so I'd probably starve without him... or eat nothing but frozen, processed food. And he gets really annoyed that I put off laundry until Sunday afternoon and sometimes the last load gets left in the dryer until Wednesday. And he gets annoyed that I shed everywhere... I have long hair and it seems to end up everywhere. Oh, and I buy salad or healthy food, but don't usually finish it all so some of it always goes bad and ends up in the trash... he hates that one.

So, I figure it's a two way street... yes, he will annoy me at time, but I know I annoy him too. That's just part of sharing your life with someone.

Oh, and DH did once get caught by a speed camera in my car also... and I had to take care of sending it back in. FYI, they generally can't enforce the ticket if the person in the photo isn't the registered owner. When DH got the ticket, I just mailed it back saying it wasn't me driving and it got dropped. They may ask if you know who the driver is, but you aren't required to say and even then they can't enforce it since there's no real ties for that person to the registered vehicle. They have gotten rid of most of the camera in my state because they couldn't successfully enforce them.

smalfrie19 · November 2014

I am pretty sure in my vows it said "I promise to openly communicate, even if that means openly communicating that you are driving me crazy" and I do. When he's being annoying, I tell him.

Also, in our relationship we have a thing where if a chore isn't done to our individual standards, we do it ourselves. IE my H feels that the house needs to be picked up and vacuumed more often then I feel like it does, so instead of pestering me to do it, he just does it.

steph861 · November 2014

Yes, I absolutely can relate to this. I don't know, maybe I'm more enterprising than DH, but often when he doesn't know how to do something he asks me to do it or asks me to show him how to do it (the latter isn't really a problem, though). Sometimes I'll have to google it or watch how-to videos since it's not something I'm familiar with either. Dude, you're about as tech-savvy as they come - google is your friend!

Sugargirl1019 · November 2014

My ex got a speeding ticket and was arrested one day for not paying it.. I am not sure if it's because he didn't go to court or what? Idk. So, so far in my mind - not paying a ticket is a big deal breaker for me. Anyone explain this timeline of getting arrested for me?

DH forgets to do things all the time. I know I have to hound him to pay his bills (before we got married) or call people. I lose everything and will call him at work whining asking if he can remember where my grey booties are, or where my glasses are. I am generally more messy than him too.

We LOVE to hold each others hand though

so it doesn't matter if we have to hold each others hand and walk through some things.

Does Anyone Else Get Super Frustrated With Their Partner?

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