Etiquette

Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

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Re: Another reason to not "get married now" and have a PPD later

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No more stickies!!!  The stickies on this board are two screenfulls on my iPhone.  It's a bit of a pain to have to scroll through all those stickies every time I come to the boards on my phone and every time I click from a thread back to the main page.  

    Please no more! 



    (And I wish the ones we had would be deleted. We get the same questions whether we have them or not.)

    I couldn't agree with this more. I hate stickies. And every board keeps getting more.
    I third this.  Stickies are completely pointless.  No one reads them so why even have them?

    Viczaesar[Deleted User]
  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2014

    A friend was bitching the other night about how a friend of hers has been talking nonstop lately about how she's getting married in a few weeks to her FI. But, not to worry, friend will still be invited to the local wedding and reception next year! Even when they are honest about it, PPDs can still be pretty annoying.

    ETA: spelling

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    firebabe6519
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kmmssg said:
    OK - let me get this straight:  

    1.  We have a thread SHOWING how offended friends and family become at being held hostage to a secret PPD.  

    2.  The term "PPD" is in the title

    3.  She who thrives on secret PPD's and defending them to her death has not shown up in this one, even though she has said in previous posts that she looks for the term so she can swoop in and defend them.

    Am I missing anything here?  Oh, wait - I don't think I am missing anything.  Keep this stuff secret and those who love you will be pissed.

    I am with Lynda on this topic all the way as is most everyone on the military brides board (contrary to popular belief):  own it, don't be secret about it and I have no problem.  I have posted ad infinitum that I have attended 4 of them, all deployment related.  If you are gonna do it. own it.  Put your big girl panties on and be open and honest about one of the biggest decisions of your life.


    I'm sure she's busy saving brides, one PPD at a time, through the wealth of PM's she claims to receive "thanking" her for fighting their fight.  Special begets special.  As far as the bolded, @kmmssg, you took her at her word???  Best knee slapper of the day!  You best get a bit more coffee in you this morning! 
    esstee33
  • MobKaz said:
    kmmssg said:
    OK - let me get this straight:  

    1.  We have a thread SHOWING how offended friends and family become at being held hostage to a secret PPD.  

    2.  The term "PPD" is in the title

    3.  She who thrives on secret PPD's and defending them to her death has not shown up in this one, even though she has said in previous posts that she looks for the term so she can swoop in and defend them.

    Am I missing anything here?  Oh, wait - I don't think I am missing anything.  Keep this stuff secret and those who love you will be pissed.

    I am with Lynda on this topic all the way as is most everyone on the military brides board (contrary to popular belief):  own it, don't be secret about it and I have no problem.  I have posted ad infinitum that I have attended 4 of them, all deployment related.  If you are gonna do it. own it.  Put your big girl panties on and be open and honest about one of the biggest decisions of your life.


    I'm sure she's busy saving brides, one PPD at a time, through the wealth of PM's she claims to receive "thanking" her for fighting their fight.  Special begets special.  As far as the bolded, @kmmssg, you took her at her word???  Best knee slapper of the day!  You best get a bit more coffee in you this morning! 
    @MobKaz - I must beg your indulgence.  I had had NO coffee when I wrote that.
    MobKazesstee33penguin44
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    No more stickies!!!  The stickies on this board are two screenfulls on my iPhone.  It's a bit of a pain to have to scroll through all those stickies every time I come to the boards on my phone and every time I click from a thread back to the main page.  

    Please no more! 



    (And I wish the ones we had would be deleted. We get the same questions whether we have them or not.)

    I couldn't agree with this more. I hate stickies. And every board keeps getting more.
    I third this.  Stickies are completely pointless.  No one reads them so why even have them?
    Hey, even if no one reads them they're useful to copy and paste to a thread of someone asking if their PPD or cash bar is okay instead of re-explaining, right? ;)

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    ladyamanuet
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No more stickies!!!  The stickies on this board are two screenfulls on my iPhone.  It's a bit of a pain to have to scroll through all those stickies every time I come to the boards on my phone and every time I click from a thread back to the main page.  

    Please no more! 



    (And I wish the ones we had would be deleted. We get the same questions whether we have them or not.)

    I couldn't agree with this more. I hate stickies. And every board keeps getting more.
    I third this.  Stickies are completely pointless.  No one reads them so why even have them?
    Hey, even if no one reads them they're useful to copy and paste to a thread of someone asking if their PPD or cash bar is okay instead of re-explaining, right? ;)
    Not really because then the SS come back and argue/question everything that was written in the sticky because their situation is unique or different.

    wrigleyvilleLiatris2010
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer









    No more stickies!!!  The stickies on this board are two screenfulls on my iPhone.  It's a bit of a pain to have to scroll through all those stickies every time I come to the boards on my phone and every time I click from a thread back to the main page.  

    Please no more! 



    (And I wish the ones we had would be deleted. We get the same questions whether we have them or not.)



    I couldn't agree with this more. I hate stickies. And every board keeps getting more.

    I third this.  Stickies are completely pointless.  No one reads them so why even have them?

    Hey, even if no one reads them they're useful to copy and paste to a thread of someone asking if their PPD or cash bar is okay instead of re-explaining, right? ;)



    Not really because then the SS come back and argue/question everything that was written in the sticky because their situation is unique or different.

    Or they ignore it/don't read it.
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    There was a ton of stickies on the Second Weddings and DW board that I collapsed into one. I "unstickied" the OPs and let them sink then pasted the links in the new main sticky. It can just be titled "Important Wedding Planning Etiquette- PLEASE READ" or something. You can just then paste the one link into replies. Maybe that will help in this case?............................................. Or maybe that is too much work. LOL edit- damn formatting

     







  • kmmssg said:

    OK - let me get this straight:  


    1.  We have a thread SHOWING how offended friends and family become at being held hostage to a secret PPD.  

    2.  The term "PPD" is in the title

    3.  She who thrives on secret PPD's and defending them to her death has not shown up in this one, even though she has said in previous posts that she looks for the term so she can swoop in and defend them.

    Am I missing anything here?  Oh, wait - I don't think I am missing anything.  Keep this stuff secret and those who love you will be pissed.

    I am with Lynda on this topic all the way as is most everyone on the military brides board (contrary to popular belief):  own it, don't be secret about it and I have no problem.  I have posted ad infinitum that I have attended 4 of them, all deployment related.  If you are gonna do it. own it.  Put your big girl panties on and be open and honest about one of the biggest decisions of your life.


    Assuming you mean me, sorry, been a bit busy.

    All I really learned in this thread is that the OP's FB friend is a moron. Why would anyone go through the trouble of keeping something to themselves then announcing it years later on FB of all places?

    Sounds to me like this person was looking to stir up a shit storm for herself. Well, guess she got one!

    Not much defense needed here.

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    image

    It's the phrase, y'all.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    esstee33firebabe6519PrettyGirlLostsouthernbelle0915
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    OK - let me get this straight:  

    1.  We have a thread SHOWING how offended friends and family become at being held hostage to a secret PPD.  

    2.  The term "PPD" is in the title

    3.  She who thrives on secret PPD's and defending them to her death has not shown up in this one, even though she has said in previous posts that she looks for the term so she can swoop in and defend them.

    Am I missing anything here?  Oh, wait - I don't think I am missing anything.  Keep this stuff secret and those who love you will be pissed.

    I am with Lynda on this topic all the way as is most everyone on the military brides board (contrary to popular belief):  own it, don't be secret about it and I have no problem.  I have posted ad infinitum that I have attended 4 of them, all deployment related.  If you are gonna do it. own it.  Put your big girl panties on and be open and honest about one of the biggest decisions of your life.


    Assuming you mean me, sorry, been a bit busy. All I really learned in this thread is that the OP's FB friend is a moron. Why would anyone go through the trouble of keeping something to themselves then announcing it years later on FB of all places? Sounds to me like this person was looking to stir up a shit storm for herself. Well, guess she got one! Not much defense needed here.
    I can't really disagree with this.  She kept it a secret for a reason so I don't really get her shock in the responses she received when she finally came clean.

  • beethery said:

    image


    It's the phrase, y'all.
    It's always been the phrase. It's stupid. And condescending. And made up, nonexistent and frankly it makes me stabby. But my husband did enjoy making fun of the whole thing during our wedding - at the end of his vows he promised to always treat me like the pretty, pretty princess I am. It was funny as hell.

    AroundTheBlock
  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014

    kmmssg said:

    OK - let me get this straight:  


    1.  We have a thread SHOWING how offended friends and family become at being held hostage to a secret PPD.  

    2.  The term "PPD" is in the title

    3.  She who thrives on secret PPD's and defending them to her death has not shown up in this one, even though she has said in previous posts that she looks for the term so she can swoop in and defend them.

    Am I missing anything here?  Oh, wait - I don't think I am missing anything.  Keep this stuff secret and those who love you will be pissed.

    I am with Lynda on this topic all the way as is most everyone on the military brides board (contrary to popular belief):  own it, don't be secret about it and I have no problem.  I have posted ad infinitum that I have attended 4 of them, all deployment related.  If you are gonna do it. own it.  Put your big girl panties on and be open and honest about one of the biggest decisions of your life.


    Assuming you mean me, sorry, been a bit busy.

    All I really learned in this thread is that the OP's FB friend is a moron. Why would anyone go through the trouble of keeping something to themselves then announcing it years later on FB of all places?

    Sounds to me like this person was looking to stir up a shit storm for herself. Well, guess she got one!

    Not much defense needed here.
    Edited to add: the more I think about this particular instance..... Let's assume this woman has decided she felt she did something wrong, wanted to unburden herself. Okay, that's her deal. I don't think busting out the news on FB would be the appropriate way to do such a thing. Weird as hell.

  • Just throwing a story out there about how a secret wedding before the wedding has the potential to get out.

    I was out to dinner with a friend (who was married a year ago) recently and was telling her about how I'm going to be nervous on the wedding day and how I'll be a big mess of tears (I'm a cryer). She said to me, "You want to know my secret about not being nervous/a mess on the big day?" Of course I told her I wanted to.

    She told me that they actually got married secretly 2 months before the wedding. This was unexpected and for immigration purposes so I understand why, but to lie about it.. blegh. I have been to three other "PPDs" but knew beforehand why and that they had already gotten married. This was the first time that I found out after. 

    Now, I'm not a confrontational person, at all. I also don't have the same feeling on "PPDs" as many on these boards as most reasons people I know have done it made sense to me and the owned that they did it. I didn't go off on her but I'm sure she could tell by my demeanor that I wasn't thrilled and I'm sure it wasn't the response she was looking for. 

    BUT, the kicker is how it went down. They wedding at the courthouse was done with her dad/step-mom, sister, step-sister (if I remember correctly), and husband's mom/dad/siblings. Her mother was not invited and doesn't know that this happened. Agh, excuse me?! I know that her relationship with her mother has been rocky (almost identical to that of mine with my mom) but can you imagine if this secret gets out, how her mother would feel??? All I could say to her was, "Wow, I guess you really better not let your mom EVER find out." She just agreed, didn't have much to say. 

    But, why oh why not invite your mom to the wedding at the courthouse, especially seeing how many people were invited!? And secondly, why would you tell someone this big secret?? But mostly, her mom, her poor mom. If her mom ever finds out, it would break her heart. 

    So to anyone thinking of going through with a "wedding before the wedding," please don't lie to your loved ones!
  • image

    It's the phrase, y'all.
    It's always been the phrase. It's stupid. And condescending. And made up, nonexistent and frankly it makes me stabby. But my husband did enjoy making fun of the whole thing during our wedding - at the end of his vows he promised to always treat me like the pretty, pretty princess I am. It was funny as hell.
    That's the point.  Fuckery should be called out by its true name.

    PPD's are stupid because there is no valid reason to have one, and they are made up, non existent weddings, so therefore they deserve all of our condescension and ire.  Especially when people lie about them.

    I have said before that while I think PPDs are stupid, as long as you don't lie to me I'm not going to take offense.  Be open about having a fake wedding and let me decide if I care to go or not. . . just like I decide if I want to go to an actual wedding or not.

    But if I find out after the fact that your wedding was fake and you lied about it. . . you're going to end up on my Shit List and it's quite hard for liars to get off of it.

    Really, have you no compassion for the FB Twit's aunt that hand made her lace, only to discover she never actually attended her niece's wedding?
    The only fuckery going on generally, far as I can tell, is anyone referring to anyone else's wedding ceremony as a Pretty Princess Day. It's one thing to have some moral or ethical issue with what others do (albeit judgey and not anyone else's business, but whatever). It's something else altogether to create a pretend concept and use really condescending language. What that something else is is immature and gashtastic, but I digress. Sticks and stones and all that and I really shouldn't ever allow anyone's condescension to bother me. I'm human and every once in while let really stupid shit bother me. I have to remind myself to keep this type of stuff in perspective.

    As for my compassion for the FB twit's aunt being chapped about the lace thing, I have to tell ya, the whole OP is so silly that if the poster wasn't a reg, I'd call MUD, and there's a part of me that wonders that still, reg or no reg. I can't wrap my mind around why anyone would choose to keep something like their legal marriage coming before their ceremonial wedding to themselves all to out themselves in an obtuse Facebook post. I think the whole "reasons you couldn't possibly understand" thing is some of the dumbest shit I've ever read. Unless their reason was calculus, rocket science or brain surgery, I'm sure the reason(s) weren't that complicated. Even their reasoning for wanting to keep the information to themselves is probably easy enough to comprehend. So why bust out the "hey, guess what we did" on social media? I've always thought stupidity should be painful, so if this couple is mired in a shit storm of their own making, it's deserved. I'm bummed the aunt had to make this discovery via FB. I am not in the camp that thinks sensitive personal information should be made public through status updates. If they felt they needed to share, they should have done so privately. Perhaps, with reasons SO compelling, the aunt wouldn't have been upset at all, or at least somewhat understanding. But, instead they compounded the possibility of upsetting people by puking up their business on everyone's newsfeed. Stupid. 

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    image

    It's the phrase, y'all.
    It's always been the phrase. It's stupid. And condescending. And made up, nonexistent and frankly it makes me stabby. But my husband did enjoy making fun of the whole thing during our wedding - at the end of his vows he promised to always treat me like the pretty, pretty princess I am. It was funny as hell.
    That's the point.  Fuckery should be called out by its true name.

    PPD's are stupid because there is no valid reason to have one, and they are made up, non existent weddings, so therefore they deserve all of our condescension and ire.  Especially when people lie about them.

    I have said before that while I think PPDs are stupid, as long as you don't lie to me I'm not going to take offense.  Be open about having a fake wedding and let me decide if I care to go or not. . . just like I decide if I want to go to an actual wedding or not.

    But if I find out after the fact that your wedding was fake and you lied about it. . . you're going to end up on my Shit List and it's quite hard for liars to get off of it.

    Really, have you no compassion for the FB Twit's aunt that hand made her lace, only to discover she never actually attended her niece's wedding?
    The only fuckery going on generally, far as I can tell, is anyone referring to anyone else's wedding ceremony as a Pretty Princess Day. It's one thing to have some moral or ethical issue with what others do (albeit judgey and not anyone else's business, but whatever). It's something else altogether to create a pretend concept and use really condescending language. What that something else is is immature and gashtastic, but I digress. Sticks and stones and all that and I really shouldn't ever allow anyone's condescension to bother me. I'm human and every once in while let really stupid shit bother me. I have to remind myself to keep this type of stuff in perspective.

    As for my compassion for the FB twit's aunt being chapped about the lace thing, I have to tell ya, the whole OP is so silly that if the poster wasn't a reg, I'd call MUD, and there's a part of me that wonders that still, reg or no reg. I can't wrap my mind around why anyone would choose to keep something like their legal marriage coming before their ceremonial wedding to themselves all to out themselves in an obtuse Facebook post. One word- Arrogance.  People like this think everyone else should be honored by their presence and since they are "friends and family and they love us they will understand."  We see those types of posts from people on these boards all the time.  So they can't wrap their heads around why anyone would be upset with them for their deception.  I think the whole "reasons you couldn't possibly understand" thing is some of the dumbest shit I've ever read. Unless their reason was calculus, rocket science or brain surgery, I'm sure the reason(s) weren't that complicated. Even their reasoning for wanting to keep the information to themselves is probably easy enough to comprehend. So why bust out the "hey, guess what we did" on social media? I've always thought stupidity should be painful, so if this couple is mired in a shit storm of their own making, it's deserved.   I like it!  I'm bummed the aunt had to make this discovery via FB. I am not in the camp that thinks sensitive personal information should be made public through status updates. If they felt they needed to share, they should have done so privately. Perhaps, with reasons SO compelling, the aunt wouldn't have been upset at all, or at least somewhat understanding. But, instead they compounded the possibility of upsetting people by puking up their business on everyone's newsfeed. Stupid.   I agree with what you are saying, but I think you are avoiding my question a tad- do you think it was awful for the Aunt to have spent time hand making lace for her niece's wedding dress, only to discover that she didn't actually witness the wedding?  And also that the dress likely was not worn for the wedding?
    We don't use the term PPD for people's actual wedding ceremonies. . . come on, you know this!  We call wedding ceremonies wedding ceremonies.  Ceremonies held after a couple is actually already married and in which they pretend to get married are Pretty Princes Days.  They are made up events, and the point of the term is to illustrate who ridiculous and self involved they appear to be to everyone else.

    My best friend's sister referred to her own actual wedding as her Most Beautiful Perfect Special Day whenever she was throwing a temper tantrum and trying to get her way during wedding planning.  She didn't have a PPD, but her attitude and term were just as ridiculous.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    MobKaz
  • image

    It's the phrase, y'all.
    It's always been the phrase. It's stupid. And condescending. And made up, nonexistent and frankly it makes me stabby. But my husband did enjoy making fun of the whole thing during our wedding - at the end of his vows he promised to always treat me like the pretty, pretty princess I am. It was funny as hell.
    That's the point.  Fuckery should be called out by its true name.

    PPD's are stupid because there is no valid reason to have one, and they are made up, non existent weddings, so therefore they deserve all of our condescension and ire.  Especially when people lie about them.

    I have said before that while I think PPDs are stupid, as long as you don't lie to me I'm not going to take offense.  Be open about having a fake wedding and let me decide if I care to go or not. . . just like I decide if I want to go to an actual wedding or not.

    But if I find out after the fact that your wedding was fake and you lied about it. . . you're going to end up on my Shit List and it's quite hard for liars to get off of it.

    Really, have you no compassion for the FB Twit's aunt that hand made her lace, only to discover she never actually attended her niece's wedding?
    The only fuckery going on generally, far as I can tell, is anyone referring to anyone else's wedding ceremony as a Pretty Princess Day. It's one thing to have some moral or ethical issue with what others do (albeit judgey and not anyone else's business, but whatever). It's something else altogether to create a pretend concept and use really condescending language. What that something else is is immature and gashtastic, but I digress. Sticks and stones and all that and I really shouldn't ever allow anyone's condescension to bother me. I'm human and every once in while let really stupid shit bother me. I have to remind myself to keep this type of stuff in perspective.

    As for my compassion for the FB twit's aunt being chapped about the lace thing, I have to tell ya, the whole OP is so silly that if the poster wasn't a reg, I'd call MUD, and there's a part of me that wonders that still, reg or no reg. I can't wrap my mind around why anyone would choose to keep something like their legal marriage coming before their ceremonial wedding to themselves all to out themselves in an obtuse Facebook post. One word- Arrogance.  People like this think everyone else should be honored by their presence and since they are "friends and family and they love us they will understand."  We see those types of posts from people on these boards all the time.  So they can't wrap their heads around why anyone would be upset with them for their deception.  I think the whole "reasons you couldn't possibly understand" thing is some of the dumbest shit I've ever read. Unless their reason was calculus, rocket science or brain surgery, I'm sure the reason(s) weren't that complicated. Even their reasoning for wanting to keep the information to themselves is probably easy enough to comprehend. So why bust out the "hey, guess what we did" on social media? I've always thought stupidity should be painful, so if this couple is mired in a shit storm of their own making, it's deserved.   I like it!  I'm bummed the aunt had to make this discovery via FB. I am not in the camp that thinks sensitive personal information should be made public through status updates. If they felt they needed to share, they should have done so privately. Perhaps, with reasons SO compelling, the aunt wouldn't have been upset at all, or at least somewhat understanding. But, instead they compounded the possibility of upsetting people by puking up their business on everyone's newsfeed. Stupid.   I agree with what you are saying, but I think you are avoiding my question a tad- do you think it was awful for the Aunt to have spent time hand making lace for her niece's wedding dress, only to discover that she didn't actually witness the wedding?  And also that the dress likely was not worn for the wedding? Had the B&G considered the ceremony at which this lace (dress?) was worn their wedding, I'd have the Bride's back. But it doesn't sound that way, since they announced on FB that they considered the other ceremony their wedding. So the aunt has a claim to be pissed. I'm sure the FB announcement didn't make her any happier. 
    We don't use the term PPD for people's actual wedding ceremonies. . . come on, you know this!  We call wedding ceremonies wedding ceremonies.  Ceremonies held after a couple is actually already married and in which they pretend to get married are Pretty Princes Days.  They are made up events, and the point of the term is to illustrate who ridiculous and self involved they appear to be to everyone else.  

    My best friend's sister referred to her own actual wedding as her Most Beautiful Perfect Special Day whenever she was throwing a temper tantrum and trying to get her way during wedding planning.  She didn't have a PPD, but her attitude and term were just as ridiculous. No. I'm embarrassed for this person. That makes me cringe. We referred to our wedding as TFW. The Fucking Wedding. Believe it or not, it was a term of endearment. But THAT above sounds so Veruca Salt-like it kind of makes me twitch! 



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