Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

larrygaga · December 2014

Depends on how close to the holidays. A big holiday weekend? Rude. I just went to a wedding that was the Saturday after thanksgiving, and I would have declined had it not been close family. It's hell to travel enough to my family, and it's also that times of the year when everyone is more tight on their wallets. I have also been bridesmaid in 2 labor day weekend weddings, and I fucking hated that. I want to spend my holiday doing my holiday, not celebrating YOU. I'm butthurt at this point cause this is the third holiday weekend in FI's family.

I am straight up not going to any more holiday weekend weddings I don't care if it's my own mother's wedding.

If it's just in December or something than it's annoying but NBD

jimandpam87 · December 2014

I'm getting married on Jan. 3rd, so I guess you could sort of say we're having a holiday wedding. Granted, I would never have gotten married on New Year's Eve or Day (or any other holiday), but personally I don't see how even that could be construed as rude IF you get an ok from VIPs. If, as a guest, you don't want to participate b/c it's on/around a holiday, then just don't go. If someone skips my wedding b/c they want to celebrate the new year for 3 days after the fact, it doesn't really bother me. I do think if you're planning a wedding on/around a holiday, you should be prepared for more declines than you otherwise would have.

pinkshorts27 · December 2014

The date you choose isn't rude, if you accept you may have a lot of declines. A lot of people I know have gotten married on or around major holidays and if it isn't convenient, we just don't go. No big deal. All of the couples have accepted the declines graciously.

I'm getting married two days after Christmas because it was the only weekend FI and I both could get time off and have our honeymoon. He is headed into rotations and doesn't know his schedule for next year and will be studying for boards when he is off. It is what worked for us. Now that translated into a high decline rate, but that is okay with us.

Fairyjen1 · December 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

I attended a wedding that was exactly a week before Christmas many years ago. It was super duper inconvenient for me since I worked retail at the time. It didn't matter how early I put in a request for time off, it was going to be denied so I had to no-show (and get in trouble for it). And missing work the Saturday before Christmas dropped my commission tremendously. The only reason I did it was because it was a close friend, but in hindsight, I really should have just sent my regrets and a gift. DH and I ended up in the red that year with our Christmas shopping because we came up so short in pay.

So why did you go? Invitations are not summons. If it's that inconvenient why would you go? I'm not criticizing, just curious as I would have just declined and sent a gift if it were that inconvenient. In my circle no one gets bent out of shape if you can't make a wedding for whatever reason. I'm just discovering it's not that way in all families.

Cookie Pusher · December 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

I attended a wedding that was exactly a week before Christmas many years ago. It was super duper inconvenient for me since I worked retail at the time. It didn't matter how early I put in a request for time off, it was going to be denied so I had to no-show (and get in trouble for it). And missing work the Saturday before Christmas dropped my commission tremendously. The only reason I did it was because it was a close friend, but in hindsight, I really should have just sent my regrets and a gift. DH and I ended up in the red that year with our Christmas shopping because we came up so short in pay.

So why did you go? Invitations are not summons. If it's that inconvenient why would you go? I'm not criticizing, just curious as I would have just declined and sent a gift if it were that inconvenient. In my circle no one gets bent out of shape if you can't make a wedding for whatever reason. I'm just discovering it's not that way in all families.

You know those friends who you could call at 3am to help you hide a body without asking questions? That's why. Sometimes, you suck it up for someone you really care about. Doesn't mean it doesn't irritate you.

wrigleyville · December 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

I attended a wedding that was exactly a week before Christmas many years ago. It was super duper inconvenient for me since I worked retail at the time. It didn't matter how early I put in a request for time off, it was going to be denied so I had to no-show (and get in trouble for it). And missing work the Saturday before Christmas dropped my commission tremendously. The only reason I did it was because it was a close friend, but in hindsight, I really should have just sent my regrets and a gift. DH and I ended up in the red that year with our Christmas shopping because we came up so short in pay.

So why did you go? Invitations are not summons. If it's that inconvenient why would you go? I'm not criticizing, just curious as I would have just declined and sent a gift if it were that inconvenient. In my circle no one gets bent out of shape if you can't make a wedding for whatever reason. I'm just discovering it's not that way in all families.

Read the bolded. She explained it in her response.

annakay511 · December 2014

We have luckily never been invited to a wedding between Thanksgiving and New Years. I think that time of year is just way too busy for most people between holiday shopping, seeing family, Holiday parties, etc. not to mention expensive. Add into that travel is a nightmare and hotels jack up their rates...yikes. Just no. Some holiday weekends, like Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day can be inconvenient due to travel or missing out on social events but I wouldn't mind them as much. My close friend got married over 4th of July weekend...it was OOT for us and since my fiance had an extra day off (for the 4th) we were able to make a mini vacation out of it which was really fun.

themosthappy91 · December 2014

I don't understand how having a holiday (weekend) wedding can possibly be construed as rude UNLESS you get bent out of shape when people send their regrets. Have your wedding on Christmas Day for all I care, as long as you're cool with the fact that most people won't come... how is it an affront to the guests who are in no way required to to attend if it's inconvenient for them?

I had my wedding the day before Thanksgiving this year, which I think was a great choice for us! We had a very small, family-only wedding with the exception of four friends who were in the wedding party (two were local, two are students out of state but whose families are local so they would have been coming come for the holidays anyway). The vast majority of our families had the day off already and those who didn't simply decided whether or not it was worth it to them to take that day off (virtually no one in our families lives more than a couple hours away so no one who didn't want to needed to travel the day before the wedding to get there in time). We had a unique situation but even in my usual circumstances I see nothing wrong with holiday weddings.

charcoalandblush · December 2014

I think it's very rude and inconvenient. My friends and family have other plans for the holidays - I don't want to make them miss those for my wedding. Also particularly for close family and the wedding party, weddings are exhausting. If I have a 3 day weekend, I want to spend it relaxing, not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Also, holiday travel is usually more expensive, and almost all of my guests are out of town.

SP29 · December 2014

I don't think I'd enjoy attending a wedding ON a holiday, or holiday weekend, but around a holiday is fine.

We got married Jan. 4th. Flights were the most inconvenient, because the 4th is still holiday flying season. Other than that, we cleared it with our VIPs who were all fine with it. We did have some declines from our friends who live OOT (we were OOT too), but they would have declined regardless of the month.

minskat30 · December 2014

Depends on the holiday. I'd actually be happy about a Memorial Day or Labor Day wedding weekend. H and I got married the weekend of Easter (the Saturday before it) and all of our guests were happy to have the extra travel time (but most of them don't have kids so that may change a guest's mindset). I think Christmas and Thanksgiving would be a difficult time for people to travel, however, with or without kids.

AddieCake · December 2014

Depends on whether or not I already have plans. We don't always have plans on any given holiday, so it would be more like, "Ooops, we're doing something for Christmas/Easter/4th of July/Mother's Day this year, so we can't make it to that wedding." Many years, on many holidays, we don't have specific plans b/c we live far away from our families. I think, in general, people should steer clear of major holidays unless they don't mind a lot of declines or have cleared it with their VIPs that they are available, but I disagree that it's rude to have a wedding around a holiday. After all, nobody is forcing you to go. Nobody is forcing you to give up your holiday plans. We all make choices.

levioosa · December 2014

I think it's more on the rude side. My parents were invited to a 2PM wedding yesterday (Monday, Dec. 22). It was obviously for a SS. There was a two hour gap after the ceremony so the Bride and Groom could get their sunset pictures. Not saying this is always the case, but the way the wedding panned out made it seem like they thought they were pretty important people and didn't care about their guests.

If anything I think planning a wedding around a major crunch time like Christmas/New Year's is more rude than, say, Labor Day or Memorial weekend. Especially because around Christmas people are already spending a ton of money on travel and gifts.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

This is so individualized to the couple and their crowd. For me personally, actual holidays are pretty much out (except, maybe, Valentine's Day...and that's because I'm weird and think getting married on Valentine's Day is adorable). But my SO, myself, family and other VIPs are all religious [Christian], which means there are other times that are absolute no-goes...during Lent, for example.

One of my sisters got married the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend--it was excellent. I'm a grad student/adjunct prof, so I'd been out of classes for a couple of weeks and didn't have to go back to work on Monday. I got to relax and see the family that came into town for the wedding. My other sister got married on a not-holiday weekend...but it was the weekend before school started in the fall semester, which was actually a lot more inconvenient than Memorial Day weekend.

JellyBean52513 · December 2014

It may not be rude to the guest in the sense that an invitation is not a summons and nobody's forcing you to go, but it's still inconsiderate if you happen to know that your family/friends typically have plans for the holiday you'd like to get married on/around. If you know that your family has an annual family tradition that you'd be interrupting by holding your wedding, I personally think that's a rude decision to make. Some family members might have to decline attending because they can't swing it, so imagine how left out they'd feel knowing that everyone is at your wedding and because you chose to hold it during a time that you knew was inconvenient, they weren't able to join you.

I may be in the minority on this one, but I do think it's rude to have a wedding on or around a holiday if/when you know that many of the people you'd invite usually already have important plans. Like, if I knew all my SO's siblings travel to their home country every year for the Christmas holiday season and don't usually come back until after New Year's, I don't think he'd ever want to pick a date during that time because he knows it would interrupt their usual travel plans ad he wouldn't want them to choose going home to see their relatives or going to his wedding.

Wegl13 · December 2014

Our holiday tradition is getting married. Dec 5, 6, 13, 23, and 24 are all anniversaries. Happy 39 years, wedding, wedding, 62 years, and 60 years to us!
I think it's a pretty great tradition. I got to see more of my husbands family in the weeks between thanksgiving and Christmas than I have in the entire time we've been together.

decembergrl2014 · December 2014

I just got married on 12/12. It was a church ceremony and then the reception was about 20 minutes away. We sent out STDs in June. A lot of people didn't make the ceremony because of work (wedding was on a Friday), but most of the people we invited came to the reception. We had a very good turn out. The only people who didn't come were H's asshole "friends" who didn't support the fact that it was his (and my) second marriage. Oh well. Their loss.

Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

Re: Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

Choose Another Board

Search Boards