Sexist jerks

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

My dad didn't cook until my parents divorced. Then my dad would sheepishly call my mom and ask if she could teach him how to make his favorite meals / decent food for us when it was his weekend. He learned he loved to cook. He started with soups and went from there.
It's been 22 years and now he's got all these fancy gadgets and cook books and all kinds of things. He recently started getting into wine tastings and scotch. H and him don't have a lot in common, but they've been planning to craft some beers and smoke bacon and a brisket together.

My H was a butcher for 15 years and was the oldest of his roommates in college. He does the majority of the cooking in our house. I do most of the baking, not because it's a stereotype, but because I like the slow chemistry of baking and H is a fly by the seat of his pants kind of cook. He doesn't care for exact measurements.

OK that is really sweet. That must have been really hard for him to do.

ChemFanatic25 · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

When I bought my car, my dad was with me only because I was trading in my old car (the title was in his name because he had a better credit rating at the time). During negotiations, the salesman looked at my dad a few times to get his opinion. Finally, Dad said - "she's running the show. I'm just here to sign over the title for the other car." And when it was time for my husband to get a car, I was the one who drove the negotiations again because I have a great credit rating and I had done the research (and I'm ballsy).

Stereotypical gender roles can suck it.

When I bought my first car my grandpa was with me because he used to own a car dealership. The car dealership I went to knew I was buying the car and the person I worked with addressed all of the questions towards me even though it was obvious I was female and very young (just out of college). I felt so respected and bought the car which was mostly motivated by how well they treated me. Well that and the research I did on the car.

littlemushroom · November 2014

I can only think of one time where that comment is appropriate.

I have a friend who is a smart guy. He is responsible, caring, has a job in IT where following specific steps and critical thinking are important and he does a great job. But he cannot grocery shop to save his life. Even with a specific list he comes home with the wrong thing (like cream cheese is on the list but he gets cheddar, and that time the only things on the list were cheesecake ingredients) and always misses something on the list. It happens every single time he goes to the store by himself. It defies all reason that this smart, capable in all other aspects of life, man cannot manage to do something so simple as follow a list at the grocery store.

For him, the comment about his wife trusting him to go to the store is A-OK. Because in that situation it has nothing to do with stereotypes and everything to do with him specifically. Otherwise, no.

randomnumber041616 · November 2014

I'll admit, FI cannot grocery shop. He cooks and cleans like a boss, but it doesn't matter if I send him with a list, he always spends twice what he should on random items that we usually already have. One time, I had just bought a boatload of ground beef that was in our freezer and he went to the grocery store. I gave him a list and money and told him "One thing we definitely don't need is ground beef." because he likes to buy extra things that we "need". He brought home 7 lbs of ground beef. We don't even eat that much red meat. We still laugh about that.

wandajune6 · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

When I bought my car, my dad was with me only because I was trading in my old car (the title was in his name because he had a better credit rating at the time). During negotiations, the salesman looked at my dad a few times to get his opinion. Finally, Dad said - "she's running the show. I'm just here to sign over the title for the other car." And when it was time for my husband to get a car, I was the one who drove the negotiations again because I have a great credit rating and I had done the research (and I'm ballsy).

Stereotypical gender roles can suck it.

I had a very similar experience! I took my dad with me because it was my first car (I was 29...) and needed a ride to the dealership. I test drove cars at 3 places and needed to get around. The salespeople would all talk to my dad until he corrected them. It was incredibly annoying.

NowIamMrsKlein · November 2014

I always feel bad for FI and these kind of stereotypes. Since moving in together he has been slowly teaching me how to cook. I knew the basics and could slap together a meal but things like proper seasoning and creating a dish from scratch were just beyond me.

Most days he does all the cooking as he loves to cook, however we do a weekly date night where we prepare a fancy dish together so that I get some good learning experience in the kitchen and he gets to teach me things which is a fun and inexpensive date night. We usually post our dishes on FB because we are quite proud of them.

There is always a comment or two about how 'lucky' FI is etc. and before we were engaged there were comments like 'marry her!!!' etc. Everyone assumed that it was me that was doing the cooking. When really if left to my own accord I probably would have burnt the house down and cut my fingers off. And here is masterchef FI all pouty because everyone assumes he is inept when he really actually has a knack for it.

jenna8984 · November 2014

My coworker was telling me how her 20 year old son (away at college) broke up with his girlfriend. Coworker was like "I'm just really worried about him not having someone to look after him. When he had a girlfriend, I knew someone would be there to make sure he had some healthy meals, and make sure his homework was done, and you know even check his body for anything weird like moles".

I was just like JFC, you want him to have a school mom, not a girlfriend! Who says a girlfriend wouldn't eat even worse than him? He's 20- he can handle it! He should know his own body well enough if he develops a weird mole!

[Deleted User] · November 2014

thisismynickname2 · November 2014

I just thought of a really ridiculous example. There's a coffee shop near my work. For various reasons I was treating my male coworker, who's 30 years my senior, to coffee and a pastry. When we got to the cash register, the person clearly assumed the man was going to pay, until I practically waived my debit card in her face.

WTF?

novella1186 · November 2014

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of a really ridiculous example. There's a coffee shop near my work. For various reasons I was treating my male coworker, who's 30 years my senior, to coffee and a pastry. When we got to the cash register, the person clearly assumed the man was going to pay, until I practically waived my debit card in her face.
WTF?

Lol that happens to FI and I too. We don't share finances yet. Sometimes when we go out to dinner, he insists on paying, and sometimes I insist on paying. We just kind of alternate, I think it's fun for ME to take HIM out on a date. But they always hand the bill to him, and then I have to reach across the table to grab it away, and I purposely do this while they're still standing there. They always just give me a weird look and walk away. Yeah, I make money too.

holyguacamole79 · November 2014

Back to my OP ... I just heard that my dad got an angry message from one of the people who commented on the photo. I'm laughing so hard that she's mad at me but fusing at him.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

Back to my OP ... I just heard that my dad got an angry message from one of the people who commented on the photo. I'm laughing so hard that she's mad at me but fusing at him.

Well he ought to be keeping his little girl in line! And if he won't do it he better get on to your husband about keeping you in check. Why are you even allowed on the internet unsupervised!? Where is your husband!?

VulgarGirl · November 2014

novella1186 said:

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of a really ridiculous example. There's a coffee shop near my work. For various reasons I was treating my male coworker, who's 30 years my senior, to coffee and a pastry. When we got to the cash register, the person clearly assumed the man was going to pay, until I practically waived my debit card in her face.
WTF?

Lol that happens to FI and I too. We don't share finances yet. Sometimes when we go out to dinner, he insists on paying, and sometimes I insist on paying. We just kind of alternate, I think it's fun for ME to take HIM out on a date. But they always hand the bill to him, and then I have to reach across the table to grab it away, and I purposely do this while they're still standing there. They always just give me a weird look and walk away. Yeah, I make money too.

Do you know how many people over the years have asked "But how do you decide who pays for dinner?" when asking about same sex relationships. Or who holds open the door? Who walks to the outside of the sidewalk? Who drives?

The answer, for anyone who is wondering, whoever the fuck wants too. For all of those questions.

flutteringinfl · November 2014

MagicInk said:

novella1186 said:

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of a really ridiculous example. There's a coffee shop near my work. For various reasons I was treating my male coworker, who's 30 years my senior, to coffee and a pastry. When we got to the cash register, the person clearly assumed the man was going to pay, until I practically waived my debit card in her face.
WTF?

Lol that happens to FI and I too. We don't share finances yet. Sometimes when we go out to dinner, he insists on paying, and sometimes I insist on paying. We just kind of alternate, I think it's fun for ME to take HIM out on a date. But they always hand the bill to him, and then I have to reach across the table to grab it away, and I purposely do this while they're still standing there. They always just give me a weird look and walk away. Yeah, I make money too.

Do you know how many people over the years have asked "But how do you decide who pays for dinner?" when asking about same sex relationships. Or who holds open the door? Who walks to the outside of the sidewalk? Who drives?

The answer, for anyone who is wondering, whoever the fuck wants too. For all of those questions.

And that's why same sex marriage is immoral! In a world where both partners are the same gender, meals won't get paid for, and there will be total ANARCHY!

novella1186 · November 2014

MagicInk said:

novella1186 said:

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of a really ridiculous example. There's a coffee shop near my work. For various reasons I was treating my male coworker, who's 30 years my senior, to coffee and a pastry. When we got to the cash register, the person clearly assumed the man was going to pay, until I practically waived my debit card in her face.
WTF?

Lol that happens to FI and I too. We don't share finances yet. Sometimes when we go out to dinner, he insists on paying, and sometimes I insist on paying. We just kind of alternate, I think it's fun for ME to take HIM out on a date. But they always hand the bill to him, and then I have to reach across the table to grab it away, and I purposely do this while they're still standing there. They always just give me a weird look and walk away. Yeah, I make money too.

Do you know how many people over the years have asked "But how do you decide who pays for dinner?" when asking about same sex relationships. Or who holds open the door? Who walks to the outside of the sidewalk? Who drives?

The answer, for anyone who is wondering, whoever the fuck wants too. For all of those questions.

Yep! Whether it's a same-sex couple or not: whoever the fuck wants to.

holyguacamole79 · November 2014

MagicInk said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Back to my OP ... I just heard that my dad got an angry message from one of the people who commented on the photo. I'm laughing so hard that she's mad at me but fusing at him.

Well he ought to be keeping his little girl in line! And if he won't do it he better get on to your husband about keeping you in check. Why are you even allowed on the internet unsupervised!? Where is your husband!?

Duh, he's at work where he belongs.

plainjane0415 · November 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

That's really annoying. My dad actually does 90% of the shopping and 100% of the cooking.

THIS. Thanks to my dad, I know how to cook. My mom didn't teach me one thing about cooking.. That was all my dad.. and he's pretty damn good at it too.

MyNameIsNot · November 2014

Ugh, I'm so sick of this crap. I was in the grocery the other day, and the check out attendant was making some comment to the woman in front of me that her children's coaches wouldn't have to worry about cooking Thanksgiving, because their wives would be sure to do it. The woman responded that her daughters' team was coached by a woman, which I guess was her gentle retort.

My dad is a pretty traditional, head of household type. He also did 100% of the grocery shopping and 75% of the cooking when we were growing up, even back in the 80's.

I'm so sick of this helpless man stereotype. A penis doesn't prevent you from operating a stove or a grocery cart, and it's no excuse to be lazy.

afox007 · November 2014

I will admit I have to be really sick or really busy to trust FI to do the grocery shopping. Not because he is a man, but because I like actually having the groceries I need come home. I can make a grocery list for two weeks worth of food and stick to a $150-200 budget. I give that same list to FI and he comes home with half the stuff for the same price and about $100 worth of chips, cookies, and frozen BS.

I have figured out the problem though. I write specific sizes and brands based on what is on sale, coupons, amount I need etc. FI just sees the most important word . Safeway brand mild cheddar 32 oz turns into cheddar, so I might get an 8oz bag that was twice the price.

lovesclimbing · November 2014

I do generally go to the store more than H. He hates shopping.

But the funny thing is, he doesn't really "trust" me to go to the store. I buy store brand of almost everything, but H buys more specialized brands. Cheese is what really sets him off. I'll come home with Safeway brand cheese, and he won't be happy. I'll say "Well, it was cheaper!" Him: "We make good money so I can buy xyz brand. Stop buying stupid Safeway brand!"

[Deleted User] · November 2014

levioosa · November 2014

lovesclimbing said:

I do generally go to the store more than H. He hates shopping.

But the funny thing is, he doesn't really "trust" me to go to the store. I buy store brand of almost everything, but H buys more specialized brands. Cheese is what really sets him off. I'll come home with Safeway brand cheese, and he won't be happy. I'll say "Well, it was cheaper!" Him: "We make good money so I can buy xyz brand. Stop buying stupid Safeway brand!"

I'm on his side. Generic cheese is crap. Tillamook cheddar all the way.

lovesclimbing · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

lovesclimbing said:

I do generally go to the store more than H. He hates shopping.

But the funny thing is, he doesn't really "trust" me to go to the store. I buy store brand of almost everything, but H buys more specialized brands. Cheese is what really sets him off. I'll come home with Safeway brand cheese, and he won't be happy. I'll say "Well, it was cheaper!" Him: "We make good money so I can buy xyz brand. Stop buying stupid Safeway brand!"

If it's the only thing the man really fights on, give him his cheese.

I do the same thing with toilet paper. That is NOT where you cut the budget. My asshole is a delicate starfish.

I agree with you on the toilet paper! That is one thing you should NEVER skimp on.

@levioosa, I actually can't really tell that much of a difference.

raissyrais · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

lovesclimbing said:

I do generally go to the store more than H. He hates shopping.

But the funny thing is, he doesn't really "trust" me to go to the store. I buy store brand of almost everything, but H buys more specialized brands. Cheese is what really sets him off. I'll come home with Safeway brand cheese, and he won't be happy. I'll say "Well, it was cheaper!" Him: "We make good money so I can buy xyz brand. Stop buying stupid Safeway brand!"

If it's the only thing the man really fights on, give him his cheese.

I do the same thing with toilet paper. That is NOT where you cut the budget. My asshole is a delicate starfish.

If you saw those fangs on them star fishies, you wouldn't think they were so delicate any more hehe

mrscomposer · November 2014

I work in a stereotypically male profession (law enforcement) and J works in a stereotypically female profession (banking). We are the only people of our own genders in our respective offices.

We both love to cook and bake (J's family used to own a bakery, so dessert is an institution in their house), but I do the majority of it just because I want to. If you want killer Pad Thai or sweet potato soup, though, J's your guy - and his pavlova and crème brulee will seriously make your head spin. And we grocery shop together, because we like spending time together - but he's better at being more frugal than I am.

Our standard response to anyone being rude and ignorant? "Well, he wears the pants in the family, but she wears the gun, so...."

princessofgenovia · November 2014

FI is currently at home prepping for cooking tomorrow. I'm making two side dishes and two appetizers. He's doing everything else. He also cleaned the house, picked out new place mats, and decided how he wanted to set the table.

I put together the table we bought because I love him but he is not good at assembling furniture.

One of his friends made a comment about me trusting him to do the cooking and he responded "Dude, sexist" and his friend responded "yeah, you're right, that was shitty, I'm sorry man". I love his friends. They really are great guys.

esstee33 · November 2014

afox007 said:

I will admit I have to be really sick or really busy to trust FI to do the grocery shopping. Not because he is a man, but because I like actually having the groceries I need come home. I can make a grocery list for two weeks worth of food and stick to a $150-200 budget. I give that same list to FI and he comes home with half the stuff for the same price and about $100 worth of chips, cookies, and frozen BS.
I have figured out the problem though. I write specific sizes and brands based on what is on sale, coupons, amount I need etc. FI just sees the most important word . Safeway brand mild cheddar 32 oz turns into cheddar, so I might get an 8oz bag that was twice the price.

This is my issue with FI, too, in addition to the fact that I'm a very, very frugal person and he's not used to comparing the price per oz and getting the best deal. I've shown him how to penny pinch, so that's helped a ton.

We don't ever skimp on toilet paper, though, and until I started making my own laundry detergent, that was always something I picked out based on which smell I liked best at the time.

kerbohl · November 2014

jenna8984 said:

My coworker was telling me how her 20 year old son (away at college) broke up with his girlfriend. Coworker was like "I'm just really worried about him not having someone to look after him. When he had a girlfriend, I knew someone would be there to make sure he had some healthy meals, and make sure his homework was done, and you know even check his body for anything weird like moles".
I was just like JFC, you want him to have a school mom, not a girlfriend! Who says a girlfriend wouldn't eat even worse than him? He's 20- he can handle it! He should know his own body well enough if he develops a weird mole!

I'm going to have to disagree with this here. I am at high risk for melanoma, and I check my own moles regularly. However, I've got a couple on my back that I cannot see, and it was my husband that noticed an irregular one for me last week. I really like having someone check the spots I can't see, and it has nothing to do with knowing my own body well enough. I know they are there, and I know that they can turn into melanoma at the drop of a hat, but I still need someone to check them!
Everything else, besides the checking mole thing, was spot on. He should be able to handle school work and feeding himself by that age!

kerbohl · November 2014

This sexism thing is really hurting men. I just heard about a study (I think done in Europe) that noticed that men do not cope as well as women with the death of a spouse. Men become emotionally bankrupt and cannot care for themselves properly because they relied on their wives for the majority of important home life, such as the shopping or the upkeep of the household. Women, on the other hand, because they are often very involved in many aspects, including many of the financial decisions (even if they aren't handling finances, they do know that there is a budget and often have to find ways to stick to it and therefore have a good money sense), can bounce back quicker after the death of a spouse and go on with their lives in a healthier manner. Women also apparently deal with the emotions better, which is interesting because so often society assumes that women are emotionally fragile and things hit them harder than me. This study reveals that this might not be the case!

wrigleyville · November 2014

H is really good at shopping, especially if I send pictures (to his phone) of things he might not be familiar with, such as a particular baking ingredient.

One time, though, I was in a hurry and simply texted him, "I need Dove Cucumber Green Tea body wash". His phone cut the text off all weird, though, so you can imagine how hard I laughed when I came home from work and saw he'd bought cucumbers, green tea, and Dove body wash.

He felt really bad, but I assured him the body wash was a scent I like, I love cucumbers, and green tea is wonderful when I'm sick. Poor H.

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