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How would you know your FI isn't the "one"?

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Re: How would you know your FI isn't the "one"?

  • teamc2016teamc2016 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    My dad was the same way.  I always said I would never be with someone like him, but here I am 25 years later smh
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    teamc2016 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    My dad was the same way.  I always said I would never be with someone like him, but here I am 25 years later smh

    So then leave? What are you planning on doing?
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  • maeday2maeday2 member
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    teamc2016 said:
    blabla89 said:
    I'm sorry you're going through all this with your FI. No one deserves to be in a relationship that is physically or psychologically abusive (and it sounds like this is what you have). You deserve better than this. You should not have to walk on eggshells and you absolutely should never have to fear a physical altercation. I think it's pretty clear that this man is not "the one" and I think you know it, too, which is why you're asking. May I ask you, why is it that you have stayed with him this long?
    No problem in asking.  I held on to the fact that he is SOOOOOO kind and loving when he isn't acting this way.  He loves me, loves my family, funny, intelligent, giving to EVERYONE and has helped me out so much finacially since I've been out of work.  He's my best friend in all other aspects. He'd give the shirt off his back if someone needed it. He's the first man I've met that all our goals  (getting married, going to church, having children) have lined up perfectly and he seems like he'll be a good dad.  That's what makes it so hard
    Someone "SOOOOOO kind" doesn't do this. That kindness is his key to manipulation. 

    To the bolded - You are choosing a LIFE partner. A partner for ALL aspects of life, not just the good days. 

    Those goals are fine to have, but not with him. There are plenty of men who want those things in life who won't manipulate you and use scare tactics to keep you where they want you. 

    I want to shake some sense into you and empower you to say enough is enough. GET OUT!
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
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    Yep, you are in an abusive relationship... run away... fast!  Get as far from that relationship as you can and don't look back.  If there are problems before the wedding, getting married usually only amplifies them and makes it worse.  And it's a lot easier to leave before there are legal complications and added expense of divorce.  So, yeah, end it quick.

     

    My general thinking is that if you have to ask others if you should end it, then you probably should.  You already know the answer and are looking for confirmation or for someone to tell you that you are wrong, which usually won't happen since your instinct is right.  This is usually the case for most things... if your instincts are really telling you something, it's usually right and you should listen to it.

     

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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    teamc2016 said:


    ClimbingBrideNY said:


    novella1186 said:


    ClimbingBrideNY said:

    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 

    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 

    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 



    My dad was the same way.  I always said I would never be with someone like him, but here I am 25 years later smh

    Break the cycle then. Leave. Not next week, not tomorrow, Now.
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  • maeday2maeday2 member
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    teamc2016 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    My dad was the same way.  I always said I would never be with someone like him, but here I am 25 years later smh
    I understand cycles are hard to beat, but you have got serious power in this situation whether you realize it or not. It could stop with you! 

    Realize your worth and how much you better you deserve. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    teamc2016 said:
    Hello all.  I know I haven't posted in these boards yet, I mainly just reply to stuff on other boards.  But right now i'm having issues with the man I'm engaged to, and I don't feel comfortable talking to people close to us because of the sensitivity of the subject.

    Long story short, we've been together two years.  In the first half, he was very kind, loving, and everything I would want in a husband. He brought me to his church, which over time we discovered the pastors there were very controlling (tried controlling his bank accounts, gave false words from God etc) and made it hard for us to be together.  We broke away from that place, but during that time my fi became very unstable emotionally due to him being ultra close with the pastors.  We had gotten into minor physical altercations before from the stress of being under such unstable church leadership, but it came to a point where I wanted to leave him after we left the former church for my own safety.  After much pleading on his part, we got back together on the agreement that he would seek help for his anger outbursts. In the past six months that he's been going to counseling his  physical anger has gotten MUCH better.  We then got engaged and things had been great.  But I can't help but get bothered by the constant blaming and walking on eggshells.  He feels since he was the one that gets angry and has harmed me, I should do EVERYTHING in my power to not tick him off,  even at cost of my own emotional stability.  I have to know his exact mood at any given moment before i bring up anything up, and I better deliver the message right or else it's an argument.  I don't feel comfortable bringing up any thoughts, ideas, or feelings because I'm always made out to be wrong.  And when he brings things up I may disagree with or I tell him something he has done wrong, he can never discuss things like an adult.  He flies off the handle, punches things, turns it back around on me for "starting arguments and having anxiety".  I may not be 100% innocent I know.  I have my own issues with depression, taking 21 credit hours in school, being unemployed,  so sometimes I may not always be in the best of moods. But I don't nitpick at him or make him feel low like he does me. 

    I guess this last weekend really threw me over the edge.  We got into an argument, and instead of trying to resolve things with me he kicked me out of his home and went to a strip club.  Not only did he go, but he lied to me about it which in my opinion is worse.  His only excuse being he wanted to be "delusional" and do something crazy for once.  This is the first time he has EVER done anything like this.  It took me a long time to be able to trust him 100% (i was hurt many times in the past from previous guys so me trusting anyone is HUGE) and it set me back a few steps.   He then refused to even call me the next day, because he "had never been in that type of situation and didn't know what to say".  No sincere apology, nothing.  He took me out to eat later in the week and then blamed me for him not apologizing because I was so mad and he couldn't confront me.  Seriously? smh.  He went on to tell me that "Love isn't based on trust, but on unconditional love" and that it was wrong for me to be upset because my trust being broken.  Maybe it would be easier to base it off of love if all the other crap didn't come along with love.

    We're in counseling now as well, but since he's a greater debator than I am, I'm made to look like someone with anxiety and now the counselor  wants me to get on medication.  I don't know if it's medication I need or a long break away from this madness.

    And no, this is not mud.  I'm really looking for an outside perspective, relatives are mostly biased and I'd prefer not to tarnish his name to our  friends.
    After this OP, you said on page 2 "he seems like he'll be a good dad". Really? He does? 

    Read what you wrote here. Particularly the highlighted stuff. Checking off the boxes - good/stable job, church man, nice car, good looking, charming - does not a good dad (or partner) make. Those are superficial boxes to check off. Look at the other boxes above that you're checking off - violent, explosive, unpredictable, manipulative, blaming, unable to take responsibility, etc.

    If your personal goals are getting married, going to church and starting a family, do you realize there are literally THOUSANDS of nice men out there who are not abusive mind-fucks? 

    He is going to do this kind of thing for the rest of your life. If that's what you want, stay. If it's not, LEAVE. It's SO much easier to leave now when you aren't married, no kids... the most complicated thing might be some clothes at his house. Get out now while it's relatively easy and do not talk to your mom/sister about it. They give terrible advice. Anyone who tells you to stay with an abuser is is WRONG.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Break the cycle. Leave. You can do this. 
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  • steph861steph861 member
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    edited December 2014
    novella1186 said: steph861 said: novella1186 said: ClimbingBrideNY said: Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things.  I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children?  H's dad was like this too. He never touched H, but it still affected him. Seeing somebody abuse somebody else still majorly fucks with a kid's head. Yeah. My psycho ex was never abused by his raged-out dad. But he grew up watching his raged-out dad beat the crap out of his mother. And then what did he do? He grew up to beat the crap out of me. 










    For the record, my H isn't abusive in any way, shape or form. However, he still struggles with the memories of his childhood. It affected his emotional development and his ability to let people in. The pain     will be there for children who witness abuse, regardless of how that pain manifests itself.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    teamc2016 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    My dad was the same way.  I always said I would never be with someone like him, but here I am 25 years later smh
    And this is the future you're signing your children up for if you choose to stay. 
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Get out NOW. It doesn't sound like he respects your let a lone love. you. And hell yes relationships are based on trust. 

    He sounds really unstable and someone who manipulates a counselor is a red flag. 

    Go to counseling ALONE and get help before this gets worse. 



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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP, you need to get out of this relationship.  Like yesterday.

    He is not acting like a man after God's own heart.  He is not treating you like a Bride of Christ.  He isn't even treating you with the same courtesy he would a stranger. 

    This is abuse.  It is not love.  And you are NOT called to stay in a relationship with someone who hurts you, whether that is verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually.  He is manipulating you under the guise of agape love, which is one of the most manipulative, messed up things a person can do.  If your church says you need to stay in a situation like that, then you need to run for the hills and find another church.

    My ex started out as a great "man of God..." and then he got emotionally abusive.  No one else saw it.  He was just "such a great guy."  He made me question if I was actually crazy.  (I'm not....and you might want to look up the term Gaslighting too).  Losing my church, my other family, and many of my friends was devastating, but it was the best thing to happen to me.  I am in a healthy, wonderful relationship now, I am so happy, and I can't imagine how miserable I would have been if my ex and I stayed together. 

    You can't help him, you cannot change him.  You are scared.  If you need resources please call a women's abuse hotline.  Please. 

    Trust is at the core of a relationship.  You cannot have a successful relationship with out it.  It takes more than love to make it work.  You cannot trust him to be faithful (since I'm guessing strip clubs would be against your beliefs), you cannot trust him to respect your thoughts and emotions, you can't even trust him not to physically harm you. 

    His mother and sister are wrong, and they are enabling him.  No one deserves to be abused.  Being a "woman of God" does not mean you get to be treated like garbage, abused, or treated as lesser being.  He has a duty to love, respect and honor you.  He is not honoring you by brushing off your emotions.  He is not loving or honoring you by scaring you and physically harming you.  He is not respecting you by going to a strip club and lying about it. 

    Please, please, for your own safety and well being, get out.  You will be heartbroken, but it will pass.  You sound like you have a good relationship with God.  Lean on that.  I read through Job when I broke up with my ex (my little b-slap to myself, lol).  You might even be surprised by your friends' and family's reactions.  My close friends and family were so relieved when my ex and I broke up because they could see some of the abuse.  They never wanted that for me.  Don't let others dictate an unhealthy and toxic relationship that you are in. 

    In all seriousness, this is not okay.  He is not acting like a man (Christian or not) who loves and cherishes his future wife.  He can't be trusted, and he has shown that even after breaking up, if you get back together he will revert back to the behavior and then blame you for it. 

    I'd also like to add that although you might feel like "it takes two to tango" this is so far beyond that.  No one deserves to be abused.  No one deserves to be scared of their SO.  No one deserves to feel as if they are discredited and unimportant.  Being a "good Christian woman" DOES NOT mean you have to put up with abuse. 

    I am sorry you are going through this.  If you need anything, feel free to PM me.   


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    teamc2016 said:
    blabla89 said:
    I'm sorry you're going through all this with your FI. No one deserves to be in a relationship that is physically or psychologically abusive (and it sounds like this is what you have). You deserve better than this. You should not have to walk on eggshells and you absolutely should never have to fear a physical altercation. I think it's pretty clear that this man is not "the one" and I think you know it, too, which is why you're asking. May I ask you, why is it that you have stayed with him this long?
    No problem in asking.  I held on to the fact that he is SOOOOOO kind and loving when he isn't acting this way.  He loves me, loves my family, funny, intelligent, giving to EVERYONE and has helped me out so much finacially since I've been out of work.  He's my best friend in all other aspects. He'd give the shirt off his back if someone needed it. He's the first man I've met that all our goals  (getting married, going to church, having children) have lined up perfectly and he seems like he'll be a good dad.  That's what makes it so hard
    This is all part and parcel of the abuse cycle.  If abusers all presented right off the bat as the psychopaths they tend to be, no one would fall for them and they wouldn't have anyone to abuse.  He's going to act kind and sweet and "loving" from time to time, and then he's going to be a monster and then try and gas light you into thinking you are to blame because remember how kind, and sweet, and loving he actually is?  If you would just stop fucking up and pissing him off he could be kind and sweet and loving all of the time.


    He's not helping you out financially, he is actually controlling you.  And even if you had a job of your own, he would still control the finances.

    Get out now.  Talk to a social worker that specializes in battered women.  Go to a counselor on your own.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    @climbingbrideny Sorry I know this is serious and not a joking matter but no wonder you didn't fess up to ass crushing bush!!

                                                                     

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    teamc2016 said:
    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    FWIW, I met DH when I was almost 25. We started dating around the time I turned 25. It's not like you're "past your prime" or something. FFS - that would mean I'm like a shrivling old hag!! :)
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    teamc2016 said:
    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    You've got 50+ years of life ahead of you. Two years in the past is nothing. 

    FWIW, I met my person when I was 29 and just got married shortly after turning 31. Everything clicked so perfectly that I had zero regrets about all the bullshit I'd gone through in life that led me to that moment.

    I'm happy you're able to see the forest for the trees now. Don't feel like you can't stick around and chat with us!
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenna8984 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    novella1186 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Someone with an anger problem like that does not make a good dad. Trust me. Even if it's just yelling and punching things. 
    I second this. I grew up fucking terrified of my dad because he was always raging about something. Even if the rage wasn't directed at me, it was still scary as all hell. Now I'm in therapy and despise him, and we have no relationship. Is that the kind of dad you want for your children? 
    Same here. The tiniest thing would send my dad into a rage. I spent the first 18 years of my life walking on eggshells every fucking day. When I heard his car pull into the driveway, I would race around the house to make sure everything was in order, and then I'd hide in my room until my mom got home. 

    Please don't marry this man and have kids with him. 
    @climbingbrideny Sorry I know this is serious and not a joking matter but no wonder you didn't fess up to ass crushing bush!!
    jenna8984! 
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  • steph861steph861 member
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    Do you have somewhere to stay? What state/province do you live in, if you don't mind me asking? There are a lot of knotties who will help you out if they live near you.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    OP, I am very glad that you have come to this decision. We are always here if you need to talk or need help figuring out how to end things. Like @lolo883 said, stick around!
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  • Couggal12Couggal12 member
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    PP have pretty much summed it up. You need to leave this man.

    Oh and for the record you are NOT in charge of how he feels. You are not responsible for not ticking him off. People are work fucking piss me off every damn day. But, I am responsible for how I feel. NOT them. 
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  • teamc2016teamc2016 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    lolo883 said:
    teamc2016 said:
    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    You've got 50+ years of life ahead of you. Two years in the past is nothing. 

    FWIW, I met my person when I was 29 and just got married shortly after turning 31. Everything clicked so perfectly that I had zero regrets about all the bullshit I'd gone through in life that led me to that moment.

    I'm happy you're able to see the forest for the trees now. Don't feel like you can't stick around and chat with us!
    Thank you.  I kind of felt like I was getting past the point of no return lol.  I have alot of friends that got married/had kids young and they made me feel like my time was closing up.  
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    teamc2016 said:
    lolo883 said:
    teamc2016 said:
    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    You've got 50+ years of life ahead of you. Two years in the past is nothing. 

    FWIW, I met my person when I was 29 and just got married shortly after turning 31. Everything clicked so perfectly that I had zero regrets about all the bullshit I'd gone through in life that led me to that moment.

    I'm happy you're able to see the forest for the trees now. Don't feel like you can't stick around and chat with us!
    Thank you.  I kind of felt like I was getting past the point of no return lol.  I have alot of friends that got married/had kids young and they made me feel like my time was closing up.  
    There is NEVER a point of no return. There are only points of easier or harder return. But there is never a point where you are obligated to just lie there and take it.
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    teamc2016 said:
    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    I find that writing things out is helpful for me, too. Feel free to stick around - this is a wonderful, supportive community.

    Another thing that crossed my mind in reading your posts and the replies: Have you considered finding another church? Not to knock your current church, but if having that supportive community is important to you, and the man's position in your church is standing in the way of that, it may be good to look for a new community. Unfortunately many abusers are also great at manipulation, and he may prevent your church leaders from finding out or believing you about what he's done.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    lolo883 said:


    teamc2016 said:

    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  

    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 

    You've got 50+ years of life ahead of you. Two years in the past is nothing. 

    FWIW, I met my person when I was 29 and just got married shortly after turning 31. Everything clicked so perfectly that I had zero regrets about all the bullshit I'd gone through in life that led me to that moment.

    I'm happy you're able to see the forest for the trees now. Don't feel like you can't stick around and chat with us!




    Ditto. I didn't meet my husband until I was 32. I was with a horrible guy before and broke it off when I was 31. This is the first day of the rest of your life.




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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'll echo what other people said about people like this being dads. I grew up scared of my dad. He doesn't get it because he never physically hurt anyone so in his mind he didn't do anything wrong. But when someone regularly yells and throws a chair across the room, that fucks with you, especially as a small child. 

    Oh and my dad is a devout church goer and makes lots of money too, and looked like Elvis when he was young. 

    My ex FI and I broke up when I was 25. I also similarly felt scared to be alone, like I should have had it all figured out at that point. Well here I am, 27 and married to a much better man. Seriously, you have plenty of time and even if you were doomed to be single forever, it beats being with this trash. 
    image
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  • ShellD13ShellD13 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    His mother and sister are wrong, and are trying to defend his reprehnsible actions. 

    He will not change.  
    The other thing to consider is they may have been subject to his abuses as well and they might be just as afraid of him.  I don't recall you speaking about his father - have you met him?  Is there a chance that this is learned behavior?  Just curious?
    Anniversary
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    teamc2016 said:

    Thank you all for your responses.  I appreciate all the input because keeping this all in was making me go crazy.  I couldn't see it clearly until I wrote it out.  I know what to do, and now the plan is how to do it.  It's a shame. And I honestly didn't realize how unhelpful our counseling sessions were until i re-read as well. I know it may seem like common sense to some, but it's not always black and white when your in it.  


    Just wish I could have seen this two years ago.  Now I'm 25 smh...time flies 
    You are at the beginning of your adulthood. I left my abusive relationship at 25 as well and now I'm marrying a man that respects me fully as his partner in life at age 31 :) you can do this!

    image
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