Fiance rapidly lowering ring budget

AuroraRose41 · October 2014

I want to preface this by saying that my BF and I were recently in a similar position. We looked at things, he gave me the green light, and then did a similar thing of "that's too much money to spend." So I talked it out with him asking him what he would be more comfortable spending, and we explored our options together. It ended up that I did offer to pay for part of the ring (we didn't like any other options as much), and I told him it was because if it meant WE were spending the rest of our lives together, then I thought that both of us should contribute to it (my own personal opinion and justification used to make him feel more comfortable with it since he is very traditional when it comes to these things; I don't judge anyone who does it differently).

That being said, I agree with the PP's who have said that they see glaring red flags. You guys are having a communication issue, and the root of that needs to be worked out before you can move forward it seems. There are many women here who have gotten engaged without a ring, maybe that is an option if it makes both of you feel better, and go pick out the ring later.

And yes, my BF is very well off and has the money to pay for it on his own. He just wasn't sure about spending so much money on a piece of jewelry, and struggled with that because he is a relatively frugal person normally. I wouldn't know this if we didn't openly communicate about it, and we came to a solution together. This is what you and your BF need to do, and none of us here are mind readers and can tell you what your BF is thinking.

LabLove86 · October 2014

I have to agree that in this post and previous posts you do seem overly concerned/focused on the financial aspect of the whole situation.

I will say that I kinda get that - because recently BF and I had a discussion of how much to spend on what. He gave me the budget of between $X - $Y for an engagement ring - and most of that is because we want to be able to put down $4X for a downpayment on a house in less than 6 months.

But these are all things that we've discussed - I know what I'm saving, I know what he's saving - I know what he makes. I do wonder if you guys have ACTUAL financial transparency in your relationship or if he is just saying "yeah I make enough" and you're taking it at face value.

I agree with others - I see things I would consider red flags - mostly with financial and communication issues. Please just have an open and very honest conversation with him.

My ex BF had an ex wife and children - and even though I swore that I didn't have an issue with it at the time - hindsight is 20/20 and I had BIG issues with it. He wouldn't do things for me because he had done them for her, then she left him. I was never a priority for him. We didn't communicate - not all of the issues were linked to an ex-wife or the kids - but some of them were. Anyway - just trying to say that I've been in similar shoes - and I want you to make sure you're honest with yourself and the situation he is in.

Viczaesar · October 2014

Did your FI really say that he's buying guns because of World War 3?

jadelois · October 2014

Yeh, you totally sound ready to marry this guy? Why are you even interested in the price of the ring? You sound so superficial and appear to have no interest in the true meaning of marriage

speakeasy14 · October 2014

Viczaesar your sig is amazing

tutuani · November 2014

Study Shows Big Engagement Rings Are Linked To Higher Divorce Rates

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/10/10/big-engagement-rings-divorce-rates_n_5965234.html

Maybe he read this article.

kipper88 · November 2014

If you were my girlfriend, I'd say, "CYA!" Throwing a fit because he won't break the bank on a piece of JEWELRY for you? Really? Spending more on a ring doesn't mean your SO loves you more. This makes you sound incredibly materialistic and selfish.

teddygirl9 · November 2014

I wont comment on your relationship, however what if you split the cost? He would only be paying slightly more, and you could get the ring you really want.