So I don't love FIs dog...

MairePoppy · December 2014

I'm a dog person. Lucy, our darling basset hound, was lonely after Peach passed away. That's when we heard about a basset mix that had been rescued from a high kill shelter in Arkansas and was sent to CT on some doggy rescue railroad. Someone up here adopted her, but it wasn't working out. So we took her. She was probably 10 months old according to our vet and extremely under weight and lots of bad habits. She ate a couch and was an incorrigible thief. She taught our angel Lucy some bad tricks. But we were committed. I didn't love her, but I felt sorry for her and I'm a sucker for a dog with a hard luck story. My husband is her person and her god, but every once in awhile she looks deeply into my eyes and my heart melts. It' the beginning of love. Relax, give yourself a chance.

tcnoble · December 2014

MairePoppy said:

I'm a dog person. Lucy, our darling basset hound, was lonely after Peach passed away. That's when we heard about a basset mix that had been rescued from a high kill shelter in Arkansas and was sent to CT on some doggy rescue railroad. Someone up here adopted her, but it wasn't working out. So we took her. She was probably 10 months old according to our vet and extremely under weight and lots of bad habits. She ate a couch and was an incorrigible thief. She taught our angel Lucy some bad tricks. But we were committed. I didn't love her, but I felt sorry for her and I'm a sucker for a dog with a hard luck story. My husband is her person and her god, but every once in awhile she looks deeply into my eyes and my heart melts. It' the beginning of love. Relax, give yourself a chance.

Thank you for the inspiring words!!!

carrie0924 · December 2014

I'll just start with "I'm a crazy dog person", so if I seem a little over the top, know it comes from a place of strong passion and love for dogs. Not in the "I carry my dog in a purse" way, but in a "I have a show dog, I compete with my dogs, I take classes, I read books, I speak to trainers, and most of my friends are all crazy dog people who are deeply entrenched in the dog hobby world."
First and foremost, if this dog was used primarily for breeding, don't ever get another dog from this "breeder." A dog coming from a breeder, especially a "retired" dog (which usually means retired from showing, which takes a special type of personality) should be bomb proof. Next time you want a dog, find a reputable breeder who does health testing (not vet checks - this is different) on hips, hearth, eyes, etc. Raises dogs in home, breeds only 1-2 litters a year, breeds for the betterment of the breed not for profit (they will still be pricey pups, but the breeder makes less profit because they spend so much on health testing and competition), etc. (If anybody has more specific questions or wants help finding a dog, btw, please message me. I could literally go on for days). If you aren't getting a dog from a reputable breeder, then you should get from a rescue because rescues are full of the dogs that are given up by unreputable breeders when they are no longer profitable. End soapbox.

To help with your actual issue: you should enroll in a training class with the dog. It could be puppy kindergarten. It could be obedience class. Find a local training facility (if you want help with this, again, message me). Just make sure you work with a trainer who only uses positive methods (no alpha/Dog Whisperer BS). This dog has insecurity issues that impact how she interacts with everything in her life. A good trainer will help you and the dog work through these issues as a team. This will create a bond between the two of you at the same time. I have two dogs. I love them both immensely. I definitely have a better bond with the one that I actually did training classes with. We have a stronger line of communication between the two of us. I highly recommend training classes to anybody, one on one or in a group setting.

I hope I don't come off crazy or "high horse" but I'm seriously passionate about this stuff.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

I would also like to add that you didn't love your FI right off the bat either, right? Same goes for pets, especially one's that you had zero say over. You need to start with like and then you will move to really like and then finally love.

KatieinBkln · December 2014

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.

This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned.

You know, it wouldn't surprise me if she started being more "dog-like" and more "Aussie-like" the longer she stays with you--frightened dogs can shut down. My little rescue pup was afraid of his own shadow. Any time the people at the pet food store offered him a treat, he wouldn't eat it--too scared to eat.

But after a while he got better, felt more safe in his surroundings (and with us!). He's still a shy guy, but much less likely to be totally scared into our laps, as it were. (One thing we learned from a behaviorist we worked with is that sometimes when they jump into your arms/onto your lap it's out of fear--snuggling them too much when they're in that state can actually reinforce their fear reaction. Whenever our dog does this, we gently remove him and set him down, or tell him to go to his bed, which is not a punishment, but rather his "safe space." Your mileage may vary if she refuses to actually calm down, of course).

Also, just as an aside: FUCK that breeder. Dogs don't act the way Tequila is acting if they've been cared for properly. Responsible breeders do NOT treat their bitches that way. If you and your FI's family haven't decided already, please don't buy any other dogs from them. They're pieces of shit.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

KatieinBkln said:

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.

This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned.

You know, it wouldn't surprise me if she started being more "dog-like" and more "Aussie-like" the longer she stays with you--frightened dogs can shut down. My little rescue pup was afraid of his own shadow. Any time the people at the pet food store offered him a treat, he wouldn't eat it--too scared to eat.

But after a while he got better, felt more safe in his surroundings (and with us!). He's still a shy guy, but much less likely to be totally scared into our laps, as it were. (One thing we learned from a behaviorist we worked with is that sometimes when they jump into your arms/onto your lap it's out of fear--snuggling them too much when they're in that state can actually reinforce their fear reaction. Whenever our dog does this, we gently remove him and set him down, or tell him to go to his bed, which is not a punishment, but rather his "safe space." Your mileage may vary if she refuses to actually calm down, of course).

Also, just as an aside: FUCK that breeder. Dogs don't act the way Tequila is acting if they've been cared for properly. Responsible breeders do NOT treat their bitches that way. If you and your FI's family haven't decided already, please don't buy any other dogs from them. They're pieces of shit.

This.

And I giggled immaturely at the correct use of the term bitch.

KatieinBkln · December 2014

carrie0924 said:

I'll just start with "I'm a crazy dog person", so if I seem a little over the top, know it comes from a place of strong passion and love for dogs. Not in the "I carry my dog in a purse" way, but in a "I have a show dog, I compete with my dogs, I take classes, I read books, I speak to trainers, and most of my friends are all crazy dog people who are deeply entrenched in the dog hobby world."
First and foremost, if this dog was used primarily for breeding, don't ever get another dog from this "breeder." A dog coming from a breeder, especially a "retired" dog (which usually means retired from showing, which takes a special type of personality) should be bomb proof. Next time you want a dog, find a reputable breeder who does health testing (not vet checks - this is different) on hips, hearth, eyes, etc. Raises dogs in home, breeds only 1-2 litters a year, breeds for the betterment of the breed not for profit (they will still be pricey pups, but the breeder makes less profit because they spend so much on health testing and competition), etc. (If anybody has more specific questions or wants help finding a dog, btw, please message me. I could literally go on for days). If you aren't getting a dog from a reputable breeder, then you should get from a rescue because rescues are full of the dogs that are given up by unreputable breeders when they are no longer profitable. End soapbox.

To help with your actual issue: you should enroll in a training class with the dog. It could be puppy kindergarten. It could be obedience class. Find a local training facility (if you want help with this, again, message me). Just make sure you work with a trainer who only uses positive methods (no alpha/Dog Whisperer BS). This dog has insecurity issues that impact how she interacts with everything in her life. A good trainer will help you and the dog work through these issues as a team. This will create a bond between the two of you at the same time. I have two dogs. I love them both immensely. I definitely have a better bond with the one that I actually did training classes with. We have a stronger line of communication between the two of us. I highly recommend training classes to anybody, one on one or in a group setting.

I hope I don't come off crazy or "high horse" but I'm seriously passionate about this stuff.

This is all really good advice (coming from a person who pretty much stumbled upon most of the stuff above the hard way with her own rescue dog).

peachy13 · December 2014

I think I can relate a little bit. When my FI and I first start dating, his old childhood dog died and he was devastated. He then went out and rescued a puppy from a shelter and I knew nothing about it until the papers were signed and the dog was home with him! I love dogs so was totally cool with the rescue situation, but the girlfriend part of me was like, wtf. So anytime I would go over his apartment to visit, this random dog was jumping all over me and being extremely needy towards me. She was a puppy at the time too so she was just all the more hyper. I was just starting to get comfortable spending nights and weekends at my boyfriend's house and now all of a sudden there's this needy puppy who thinks I'm her mom...

Anyway, flash forward to now, 3 years later, and it turns out I just needed time. I've been living with my FI and our dog for over a year now and that crazy little b*tch is my favorite snuggle buddy, my amazing rescue pup, and the thing I look forward to most when I come home (sorry, FI).

All I'm saying is to give it some time.

tcnoble · December 2014

carrie0924 said:

I'll just start with "I'm a crazy dog person", so if I seem a little over the top, know it comes from a place of strong passion and love for dogs. Not in the "I carry my dog in a purse" way, but in a "I have a show dog, I compete with my dogs, I take classes, I read books, I speak to trainers, and most of my friends are all crazy dog people who are deeply entrenched in the dog hobby world."
First and foremost, if this dog was used primarily for breeding, don't ever get another dog from this "breeder." A dog coming from a breeder, especially a "retired" dog (which usually means retired from showing, which takes a special type of personality) should be bomb proof. Next time you want a dog, find a reputable breeder who does health testing (not vet checks - this is different) on hips, hearth, eyes, etc. Raises dogs in home, breeds only 1-2 litters a year, breeds for the betterment of the breed not for profit (they will still be pricey pups, but the breeder makes less profit because they spend so much on health testing and competition), etc. (If anybody has more specific questions or wants help finding a dog, btw, please message me. I could literally go on for days). If you aren't getting a dog from a reputable breeder, then you should get from a rescue because rescues are full of the dogs that are given up by unreputable breeders when they are no longer profitable. End soapbox.

To help with your actual issue: you should enroll in a training class with the dog. It could be puppy kindergarten. It could be obedience class. Find a local training facility (if you want help with this, again, message me). Just make sure you work with a trainer who only uses positive methods (no alpha/Dog Whisperer BS). This dog has insecurity issues that impact how she interacts with everything in her life. A good trainer will help you and the dog work through these issues as a team. This will create a bond between the two of you at the same time. I have two dogs. I love them both immensely. I definitely have a better bond with the one that I actually did training classes with. We have a stronger line of communication between the two of us. I highly recommend training classes to anybody, one on one or in a group setting.

I hope I don't come off crazy or "high horse" but I'm seriously passionate about this stuff.

You definitely do not come off as crazy!!

When they had purchased their two puppies from this breeder 4 years ago, the pups were great. Nothing seemed amiss. They found them online (I know, bad first move, and not something I would have condoned but it wasn't my purchase). FILs contacted the breeder when their one dog was ran over about a year after they got her... they wanted a puppy from the same mom (Tequila). The breeder tried for two years to breed Tequila and wasn't successful. I know nothing about breeding but have a feeling that wasn't a good sign. So eventually, the breeder called FILs and offered Tequila up. My FI was afraid of what would happen to her if they didn't take her, so no questions asked they sent a crate and had her flown out here.

I just emailed a few places about basic obedience classes and other offerings. We live in Las Vegas, so if you have any recommendations or places to stay away from we would appreciate it. She doesn't have any bad behaviors like barking, jumping, chewing, etc. that most basic obedience classes seem to offer, but she was never formally taught any commands. I think it would be good for both her and I to experience something like that together so I'm looking.

tcnoble · December 2014

KatieinBkln said:

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

tcnoble said:

sarawifenow said:

This might come acoss as harsh, but what are you currently doing to have a relationship with the dog? It doesn't sound like you have any interest in her at all, so I am curious to know if you are doing anything with her?

Maybe try taking her on walks just the two of you. Spend time with her.

Don't worry about being harsh! I do take her on walks, we started that this week. She is also my buddy in the afternoons after FI drops her off from work and he goes to the gym. We are alike in that we enjoy lounging and watching TV in the afternoons and being lazy. She lays on her couch, I lay on mine. It's a comfortable situation.

This sounds like you are doing everything you should! It very well may be that you and her will just not have a super close relationship and that is perfectly fine.

I used to have an Aussie, Amaroo, who I loved. She was so high energy, though. Do you have any agility training courses near you? She was so much happier when I would take her to those.

Tequila seems to lack all natural Aussie instincts. She does enjoy chasing quail at my in-law's, but has no interest in the farm or horses. Physically, when she came to us she could hardly go up stairs because she had no muscle at all. She's gotten a lot more fit and runs around now, and I'm hoping regular walks will help up her fitness levels. I'm not sure if she would have an interest in agility. She's much more of a couch potato than a typical Aussie. FILs have 3 other Aussies who are SOOOO wild all the time and run around the farm like crazy, but Tequila would always just prefer to lay in the house. More of those "normal dog things" she just never learned.

You know, it wouldn't surprise me if she started being more "dog-like" and more "Aussie-like" the longer she stays with you--frightened dogs can shut down. My little rescue pup was afraid of his own shadow. Any time the people at the pet food store offered him a treat, he wouldn't eat it--too scared to eat.

But after a while he got better, felt more safe in his surroundings (and with us!). He's still a shy guy, but much less likely to be totally scared into our laps, as it were. (One thing we learned from a behaviorist we worked with is that sometimes when they jump into your arms/onto your lap it's out of fear--snuggling them too much when they're in that state can actually reinforce their fear reaction. Whenever our dog does this, we gently remove him and set him down, or tell him to go to his bed, which is not a punishment, but rather his "safe space." Your mileage may vary if she refuses to actually calm down, of course).

Also, just as an aside: FUCK that breeder. Dogs don't act the way Tequila is acting if they've been cared for properly. Responsible breeders do NOT treat their bitches that way. If you and your FI's family haven't decided already, please don't buy any other dogs from them. They're pieces of shit.

I'm going to go home and tell Tequila all the ladies here who love her! She wasn't misfed or cared for poorly in that sense but in every other aspect you can see it. It's really sad and part of the reason we are trying to so hard to make her part of our family.

tcnoble · December 2014

peachy13 said:

I think I can relate a little bit. When my FI and I first start dating, his old childhood dog died and he was devastated. He then went out and rescued a puppy from a shelter and I knew nothing about it until the papers were signed and the dog was home with him! I love dogs so was totally cool with the rescue situation, but the girlfriend part of me was like, wtf. So anytime I would go over his apartment to visit, this random dog was jumping all over me and being extremely needy towards me. She was a puppy at the time too so she was just all the more hyper. I was just starting to get comfortable spending nights and weekends at my boyfriend's house and now all of a sudden there's this needy puppy who thinks I'm her mom...

Anyway, flash forward to now, 3 years later, and it turns out I just needed time. I've been living with my FI and our dog for over a year now and that crazy little b*tch is my favorite snuggle buddy, my amazing rescue pup, and the thing I look forward to most when I come home (sorry, FI).

All I'm saying is to give it some time.

Very similar situation indeed.

I've talked with FI about things so he knows I'm not just being rude and hating on the dog, so I think things will get better in time

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

Yeah anyone that I have known who has gotten dogs from a breeder went and visited them on site first to see the conditions the dogs were kept, how they were treated, and to talk to the breeders in person and ask for medical records, how many litters per year, etc.

tcnoble · December 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Yeah anyone that I have known who has gotten dogs from a breeder went and visited them on site first to see the conditions the dogs were kept, how they were treated, and to talk to the breeders in person and ask for medical records, how many litters per year, etc.

Yep.... I agree 100%!!

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

And if you go through a rescue. . .well you all know the NSA level screening you have to go through ;-)

I hope human adoption processes are as rigorous.

tcnoble · December 2014

Just had to share this picture of Tequila in bed tonight... FI is heading out of town for a trade show so it's her and I till Friday night. Some bonding time, perhaps!

maeday2 · December 2014

@tcnoble - She's beautiful! I love her coloring. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for some girl time.

I'm glad she's found a caring home for her older years. No doubt she is thankful.

carrie0924 · December 2014

@tcnoble she is SOOO cute!!! And I'm glad to hear you are going to try to find a training class! I'll ask some friends & see if anybody has any recommendations. I highly highly recommend the book "The Other End of the Leash" to any person who owns a dog. Phenomenal, well-written, easy to read. I learned so much from it!
And don't worry about the circumstances from which she came. My first dog is from a backyard breeder. A nice enough woman, but a woman who was breeding for profit. Her dogs certainly weren't abused, but now that I know more, I realize they weren't cared for at the standards that I would wish for them to be cared for. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference. She's a little insecure and bossy, a little less ideal start in life (not socialized well, weaned/sent home with me WAY too early, etc), but she is my heart dog and we have an incredible bond. She has grown so much as I have learned more and become a better dog owner to her. With a little work, your bond will grow, Tequila will improve, and you will all be so much happier.

KatieinBkln · December 2014

tcnoble said:

Just had to share this picture of Tequila in bed tonight... FI is heading out of town for a trade show so it's her and I till Friday night. Some bonding time, perhaps!

WHAT A CUTIE!

I love herding dogs so much, and Aussies' coloring in particular.

So I don't love FIs dog...

Re: So I don't love FIs dog...

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