We are not married or living together yet, so right now our finances are separate. When we move in together, we will merge our finances and each of us will get a set amount to spend on whatever we want. The rest will go to bills and savings.
We have a "spending account" that xxx dollars each month goes into. That is our fun money, gas money, and grocery money. We talk about getting a haircut, needing makeup, wanting to buy more saltwater for the fish tank.. So either of us can make the purchase we want, but when it's gone it's gone. We always talk about purchases so no one feels like they don't get any money (even 20 dollars buying makeup).
(Next year this might lessen as one of our last remaining huge debts is paid off and we will a lot more financial freedom).
Bills come from our house account, where all the paychecks go. We do not touch that money except to move a set amount over to savings each month. I am the accountant of our family and make sure there is enough money in the house account to pay all our bills, especially now that we have a mortgage in a week!
My dad gets an allowance. He was shopping hard, buying whatever he wanted on their Amex and I guess he wasn't thinking about it. My mom had to take him aside and tell him she pays that balance off every month, and if he wants something expensive, he has to save up from his $100/week allowance. He's fine with it, though sometimes he asks for advances lol
FI and I have a one-pot account. All our money goes into it. If either of us is planning on making a big purchase, the other one is informed and the purchase is scheduled so that it doesn't conflict with bill payment. We buy smaller things and necessities as needed, and we have a big enough buffer built up that we're not really worried about running out of dough for the random shit we want.
50% of each of our paychecks is placed in a joint account-we pay all our bills out of that account, plus joint expenses like food, toiletries, travel. Whatever is left over we move into a joint savings account, and we don't touch that money. If we are planning a big trip or a really huge purchase, then we move money from our personal accounts into the joint checking to cover it.
The other 50% is placed in our personal accounts and we are free to do whatever we want with it. We also each have separate credit cards for our personal expenses. I have no idea what percentage of that 50% he spends vs. saves, and vice versa. It works for us because we both have substantial personal savings, so we know each other is fine if we end up with more expenses suddenly, if one of us loses a job, etc.
We really don't have the money to fuck around. We're living paycheque to paycheque, so anything (other than gifts for each other) over 40 bucks is discussed.
We split rent, utilities, and other shared expenses. The rest, we can do whatever we want with, although we both put a bunch into savings every month (right now, into our emergency accounts, and after that, into a house downpayment account).
I'm terrible with money and he's great with it, but he feels like it's too controlling and inappropriate for him to dictate how much money I can spend, or monitor my spending. Like, it makes him feel horrible and stressed. So I just need to become an adult and stop spending money I don't have.
We go based on individual expenses and shared expenses plus shared savings. We each contribute an amount to joint checking (via DD) for joint expenses. Mortgage, Kroger, Costco, gas and electric, cell phones, cable/internet, car insurance all gets paid from there. Then I take $2k of that per month and divert it into shared savings (new house fund). The remainder of each check we keep to ourselves and pay our respective car payments, my student loans, any "fun money," and individual savings comes out of that.
What he does with his own portion of his check is up to him; there's no threshold. If anyone "runs out" of their own money before pay day... too bad, so sad. There's no dipping into either shared account without talking about it or being on the "pre-approved" list of things (i.e. he doesn't need to call me to ask anytime he goes to Costco for more chicken). We're both pretty good with money though (and equally committed to this new house goal) so that hasn't happened.
We really don't have the money to fuck around. We're living paycheque to paycheque, so anything (other than gifts for each other) over 40 bucks is discussed.
This. The struggle is real lol. By the time we pay bills and buy food/gas for the week, we have a tiny amount left to put in savings.
Our rule is that anything over $100 is discussed. In actuality, we discuss anything over $60.
We have no allowances and have a combo of joint and shared accounts. We both know our priorities and splurge accordingly. We both also try not to make the other sacrifice too much for past decisions- he doesn't want me feeling burdened financially by his mom or son while I feel the same about student loans. We balance each other.
We each have a personal account, and the rest are joint (one for bills, one for everyday expenses, one for general savings).
Every paycheque I get, I put $100 into my personal account, a set amount into the bills account, and the rest against a debt (student loan or otherwise). Every paycheque he gets, he puts $100 into his personal account, a set amount into everyday expenses, and the rest into general savings.
We pay for groceries and gas out of the everyday expenses. All of our monthly bills are auto-debited from the bills account, so I divide the total amount we owe per month into the number of paycheques I'll receive so that it's covered by month end. This way we both get a chunk of money that the other person doesn't see (handy for presents), but the majority of it is between the two of us. We discuss anything big that comes up.
I am in charge of all the money. He can't have more than enough money for coffee and stuff with him at once or he will (pretty much guaranteed) blow it at the bar and who knows where else.
H and I both work. I make a little more money than he does (I'm about 55% of our income to his 45%). We each keep the same specific amount from our own checks as our fun money. Most of our money goes into our joint checking. Once all bills and expenses are paid each month, what ever is left over above the amount we keep in checking as a base amount gets transferred to savings. We are in the process of saving for a house.
You definitely need to be on the same page when it comes to money. FI and I aren't doing any unnecessary spending right now because we're saving for the wedding, and I run every purchase I make by him just in case. Example, today I was going to place an order for some Scentsy stuff that was going to be $20. I asked him if he minded, he said he didn't, and then I ultimately decided not to get it because we are saving.
I mention this because you're going to have to sit down and talk about your finances, seriously. In our early stages of planning and saving money (this hadn't been an issue before now because we had money to spend wherever) I was getting anxiety because I felt like he wasn't on board with saving, and then we had a conversation and he brought to my attention that I was the one who wasn't saving because I was going out for lunch 4 out of 5 work days, spending $20 here and there on fun stuff for me, etc. And I was like ooohhhh yeah. You're right.
Honestly, have a conversation about this and get on the same page. I have a friend who's system with her husband is they don't have to discuss it unless it's over $100. Maybe that's something that might work for your guys? Or you may need to be like us and run everything by each other until you're in a better position financially.
You run every purchase by him? FI and I have a joint checking account, but we also each have our own accounts. Right now he makes more than I do, so he puts more into the joint account than I do, but he also still has more in his separate account. I like it because this way, if I want to surprise him with a gift or something, he won't see it before I have a chance to give it to him.
I dunno to me allowance is just a word. It's how you're treating it that matters. H and I have decided on $50 as our dollar amount right now that we need to just briefly check with each other before making the purchase. But we're also experimenting with our budget still since we just merged finances. We decided to try living on H's paycheck alone (mortgage, bills, groceries, daily expenses, etc.) and use my paycheck to focus on paying off our student loans. If we're strict, we'll have both my loans paid off before April and his paid off within the next year. No small feat, he has over $30k still left to pay off. I'm the spender and he's the saver so it's been a harder adjustment for me. I'm used to everything just being "my" money without accountability so I'm still trying to get comfortable with not over-spending and making sure that he's ok with non-essential purchases while we try to adjust.
For us, right now, we both work. We came into the relationship already well-established financially (own our own homes, own 401ks, own savings). The logical thing for us was to establish a joint checking/saving account and put enough in their for truly joint expenses and keep our normal saving and investing practices. It's working for now, but as we start thinking more heavily about starting a family, we'll have to figure out a more aggressive savings plan.
I'm not down with calling something an "allowance." Something about that word is degrading, in my opinion. One of my coworkers has an allowance, and she makes her own money! I know it's just semantics, but call it a budget. Your husband has a budget.
If that's what he needs in order for you to have a financially sound household, it actually sounds like a good solution. You set the budget, he has to learn not to spend outside the budget.
We have a joint that we both put a set amount into every month. All bills come out of this, and any extra left over goes to the savings side. We use those savings for big purchases, vacations, etc. The rest of the money from our pay checks is ours to spend as we please. Though DH dies tend to check with me before he cuts something "bigger" (new xbox, iPad, etc.) even though it's his cash. I'd never tell him no, but he does like to let m know.
I agree that your SO shouldn't need cash every day. A twice a month pay check might help him learn to manage money better if he does run out, but be careful of him feeling resentful that you're not giving him cash (I know he's not working, but money can make people feel crazy sometimes)
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
Sorry for the post and run. I had work.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
This is sounding more and more like a mother/son relationship than a marriage. But hey, whatever works, honestly.
Sorry for the post and run. I had work.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
This is sounding more and more like a mother/son relationship than a marriage. But hey, whatever works, honestly.
Yeah... I'm not trying to sound condescending but how old is your H? I find it interesting that he needs 'candy and games' to improve a bad day.
Are you planning on having kids? I'm not gonna judge the system you have worked out, but I hope he can learn some better saving and spending habits before you do so you can teach them to your kids at a more appropriate age, like 7.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
I'm really sorry you've had to resort to this type of relationship with money and your H. This is pretty extreme and sounds much more like a parent-child relationship with money management. He needs candy and games to remedy a bad day? What did he do when he was on his own? How did he pay rent/mortgage? Bills? Manage his life?
Trust and finances are two MAJOR reasons marriages can struggle. It may be worth it in the long term for you two to do some financial counseling together. Because are you really going to give him "daily allowances" for the rest of your life? What happens when he gets a job and has an income? Is he still going to surrender all his money and get a daily allowance? If he's a terrible with money as you say, what if he spends his whole paycheck and doesn't contribute financially to your family? What happens when you have kids? How do they learn financial responsibility? What if you lose your job?
I really do feel for you. I can't imagine having a stress like this and I'm sure you're dealing with the best you can. I just wonder if that's really sustainable in the long term and with changing circumstances.
Sorry for the post and run. I had work.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
This is sounding more and more like a mother/son relationship than a marriage. But hey, whatever works, honestly.
Yeah... I'm not trying to sound condescending but how old is your H? I find it interesting that he needs 'candy and games' to improve a bad day.
This was my money management system when I was in middle/high school and my parents gave me money.
In all seriousness, you should see a financial counselor (in addition to a marriage counselor). This isn't the way a married, adult couple should be living.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
This is sounding more and more like a mother/son relationship than a marriage. But hey, whatever works, honestly.
Yeah... I'm not trying to sound condescending but how old is your H? I find it interesting that he needs 'candy and games' to improve a bad day.
He is 25. The candy is usually dark chocolate to help fight off the depression. Video games are his favorite thing to do.
ETA He insisted on doing finances the way we do them after I pointed out that the lack of saving will be problematic down the road.
I think as long as he's learning from this and doesn't expect to have his hand held financially for the rest of your lives, do what you need to do. If he wants you to be the only one shouldering the burden of monitoring your finances, that could be setting you up for trouble. I think the financial counselor suggestion is a good one to that end.
If he needs the candy to fight depression, it might be worth consulting someone with more authority on the subject than Milton Hershey.
I think as long as he's learning from this and doesn't expect to have his hand held financially for the rest of your lives, do what you need to do. If he wants you to be the only one shouldering the burden of monitoring your finances, that could be setting you up for trouble. I think the financial counselor suggestion is a good one to that end.
If he needs the candy to fight depression, it might be worth consulting someone with more authority on the subject than Milton Hershey.
He does have antidepressant meds. The dark chocolate is just an extra help on especially bad days.
He is learning from it. It also helps that he sees that I'm gone all day. He is starting to realize that the $50 or whatever is not just a dollar amount, but that the x item that he bought cost 5 hours of my time. So that helps him be a little more responsible with money.
I think as long as he's learning from this and doesn't expect to have his hand held financially for the rest of your lives, do what you need to do. If he wants you to be the only one shouldering the burden of monitoring your finances, that could be setting you up for trouble. I think the financial counselor suggestion is a good one to that end.
If he needs the candy to fight depression, it might be worth consulting someone with more authority on the subject than Milton Hershey.
He does have antidepressant meds. The dark chocolate is just an extra help on especially bad days.
Sorry for the post and run. I had work.
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
This is sounding more and more like a mother/son relationship than a marriage. But hey, whatever works, honestly.
Yeah... I'm not trying to sound condescending but how old is your H? I find it interesting that he needs 'candy and games' to improve a bad day.
He is 25. The candy is usually dark chocolate to help fight off the depression. Video games are his favorite thing to do.
ETA He insisted on doing finances the way we do them after I pointed out that the lack of saving will be problematic down the road.
Is this a chronic form of depression? If so, I'm sorry to hear that. Does your H also see a counselor or therapist for his depression? That can be very beneficial to peple, on top of meds.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
If he has asked for an allowance or agreed to one, then this is fine; by definition, you can't impose something on someone that they asked for. It's no one's place to tell you and your fiance how to manage your finances; you're both adults, so how you manage your finances is up to you.
To each their own, I would say though that it is a good idea to think about the impact whatever you decide to do could have on your relationship before implementing it. Maybe PPs are right that this arrangement could lead to you feeling more like a parent to your spouse. It's good to just be aware of those possibilities before-hand so you know how to guard against them.
Re: Adult "Allowances"
(Next year this might lessen as one of our last remaining huge debts is paid off and we will a lot more financial freedom).
Bills come from our house account, where all the paychecks go. We do not touch that money except to move a set amount over to savings each month. I am the accountant of our family and make sure there is enough money in the house account to pay all our bills, especially now that we have a mortgage in a week!
I'm the fuck out.
We have no allowances and have a combo of joint and shared accounts. We both know our priorities and splurge accordingly. We both also try not to make the other sacrifice too much for past decisions- he doesn't want me feeling burdened financially by his mom or son while I feel the same about student loans. We balance each other.
Every paycheque I get, I put $100 into my personal account, a set amount into the bills account, and the rest against a debt (student loan or otherwise). Every paycheque he gets, he puts $100 into his personal account, a set amount into everyday expenses, and the rest into general savings.
We pay for groceries and gas out of the everyday expenses. All of our monthly bills are auto-debited from the bills account, so I divide the total amount we owe per month into the number of paycheques I'll receive so that it's covered by month end. This way we both get a chunk of money that the other person doesn't see (handy for presents), but the majority of it is between the two of us. We discuss anything big that comes up.
<a href="
'>http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Free Wedding Vows">
We've tried the twice monthly "allowance" (he insists on using that word even though I don't like it) but if he's having a rough day, going to get a candy bar or something helps. And he's awful about thinking about that in advance. His money used to be spent the day he got it. The daily "allowance" so far is helping. Since it's not a lot ($5) he has to think if spending it today on candy is worth not having enough for the game he wants. He already has planned how he's going to spend it.
We are going to take him off of the savings. He'll only have access to our joint checking. All money will be kept in the savings unless it is his allowance or something needs to be paid. We are also going to have very specific categories. And since he has more time than me to go shopping, I'm going to text him an impossibly specific list and he will get it.
In all seriousness, you should see a financial counselor (in addition to a marriage counselor). This isn't the way a married, adult couple should be living.
He is 25. The candy is usually dark chocolate to help fight off the depression. Video games are his favorite thing to do.
ETA He insisted on doing finances the way we do them after I pointed out that the lack of saving will be problematic down the road.
He is learning from it. It also helps that he sees that I'm gone all day. He is starting to realize that the $50 or whatever is not just a dollar amount, but that the x item that he bought cost 5 hours of my time. So that helps him be a little more responsible with money.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
To each their own, I would say though that it is a good idea to think about the impact whatever you decide to do could have on your relationship before implementing it. Maybe PPs are right that this arrangement could lead to you feeling more like a parent to your spouse. It's good to just be aware of those possibilities before-hand so you know how to guard against them.