Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

lilacck28 · December 2014

I want to add: When I brought this convo up, I was very serious... but I did throw in some smiles at appropriate moments. Like "I hope you understand why I'm bringing this up, smile". Just so I wasn't scary looking. And FI did not think I was scary. He respected me much more, and he says it made him much more serious about me.

Despite the topic being very serious... it was not at all a difficult conversation to have. And FI and I had only been dating for 2 weeks (we'd gone on at least 6 dates by then, but still... it was early, and despite that it was a very logical, easy convo.)

morphemes · December 2014

I think this is an important topic for any couple having sex! We definitely talked about it, and while neither of us particularly want kids (ever), I wanted to be absolutely clear that if we did have an unplanned pregnancy, that ultimately any decision of what to do with my body- is my decision. BF is completely supportive of that.

sophhabobopha · December 2014

Fi and I got together when I was 17, so back then we agreed that abortion was a good choice for us, should something happen.

I got my IUD put in and have four years left of it, and after that if all goes accordinly to plan, we'll be TTC.

If we had an accident right now I think we'd want to keep it. It'd be damn hard, but doable.

Also, I was a whoopsie baby to my 19 year old mom. (:

WinstonsGirl · December 2014

We've chatted about it several times. Ultimately, DH says that it's my body, so if I wanted an abortion, it was my choice. I argue that it's his kid too, so he should have a say (cos we're in this together, unlike a lot of other people). I think he'd have a really hard time with it though. And I'd totally judge myself if I did cos we're in a position to raise a kid properly. I wouldn't judge others for doing it, but I'd sure judge myself if I did

VulgarGirl · December 2014

One of us will have a lot of explaining to do to the other.

Or we call people magazine and make mucho bucks.

ashley8918 · December 2014

Yep. I would call to set up an appointment for an abortion the very second that I found out. We don't have the finances, nor do we have the space. Besides that, being pregnant was absolutely miserable for me. I only plan to do it one more time, and only when I decide that it is the time.

aleighbaker · December 2014

We discussed children before we began dating. DH wouldn't even kiss me for the first time until I was okay with having 5 kids. I wanted 4 anyway, so no problems there. We couldn't have cared less about being married at the time and we became pregnant after 5 months of dating. We lost that pregnancy and waited a year to try again. Finally married after our little one turned 18 months old. So I guess we had a plan then but it wasn't in our back pockets for an accident!

phira · December 2014

Yep. Planned Parenthood is halfway between work and home.

lovesclimbing · December 2014

We never really talked about a specific plan, like a sit down convo. At various times, we've talked about what we'd do. H makes enough that I could quit or just freelance and we'd be fine. Money would be tight, but we'd be fine. (I don't make enough to where day care would really be worth it. It would probably cost not much less than what I make.)
We are both pro-life, and abortion is not something either of us would ever consider.

Also, we did not have sex until after we were engaged for several months. First time was a couple months before our wedding.

Blergbot · December 2014

I guess we were pretty irresponsible! We did not have a plan. And, as many of you know, I am currently pregnant with whoopsie/surprise/unplanned baby. I was on the pill, and though I did miss a couple of doses, it turns out I was already pregnant. I don't want to scare people, but if you have a fairly vigorus sex life (we DO have sex every night, so there's that) and are only on the pill, there is still a decent chance of becoming pregnant.

So anyway, here is how it went...H (FI at the time) was not sure he wanted to have kids. I wanted one, but I also knew FI was the one, and even though I was unsure how sad I would be, I decided I would rather marry the love of my life than have a hypothetical baby with a hypothetical man (I was 32 at this time, btw, so while I wasn't running out of time exactly, I also didn't have forever).

Maybe this was stupid, but we tabled the kid discussion until after the wedding, or so we thought. But I did know this is who I wanted to be with, regardless of the answer. I was a little scared to bring it up, if I'm completely honest, because I didn't want to hear that all hope was lost. Again, stupid not to talk about these things. But I'm being honest here.

Cut to 4 months before the wedding. I'm out of town for a month-long summer program. FI comes to visit. The one time we aren't having regular sex, and BAM! It was a week LATER that I forgot to take the pill for a couple of days, but I was out of town and FI wouldn't be visiting for another week. I'd never had a pregnancy scare, and at 33 (we'd been celebrating my birthday), I guess I had a bit of a cavalier attitude about it.

Anyway, two weeks after that, I'm driving home from the summer program, and on my way to see the doctor immediately, as I hadn't been feeling well for awhile. Then I threw up all over the car. I thought to myself: "Hmm...I'd better have them run a pregnancy test at the doctor." It was just so odd. I never just throw up out of the blue ( ok, it happened one other time...maybe I had a short lived pregnancy?). I'd forgotten about missing the pill, but that suddenly came back to me.

Still, I didn't really think it would turn out to be true. The doctor thought I could have mono, so she tested me for both. When she called, a nerve-wracking 4 hours later, she said: "Well, it's not mono, but your pregnancy test did come back positive." So, stunned, I hung up the phone and all at once felt joy and really really scared of what FI would say.

So I called FI in, my voice shaking, and crying a little bit, and just came out with it. He said: "No...really? Really?" I said: "Yes, really." Then we had the talk right there, I guess. I couldn't see a good enough reason to terminate. Maybe at some earlier point in my life, but here we were, financially stable, two people who loved each other and were about to get married. I was almost done with my Master's. He asked if I would consider it. I said no. He felt it was a little unfair that he didn't have any say in the matter. I agreed that maybe that was a little unfair, but that didn't change anything. I told him he could always leave me and I could move in with one of my parents. He said he wasn't going to do that. He did say that he was thinking, after the wedding, of maybe revisiting the idea and agreeing to have a kid if I felt like it wasn't something I could get over. But he wasn't expecting things on this timeline. Well, sometimes timelines go out the window.

I don't want to make my H out to be an unfeeling jerk. I knew he was struggling with this, and I was just glad he wasn't mad at me (especially for missing doses). We talked about why he didn't want kids a bit right then, but a few nights later we really revisited the issue. He laid out all his fears and concerns, and I gave him my point of view. He really just wanted me to hear him out, acknowledge that he had legit concerns and give him solid, reasonable reasons why it could all be just fine (and how we would handle things if they weren't fine).

Since that talk he has been 100% on board. He goes to my ultrasound appointments, loves my bump, cleans out the catbox for me without grumbling about it. We did buy a house just after we finally tied the knot, so we took on a huge new financial burden, and this little dude ain't gonna be cheap, but we needed somewhere to put him!

Anyway, sorry for the novel. I hope this is useful to somebody thinking about what they would do in this situation.

sarahufl · December 2014

Blergbot said:

I guess we were pretty irresponsible! We did not have a plan. And, as many of you know, I am currently pregnant with whoopsie/surprise/unplanned baby. I was on the pill, and though I did miss a couple of doses, it turns out I was already pregnant. I don't want to scare people, but if you have a fairly vigorus sex life (we DO have sex every night, so there's that) and are only on the pill, there is still a decent chance of becoming pregnant.

So anyway, here is how it went...H (FI at the time) was not sure he wanted to have kids. I wanted one, but I also knew FI was the one, and even though I was unsure how sad I would be, I decided I would rather marry the love of my life than have a hypothetical baby with a hypothetical man (I was 32 at this time, btw, so while I wasn't running out of time exactly, I also didn't have forever).

Maybe this was stupid, but we tabled the kid discussion until after the wedding, or so we thought. But I did know this is who I wanted to be with, regardless of the answer. I was a little scared to bring it up, if I'm completely honest, because I didn't want to hear that all hope was lost. Again, stupid not to talk about these things. But I'm being honest here.

Cut to 4 months before the wedding. I'm out of town for a month-long summer program. FI comes to visit. The one time we aren't having regular sex, and BAM! It was a week LATER that I forgot to take the pill for a couple of days, but I was out of town and FI wouldn't be visiting for another week. I'd never had a pregnancy scare, and at 33 (we'd been celebrating my birthday), I guess I had a bit of a cavalier attitude about it.

Anyway, two weeks after that, I'm driving home from the summer program, and on my way to see the doctor immediately, as I hadn't been feeling well for awhile. Then I threw up all over the car. I thought to myself: "Hmm...I'd better have them run a pregnancy test at the doctor." It was just so odd. I never just throw up out of the blue ( ok, it happened one other time...maybe I had a short lived pregnancy?). I'd forgotten about missing the pill, but that suddenly came back to me.

Still, I didn't really think it would turn out to be true. The doctor thought I could have mono, so she tested me for both. When she called, a nerve-wracking 4 hours later, she said: "Well, it's not mono, but your pregnancy test did come back positive." So, stunned, I hung up the phone and all at once felt joy and really really scared of what FI would say.

So I called FI in, my voice shaking, and crying a little bit, and just came out with it. He said: "No...really? Really?" I said: "Yes, really." Then we had the talk right there, I guess. I couldn't see a good enough reason to terminate. Maybe at some earlier point in my life, but here we were, financially stable, two people who loved each other and were about to get married. I was almost done with my Master's. He asked if I would consider it. I said no. He felt it was a little unfair that he didn't have any say in the matter. I agreed that maybe that was a little unfair, but that didn't change anything. I told him he could always leave me and I could move in with one of my parents. He said he wasn't going to do that. He did say that he was thinking, after the wedding, of maybe revisiting the idea and agreeing to have a kid if I felt like it wasn't something I could get over. But he wasn't expecting things on this timeline. Well, sometimes timelines go out the window.

I don't want to make my H out to be an unfeeling jerk. I knew he was struggling with this, and I was just glad he wasn't mad at me (especially for missing doses). We talked about why he didn't want kids a bit right then, but a few nights later we really revisited the issue. He laid out all his fears and concerns, and I gave him my point of view. He really just wanted me to hear him out, acknowledge that he had legit concerns and give him solid, reasonable reasons why it could all be just fine (and how we would handle things if they weren't fine).

Since that talk he has been 100% on board. He goes to my ultrasound appointments, loves my bump, cleans out the catbox for me without grumbling about it. We did buy a house just after we finally tied the knot, so we took on a huge new financial burden, and this little dude ain't gonna be cheap, but we needed somewhere to put him!

Anyway, sorry for the novel. I hope this is useful to somebody thinking about what they would do in this situation.

First bolded- Good for you!!

Second bolded- this is how I have felt for awhile. We didn't want to get pregnant pre-marriage (and we didn't). But despite the shock our families would have experienced (and there would have been MAJOR shock), we couldn't justify not keeping the baby.

When are you due?

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

Blergbot said:

I guess we were pretty irresponsible! We did not have a plan. And, as many of you know, I am currently pregnant with whoopsie/surprise/unplanned baby. I was on the pill, and though I did miss a couple of doses, it turns out I was already pregnant. I don't want to scare people, but if you have a fairly vigorus sex life (we DO have sex every night, so there's that) and are only on the pill, there is still a decent chance of becoming pregnant.

So anyway, here is how it went...H (FI at the time) was not sure he wanted to have kids. I wanted one, but I also knew FI was the one, and even though I was unsure how sad I would be, I decided I would rather marry the love of my life than have a hypothetical baby with a hypothetical man (I was 32 at this time, btw, so while I wasn't running out of time exactly, I also didn't have forever).

Maybe this was stupid, but we tabled the kid discussion until after the wedding, or so we thought. But I did know this is who I wanted to be with, regardless of the answer. I was a little scared to bring it up, if I'm completely honest, because I didn't want to hear that all hope was lost. Again, stupid not to talk about these things. But I'm being honest here.

Cut to 4 months before the wedding. I'm out of town for a month-long summer program. FI comes to visit. The one time we aren't having regular sex, and BAM! It was a week LATER that I forgot to take the pill for a couple of days, but I was out of town and FI wouldn't be visiting for another week. I'd never had a pregnancy scare, and at 33 (we'd been celebrating my birthday), I guess I had a bit of a cavalier attitude about it.

Anyway, two weeks after that, I'm driving home from the summer program, and on my way to see the doctor immediately, as I hadn't been feeling well for awhile. Then I threw up all over the car. I thought to myself: "Hmm...I'd better have them run a pregnancy test at the doctor." It was just so odd. I never just throw up out of the blue ( ok, it happened one other time...maybe I had a short lived pregnancy?). I'd forgotten about missing the pill, but that suddenly came back to me.

Still, I didn't really think it would turn out to be true. The doctor thought I could have mono, so she tested me for both. When she called, a nerve-wracking 4 hours later, she said: "Well, it's not mono, but your pregnancy test did come back positive." So, stunned, I hung up the phone and all at once felt joy and really really scared of what FI would say.

So I called FI in, my voice shaking, and crying a little bit, and just came out with it. He said: "No...really? Really?" I said: "Yes, really." Then we had the talk right there, I guess. I couldn't see a good enough reason to terminate. Maybe at some earlier point in my life, but here we were, financially stable, two people who loved each other and were about to get married. I was almost done with my Master's. He asked if I would consider it. I said no. He felt it was a little unfair that he didn't have any say in the matter. I agreed that maybe that was a little unfair, but that didn't change anything. I told him he could always leave me and I could move in with one of my parents. He said he wasn't going to do that. He did say that he was thinking, after the wedding, of maybe revisiting the idea and agreeing to have a kid if I felt like it wasn't something I could get over. But he wasn't expecting things on this timeline. Well, sometimes timelines go out the window.

I don't want to make my H out to be an unfeeling jerk. I knew he was struggling with this, and I was just glad he wasn't mad at me (especially for missing doses). We talked about why he didn't want kids a bit right then, but a few nights later we really revisited the issue. He laid out all his fears and concerns, and I gave him my point of view. He really just wanted me to hear him out, acknowledge that he had legit concerns and give him solid, reasonable reasons why it could all be just fine (and how we would handle things if they weren't fine).

Since that talk he has been 100% on board. He goes to my ultrasound appointments, loves my bump, cleans out the catbox for me without grumbling about it. We did buy a house just after we finally tied the knot, so we took on a huge new financial burden, and this little dude ain't gonna be cheap, but we needed somewhere to put him!

Anyway, sorry for the novel. I hope this is useful to somebody thinking about what they would do in this situation.

It was a little confusing at first but I think I got it. It sounds like you and him make an amazing team. You really talked everything out with him and listened to his concerns as well. I strongly believe that if anything were to happen where I did get pregnant, my SO would most definitely listen to my concerns and voice his as well. (I know we have only been dating 8 months but this guy - he is just really amazing. He is open and honest but so sweet and listens to what you have to say. he may not agree with it but I have never met someone who is more respectful of other point of views than him.)

I really like how you two communicate though and I don't think that your husband sounds like an unfeeling jerk at all. Congratulations on new upcoming member of your family and thank you for your advice.

Also, everyone thank you again, I have been hearing from all sides and it has been so helpful and enlightening to see how everyone communicates with their SOs. It really puts things in perspective and actually makes me so happy because I realize that although we haven't talked about this situation in particular it's relatively easy for me to communicate with my SO which is something I could not boast about before.

buttercup1958 · December 2014

V and I have casually mention kids every now and then. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't keep it if I became pregant now. V and I arent stable enough to fully support a kid and it would mess up a lot of our plans. I know he would go woth me though. Maybe in sevearl years it might change. Who knows. V and I are open to no kids or maybe kids.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

@sarahufl OT, but I can't see your siggy pic anymore and it makes me feel like I'm missing out. Just the sad little broken image icon.

sarahufl · December 2014

lolo883 said:

@sarahufl OT, but I can't see your siggy pic anymore and it makes me feel like I'm missing out. Just the sad little broken image icon.

@lolo883- I know! How do I fix it? I miss it

PS- so excited for y'all to start TTC soon!!

flyingfoxes · December 2014

We don't have to worry about it right now, because FI got a vasectomy 15 years ago, but it would be a pretty cool surprise if it happened.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

sarahufl said:

lolo883 said:

@sarahufl OT, but I can't see your siggy pic anymore and it makes me feel like I'm missing out. Just the sad little broken image icon.

@lolo883- I know! How do I fix it? I miss it

PS- so excited for y'all to start TTC soon!!

I don't know.

Is it linked from somewhere private or where the image might have been removed from?

Blergbot · December 2014

@sarahufl‌ I'm due April 1st ( insert Arpril fools joke here)

Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

Re: Did your SO and you have a plan in case of a whoopsie?

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