Wedding Invivations - Help!!

marg1046 · December 2014

Good Morning fellow knot-ers

My fiance and I are having a smaller not entirely formal wedding. Some of our family members have adult children that live with them. I have read that we need to send each individual person an invite, even though they all live at the same address. However, I am not giving those adult children the option to bring a guest as I do not have enough space. Do I REALLY need to send each person an invitation? Or can I simply address it to "The Smith Family"

Thank you in advance for your feedback!!

crackktheskyy · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Good Morning fellow knot-ers

My fiance and I are having a smaller not entirely formal wedding. Some of our family members have adult children that live with them. I have read that we need to send each individual person an invite, even though they all live at the same address. However, I am not giving those adult children the option to bring a guest as I do not have enough space. Do I REALLY need to send each person an invitation? Or can I simply address it to "The Smith Family"

Thank you in advance for your feedback!!

The rule of thumb is that anyone over the age of 18 receives their own invitation.

You do not need to provide adult children with the option of bringing a guest. If, however, those adult children are in relationships, you do need to invite their significant others by name.

lovegood90 · December 2014

Yes, they need their own invite even if they're not being given the option of a guest and they live at the same address as their parents.

However if they are in a relationship (ie dating someone for any amount of time, engaged, married, etc) they need to be invited with their significant other on the invitation.

marg1046 · December 2014

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

It is mainly to show respect at the fact that they are an adult. When someone is an adult you treat them as such, which means providing them with their own invitation.

mikenberger · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

Why ask a question asking for etiquette opinions when you're just going to go off and do your own thing anyway? Doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

And yes, you should address adult children as they are adults. Even if they live in the same house. Would you do the same for a 25yr old child? 30yr old? It would also, probably, mean a lot that you took the time to notice they're an independent human being. I hated when I was lumped in when I was living in with my parents while in college. It was so annoying. I never knew if I was invited or not.

lovegood90 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

It may seem like a waste of paper, but I think the reasoning is because as of age 18 you are no longer a minor or an "extension" of your parents.

And it's just a respect thing, IMO- it's recognizing that grown adults should get their own invites to events they're invited to and thus allowing them autonomy to RSVP yes or no themselves. And that's the point of etiquette, right? Respecting your guests/making them comfortable. It's just logic IMO.

slothiegal · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

So why ask.

banana468 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

Why? They are adults!

Aside from treating them with respect, most 18 yo people I know are not keeping the same schedule as their parents. They don't eat together as often and usually use the house as a crash pad only. Putting the 18 yo on the parents' invitation could make more work for you because it could take LONGER for the parents to respond if they have to track down what the son's availability will be.

marg1046 · December 2014

This is a forum where I can also express my opinion is it not? If you don't like the way I am posting on my discussion please excuse yourself and not even post. Thank you.

marg1046 · December 2014

This is a forum where I can also express my opinion is it not? If you don't like the way I am posting on my discussion please excuse yourself and not even post. Thank you.

Knottie48804623 · December 2014

banana468 said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. Seems a little bit ridiculous to send an 18 year old their own invitation when they are still living with their parents, and have no significant other. Will still have to think about this one.

Why? They are adults!

Aside from treating them with respect, most 18 yo people I know are not keeping the same schedule as their parents. They don't eat together as often and usually use the house as a crash pad only. Putting the 18 yo on the parents' invitation could make more work for you because it could take LONGER for the parents to respond if they have to track down what the son's availability will be.

As someone recently out of this age group (college-aged) this is NOT the case in my experience, at least very recently. Until graduating college, most 18-21 year olds, while adults, are still very integrated in their family life.

Not saying this is a good enough reason to not send them an invitation, but it is definitely not the norm in my experience.

marg1046 · December 2014

Thank you. From what I can remember, I don't believe I received a separate invitation from my parents until I was living on my own. Which is why I was confused as to why I need to send an 18 year old that was potentially still in high school, their own invitation.

plainjane0415 · December 2014

Look, you came here wondering if you should address seperate invites to adult children living with their parents, and the answer is you should. You should also address their seperate invite to them and their significant other if they are in a relationship. This is proper etiquette, no matter if you personally have received a seperate invitation or not in the past.

lovegood90 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. From what I can remember, I don't believe I received a separate invitation from my parents until I was living on my own. Which is why I was confused as to why I need to send an 18 year old that was potentially still in high school, their own invitation.

Ok well you asked us, and we gave you our reasoning as to why. When you come back and say "but I still don't get why, I'm going to do what I originally wanted anyway", don't be surprised when you get some snarky responses back.

marg1046 · December 2014

No, I clearly brought up a point, and said I was unsure. I did not say I wasn't going to take the suggestions. If i knew I was going to be posting in a site full of catty women that only want their opinion to be heard, and not have some sort of dialogue going I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Thanks for all of your help.

ChemFanatic25 · December 2014

And thread blows up in 5 . . .4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1!

plainjane0415 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

No, I clearly brought up a point, and said I was unsure. I did not say I wasn't going to take the suggestions. If i knew I was going to be posting in a site full of catty women that only want their opinion to be heard, and not have some sort of dialogue going I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Thanks for all of your help.

What did you expect? I'm curious.

mikenberger · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

No, I clearly brought up a point, and said I was unsure. I did not say I wasn't going to take the suggestions. If i knew I was going to be posting in a site full of catty women that only want their opinion to be heard, and not have some sort of dialogue going I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Thanks for all of your help.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Thank you. From what I can remember, I don't believe I received a separate invitation from my parents until I was living on my own. Which is why I was confused as to why I need to send an 18 year old that was potentially still in high school, their own invitation.

If a guest is an adult (18+) you send them their own invitation. Period. Does not matter if they still live with their parents and sit down for a family meal every evening. It doesn't matter if they are still under their parents health insurance. It doesn't matter if Mom and Dad help to pay their bills. At 18 you are an adult and should be treated as such. Period.

I lived with my parents until I was 25. If at any point between 18 and 25 I was included on my parents invite like I was a ten year old I would have been annoyed. I am my own person who can make my own decisions without parental consent. Just because I live under my parents roof does not change that.

Teddy917 · December 2014

Also putting "The _____ Family" can cause problems. Especially since you mentioned that you have limited seating. People can think that it means their great aunt Suzy, because she's family. Some people might bring their young children whether or not you are inviting children. Heck, someone might even bring their dog.

tcnoble · December 2014

This is the second thread today where the OP has tried to dictate how people respond. Why is that even a thing? Stop.

slothiegal · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

No, I clearly brought up a point, and said I was unsure. I did not say I wasn't going to take the suggestions. If i knew I was going to be posting in a site full of catty women that only want their opinion to be heard, and not have some sort of dialogue going I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Thanks for all of your help.

Yeah, this is the Etiquette board. We told you the proper etiquette.

AddieCake · December 2014

You do whatever you want. It's YOUR day! Who cares if you offend a friend or family member inadvertently?! Fuck them for not having their own place, man. If they want mail, they should move out.

flantastic · December 2014

slothiegal said:

maggie12345678 said:

No, I clearly brought up a point, and said I was unsure. I did not say I wasn't going to take the suggestions. If i knew I was going to be posting in a site full of catty women that only want their opinion to be heard, and not have some sort of dialogue going I wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Thanks for all of your help.

Yeah, this is the Etiquette board. We told you the proper etiquette.

As slothie said, this is not "our opinion." This is the etiquette-appropriate solution, and the reason it exists is to make your guests understand that you respect them as real adults. However, you're right - we can't force you to respect your guests; you can decide not to if you choose.

lyndausvi · December 2014

I sent 5 invitations to the same address and another 4 to another address.

The first one were all adults. It never occurred to me NOT to give an adult their own invite.

The second was for kids, but I had extra invites anyway, so why not?

Unless you are printing your invites by hand more than likely you will have extras anyway. (I had to buy mine in batches of 20 or something like that. Even if you are printing them by hand you will more than likely have extras too.

Makes no sense to me to save a few bucks on postage and risk offending someone when you have invites sitting in a box going unused anyway.

marg1046 · December 2014

I understand this was an etiquette page. I was just posting a response as I was still obviously having some confusion on the topic as to why it "is the way it is". Everyone has jumped on me saying I am rude and I am going to offend my guests. You are all RUDE and have not been pleasant people to deal with. Thank you for the input.

marg1046 · December 2014

Yes, technically you are an adult at 18. But I didn't pay any bills nor did I have enough money to purchase a gift for someone if they invited me separately to their wedding.

maeday2 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Yes, technically you are an adult at 18. But I didn't pay any bills nor did I have enough money to purchase a gift for someone if they invited me separately to their wedding.

Say what? So anyone I invite over 18 better have the dough to get me a gift?

I've been doing this wedding planning thing wrong, y'all! I better see how much my cousins in college have to spare before I pay postage on a damn invite.

lovegood90 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

Yes, technically you are an adult at 18. But I didn't pay any bills nor did I have enough money to purchase a gift for someone if they invited me separately to their wedding.

OH NO they might not be able to afford a gift for you?! Well then that changes everything.

Oh wait no it doesn't. You invite people to events because they're important to you and you want them there. If you're doing it to get gifts you need to recheck your priorities.

plainjane0415 · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

I understand this was an etiquette page. I was just posting a response as I was still obviously having some confusion on the topic as to why it "is the way it is". Everyone has jumped on me saying I am rude and I am going to offend my guests. You are all RUDE and have not been pleasant people to deal with. Thank you for the input.

I'm not understanding how responding to your question was rude.

Wedding Invivations - Help!!

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