NWR. Vent - Parenting

AddieCake · December 2014

I can attest that athletes missing excessive days is definitely NOT overstated in some places.

lc07 · December 2014

I had a doctor's note, but I didn't have to show it to the court. I had to show it to the school.

KatWAG · December 2014

CA.Giraffe said:

KatWAG said:

CA.Giraffe said:

To answer some questions - my son is 17, which is the minimum age for a private pilot's license. He's been flying since he was 13.

This summer - was busier than normal in that it kept him away from home for so long. He went to Missouri for a college program for a week, then Civil Air Patrol camp for 10 days, then two weeks as a camp counselor at a Boy Scout camp, then a week at another scout camp with his own troop, then 2.5 weeks of band camp. He enjoyed the activities because he's usually with his friends. His school runs August-June, so break is only 8 weeks.

In order to get his pilot's license, he had to fly every day for 9 days straight, during daylight hours. Once the time changed, the only way he would get the hours in was during school. There was no examiner available during the holiday break.
I get that it's a lot of days, and if not for the specific events we attended, I'd have him at school. But I feel like the policy is unreasonable, because those students participating in school events routinely miss as many days or more.

I am sorry but attending school is more important that a pilot's license for a 17 year old. Why did he have to get it right now? Why couldnt he wait and take the test this winter break, spring break or over summer?

I still maintain the opinion that is has too much going on for a kid and needs free time. And if his summer break is only 8 weeks that is all the more reason to capitalize on free time.

If he keeps his grades up, what exactly is he missing? I'm curious, not argumentative. Also, one detail about his school schedule - he's on a block schedule, so he hasn't missed 9 days of any given class, because they don't attend all of their classes every day. Even when he missed two days in a row, it was only one day of each class.
And why is attending school important for my kid, but not the athletes at his school? If he had chosen football instead of flying, the school wouldn't have anything to say about it. The hypocrisy bothers me.

There is a lot more to learn from school than what is taught in the classroom.

I was a high school and college athlete are never had to miss school. So while I agree its not fair, life isn't fair. So I would stop worrying about what is going on with other students and focus on how to get your son to school more consistently.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

Yeah I don't really see why you're surprised by this. The rules seem pretty cut and dry; they have to stick to them. So you just go and give them all your very compelling reasons why this should be excused and they'll probably let it go. I do think though that it's worth considering that if you/he intend to keep his schedule this busy you'll likely need to deal with this again, so something may need to be reevaluated - if you're not willing to homeschool him or send him someplace with a more lenient policy for his senior year, you either have to drop an extracurricular or deal with the consequences. It's a good life lesson.

wrigleyville · December 2014

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

lyndausvi · December 2014

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

Yep, it's a good life lesson.

huskypuppy14 · December 2014

Honestly, schools seem so damn strict nowadays. I graduate high school almost 15 years ago, and I never missed much school, but one of my boyfriend's was practically a truant. He couldn't skip senior skip day because he had to go to government or he would have failed and not graduated, which means he must have missed 19 classes. But I don't think he ever had to go to court.

Also, no one said anything if you had a note from a parent.

Now maybe they gave a warning, and I never would have received one because I was rarely not in school. Like I said earlier, in my school it was 20 classes missed and you failed. So OP, your son has already missed 9 in a semester, so it probably is a red flag.

Like other people are saying, college visits should obviously be excused. 3 days for a pilot license is iffy.

I played a sport in HS and we had to miss a few days if we were in a tournament. I also missed a day for band competition, but these were school sponsored, so they were excused. You still would have failed your class though if you didn't have the required number of days in class, excused or not.

lurkergirl · December 2014

There are lots of valid points being made all around. 9 is a lot. I also understand your frustrations, OP. I almost feel like the things he's doing, while not like a business trip, are sort of like professional development, kwim? Is he not in ROTC or anything?

But man...this district would've hated high school me. I had mastered gaming the system, and I also knew exactly how long I had to be there to have it count as "present" and not "absent."

I once checked out for a "dentist appointment" and came back with a dramatic new haircut. At one point senior year, my history teacher (last class of the day--skipped all.the.damn.time!) called my mom and was like, "Look, she has an A and she'll do fine, but I just have to have her in the classroom for at least half the days." I had great attendance the first 3 years (it was required to get a license and have a chance at a parking spot), but by senior year, I was skipping constantly. Still made straight As and graduated with honors.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

lurkergirl · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

Didn't she say that he wants to go to school to become a pilot as a career? I guess I see it as more than a hobby; in my mind it's not much different than a work study program. I mostly agree with you, but I think the fact that he wants to do this as a career is what gets me.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

lurkergirl said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

Didn't she say that he wants to go to school to become a pilot as a career? I guess I see it as more than a hobby; in my mind it's not much different than a work study program. I mostly agree with you, but I think the fact that he wants to do this as a career is what gets me.

But he didn't need to do it NOW. It could have waited until it aligned with a school break.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

I teach college, and I really don't allow any excuses for absences. If you weren't in class, you get a zero for the day. Period. And that directly affects their grade. I know it's harsh (and if I were one of my students in college I would have hated that policy), but this is what it comes down to: if you're not there, you're not participating. You're not getting the information. It doesn't matter if you had to take an important test, if you had a dying relative, whatever. For a legit excuse I may let you hand it work late, but I will not give you credit for being there if you weren't.

OP, you make it seem as if sitting in a classroom is "beneath" your son because he has so many other important things to do. This is really concerning to me. If I were your son's teacher once he came to college, and he decided he had more important things to do than attend class, do you know what would happen? He would fail. Even if he handed in all his work, I promise he would fail. I don't have any students who have excessive absences and are still passing, because they're missing vital information that would allow them to complete the work that makes up the majority of their grade. He might be able to get away with that in some classes, but not enough to make up for the ones he wouldn't be able to.

You need to make sure you're not setting a precedence that students only need to go to class if they really "need" to or if there's not something more important. That's going to do him a great disservice once he's out of high school.

ETA: I think in a way, you might look at this truancy hearing as a blessing. You'll probably be able to get out of the charges, and it could be a wake-up call that you and your son need to reassess his priorities. Another point about college is that they're not going to give your son that level of attention if he doesn't do his work or doesn't come to class. They might send an email or two, but beyond that they'll just fail him. And that will make it a huge waste of time and money. I know you're feeling a lot of anger towards the system, and I think some of your concerns are legit, but I also think you're blinded a little by your love and admiration for your son. Everyone has to be held to the same standards.

emmaaa · December 2014

I was heavily involved in many extracurricular activities in high school. Clubs, dance company, cross country, soccer, student government, and an athlete program that traveled to elementary schools. I missed school sometimes for these clubs or groups to go to a performance, conference, speaking engagement, or game/meet. Those were all excused because those activities were school-sanctioned.

I was also very active in my youth group and VP of the youth district council, Girl Scouts, and volunteering. If I chose to miss days for an activity for one of those things, they weren't excused no matter how good of intentions.

Like others have said, I think if you go to the court and appeal this and present your case, you'll win. But I'm still not sure why you were surprised you got called to go when he was out for 9 days. Regardless of what he was out for, he was still not in the classroom learning the material (even if you don't think those classes are as important) for activities not sponsored by the school.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

lurkergirl said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

Didn't she say that he wants to go to school to become a pilot as a career? I guess I see it as more than a hobby; in my mind it's not much different than a work study program. I mostly agree with you, but I think the fact that he wants to do this as a career is what gets me.

Very good point. I agree with you that hobby =/= career move, even for a 17 y/o. I should have addressed it as a career move.

However, if it's a long term thing like a life-long career, he can wait until break. Even if he completes his pilot's license now, no airline or private charter is going to hire him at 17 y/o w/o a high school diploma. He has time. And even if he didn't, I still think it's a good life lesson that school is a "job" and commitment that shouldn't be skipped because he wants to take on a new direction. He needs to see it through and pursue piloting in his spare time. When he's done with his commitment to school, then he can pursue his license full time.

My answer would be the same if a 17 y/o kid wanted to be a professional artist and skip school for art lessons, or a professional dancer and skip school for ballet, or a charter boat captain and skip school to get his charter boat license...

ShellD13 · December 2014

In our area parents receive a notice every quarter that states kids can miss up to 8 days of a semester long course or 15 days of a year long course. If they miss more than that they will not get credit for the class and they will not meet the criteria to graduate/move up period. Although they do have the ability to waive some of that if the child has doctor's notes to excuse the absences.

lurkergirl · December 2014

I agree that he could've done it over a break. I also agree that it's important to follow rules and teach kids that it's not up to them (or their parents) to decide the validity of the rules--we just follow them because it's right. At the same time, rules get changed because people break them and/or are outspoken about their absurdity. (Gay marriage and marijuana legalization come to mind--obviously I do NOT think this situation is on par with those, but they were just the first prominent examples that popped into my mind for people being like "fuck your rules" and making changes for the better.)

To me, it sounds like OP's son would be a good candidate for a work study or dual enrollment program. That way, he fulfills his high school requirements while also having more flexibility in his schedule to pursue something that will benefit him for the rest of his life.

stefuhknee · December 2014

OP, I understand how this could be frustrating for you. You have a child that does extremely well in school and is missing school for what you as his parent deem to be legitimate reasons. I'm sure if you present your case in front of the judge they will dismiss the case. I don't think it's fair that your son be labeled a truant by any means. I went to high school in NYC and I missed class a lot my senior year, I still got into all the universities I applied to and graduated with an advanced regents diploma and while I understand what some other posters are saying about teaching your son responsibility, I honestly don't think in this instance it relates to college or having a career. Yes, I missed school in high school without legitimate excuses but once I entered the workforce I didn't assume that I could miss work without a valid reason and the same thing with college, you get your syllabus and your professor will advise how many unexcused/excused absences you can have a semester and you stick to those rules because you know its a different ball game in college. Well at least that's how it was for me and I'm sure your son will be smart enough to know that when he gets to college and starts his career. But, what do I know my son is only 1.5 years old...

plainjane0415 · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

lurkergirl said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

Didn't she say that he wants to go to school to become a pilot as a career? I guess I see it as more than a hobby; in my mind it's not much different than a work study program. I mostly agree with you, but I think the fact that he wants to do this as a career is what gets me.

Very good point. I agree with you that hobby =/= career move, even for a 17 y/o. I should have addressed it as a career move.

However, if it's a long term thing like a life-long career, he can wait until break. Even if he completes his pilot's license now, no airline or private charter is going to hire him at 17 y/o w/o a high school diploma. He has time. And even if he didn't, I still think it's a good life lesson that school is a "job" and commitment that shouldn't be skipped because he wants to take on a new direction. He needs to see it through and pursue piloting in his spare time. When he's done with his commitment to school, then he can pursue his license full time.

My answer would be the same if a 17 y/o kid wanted to be a professional artist and skip school for art lessons, or a professional dancer and skip school for ballet, or a charter boat captain and skip school to get his charter boat license...

Ditto to all of this, and just to add, that while your son sounds very determined in what he wants to do when he grows up, he's also 17. Things can change, his thoughts and paths may change as he gets older. So having him miss school for something like a pilot's license that he may or may not use when he gets older, is kind of silly to me. He can do these types of things on school breaks. I can't tell you how many times I changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up (and still do) when I was that age. I also had SEVERAL high school friends who were dead set on being medical doctors and did all of these prerequisite courses and joined organizations and such only to become college dropouts. Not saying that your son would be that, I'm just saying, it happens.

I was also very involved in high school and an honor student. There was no way my parents were letting me miss school just for a hobby of mine. We planned everything extracurricular that wasn't school sponsored around Christmas, Fall, Spring, and Summer breaks and it worked out fine for us.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

stefuhknee said:

OP, I understand how this could be frustrating for you. You have a child that does extremely well in school and is missing school for what you as his parent deem to be legitimate reasons. I'm sure if you present your case in front of the judge they will dismiss the case. I don't think it's fair that your son be labeled a truant by any means. I went to high school in NYC and I missed class a lot my senior year, I still got into all the universities I applied to and graduated with an advanced regents diploma and while I understand what some other posters are saying about teaching your son responsibility, I honestly don't think in this instance it relates to college or having a career. Yes, I missed school in high school without legitimate excuses but once I entered the workforce I didn't assume that I could miss work without a valid reason and the same thing with college, you get your syllabus and your professor will advise how many unexcused/excused absences you can have a semester and you stick to those rules because you know its a different ball game in college. Well at least that's how it was for me and I'm sure your son will be smart enough to know that when he gets to college and starts his career. But, what do I know my son is only 1.5 years old...

I don't know that you're the majority, though. My classes are exclusively freshman and many of them are really shocked at how much is expected of them and how much their grades dive when they stop coming to class. I think if mom is sending the message that, "It's okay that you didn't go to class because you're smart and have other important things to do," sure, maybe he knows he'll have to buckle down once he graduates, but you're still playing with fire. Habits need to be built, and if he's building these habit now odds are they're not going to serve him well in the future.

I also want to mention, OP, you said your son is applying to service academies? How are they going to feel about a student who doesn't need to go to class if there are more pressing matters to attend to?

stefuhknee · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

stefuhknee said:

OP, I understand how this could be frustrating for you. You have a child that does extremely well in school and is missing school for what you as his parent deem to be legitimate reasons. I'm sure if you present your case in front of the judge they will dismiss the case. I don't think it's fair that your son be labeled a truant by any means. I went to high school in NYC and I missed class a lot my senior year, I still got into all the universities I applied to and graduated with an advanced regents diploma and while I understand what some other posters are saying about teaching your son responsibility, I honestly don't think in this instance it relates to college or having a career. Yes, I missed school in high school without legitimate excuses but once I entered the workforce I didn't assume that I could miss work without a valid reason and the same thing with college, you get your syllabus and your professor will advise how many unexcused/excused absences you can have a semester and you stick to those rules because you know its a different ball game in college. Well at least that's how it was for me and I'm sure your son will be smart enough to know that when he gets to college and starts his career. But, what do I know my son is only 1.5 years old...

I don't know that you're the majority, though. My classes are exclusively freshman and many of them are really shocked at how much is expected of them and how much their grades dive when they stop coming to class. I think if mom is sending the message that, "It's okay that you didn't go to class because you're smart and have other important things to do," sure, maybe he knows he'll have to buckle down once he graduates, but you're still playing with fire. Habits need to be built, and if he's building these habit now odds are they're not going to serve him well in the future.

I also want to mention, OP, you said your son is applying to service academies? How are they going to feel about a student who doesn't need to go to class if there are more pressing matters to attend to?

Yes, I can definitely see that side of the argument. I was just throwing out my own anecdotal experiences I suppose. I think when it comes down to it, it's okay to be a little peeved about having to present your "case" to the administration or judge or whomever but in the end I'm sure your son will be fine and now that you are aware of the rules you wont have to go through this again. Maybe you can speak to the school and explain your situation since they were the ones who you mentioned escalated everything? So try and find out what their reasoning was behind this and maybe you can work something out...

emmaaa · December 2014

plainjane0415 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

lurkergirl said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

Didn't she say that he wants to go to school to become a pilot as a career? I guess I see it as more than a hobby; in my mind it's not much different than a work study program. I mostly agree with you, but I think the fact that he wants to do this as a career is what gets me.

Very good point. I agree with you that hobby =/= career move, even for a 17 y/o. I should have addressed it as a career move.

However, if it's a long term thing like a life-long career, he can wait until break. Even if he completes his pilot's license now, no airline or private charter is going to hire him at 17 y/o w/o a high school diploma. He has time. And even if he didn't, I still think it's a good life lesson that school is a "job" and commitment that shouldn't be skipped because he wants to take on a new direction. He needs to see it through and pursue piloting in his spare time. When he's done with his commitment to school, then he can pursue his license full time.

My answer would be the same if a 17 y/o kid wanted to be a professional artist and skip school for art lessons, or a professional dancer and skip school for ballet, or a charter boat captain and skip school to get his charter boat license...

Ditto to all of this, and just to add, that while your son sounds very determined in what he wants to do when he grows up, he's also 17. Things can change, his thoughts and paths may change as he gets older. So having him miss school for something like a pilot's license that he may or may not use when he gets older, is kind of silly to me. He can do these types of things on school breaks. I can't tell you how many times I changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up (and still do) when I was that age. I also had SEVERAL high school friends who were dead set on being medical doctors and did all of these prerequisite courses and joined organizations and such only to become college dropouts. Not saying that your son would be that, I'm just saying, it happens.
I was also very involved in high school and an honor student. There was no way my parents were letting me miss school just for a hobby of mine. We planned everything extracurricular that wasn't school sponsored around Christmas, Fall, Spring, and Summer breaks and it worked out fine for us.

That's a great point! FI was dead set on joining the Navy and doing diving. That plan fell through as soon as he broke his shoulder right before senior year and had surgery. Three appeals later, he realized that dream was over.

Goals and dreams change.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

stefuhknee said:

flutteringinftmyers said:

stefuhknee said:

OP, I understand how this could be frustrating for you. You have a child that does extremely well in school and is missing school for what you as his parent deem to be legitimate reasons. I'm sure if you present your case in front of the judge they will dismiss the case. I don't think it's fair that your son be labeled a truant by any means. I went to high school in NYC and I missed class a lot my senior year, I still got into all the universities I applied to and graduated with an advanced regents diploma and while I understand what some other posters are saying about teaching your son responsibility, I honestly don't think in this instance it relates to college or having a career. Yes, I missed school in high school without legitimate excuses but once I entered the workforce I didn't assume that I could miss work without a valid reason and the same thing with college, you get your syllabus and your professor will advise how many unexcused/excused absences you can have a semester and you stick to those rules because you know its a different ball game in college. Well at least that's how it was for me and I'm sure your son will be smart enough to know that when he gets to college and starts his career. But, what do I know my son is only 1.5 years old...

I don't know that you're the majority, though. My classes are exclusively freshman and many of them are really shocked at how much is expected of them and how much their grades dive when they stop coming to class. I think if mom is sending the message that, "It's okay that you didn't go to class because you're smart and have other important things to do," sure, maybe he knows he'll have to buckle down once he graduates, but you're still playing with fire. Habits need to be built, and if he's building these habit now odds are they're not going to serve him well in the future.

I also want to mention, OP, you said your son is applying to service academies? How are they going to feel about a student who doesn't need to go to class if there are more pressing matters to attend to?

Yes, I can definitely see that side of the argument. I was just throwing out my own anecdotal experiences I suppose. I think when it comes down to it, it's okay to be a little peeved about having to present your "case" to the administration or judge or whomever but in the end I'm sure your son will be fine and now that you are aware of the rules you wont have to go through this again. Maybe you can speak to the school and explain your situation since they were the ones who you mentioned escalated everything? So try and find out what their reasoning was behind this and maybe you can work something out...

Anecdotal evidence is perfectly fine. It's awesome that you were able to recognize the importance of buckling down once you hit college. In fact, I was very similar. For some reason I slacked my way through high school but once I got to college I decided it was time to be serious and really focused on my studies. But I also suffered the consequences in high school; I did well, but I could have done better and probably could have gotten into a better school if I'd applied myself more.

So I do hope you don't think I was trying to invalidate your experience

It's just that from working with college students for several years, I'm seeing just how many of them were not prepared. So many of them like to tell me "But I got all A's in high school!" because they can't believe they're getting C's now for the same amount of effort.

sarahufl · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

wrigleyville said:

I'm a super good employee, I always get stellar reviews, and I get my projects done early most of the time.

I still have to go to work every day.

This is exactly what I was thinking reading this thread.

OP, school isn't just about academics. It's about forming good habits. A pilot's license is something he WANTS. By letting him skip school to pursue a hobby, you're not encouraging good life habits.

QFT. This thread is absurd. Why does your kid HAVE TO MISS SCHOOL to get his pilot license? Really?

Make him go to school. Or face the consequences. Pretty simple.

lyndausvi · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

stefuhknee said:

OP, I understand how this could be frustrating for you. You have a child that does extremely well in school and is missing school for what you as his parent deem to be legitimate reasons. I'm sure if you present your case in front of the judge they will dismiss the case. I don't think it's fair that your son be labeled a truant by any means. I went to high school in NYC and I missed class a lot my senior year, I still got into all the universities I applied to and graduated with an advanced regents diploma and while I understand what some other posters are saying about teaching your son responsibility, I honestly don't think in this instance it relates to college or having a career. Yes, I missed school in high school without legitimate excuses but once I entered the workforce I didn't assume that I could miss work without a valid reason and the same thing with college, you get your syllabus and your professor will advise how many unexcused/excused absences you can have a semester and you stick to those rules because you know its a different ball game in college. Well at least that's how it was for me and I'm sure your son will be smart enough to know that when he gets to college and starts his career. But, what do I know my son is only 1.5 years old...

I don't know that you're the majority, though. My classes are exclusively freshman and many of them are really shocked at how much is expected of them and how much their grades dive when they stop coming to class. I think if mom is sending the message that, "It's okay that you didn't go to class because you're smart and have other important things to do," sure, maybe he knows he'll have to buckle down once he graduates, but you're still playing with fire. Habits need to be built, and if he's building these habit now odds are they're not going to serve him well in the future.

I also want to mention, OP, you said your son is applying to service academies? How are they going to feel about a student who doesn't need to go to class if there are more pressing matters to attend to?

*******STUPID BOXES ***********

I was thinking about this last night. My uncle when to West Point many years ago, so things might have changed, but from his stories, missing class (or any other activity for that matter) is pretty much a no-no. Even attending the Army-Navy football game was a requirement.

ETA - I do not think visiting schools is a problem. I do not think taking a few days off to get a pilot's license is a big deal either. I think them being done during the same fall semester is the real problem. Just like you determined that it was not feasible to visit schools in the summer, hind sight says you should have not over-scheduled during the fall semester.

lacqueredlover · December 2014

I was an honors student, great SAT scores, got into an ivy league school that I chose not to attend. I was able to bs my way through high school, AP classes, tons of extra curricular activities, student council, model congress, tennis, yearbook, etc. I thought I would be able to coast by in college no problem because I didn't have to go to all my classes in high school and they were easy for me.

I was completely ill prepared for college because of that and by my 3rd semester, I failed out. Took me another 4.5 years to get my degree.

My parents tried but because of how I had been treated in high school, I thought I was above it in college and when I needed help then, I was ill equipped to ask because before, it was ok for me to miss school or not work hard. College is a completely different ball game. and I also had a friend in a similar situation as me at West Point. He failed out after less than a year.

Your kid shouldn't be missing school to get his pilots license. He should be visiting school when he has time, not on time he should be in school and not for that many days in a semester.

morphemes · December 2014

Honestly, anyone here can have their own opinion as to the value of your son's activities, but only he (and you) can decide if those activities are worth following through on. It doesn't matter if PPs think your kid needs more free time over the summer or should be taking pilot lessons during break.

Yes, school is valuable. But life experiences can be even more valuable. I honestly wish I had relaxed a bit about high school while I was in it -- I graduated valedictorian from high school (5-6 years ago now), went to an ivy league college, and now am in a top law school. Looking back, and speaking to current colleagues, high school is a ridiculous shitshow no matter where you go. The amount of stress we put on kids today is ridiculous. It sounds like your son will be fine, whatever he chooses to do. Truancy courts are looking for kids who are ditching school or who have negligent parents. It sounds like you'll be fine. Just go and then move on.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

One more and then I'll get off my soapbox.

We all make choices on a daily basis. Some of them are easy, some hard, but the one thing they have in common is that they all have consequences. You and your son have the right to make any decisions about how he spends his time that you choose. You just have to be willing to live with the consequences.

As morphemes said, maybe school isn't the best use of his time compared to other activities. Okay, that's fine. But just because he can be doing more productive things does not mean you get a pass from the consequences of not going to school. Can you live with the consequence of a truancy hearing? Probably, considering the charges will likely get dropped. But what about the other consequences? For example, this could interfere with his ability to get into the college of his choice. Is that okay with you? With him?

Again, maybe his school is a waste of time and a shitshow. But when you and he decide he's going to miss an excessive number of days, that does not mean he's not going to face ramifications for not going.

steph861 · December 2014

Holy shit. Is this a common thing in the US (or in some states/counties)? I've never heard of POs being assigned to school districts to police attendance.

ETA: I posted this without reading the other responses. My mistake...

beethery · December 2014

@steph861 I fucking hate most school probation officers. Every one I've seen at any school I've been to or known anyone to attend has been the biggest dipshit that couldn't do real police work to save his fucking life so they go waaaaay above and beyond their jobs at the high schools or middle schools so they feel better about themselves.

The one assigned to my high school always attempted to mack on girls during the study hall he supervised, and showed up at house parties and tried to fraternize with the students. While I was in school there, he got some kid up against the wall and screamed at him, then pushed him onto the ground. The offense? Chewing gum. Except it wasn't gum, it turned out to be a perfectly average (and not rule- breaking) cough drop because the kid had a cold. He got indicted two years ago for raping an underage girl at a party. He met her during the study hall he supervised.

The one at FI's high school couldn't chase down an inept drug dealer because he was so out of shape, so the gym teacher had to do it. He also called FFIL to scream at him for FI parking in the school's parking lot without a pass. On Monday of spring break, so that he could buy his parking pass.

Somehow, that same guy ended up becoming police chief of that town and was later run out of there. He tried to arrest some lady for reckless driving after she'd lost control of her car on some black ice and went into a snowbank. He broke her window to try to drag her out of the car in front of her little kids. The other two officers from the town showed up and saw all of it, reports got made, and he was forced to resign (he still gets his pension, how nice).

I'm sure there are not-crazy POs at schools. I just don't know what schools they work at. Between multiple states, I've seen and heard of more power-tripping assholes trying to make themselves feel like they've got some modicum of control because the best they could do was to get a job observing students in their natural habitat instead of being on their town PD.

steph861 · December 2014

beethery said:

@steph861 I fucking hate most school probation officers. Every one I've seen at any school I've been to or known anyone to attend has been the biggest dipshit that couldn't do real police work to save his fucking life so they go waaaaay above and beyond their jobs at the high schools or middle schools so they feel better about themselves.

The one assigned to my high school always attempted to mack on girls during the study hall he supervised, and showed up at house parties and tried to fraternize with the students. While I was in school there, he got some kid up against the wall and screamed at him, then pushed him onto the ground. The offense? Chewing gum. Except it wasn't gum, it turned out to be a perfectly average (and not rule- breaking) cough drop because the kid had a cold. He got indicted two years ago for raping an underage girl at a party. He met her during the study hall he supervised.

The one at FI's high school couldn't chase down an inept drug dealer because he was so out of shape, so the gym teacher had to do it. He also called FFIL to scream at him for FI parking in the school's parking lot without a pass. On Monday of spring break, so that he could buy his parking pass.

Somehow, that same guy ended up becoming police chief of that town and was later run out of there. He tried to arrest some lady for reckless driving after she'd lost control of her car on some black ice and went into a snowbank. He broke her window to try to drag her out of the car in front of her little kids. The other two officers from the town showed up and saw all of it, reports got made, and he was forced to resign (he still gets his pension, how nice).

I'm sure there are not-crazy POs at schools. I just don't know what schools they work at. Between multiple states, I've seen and heard of more power-tripping assholes trying to make themselves feel like they've got some modicum of control because the best they could do was to get a job observing students in their natural habitat instead of being on their town PD.

Dear lord.

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