Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

theycallmelinz · December 2014

Our plan is similar to many of you, we would just deal with it and accommodate a baby. I have Nexplanon too and my biggest fear right now is getting pregnant and not fitting into my fabulous wedding dress haha. After April (wedding) though, we'll still take precautions until we are actively TTC but I wouldn't be disappointed by a surprise if it came along.

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

beethery · December 2014

JennyColada said:

So, I guess, what I'm taking away from this thread is that at one point or another, each of you had a serious discussion with your SO's if something were to/did happen . . ? Even if you didn't have a plan in place after the discussion.
I mean, I'd hope so! This seems like an important discussion for any couple engaging in sexual intercourse, and even moreso for a couple planning and intending to spend the rest of their days together!

Gotta have a plan when you're fucking someone on the regular. Especially if you are sticking with them for the rest of your life.

larrygaga · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

Yes, that should be a very important sit down question. That's so major. What if you find out you two are completely on different tracks? Better to find out now than when you are married!!!!

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

beethery said:

JennyColada said:

So, I guess, what I'm taking away from this thread is that at one point or another, each of you had a serious discussion with your SO's if something were to/did happen . . ? Even if you didn't have a plan in place after the discussion.
I mean, I'd hope so! This seems like an important discussion for any couple engaging in sexual intercourse, and even moreso for a couple planning and intending to spend the rest of their days together!

Gotta have a plan when you're fucking someone on the regular. Especially if you are sticking with them for the rest of your life.

Yeah, I completely agree with you and yet, I don't have one. Like I didn't even have one with my ex-FI and we were engaged! Didn't even think about it. Now I have been thinking about it and I'm thinking "hmmm, I wonder if I should bring it up. Wait . . . is it necessary? I mean I know his views . . . oh brother, I have no idea!" My head's a little evil.

doeydo · December 2014

It's up to me and I would abort. If for some reason I wanted to keep the pregnancy going and my doctors okayed it, then we would give the baby up for adoption.
ETA not sure if we would go with an open or closed one.

blabla89 · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

So, I guess, what I'm taking away from this thread is that at one point or another, each of you had a serious discussion with your SO's if something were to/did happen . . ? Even if you didn't have a plan in place after the discussion.

FI and I haven't had a major discussion about it, but knowing how both of us feel about abortion (not starting a debate here - it's just not an option for us), we know that we would continue the pregnancy and find a way to make it work. This thread has me thinking that we need to figure out a game plan for handling pregnancy, jobs, childcare, and buying a house in the event that it happens, though.

larrygaga · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

beethery said:

JennyColada said:

So, I guess, what I'm taking away from this thread is that at one point or another, each of you had a serious discussion with your SO's if something were to/did happen . . ? Even if you didn't have a plan in place after the discussion.
I mean, I'd hope so! This seems like an important discussion for any couple engaging in sexual intercourse, and even moreso for a couple planning and intending to spend the rest of their days together!

Gotta have a plan when you're fucking someone on the regular. Especially if you are sticking with them for the rest of your life.

Yeah, I completely agree with you and yet, I don't have one. Like I didn't even have one with my ex-FI and we were engaged! Didn't even think about it. Now I have been thinking about it and I'm thinking "hmmm, I wonder if I should bring it up. Wait . . . is it necessary? I mean I know his views . . . oh brother, I have no idea!" My head's a little evil.

Yes please talk about it. You will thank us later.

beethery · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

beethery said:

JennyColada said:

So, I guess, what I'm taking away from this thread is that at one point or another, each of you had a serious discussion with your SO's if something were to/did happen . . ? Even if you didn't have a plan in place after the discussion.
I mean, I'd hope so! This seems like an important discussion for any couple engaging in sexual intercourse, and even moreso for a couple planning and intending to spend the rest of their days together!

Gotta have a plan when you're fucking someone on the regular. Especially if you are sticking with them for the rest of your life.

Yeah, I completely agree with you and yet, I don't have one. Like I didn't even have one with my ex-FI and we were engaged! Didn't even think about it. Now I have been thinking about it and I'm thinking "hmmm, I wonder if I should bring it up. Wait . . . is it necessary? I mean I know his views . . . oh brother, I have no idea!" My head's a little evil.

You need to get on the same page with your SO. It is necessary.

cupcait927 · December 2014

H and I have always been in the mindset that we would have the baby and work it out should we get any surprises, even when we were newly dating. Since getting engaged, we've made very conscious decisions that would allow an oops baby without changing too much of our life, even though we have decided to wait a long time before having kids. We bought a house with enough space for a child (or two), cars big enough to tote kids around, and have good jobs that would allow us to raise a child without going into the poor house or changing our lifestyle too much (financially anyway).

That being said, I wouldn't be happy about a surprise baby right now. I had baby fever in the worst way up until about 6 months ago. Now, I don't even know if I want kids. We do know that any conscious decision to expand our family is a long, long way off.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

Can I just ask that you please stop calling an unplanned pregnancy a "whoopsie?" Whether it's a welcome or unwelcome surprise, it's still a big enough deal to warrant a more serious word. I can see calling it that once for levity's sake; not every damn time you mention it. No truly serious, sit-down conversation about a potentially life-changing event should revolve around the word "whoopsie."

Maggie0829 · December 2014

H and I have not had a deep discussion about this. Right now we both know that kids are not on the radar, but we have also talked about kids, possibly in the future. We are leaning towards no kids but if I did get pregnant we would be fine with it. A kid is certainly not our first choice right now (if ever), but if it were to happen then a baby certainly wouldn't fuck up our life plans that much.

holyguacamole79 · December 2014

Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

JaniV123 · December 2014

We have talked about it, and the decision has changed over the course of the past 7 years. I am pro choice and We always said we'd have an abortion. BUT a month ago I had a stupid and horrible scare (I misread the test and swore I was preggo for 2 whole hours) and I cried and felt horrible for 2 whole hours because I would need to have an abortion and hate myself forever.

Point in short, we have no idea what we'd do if it were to happen right now. Med school is really tough and I am not the kind of person who could study and take care of a kid. But I realized I could not live with myself if I had to have an abortion. So we are at a crossroads.

But we are super careful most of the time, and I know my body pretty well and in the next 5 years we will TTC.

sarahufl · December 2014

lolo883 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

Can I just ask that you please stop calling an unplanned pregnancy a "whoopsie?" Whether it's a welcome or unwelcome surprise, it's still a big enough deal to warrant a more serious word. I can see calling it that once for levity's sake; not every damn time you mention it. No truly serious, sit-down conversation about a potentially life-changing event should revolve around the word "whoopsie."

Lol, QFT. This sounds very childish.

We are starting TTC in, like a week. So "accidental" won't be an issue for us anymore.

If it had happened at some point in the previous 4 years (since we met), we would have kept the baby no matter what. We are both Catholic and he is very conservative, so abortion would never have been an option. We are also in our 30s and very financially stable, so we could have made it happen if we had to.

That being said, being pregnant out of wedlock would have sent absolute SHOCKWAVES through our families, so I am pretty relieved it didn't actually happen. We both love kids and want lots, so it would have put a wrench in things but ultimately would have been nice. I am happy we waited till we were married and had a house.

We leave on our honeymoon in 2 weeks, at which point we will completely stop using protection.

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

lolo883 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

Can I just ask that you please stop calling an unplanned pregnancy a "whoopsie?" Whether it's a welcome or unwelcome surprise, it's still a big enough deal to warrant a more serious word. I can see calling it that once for levity's sake; not every damn time you mention it. No truly serious, sit-down conversation about a potentially life-changing event should revolve around the word "whoopsie."

holyguacamole79 said:

Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

Unplanned pregnancy it is. I just was using the word "whoopsie" because I have been seeing it around. Sorry if I upset anyone. That was no my intention.

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

sarahufl said:

lolo883 said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

larrygaga said:

I'm so surprised this didn't turn into a crazy fight about abortion. Well, I suppose we don't know what lies in the future.

FI and I have very recently shifted from "Get rid of it, because we can't be decent parents right now" to "Keep it because we can support it, but unhappily" to "If it happens we will be happy, although we want to wait a few years".

I just want the baby to hold tight until I finish my Master's and we buy a house.

I think the reason it didn't (and I didn't want that to happen) was because it was just asking what people planned/didn't plan. Not why they had decided to makes those plans or decisions.

I personally have kind of only had the abortion discussion with my SO because I did want to know his political views. That is kind of the only time when we discussed what would happen if we had kids and I don't even think we really discussed us, but what other people do. Although I do not plan on having kids (either for a long time or at all - don't know), I am wondering if I should have a slight discussion about this with my SO. Like, it doesn't have to be a sit down, we must map everything out if there is a whoopsie, but a "hey, what do you think we should do if we have a whoopsie?"

I guess I won't know unless I end up in that situation but I always feel a little better knowing. The other reason that had me contemplating this, is that it used to be if there was a whoopsie, I would consider not even telling my SO and get an abortion but I realized that is a relationship ender and not at all fair to him. So I was just curious, if I should even have a discussion about it with him.

Can I just ask that you please stop calling an unplanned pregnancy a "whoopsie?" Whether it's a welcome or unwelcome surprise, it's still a big enough deal to warrant a more serious word. I can see calling it that once for levity's sake; not every damn time you mention it. No truly serious, sit-down conversation about a potentially life-changing event should revolve around the word "whoopsie."

Lol, QFT. This sounds very childish.

We are starting TTC in, like a week. So "accidental" won't be an issue for us anymore.

If it had happened at some point in the previous 4 years (since we met), we would have kept the baby no matter what. We are both Catholic and he is very conservative, so abortion would never have been an option. We are also in our 30s and very financially stable, so we could have made it happen if we had to.

That being said, being pregnant out of wedlock would have sent absolute SHOCKWAVES through our families, so I am pretty relieved it didn't actually happen. We both love kids and want lots, so it would have put a wrench in things but ultimately would have been nice. I am happy we waited till we were married and had a house.

We leave on our honeymoon in 2 weeks, at which point we will completely stop using protection.

Congratulations and have fun on your honeymoon! btw, what does QFT mean?

holyguacamole79 · December 2014

ChemFanatic25 - no worries. I know you had only good intentions.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

QFT = quoted for truth.

@sarahufl ahhhh us too.

(not the honeymoon part, but the rest)

princessofgenovia · December 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

My parents tried to dress up the fact that I was unplanned. They used "surprise" and "unexpected" and I was like "I can do math, you guys were 16, I sure as hell better not have been planned, that's some shitty planning", except with less cursing because I was like 10 when it came up.

JennyColada · December 2014

holyguacamole79 said:
Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

One of my friends is a "whoopsie baby" and gladly utilizes the term to refer to herself.

I find the word a bit immature, but it's not always insulting. It is what it is.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

No matter if you use unplanned, surprise or whoopsie it all means the same thing. The couple had a baby they weren't expecting to have. As long as the parents don't treat their kid like shit because he/she was a whoopsie then call it whatever you want.

ShesSoCold · December 2014

H and I have talked about it. We know we wouldn't want to keep the baby, but we both said we'd need to be in the situation to really know how we feel about abortions or adoptions. Politically I am 100% pro-choice but I'm not sure how I feel about it for myself. So I think we'd probably lean towards adoption.

wandajune6 · December 2014

We actually had the conversation before we had sex for the first time.

We didn't intend it to go that way but he knew from the start that I wanted kids. I knew that he was open to having another, but only if it was with the right partner. While we were incredibly careful before things got serious, we both knew what the other wanted. We got engaged after 7 months and knew that we would be thrilled if we ever got pregnant, though we weren't actively trying.

We've spent the last 4 months trying to figure out if kids are medically an option for us. Based on the most current information, pregnancy isn't in the cards for us.

Inkdancer · December 2014

I was definitely a surprise at an inconvenient time in my mom's life, but it worked out really well. So I've always known that if I were to get pregnant during college or whatever, she'd have my back. But we did everything we could to make sure that wouldn't be an issue.

H and I have always been on the same page about this. I think that if you're having sex, you need to be emotionally prepared for the possibility of pregnancy. So if we had gotten pregnant before now, we definitely would have kept the baby.

But now we're only a few months away from actively TTC, so an accidental pregnancy at this point would be NBD. Of course, that's assuming my PCOS doesn't cause fertility issues.

steph861 · December 2014

amelisha said:

Yeah, we have a plan. We have had one as long as we've been together, and that plan has changed as our lives have changed. However, we are also double careful all the time, every time, because not getting pregnant is extremely important to me.

Our plan has changed with our lives as well. We have also been double careful for most of our relationship, though I went off the pill earlier this year in preparation for TTC.

chibiyui · December 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

I was "whoopsie" What did I learn from founding out? That bio-dad has always been and will always be an asshole, and to have a fucking sense of humor. Yes, pregnancy is a big deal, but this is a case where actions speak louder then words.

Anyway, H and I have sorta half assed unexpected spawning plans. We would keep it pending any sort of serious medical issue, and I would stay home with the baby as I make significantly less. Our library would turn into the nursery, and we'd rebudget like crazy to get out of his parents house and into our own faster. At this point the only thing that is really different from our plans is I would be pissy cause I don't get to drink when we go to Disney at the end of January (Our, Yay Student Loans Are Paid Off Trip) and we definitely wouldn't be going to Japan in the Fall. We will start TTC largely depending on if we decide to travel later in the year or not.

sarahufl · December 2014

ShesSoCold said:

H and I have talked about it. We know we wouldn't want to keep the baby, but we both said we'd need to be in the situation to really know how we feel about abortions or adoptions. Politically I am 100% pro-choice but I'm not sure how I feel about it for myself. So I think we'd probably lean towards adoption.

This has always been me, too. I think abortions should be accessible and not something people are shamed for. I feel bad for people who have to make the decision and face difficulties in doing so.

That said, I am really happy I never had to face it myself because I just don't think I could go through with it.

simplyelise · December 2014

DH and I didn't start having sex until the wedding night and I'd only had sex once before that, so we really just started figuring this out.

I've been on Seasonique for a long time and I thought it would be really nice after the wedding (only 4 periods a year). But then I realized I could be 2+ months pregnant before I ever missed a period. I drink alcohol, so clearly this isn't going to work. I took two pregnancy (negative) tests in the last two weeks because I didn't want to drink if there was even a possibility of a whoopsie.

So I'm calling the gyno and switching to a normal monthly pill. A whoopsie wouldn't be ideal bc we want to be out of student loan debt first and I'd prefer to be able to switch to part time then, but we'd make it work.

beethery · December 2014

princessofgenovia said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Can we just call it what it is - a pregnancy. Sure, they can be unplanned, and I prefer the word "surprise". How would you feel if your parents told you that you were a "whoopsie"? I'd feel pretty damn shitty.

My parents tried to dress up the fact that I was unplanned. They used "surprise" and "unexpected" and I was like "I can do math, you guys were 16, I sure as hell better not have been planned, that's some shitty planning", except with less cursing because I was like 10 when it came up.

LOL my mom was 19 when she got pregnant with me, and my parents hadn't been together very long. They got married at city hall when she was 5 months pregnant.

She tried to tell me some shit like, "We planned to have you!"

When I said, "Really? When you were 19 and working as a grocery store cashier and daddy hadn't gotten into his work field yet? That sounds like something you guys would do, totally! I completely believe you."

So she tried to cover her ass by saying they planned to have me, just not then.

Spades are spades, I was an accident. I am unbothered by it.

Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

Re: Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

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