Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

Re: Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

• banana468 member

  

  November 2014

  I guess they really didn't love her. If they did then they all would be more understanding. ;-)

  Report27 Reply
• jacques27 member

  

  November 2014

  It always amazes me how self-righteous the brides (and grooms) in these situations get - like this is the first time in their lives they are hearing that people don't love liars.
  

  Report7 Reply
• Liatris2010 mod

  

  November 2014

  Who could have seen that coming?
  
  Oh right, everyone.
  

  

  Report4 Reply
• raissyrais member

  

  November 2014

  Well, what a tragedy. But our friends all love us, they will understand!

  

  Report0 Reply
• novella1186 member

  

  November 2014

  Unfriend. 

  

  Report0 Reply
• MobKaz member

  

  November 2014

  I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  November 2014

  Wow. I'm glad  people  spoke up. 

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  MobKaz said:

  I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
  

  She keeps saying they had "reasons" but wanted her big day to be the real deal.... Apparently she didn't want it enough to ACTUALLY get married then. 

  
  

  I would feel bad for her as I think she is genuinely blindsided at how angry everyone is. However, she really did bring this on herself. 

  
  

  It is getting really crazy. Here are some Updates:

  -I didn't realise they had booked a place in the countryside where you had to stay at least 2 nights, so that means everyone who went spent a minimum of £700 on trains and accommodation. Posts are coming in all over saying they wish they could have just been invited to the registry office and saved everyone money. It is becoming a bit of a pile on.

  
  

  -Husband is posting responses to everyone saying leave wife alone and they had reasons we couldn't possibly understand. He is disappointed at all these people bringing negative thoughts about their marriage and now knows who is true friends are.

  
  

  - Groom's aunt says "Are you saying the lace I made you by hand for your wedding dress wasn't actually used in your wedding? I wish you had told me and saved me the time."

  
  

  I'll keep you updated. It is getting ridiculous (Husband and Wife are really handling this in the worst way possible).

  
  

  Christmas in this house is going to be awkward this year....

  Report13 Reply
• novella1186 member

  

  November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  show previous quotes

  MobKaz said:

  I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
  

  She keeps saying they had "reasons" but wanted her big day to be the real deal.... Apparently she didn't want it enough to ACTUALLY get married then. 

  
  

  I would feel bad for her as I think she is genuinely blindsided at how angry everyone is. However, she really did bring this on herself. 

  
  

  It is getting really crazy. Here are some Updates:

  -I didn't realise they had booked a place in the countryside where you had to stay at least 2 nights, so that means everyone who went spent a minimum of £700 on trains and accommodation. Posts are coming in all over saying they wish they could have just been invited to the registry office and saved everyone money. It is becoming a bit of a pile on.

  
  

  -Husband is posting responses to everyone saying leave wife alone and they had reasons we couldn't possibly understand. He is disappointed at all these people bringing negative thoughts about their marriage and now knows who is true friends are.

  
  

  - Groom's aunt says "Are you saying the lace I made you by hand for your wedding dress wasn't actually used in your wedding? I wish you had told me and saved me the time."

  
  

  I'll keep you updated. It is getting ridiculous (Husband and Wife are really handling this in the worst way possible).

  
  

  Christmas in this house is going to be awkward this year....

  
  

  
  

  
  

  SIB

  The first bolded made me laugh. The second bolded made me cringe so bad. Do they seriously think it was ok to lie to all these people, and then a year after the fact, reveal that they had lied all along in a FACEBOOK post???? And people would just be like "Aw how wonderful!" and not care? 

  

  Report4 Reply
• esstee33 member

  

  November 2014

  Ah yes, the old "reasons you couldn't possible understand." 

  
  

  Selfishness is not a difficult concept to understand, actually. 

  Report9 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2014

  I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

  
  

  Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.

  
  

  Report2 Reply
• novella1186 member

  

  November 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

  
  

  Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.

  Too bad you can't just post this entire facebook mess on TK along with all the angry comments 

  

  Report0 Reply
• ChemFanatic25 member

  

  November 2014

  I'm surprised they just haven't quieted down or deleted the post. Like, at some point, just stop justifying what you did and back down. It makes me think of the quote "If you run into an ***hole in the morning, you ran into an ***hole. If you run into ***holes all day, you're the ***hole." Everyone is pretty angry at them. They need to pipe down and recognize what they did was selfish and wrong, or at least just pipe down. 

  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  November 2014

  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

  
  

  Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

  
  

  "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

  
  

  I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: 

  Report19 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

  
  

  Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

  
  

  "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

  
  

  I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: 

  This whole thing makes me want to vomit and punch them all at the same time.  And I really love how they threw out the jealousy card.  Yeah, everyone is so jealous of you.  I guess none of your friends or family have any right to be pissed at you because you LIED to them.  Why are people such assholes? 

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• novella1186 member

  

  November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

  
  

  Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

  
  

  "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

  
  

  I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: 

  This is disgusting. They sound like terrible people, not to mention total morons. Yeah, I'm sure everyone's just jealous of your tacky fake wedding. That must be it. People getting pissed at them for being assholes is not an "obstacle," it's them getting called out for being assholes. I have feeling they won't have too many friends after this. JFC. 

  

  Report3 Reply
• lovegood90 member

  

  November 2014

  Oh wow! You KNOW people have reached the peak of ridiculousness when they pull out the jealous card. YEP, you got me!

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  November 2014

  The funny thing is most people DO understand that circumstances can cause plans to be modified.

  
  

  For example, our good friends had plans to be married in Austria in August.  It was a Catholic wedding so you have to go through pre-cana and stuff.     She is from Austria and her green card was about to expire.  Her company was going to sponsor her and pickup the tab to have it renewed.  Then they found out she was getting married and decided not to sponsor her anymore since she can get the green card via her husband. 

  
  

  Their choices were for her to leave the country and return 6 months later as a bride, losing a great job.  Getting married at a JOP, but not have the Catholic wedding.  Or get married via the JOP and still keep their Catholic wedding plans in Austria (Austria requires a separate civil wedding, so they would have had to have 2 anyway).      Because they did not go through pre-cana, having a Catholic wedding in a short period of time was not an option.

  
  

  They choose to have the civil wedding and continue with their Catholic plans in Austria. 

  
  

  EVERYONE KNEW!!!    They were open and honest with everyone.    They posted pictures of their legal wedding on FB.     A bunch of us from the states still happily flew over to Austria for their Catholic wedding.  

  
  

  Some people flat out hate these legal and "real" weddings.  People like me get shit happens, all we want it people to be honest with us.   We do not want to feel manipulated into feeling something because you feel entitled.  That is not really much to ask of a close friend or family member.

  
  

  If you are getting legally married for the benefits  (immigration, health, military, whatever).  OWN THAT SHIT.    

  
  

  The average person will understand.  They however, do not take to kindly into being lied to (omission or otherwise).

  
  

  
  

  On another note, dude if you are keeping such a secret KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!!

  
  

  but that goes back to what I've said in the past.   This kind of thing ALWAYS comes out.  You are a much better friend to tell people up front, then have it come out in the future, as this thread proves.   

  
  

  So many posters think us knotties are terrible awful people to have the opinion that lying to your guests is wrong.  They think we are some sort of club and we are the only ones who have these types of feelings on the subject.    I think this thread proves that normally average people also have the same feelings.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report9 Reply
• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  November 2014

  lyndausvi said:

  The funny thing is most people DO understand that circumstances can cause plans to be modified.
  

  I'm with you on this. A friend of mine had to get legally married in the US before she could get married in her church in her home country - her priest wouldn't marry them otherwise, and there were some citizenship hoops, etc. But she didn't hide it; they got married civilly and had a party to celebrate that, then had the religious ceremony back home and another party to celebrate that. Both ceremonies were (and are) equally important and meaningful to her and her H (they celebrate both anniversaries), and she wasn't just getting married in a foreign country for some pretty beach pictures - it was her hometown church, and where all her family lived. I don't begrudge her that for a second.

  
  

  However... most of the other reasons, ESPECIALLY any reasons that refer to a "real wedding" or involve any form of dishonesty, get a giant NOPE from me.

  ---

  
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• marie2785 member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  I 

  lyndausvi said:

  The funny thing is most people DO understand that circumstances can cause plans to be modified.

  
  

  For example, our good friends had plans to be married in Austria in August.  It was a Catholic wedding so you have to go through pre-cana and stuff.     She is from Austria and her green card was about to expire.  Her company was going to sponsor her and pickup the tab to have it renewed.  Then they found out she was getting married and decided not to sponsor her anymore since she can get the green card via her husband. 
  

  Same thing happened to my brother and SIL. It was ridiculous. But yes, they got legally married 6-8 months in advance of their Catholic wedding at the advice of their lawyer (and after getting an OK from the church). Sad thing was her family told her to just lose her job and go back to Canada, they were so freaked out about the legal vs church wedding issue and what people would think. But the lawyer explained that would mess immigration up even more, so it was best to do the paperwork and legally marry ahead of time. Her going back to her home country would only make the immigration process harder.

  
  

  Immigration is tricky, and one of those areas I allow people ALOT of leeway in when it comes to wedding related issues. 

  Report0 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  November 2014 edited November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

  
  

  Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

  
  

  "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

  
  

  I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: 

  Holy shitballs. What assholes! 

  
  

  ETA: Honestly, I'd never speak to those people again if I were friends with them. 

  Report0 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  November 2014

  I love that they had the predictable response after they couldn't take the heat.

  Report0 Reply
• MobKaz member

  

  November 2014

  Maggie0829 said:

  I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

  
  

  Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.

  As much as I 110% agree with you, we all know that the SS brides will argue that in their case, that would NEVER happen because they REALLY put the "special" in SS.  Their situation is different/unique/one of a kind.
  

  Report1 Reply
• MobKaz member

  

  November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the post has been deleted!

  
  

  Husband/Wife have the same cryptic passive aggressive message:

  
  

  "We are dissapointed to learn at the immaturity of our so-called friends and their willingness to judge us on something that has no effect on them. The message still stands, we love each other and will overcome any obstacles that may face us together. You live a sad life if you care that much about how we chose to get married. To everyone thriving on pettiness and jealousy of our fantastic weddings, GROW UP!"

  
  

  I am not going to lie- I have been petty and have watched it blow up like this: 

  Of course they will deflect to anyone else rather than accept personal responsibility.  Certainly it is not THEIR selfishness and immaturity that created the problem.  Their lies and deceit indeed had an effect on their guests, to the tune of hundreds of dollars, time spent traveling or creating special momentos in recognition of the day they THOUGHT they were sharing.  How good of a friend are you, bride, to go out of your way to lie to your nearest and dearest?
  
  It is the business of no one else ONLY if you do not involve anyone else.
  

  Report2 Reply
• dcbride86 member

  

  November 2014

  MobKaz said:

  show previous quotes

  Maggie0829 said:

  I am absolutely loving everyone who is speaking up about how pissed they are!  

  
  

  Let this be a lesson to those SS brides who think that your friends and family will love you and understand regardless.

  As much as I 110% agree with you, we all know that the SS brides will argue that in their case, that would NEVER happen because they REALLY put the "special" in SS.  Their situation is different/unique/one of a kind.
  

  I actually DO have a SS example that everyone understood - but they were upfront with everyone.  The grooms mother was going to die of cancer before the wedding.  They were married at her death bed, with nobody else present. 

  They still had their fancy wedding a couple months later, wedding gown and all, and to my knowledge, nobody side eyed because - come on.  But those truly were extenuating circumstances and people knew about what happened.
  

  <a href="'>http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Free Wedding Vows">

  Report1 Reply
• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  November 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  show previous quotes

  MobKaz said:

  I'm surprised she didn't try to backpedal and explain why they HAD to marry quickly and quietly, because it is ALWAYS for a good reason.  I guess not every guest felt that being in "that moment" with them outweighed the lies and deceit.
  

  She keeps saying they had "reasons" but wanted her big day to be the real deal.... Apparently she didn't want it enough to ACTUALLY get married then. 

  
  

  I would feel bad for her as I think she is genuinely blindsided at how angry everyone is. However, she really did bring this on herself. 

  
  

  It is getting really crazy. Here are some Updates:

  -I didn't realise they had booked a place in the countryside where you had to stay at least 2 nights, so that means everyone who went spent a minimum of £700 on trains and accommodation. Posts are coming in all over saying they wish they could have just been invited to the registry office and saved everyone money. It is becoming a bit of a pile on.

  
  

  -Husband is posting responses to everyone saying leave wife alone and they had reasons we couldn't possibly understand. He is disappointed at all these people bringing negative thoughts about their marriage and now knows who is true friends are.

  
  

  - Groom's aunt says "Are you saying the lace I made you by hand for your wedding dress wasn't actually used in your wedding? I wish you had told me and saved me the time."

  
  

  I'll keep you updated. It is getting ridiculous (Husband and Wife are really handling this in the worst way possible).

  
  

  Christmas in this house is going to be awkward this year....

  Wow, poor Auntie.  Fuckery, thy name is Bride!!!!!!!
  
  I'm so glad that so many people are outraged, though.  It shows that common sense and decency still reign, despite what the PPDers here and in the wedding industry would lead us to believe.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  November 2014

  Can this be a sticky?

  Report10 Reply
• sarawifenow member

  

  November 2014

  This sounds just like my experience on FB with the SS I knew! People are so delusional.

  

  Report0 Reply
• wrigleyville member

  

  November 2014

  banana468 said:

  Can this be a sticky?

  I was just thinking I should bookmark this thread and link to it whenever we have one of those, "But my family and friends love me and would understand," responses.
  

  Report2 Reply
• lovesclimbing member

  

  November 2014

  No more stickies!!!  The stickies on this board are two screenfulls on my iPhone.  It's a bit of a pain to have to scroll through all those stickies every time I come to the boards on my phone and every time I click from a thread back to the main page.  

  
  

  Please no more! 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  (And I wish the ones we had would be deleted. We get the same questions whether we have them or not.)

  Report14 Reply