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Snarky Brides
andy9366
member
Issues with Karen
My fiancé and I are having a small 40 person ceremony & cocktail hour and then a 350 person reception in 3 short months. All plans are finalized almost, guest list set, we just can't agree on one thing- the ceremony/cocktail hour guest list.
I wanted the entire wedding small and he wanted the whole wedding huge so this was our compromise.
The background here is that my father passed away 7 years ago and he's paying for this wedding with money my mom set aside after he passed.
The issue: my fiancé's best man's girlfriend. My fiancé and the best man, we'll call him Sam, have been best friends for 25 years. Sam and his girlfriend, Karen, live together. She never personally offended me until recent when she drunkly came to our house and hit on my fiancé numerous times in front of me by caressing his thigh and asked if he waxed his shaft! This girl has no respect for herself or me and I cannot have her at my ceremony.
My fiancé says that if I do not let her come to the ceremony I will ruin his relationship with Sam. He's probably right too because Sam is immature and wouldn't understand any of this.
I'm using church pews at my ceremony and my wedding planner has shown me - there will be 4 pews in total. I will see everyone's face. Then our 40 close family and friends will be spending quality time together before the reception. No room for Karen.
I have 2 bridesmaids who aren't family but are best friends and their boyfriends ARE invited to the ceremony. They are both coming from New York and have never hit on me and I've known them for over 6 years. My fiancé thinks they shouldn't be invited if Karen cannot come but I don't see why my best friends should be punished because his best friend is dating someone like that?
Needless to say, Karen's presence at every wedding event that features alcohol makes me nervous because she's a loose cannon/goose.
I haven't been a bitch about anything with this wedding or had to have anything one particular way but this is serious! On one hand this is the last gift my dad is ever going to give me and I don't want to keep appeasing everyone except me. On the other hand I may ruin my husband's longest friendship because I'm being a brat.
I think I am being fair to everyone by allowing her to come to the reception. I need some advice.
I wanted the entire wedding small and he wanted the whole wedding huge so this was our compromise.
The background here is that my father passed away 7 years ago and he's paying for this wedding with money my mom set aside after he passed.
The issue: my fiancé's best man's girlfriend. My fiancé and the best man, we'll call him Sam, have been best friends for 25 years. Sam and his girlfriend, Karen, live together. She never personally offended me until recent when she drunkly came to our house and hit on my fiancé numerous times in front of me by caressing his thigh and asked if he waxed his shaft! This girl has no respect for herself or me and I cannot have her at my ceremony.
My fiancé says that if I do not let her come to the ceremony I will ruin his relationship with Sam. He's probably right too because Sam is immature and wouldn't understand any of this.
I'm using church pews at my ceremony and my wedding planner has shown me - there will be 4 pews in total. I will see everyone's face. Then our 40 close family and friends will be spending quality time together before the reception. No room for Karen.
I have 2 bridesmaids who aren't family but are best friends and their boyfriends ARE invited to the ceremony. They are both coming from New York and have never hit on me and I've known them for over 6 years. My fiancé thinks they shouldn't be invited if Karen cannot come but I don't see why my best friends should be punished because his best friend is dating someone like that?
Needless to say, Karen's presence at every wedding event that features alcohol makes me nervous because she's a loose cannon/goose.
I haven't been a bitch about anything with this wedding or had to have anything one particular way but this is serious! On one hand this is the last gift my dad is ever going to give me and I don't want to keep appeasing everyone except me. On the other hand I may ruin my husband's longest friendship because I'm being a brat.
I think I am being fair to everyone by allowing her to come to the reception. I need some advice.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Issues with Karen
Holding an event, three months after the fact, to celebrate your wedding by including 350 people you deemed not important enough to attend the wedding, is already questionable. If your FI's best man has a girl friend, she needs to be invited to the ceremony, because it is HIS SO. Your other variables don't factor in whatsoever.
Invite your FI's best friend's girlfriend.
Your FI is right.
Except for the part where a possible solution would be not to invite your bridesmaids' SOs. You have to invite all the SOs.
You're having a small, intimate wedding. And then three months later, you're going to have a big-ass party? What is the point of this? A wedding reception is to thank people for coming to your wedding. If you aren't inviting these people to your wedding, it's not a reception. Please rethink this.
Look, I get that you don't like Karen. But when women hit on your FI, you should be laughing, because he chose you. If you feel the need to freak out and be jealous, that's a problem between you and your FI, not a problem with this girl. Invite her, think in your head how lucky you are to be marrying your FI, and GET THE HELL OVER IT.
So I think everyone has covered that Karen needs to be invited.
Lets talk about this ceremony/ cocktail hour/ reception mess.
It sounds like the ceremony/ cocktail hour and the reception are on different days which is fine. But there are some guidelines that need to be followed. What time is your ceremony? Becasue if it is near a meal time then you need to serve a full meal. A cocktail hour will not be enough. If it is at 2pm cocktails, snacks and cake will be fine.
Now the "reception" is where I am worried. If it is 3 months after your wedding then its a party, not a wedding reception. And that means, no grand entrance, no first dances, no garter tosses, no bridal party, no ceremony re-enactment etc. This is just a party to celebrate your marriage.
Formerly martha1818
I'm the fuck out.
It so interesting how people will often interpret the same words/info differently, lol. I read the OP post like you are talking about...that all the events are happening on the same day. That the "three short months" refers to when it is all happening. But, reading the other comments, I saw that most people interpreted it to mean the big party was happening on a later date.
I'd side-eye it either way, but it is slightly different. Same day = rude, because 11.4% of the guest list is invited to the ceremony, but the other 89.6% is not. But, I'd still call it a reception because it is happening on the same day. Though, if I was one of the 89.6% of the guest list not invited to the ceremony, I probably wouldn't go to the reception either. Simply because my attitude is, "If I am not important enough to see the ceremony that is the whole POINT of the day, than why would I want to go to the reception?"
I know I've read on the Etiquette Board that it is marginally "okay" to invite just very close family and friends to the ceremony (though 11% of the guest list exceeds this) and then have a big reception later that day ...but I actually don't agree with it. It is just strange and doesn't make sense.
Now, if the big party is on another day...which is what most of you have assumed...than that is okay as long as it is not touted as some "after the fact" reception. It is NOT a reception, it is a big party. Nor should it have any trimmings or official mention of the wedding.
And, to the OP, I certainly realize none of this is what you asked about. And nor will you be changing your plans based on our opinions because the ship has pretty much sailed on this anyway. But I just wanted this to be a warning to others that inviting guests in "tiers" can be offensive and hurtful and is never the right compromise.
Okay, one more tangent. Ugh, I can't help myself. If I was solely or almost solely paying for my wedding with an inheritance from my father...and my fiancé insisted on a crazy large blowout that I didn't want. Then he darn well better be ready to throw in some serious ching himself because I will only be contributing $X...with $X equaling roughly the size/type of reception I am comfortable having.
Formerly martha1818
Your reception will be your cocktail hour.
The girlfriend's behavior does not reflect on you. Your outrageous planning does. I would be very insulted to be invited to a "wedding reception" three months after the ceremony took place.
PS. Your father is in no way paying for your wedding. Your mother is paying for it. It is her money now. She did not have to set it aside for your wedding. You should be thanking HER.
short+sassy said:
I know I've read on the Etiquette Board that it is marginally "okay" to invite just very close family and friends to the ceremony (though 11% of the guest list exceeds this) and then have a big reception later that day ...but I actually don't agree with it. It is just strange and doesn't make sense.
Now, if the big party is on another day...which is what most of you have assumed...than that is okay as long as it is not touted as some "after the fact" reception. It is NOT a reception, it is a big party. Nor should it have any trimmings or official mention of the wedding.I say:
So, no wedding dress, no bouquet toss, no "first dance", no wedding anything at this big party!