Calling after 9PM, rude or not?

beethery · December 2014

If anyone I know calls me at any time, it is probably an emergency. Texting at any time is alright, just be aware that if I'm sleeping or busy, I'm not going to respond.

I spend a lot of time during the workday on the phone, so I prefer to communicate through texting or email.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

lacqueredlover said:

I was always taught that was rude too. I tend to go to sleep early so my friends know to text me before calling if they need something that isn't an emergency. However I also turn the ringer off on my phone by about 9:30 pm and have it set so that only calls from my family, my step kids mom and a few friends will go through.

How do you do this? I'm afraid to ever turn my ringer completely off unless it IS a real emergency (we don't have a landline).

theycallmelinz · December 2014

lolo883 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I was always taught that was rude too. I tend to go to sleep early so my friends know to text me before calling if they need something that isn't an emergency. However I also turn the ringer off on my phone by about 9:30 pm and have it set so that only calls from my family, my step kids mom and a few friends will go through.

How do you do this? I'm afraid to ever turn my ringer completely off unless it IS a real emergency (we don't have a landline).

I'm not sure about other devices but for the iPhone you can turn on the "Do Not Disturb" option and only calls will go through for people listed as your favorites, unless someone that isn't on this list calls you either 3 or more times, then their call will go through as well.

lacqueredlover · December 2014

lolo883 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I was always taught that was rude too. I tend to go to sleep early so my friends know to text me before calling if they need something that isn't an emergency. However I also turn the ringer off on my phone by about 9:30 pm and have it set so that only calls from my family, my step kids mom and a few friends will go through.

How do you do this? I'm afraid to ever turn my ringer completely off unless it IS a real emergency (we don't have a landline).

Do it with Do-Not Disturb in your settings.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

jennyleigh16 said:

I think its a case of knowing your audience. I wouldn't call my parents after 9:30 because I know they'd likely be asleep in front of the tv. I would, however, call my best friend at 11. If you don't know the person well enough to determine if 9 is too late...then 9 is too late. I think in this case it was a tad rude, and your FI might answer next time and politely ask if they can continue the conversation in the morning, or maybe set a time limit citing having to work in the morning or some other reason.

Yeah, this.

My Father goes to bed around 9pm, but my Mother stays up until about midnight so I know I can call her on her cell phone after 9pm. I'm also usually up until 11pm or midnight.

When in doubt, don't call after 9pm.

steph861 · December 2014

lolo883 said:
See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.

Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

loveislouder · December 2014

That was the rule in my parents house - no calls after 9. People from FI's work call at all hours - 3 AM last night - with stupid questions. I want to slaughter them.

sarawifenow · December 2014

If anyone calls me after 9pm, they will get a very grumpy Sara on the line. I was taught the 9am-8pm rule and I always follow this. Texting is fine, though because I will just sleep through it.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

melbenso · December 2014

For me it's a little later. I go up to get ready for bed around 10, so 10 on week nights is generally too late to call me. On the weekends, I'm good with calls until midnight. But I have a do not disturb mode on my phone, so I just switch that on when I go to bed. DH turns his on when he goes to bed too. (No house phone.) If he is on the phone with someone elsewhere in the house, as long as I can't hear it, I don't care.

Though most of my friends and family don't call after 10, I do get calls from them sometimes. I just don't hear them and call them back the next day. The people who I would want to respond to in a crisis know that if my do not disturb is on and it is an emergency, they can just call me back right away and it will ring the second time they call.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

That is when you just don't answer the phone. Push the button on the phone that silences it or bitch button them to ignore the call. Not really that huge of a deal.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

Maggie0829 said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

That is when you just don't answer the phone. Push the button on the phone that silences it or bitch button them to ignore the call. Not really that huge of a deal.

That is what I do... I still think a certain time of the day should be off-limits for calls though,no matter what you're doing.

lyndausvi · December 2014

It depends. DH works until 9pm, so calling him after that is normal for friends/co-workers to call that late.

All of our family live on the East Coast, after 9pm here is after 11pm there. It would have to be something really important for them to contact us after 9pm.

We do not call them that late either. Unless we forgot about the time change (oops, but they have called me at 8am their time forgetting it was 6am my time, so it goes both ways).

My sister and me often just text or FB chat at night if we just want to chit chat.

ETA

buttercup1958 · December 2014

There was a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about this that was pretty funny. Now I need to go and watch it. But I usually never call anyone wanyways but I never really do it after 9 PM. But I'm just awkard and don't want to seem rude.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I think 9pm is a good rule of thumb. Unless someone has indicated to me they take calls later, I just assume that 9pm is the cut-off. I use it myself. I have my DND feature set up on my personal and work cell and I only allow calls from my fiance, parents, future in-laws, my brother, and my aunt to come in after 9pm. No one else will have anything that important to tell me that it' can't wait until the next morning.

amelisha · December 2014

I'd never call anyone after 9, personally, but I rarely make phone calls except to my mom or occasionally the future in-laws anyway. I pretty much just text/iMessage my friends and they do the same for me.

I use the Do Not Disturb for myself though, and it's automatically set to kick in from 10PM - 6:30 AM.

jenna8984 · December 2014

Does anyone know if Samsung Galaxy has that do no disturb except certain people feature? Guess I can google it...I put mine on vibrate at night because a text or two will not wake me up but if someone called frantically 2 times it would wake me up.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

jenna8984 said:

Does anyone know if Samsung Galaxy has that do no disturb except certain people feature? Guess I can google it...I put mine on vibrate at night because a text or two will not wake me up but if someone called frantically 2 times it would wake me up.

Yes. I have a Galaxy S4 and I have it set up on mine.

Go to settings (the gear) then select "My Device." Under that find "blocking mode." You can select what things you want to block, set up the times you want to block things and make your "Allowed Contacts" list so you can hear from certain people regardless of the time.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

Sucks to be you, then!

I'm kidding. But honestly, it's not as if people are calling intentionally during "your" show. I don't get HBO, Showtime, etc and I am not a fan of any of those shows anyways- Walking Dead, SOA, Breaking Bad- so I would have no idea when those shows were on.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

FeeleyToBe said:

jenna8984 said:

Does anyone know if Samsung Galaxy has that do no disturb except certain people feature? Guess I can google it...I put mine on vibrate at night because a text or two will not wake me up but if someone called frantically 2 times it would wake me up.

Yes. I have a Galaxy S4 and I have it set up on mine.

Go to settings (the gear) then select "My Device." Under that find "blocking mode." You can select what things you want to block, set up the times you want to block things and make your "Allowed Contacts" list so you can hear from certain people regardless of the time.

This is good to know because my sisters and I play a Disney game called Tsum Tsum and they send me hearts for the game at all hours of the day and night, lol!

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

Sucks to be you, then!

I'm kidding. But honestly, it's not as if people are calling intentionally during "your" show. I don't get HBO, Showtime, etc and I am not a fan of any of those shows anyways- Walking Dead, SOA, Breaking Bad- so I would have no idea when those shows were on.

Oh it does suck.

I said it as a joke initially though... I would never think someone was rude for calling during something they didn't know was happening. I just wouldn't answer the phone if I was busy with something. And I don't answer the phone after 9 unless it's family.

slothiegal · December 2014

I hate talking on the phone. The only people I really talk to are my mom, my best friend, and my younger cousin. If one of them calls after 9, I can probably predict what it is (especially because of time differences, it's midnight for all of them):

Mom: death in the family/she woke up and is half asleep and remembered a funny dog YouTube video she wanted me to watch

Best friend: is having a "912" (what we call a "personal emergency"--no one is dying, but we need to talk RIGHT NOW)

Cousin: is drunk/is in trouble with the police/is in a hospital (once all three)

I think growing up, our house rule was no calls after 8. Definitely a know your audience sort of thing, but I think it's a good rule to have in place.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

Sucks to be you, then!

I'm kidding. But honestly, it's not as if people are calling intentionally during "your" show. I don't get HBO, Showtime, etc and I am not a fan of any of those shows anyways- Walking Dead, SOA, Breaking Bad- so I would have no idea when those shows were on.

Oh it does suck.

I said it as a joke initially though... I would never think someone was rude for calling during something they didn't know was happening. I just wouldn't answer the phone if I was busy with something. And I don't answer the phone after 9 unless it's family.

I wish I had HBO but yeesh >< I heard something like they might offer a standalone service soon. . .

ShellD13 · December 2014

I was taught the 9am to 9pm rule as well. But I also defer to my audience. My parents nope. My BFF that lives two time zones over absolutely. If I called BFF to meet the timeline I'd be disrupting her family dinner time.

I do like the text to check to see if they are still awake and free to talk as well.

steph861 · December 2014

Maggie0829 said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

That is when you just don't answer the phone. Push the button on the phone that silences it or bitch button them to ignore the call. Not really that huge of a deal.

And that's what I did. I was still irritated, though. ETA: Particularly since I hardly ever get phone calls, so of course I had to get one during the last episode of my favourite show.

lyndausvi · December 2014

steph861 said:

Maggie0829 said:

lolo883 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

steph861 said:

See for us, calling after 9 hasn't been so much an issue of if anyone is sleeping - it's just the hour or two of quiet family time before bed.

And/or Walking Dead is on. Do not disturb when Walking Dead is on.
Somebody phoned me when the series finale of Breaking Bad was airing (we were watching live). I was incredulous.

This is what a DVR is for.

*Pause* "Hey can I call you back tomorrow? Thanks!"

*Resume*

Not everybody has DVR, or one that can pause currently-airing TV.

That is when you just don't answer the phone. Push the button on the phone that silences it or bitch button them to ignore the call. Not really that huge of a deal.

And that's what I did. I was still irritated, though. ETA: Particularly since I hardly ever get phone calls, so of course I had to get one during the last episode of my favourite show.

I do not get irritated at a phone call.

ashley8918 · December 2014

Meh. I guess I'm rude, because I call people whenever the fuck I want. I mean, If they are busy, sleeping etc., they can just not answer.

sarawifenow · December 2014

ashley8918 said:

Meh. I guess I'm rude, because I call people whenever the fuck I want. I mean, If they are busy, sleeping etc., they can just not answer.

Unless their phone is their alarm clock (like mine) and they need to have the volume on so they wake up the next morning.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

ashley8918 said:

Meh. I guess I'm rude, because I call people whenever the fuck I want. I mean, If they are busy, sleeping etc., they can just not answer.

It's only rude if you know they are sleeping and you are calling them for something that can wait until the next day.

I mean when someone is calling you they generally don't know what you are doing and are certainly not calling you to be irritating or rude. So to be irritated by a phone call is kind of silly.

Calling after 9PM, rude or not?

Re: Calling after 9PM, rude or not?

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