including my daughter in the ceremony

Brandylki · December 2014

I don't understand how it's inappropriate. Having her be involved in the sand ceremony is showing the new family being united. I'm not understanding how it's different than having each set of parents pouring a little sand in before the bride and groom. It's showing unity. She's not making any promises or vows. She is participating in the unification of the family from 2 to one.

We're doing a glass ceremony. My 3 kids picked out a color each, and we each have a color of glass. During that part, I'll pour in a little, each kid will pour in some, he'll pour in some, and we'll finish together. (www.unityinglass.com)

artbyallie · December 2014

Brandylki said:

I don't understand how it's inappropriate. Having her be involved in the sand ceremony is showing the new family being united. I'm not understanding how it's different than having each set of parents pouring a little sand in before the bride and groom. It's showing unity. She's not making any promises or vows. She is participating in the unification of the family from 2 to one.

We're doing a glass ceremony. My 3 kids picked out a color each, and we each have a color of glass. During that part, I'll pour in a little, each kid will pour in some, he'll pour in some, and we'll finish together. (www.unityinglass.com)

Providing there are no vows involved, I wouldn't say it's necessarily inappropriate, but it's unnecessary. You can be a family without the wedding. The wedding ceremony is explicitly and solely for uniting the two consenting adults being married.

travelfifty · December 2014

Having your 6 year old daughter as flower girl is including her in the ceremony. No other action on her part is needed. I have seen all sorts of religions and non-religious ceremonies include the sand thing. I don't prefer it and definitely will not have it at my ceremony. But to each, his own.

Enjoy your wedding!

augbride87 · January 2015

I have a 6 yr old also. We are going to do the sand ceremony with her, but she has also expressed an interest in it. She has told me that she was upset that she wasn't part of the ceremony and it is her family too. I think every child and every family is different! Do what is right for yours!

banana468 · January 2015

ilovekenneth said:
I have a 6 yr old also. We are going to do the sand ceremony with her, but she has also expressed an interest in it. She has told me that she was upset that she wasn't part of the ceremony and it is her family too. I think every child and every family is different! Do what is right for yours!

The issue is that you shouldn't give in to a 6 yo's complaints. She's 6. She doesn't get to do all the things she wants to do. That's part of being a child and part of parenting is explaining that.

Secondly, your 6 yo is not getting married.

augbride87 · January 2015

Nope she isn't getting married which is why she isn't saying vows. She is part of the family and will be included if she wants to be! It wasn't a complaint or tantrum it was a valid discussion we had. The sand ceremony is about uniting people and she will be united as a member of our family. Again each child is different. I would agree to not force a child to participate, but if they are excited about it I say go for it!

Jen4948 · January 2015

ilovekenneth said:
Nope she isn't getting married which is why she isn't saying vows. She is part of the family and will be included if she wants to be! It wasn't a complaint or tantrum it was a valid discussion we had. The sand ceremony is about uniting people and she will be united as a member of our family. Again each child is different. I would agree to not force a child to participate, but if they are excited about it I say go for it!

You don't need a sand ceremony or any other "unity ritual" to make her part of your family. She already is part of your family just by virtue of being your daughter, so why not have her as a flower girl?

augbride87 · January 2015

She is the flower girl, and again it is something she would like to participate in. Sorry not sorry your opinions on the subject don't change how our wedding will play out. Not your wedding not your call. I think it's beautiful to include children in the ceremony. I don't understand why people can't be supportive of other brides, their choices, and celebrate the differences that makes each wedding uniquely beautiful!

Jen4948 · January 2015

ilovekenneth said:
She is the flower girl, and again it is something she would like to participate in. Sorry not sorry your opinions on the subject don't change how our wedding will play out. Not your wedding not your call. I think it's beautiful to include children in the ceremony. I don't understand why people can't be supportive of other brides, their choices, and celebrate the differences that makes each wedding uniquely beautiful!

If you don't want to hear our opinions, then don't post in this forum. We are entitled to disagree with you about whether or not sand ceremonies or other "unity rituals" (or for that matter, anything else) is necessary or "beautiful," especially when issues of etiquette or propriety are involved.

But as soon as you decide to post, it becomes a matter that everyone in the forum is entitled to voice an opinion on, whether it makes a difference to you or not. Snarking back that "sorry not sorry our opinions...don't change how your wedding will play out" is childish.

banana468 · January 2015

ilovekenneth said:
She is the flower girl, and again it is something she would like to participate in. Sorry not sorry your opinions on the subject don't change how our wedding will play out. Not your wedding not your call. I think it's beautiful to include children in the ceremony. I don't understand why people can't be supportive of other brides, their choices, and celebrate the differences that makes each wedding uniquely beautiful!

I don't understand why brides think that a child should be inserted into their marriage ceremony. It's about two adults!

And I say this as a mother of 2.

CMGragain · January 2015

@banana468, how about some updated pictures?

OP, why did you post if you didn't want opinions? A marriage is a ceremony that unites two adults. Your daughter can be a flower girl, and a guest. That should be enough for you. She may not even remember your wedding when she is an adult.
I have been there. I was forced to sing at my mother's weddings. I hated it. The marriages were failures. (I'm going to be your new father, and I will love you forever." Yeah, right.) Don't do it!

maryemoo · January 2015

I have two stepsons. They are going to stand with my fiance and his parents while we say our vows, and then we are going out to a small lunch afterwards with our parents, grandparents, and the boys. Originally they were going to be ringbearers. That is involvement enough. I am not marrying them. I do not need to recognize them in any vows. My marriage is to their father. Yes, I have undertaken the responsibility of being their stepmother, but that has nothing to do with marrying their dad.

ilovekenneth there's no reason to be rude. If you post something online, especially in a place where people are SUPPOSED to respond to you (such as a message board like this one) then you can't rightfully get mad when people voice their opinions just because they don't agree with you. No one is forcing you to change your plans, they're simply stating how they feel about it.

slothiegal · January 2015

ilovekenneth said: She is the flower girl, and again it is something she would like to participate in. Sorry not sorry your opinions on the subject don't change how our wedding will play out. Not your wedding not your call. I think it's beautiful to include children in the ceremony. I don't understand why people can't be supportive of other brides, their choices, and celebrate the differences that makes each wedding uniquely beautiful!

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Weird, it's like....people on the internet....can share their own opinions!

Ain't no one gonna be at your wedding putting a stop to shit. Have her in the ceremony. Don't have her in the ceremony. Whatever. People were just sharing their thoughts on having children in the ceremony. In, gasp, a public forum, where the question about including children was posed.

ETA boxes

MrsHtobe2015 · January 2015

as the op, I do appreciate all opinions for and against, that's why I asked

including my daughter in the ceremony

Re: including my daughter in the ceremony

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