His family wasn't captured in pictures as much as the brides. Mother of Groom IRRRRRAAAAATTTTE

Jen4948 · December 2014

wrigleyville said:

Jen4948 said:

scribe95 said:
Look, the couple is in charge of directing the photographer and making sure ALL the appropriate photos are taken. This is the bride AND the groom - not just one person. And the bride made sure she had immediate family photos while the groom's side did not, which is clearly a faux pas. Clearly. Both bride and groom need to apologize for the oversight.

Having said all that the MOB shouldn't have contacted the photographer.
How the fuck would the bride even know who's on the groom's "must-have" shot list-and what makes it her responsibility if those shots don't get taken-and vice versa? If my ex-BF and I got married, I'd have had no fucking way of knowing who needed to be in a "must-have" photo from his side because I didn't know his relatives-nor did he know mine. I would NOT be responsible for his not getting a "must-have" list of photos of his family members, and he would NOT be responsible for me not getting one of my family. Not only that, family dynamics are always changing day-to-day, and in his family, his mother and grandmother were always deciding one day that they weren't speaking to someone in their family, and then another day that they had never decided that they weren't speaking to that same someone. It certainly wouldn't have been my responsibility to keep up with that bullshit any more than it would have been his to keep up with similar bullshit in my family.

And what if all these people didn't want to pose for "must-have" photos no matter how hard they were cajoled? I've read about extended family members who just plain didn't want to be photographed even if they were on some "must-have" list. How the fuck is that the couple's "fault" ?

So trying to assign collective responsibility for one side not getting family photos taken doesn't work because it's expecting people to read minds. Not only that, either or both of the couple may have other priorities than "must-have" photos if photos of family members just aren't important to them. Trying to say "it's the couple's fault" doesn't work when it may be one person's fault or no one's fault.

While all of that may be true, it's not unheard of for couples to actually talk to each other about things like this. I asked H if he wanted pics with his family before the ceremony. It took two seconds. His answer took two seconds. It wasn't hard.

That's why a lot of people say it's the couple's responsibility to know what's going on with the photographer. It's like any other vendor you pay for. H also knew what we were eating, what the chapel looked like, what the invitations looked like, who was coming to the wedding, and the timeline.

Photos are part of the timeline, so they should be discussed like any other aspect of that timeline (such as how long it will take to get hair/makeup/shaving done, when the GMs are due at the chapel, how long *pictures* will take because we need x/y/z shots, etc).

I still don't think it's the couple's collective responsibility if one side doesn't get photographed or gets photographed less than the other. For some people photos are just not that high a priority, and I would respect that rather than assume that just because it's a wedding and family members are around that there have to be family photo shoots. It may have been important to the OP, but apparently it wasn't to her husband. That doesn't mean she screwed up anything or made a faux pas, so she should not have fingers pointed at her because there aren't any, or are fewer, of his side than of hers. Just because it occurred to her but apparently not to him does not make it her responsibility that she didn't ask him. She apparently assumed (correctly) that it was his responsibility to deal with anything, photographic or otherwise, involving his family.

wrigleyville · December 2014

I added a bit to my response. You may have missed it. Read the last paragraph.

Jen4948 · December 2014

No, I didn't miss it.

I agree that the couple should discuss things together, but if they didn't choose to discuss together taking family photos, and he doesn't bring it to her attention, it doesn't make her negligent for there not being any of his family. Or, if they did and agreed that each is responsible for their own families, they would not owe a joint apology if some on one side weren't taken. That particular member of the couple is.

But yes, if they did discuss it and jointly agreed on "must have" photos, they are jointly responsible.

But that said, I don't think couples are "required" to have 'must take" photos of family members. It's a personal decision. For some people, photos just aren't a high priority-even for their wedding. Or their "must have" photos might not include certain family members, extended family members, or whoever. If the OP's MIL is pissed off because there's no photo of her and the groom with Uncle John and Aunt Mary, the OP is not responsible for that unless she personally told the photographer not to take one. Either the groom didn't put it on the list, there was no list, or Uncle John and/or Aunt Mary didn't agree to it. The OP can't read minds and automatically assume that the groom or his relatives want one if he doesn't specifically mention it.

BlueBirdMB · December 2014

If she wanted photos of her family, she should have asked. In my family, no one would have pulled the photographer aside to ask for photos, but my husband's family... everyone did this! We took formal photos of our family, but there were far more photos of my husband's family then ours because they kept pulling the photographer aside for group shots throughout the night. I thought it was bizarre, but I wasn't offended. My mother wasn't slightly offended.

Jen4948 · December 2014

It doesn't matter if it's rocket science or not. Photos of family members are not always a high priority with bride's and grooms, especially if they are not close to the relatives in question. If they mattered to the FMIL, she should have spoken to her son before the wedding about it, and not played this stupid "I blame my DIL for not reading my mind" game after the fact.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

High priority or not, how difficult would it have been for MIL to say "oh hey can we take a few shots of just myself, son, his Dad, etc"? Or why didn't OP's H say something. Why is all the blame being put on OP?

FFS, shit happens. Some pictures are not taken no matter how extensive your "must have" shot list is. MIL needs to get the hell over it. She has only seen 150 photos out of god knows how many more. She is prematurely irate. And if there are no pictures of just her family then what exactly does she want from OP? The day is over with. You can't recreate it. This is not the end of the world!

lyndausvi · December 2014

I wish the OP would return with some clarification.

The OP made reference that her side took pictures of just that side (I'm assuming the the couple), but his side were in group shots with her family. If that is the case, then yes I understand why MIL feelings. Like it or not, it's a huge snub.

She also made reference the photographer said there would be time later. Well, there is a reason why formal family shots are taken when then are. Once the reception starts it's like herding cats to get people in a group shot.

The B/G are all over the place. Family might be on at different tables, someone is always in the bathroom, at the bar or on the dance floor. Then when you do get someone the are stopped by someone else to talk. Plus after dancing and stuff, people don't always look their best. Men's jackets come off, ties up buttoned, etc.

Does not excuse her from calling the photographer, but I understand the feeling if that if they above was the case. I would absolutely, COLLECTIVELY apologize for the oversight. As I said I bummed that I never got a shot of me, DH, his siblings and mom. I can't change the fact, but I am sorry it didn't occur. Sometimes an apology for an oversight is really just recognizing someone's feeling.

However, if MIL is just bitching because there are not enough shots of her family in general (outside of the standard family with the couple shots) then that is something completley different.

allispain · December 2014

Okay. I'm really confused by the people who are saying things about how one person (whether bride or groom) can't possibly know who their SO would want VIP pics of/with. Really? You're telling me that someone who is planning to get married won't know who the important people in their SO's life are?

When I met with our photographer to go over logistics, she asked about who was absolutely needed pics with. I was easily able to give her a list off the top of my head of people on my side as well as people on his side. Parents? Check. Siblings? Check. Grandparents? Check. How hard is that?

OP, I think you/your SO dropped the ball. I think it is perfectly reasonable to understand that his mother would want pictures in which she/her family are with the bride and groom. That being said, her reaction was not appropriate.

Personally, I think apologies are due on both sides - you and your H should apologize for not having the forethought to add her family to the VIP photos list, and she should apologize for calling you/your photographer to complain about this.

Jen4948 · December 2014

allispain said:
Okay. I'm really confused by the people who are saying things about how one person (whether bride or groom) can't possibly know who their SO would want VIP pics of/with. Really? You're telling me that someone who is planning to get married won't know who the important people in their SO's life are?

When I met with our photographer to go over logistics, she asked about who was absolutely needed pics with. I was easily able to give her a list off the top of my head of people on my side as well as people on his side. Parents? Check. Siblings? Check. Grandparents? Check. How hard is that?

OP, I think you/your SO dropped the ball. I think it is perfectly reasonable to understand that his mother would want pictures in which she/her family are with the bride and groom. That being said, her reaction was not appropriate.

Personally, I think apologies are due on both sides - you and your H should apologize for not having the forethought to add her family to the VIP photos list, and she should apologize for calling you/your photographer to complain about this.

When I was dating my now ex-BF, even though our relationship lasted 3 years, I only met his extended family exactly once. His mother was always changing her mind as to who she was talking to at any given time. Her husband, during his lifetime, apparently didn't talk to his family members and wanted no one at his funeral but his wife and son.

So I'd never have known whether or not she wanted photos taken of her family unless she told me. And given the kind of person she is, she would not have given me this information even if I'd asked for it. She might give it to her son, but it would be his, not my, responsibility to make sure those photos were taken. And I would not owe her an apology if they weren't. This was a family that had very clear dividing lines-you take care of your relatives and I'll take care of mine.

If the MOG wants there to be photos of her family taken at the wedding, it's up to her to speak out and not play stupid fucking head games. Nor does the bride owe her an apology unless she promised they would be taken or she specifically and deliberately prevented their being taken.

Stop fucking assuming it's something every bride is going to automatically ask for or know about his family relationships. It's not universal. And when it isn't, responsibility doesn't fall on her shoulders. And vice versa when the groom is getting blamed for the bride's family not being in photos. It's just as unreasonable.

photokitty · December 2014

Jen4948 said:

Okay. I'm really confused by the people who are saying things about how one person (whether bride or groom) can't possibly know who their SO would want VIP pics of/with. Really? You're telling me that someone who is planning to get married won't know who the important people in their SO's life are?

When I met with our photographer to go over logistics, she asked about who was absolutely needed pics with. I was easily able to give her a list off the top of my head of people on my side as well as people on his side. Parents? Check. Siblings? Check. Grandparents? Check. How hard is that?

OP, I think you/your SO dropped the ball. I think it is perfectly reasonable to understand that his mother would want pictures in which she/her family are with the bride and groom. That being said, her reaction was not appropriate.

Personally, I think apologies are due on both sides - you and your H should apologize for not having the forethought to add her family to the VIP photos list, and she should apologize for calling you/your photographer to complain about this.
When I was dating my now ex-BF, even though our relationship lasted 3 years, I only met his extended family exactly once. His mother was always changing her mind as to who she was talking to at any given time. Her husband, during his lifetime, apparently didn't talk to his family members and wanted no one at his funeral but his wife and son. So I'd never have known whether or not she wanted photos taken of her family unless she told me. And given the kind of person she is, she would not have given me this information even if I'd asked for it. She might give it to her son, but it would be his, not my, responsibility to make sure those photos were taken. And I would not owe her an apology if they weren't. This was a family that had very clear dividing lines-you take care of your relatives and I'll take care of mine. If the MOG wants there to be photos of her family taken at the wedding, it's up to her to speak out and not play stupid fucking head games. Nor does the bride owe her an apology unless she promised they would be taken or she specifically and deliberately prevented their being taken. Stop fucking assuming it's something every bride is going to automatically ask for or know about his family relationships. It's not universal. And when it isn't, responsibility doesn't fall on her shoulders. And vice versa when the groom is getting blamed for the bride's family not being in photos. It's just as unreasonable.

Maybe the MIL did speak up and the dumbass photog said "we're all one family now" so we'll take the photos as one family. She might not have been happy about, but she did what she could and assumed that was the end of the discussion. All the family portraits would be of both sides together.

The problem then arose when the MIL saw that the brides family had formal family portraits taken before the ceremony.

That's rude, period. If the the photog took family portraits of the bride's family before the wedding than he most definitely should have taken a family portrait of the groom's family.

I first blame the lazy, unprofessional photog. Then I blame the couple, equally. Unless the groom did not know the brides family had portraits taken ,then I do blame the bride.

If the photog says there's not enough time to do families separate then like it or not I would accept the fact. But if I was the MIL and saw the brides family did in fact have portraits taken without me, my spouse and offspring, so they didn't have to have stranger on their living too wall, I'd be mad as hell.

Jen4948 · December 2014

Maybe this particular photographer took them ahead of time, not on the wedding day. If so, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for not taking any of the groom's family.

In fact, he took the photos he was commissioned and paid to take. If photos of the groom's family were not among those specified in his contract, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for sticking to his contract.

I think you're in too big of a hurry to assign blame and ugly labels to the photographer that aren't warranted.

photokitty · December 2014

dietzerr1 said:

I married the love of my life 12/13/14. Wedding went perfect and I mean PERFECT!!!! Problem was afterwards- the photographer sent a link to around 150 pictures; which every single picture was awesome! I forwarded the link to my mother in law and she mentioned there weren't many still shots of the grooms family. I agreed, but while we were doing the traditional shots following the ceremony the photographer said "we're one family now" so I just assumed that everyone was ok with talking group family photos verses separate family photos. I'd already taken ones with my immediate family only. So I do believe because I'd already done mine we should have done his family photos. But while in the moment of everything I didn't think about his family photos. Also the photographer once finished with the still shots mentioned there will be many opportunities to take photos with family during the reception. This morning I received a call from the mother of the groom- and she is irate about there not being any photos of their family. Back tracking- my husband and I paid for the entire wedding, but the cake that the grooms parents paid for. Mother of groom has contacted the photographer herself and expressed her anger ( of course in a nice way). However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong? Also he is a more of a movement photographer verses a still shooter. So there are incredible pictures of the reception on the dance floor and during the ceremony. The photographer mentioned he gravitates towards the bride and groom and apologized if he felt he didn't capture the pictures she wanted. But didn't want to leave us the bride and groom to capture those sitting down?

Help is this something anyone has experienced.

Read the bolded. Yeah, I'm sure the images the MIL is pissed about are actually a family portrait session from a different day...that seems likely.

Unless the photo of the groom's immediate family was left off a list of photos in the contract or specifically listed as one not to take then that's the most ridiculous argument ever. No photo would agree to have photos specified in the contract - things happen. Equipment breaks, hard drives fail, shit happens - that's why you would never have a "must have" list in your contract.

Any photog who thinks "we're one family now" is a dumbass - as evidenced by your antidote about your ex-bf - not one happy family if you don't want people at the funeral even. It's a HUGE assumption, and we all know what happens when you assume...

I think you are projecting. Just bc the family photos would not be important to you and you wouldn't care what anyone else thought about them does not mean the photog and the couple were rude and inconsiderate.

Bad photogs make life difficult for real photogs. In my professional opinion what this photog did was lazy and unprofessional and that makes him a dumbass. I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as you.

Jen4948 said:

Maybe this particular photographer took them ahead of time, not on the wedding day. If so, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for not taking any of the groom's family. In fact, he took the photos he was commissioned and paid to take. If photos of the groom's family were not among those specified in his contract, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for sticking to his contract. I think you're in too big of a hurry to assign blame and ugly labels to the photographer that aren't warranted.

This is why I specifically tell brides to pay close attention to the formal portraits. Make sure your photog can take them and do a good job wight hem, bc it's the one photos the moms want of the day. Lurkers take note, if you care about your ILs make sure you have a formal portrait taken with them. If your SO's is estranged from his family, by all means skip it if SO doesn't want it. But don't over look it after taking care of your own family.

Jen4948 · December 2014

photokitty said:

dietzerr1 said:

I married the love of my life 12/13/14. Wedding went perfect and I mean PERFECT!!!! Problem was afterwards- the photographer sent a link to around 150 pictures; which every single picture was awesome! I forwarded the link to my mother in law and she mentioned there weren't many still shots of the grooms family. I agreed, but while we were doing the traditional shots following the ceremony the photographer said "we're one family now" so I just assumed that everyone was ok with talking group family photos verses separate family photos. I'd already taken ones with my immediate family only. So I do believe because I'd already done mine we should have done his family photos. But while in the moment of everything I didn't think about his family photos. Also the photographer once finished with the still shots mentioned there will be many opportunities to take photos with family during the reception. This morning I received a call from the mother of the groom- and she is irate about there not being any photos of their family. Back tracking- my husband and I paid for the entire wedding, but the cake that the grooms parents paid for. Mother of groom has contacted the photographer herself and expressed her anger ( of course in a nice way). However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong? Also he is a more of a movement photographer verses a still shooter. So there are incredible pictures of the reception on the dance floor and during the ceremony. The photographer mentioned he gravitates towards the bride and groom and apologized if he felt he didn't capture the pictures she wanted. But didn't want to leave us the bride and groom to capture those sitting down?

Help is this something anyone has experienced.

Read the bolded. Yeah, I'm sure the images the MIL is pissed about are actually a family portrait session from a different day...that seems likely.

Unless the photo of the groom's immediate family was left off a list of photos in the contract or specifically listed as one not to take then that's the most ridiculous argument ever. No photo would agree to have photos specified in the contract - things happen. Equipment breaks, hard drives fail, shit happens - that's why you would never have a "must have" list in your contract.

Any photog who thinks "we're one family now" is a dumbass - as evidenced by your antidote about your ex-bf - not one happy family if you don't want people at the funeral even. It's a HUGE assumption, and we all know what happens when you assume...

I think you are projecting. Just bc the family photos would not be important to you and you wouldn't care what anyone else thought about them does not mean the photog and the couple were rude and inconsiderate.

Bad photogs make life difficult for real photogs. In my professional opinion what this photog did was lazy and unprofessional and that makes him a dumbass. I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as you.

Jen4948 said:

Maybe this particular photographer took them ahead of time, not on the wedding day. If so, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for not taking any of the groom's family.

In fact, he took the photos he was commissioned and paid to take. If photos of the groom's family were not among those specified in his contract, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for sticking to his contract.

I think you're in too big of a hurry to assign blame and ugly labels to the photographer that aren't warranted.

This is why I specifically tell brides to pay close attention to the formal portraits. Make sure your photog can take them and do a good job wight hem, bc it's the one photos the moms want of the day. Lurkers take note, if you care about your ILs make sure you have a formal portrait taken with them. If your SO's is estranged from his family, by all means skip it if SO doesn't want it. But don't over look it after taking care of your own family.

I think you're projecting too. Just because certain things matter to you, whether as a professional photographer or otherwise, doesn't mean they matter to everyone else or makes them "lazy" or a "dumbass" if they don't do them. I don't think photographers are required to inquire about who should be in photos other than which ones whoever's paying want taken. If that doesn't include both sides of the family, it's not his job to play a stupid head game. Yes, it is a matter of what's in the contract. If, as you day, shit happens, that goes the other way too. The only 'shit" he can be held responsible for are photos he agreed to take and didn't, not ones he wasn't asked to take.

Yes, he can ask for a "must-have" list, but unless the bride deliberately omitted the groom's family from the list or otherwise deliberately prevented photos of them from being taken, it's not her fault if they don't make the list. And it's certainly not the photographer's fault! Neither is required to play a fucking head game. If anyone should be in charge of the groom's family getting photographed, it's the groom! No joint responsibility.

And after the wedding is over, it's too late. That's not the time to bitch about photos not being taken.

photokitty · December 2014

Jen4948 said:

dietzerr1 said:

I married the love of my life 12/13/14. Wedding went perfect and I mean PERFECT!!!! Problem was afterwards- the photographer sent a link to around 150 pictures; which every single picture was awesome! I forwarded the link to my mother in law and she mentioned there weren't many still shots of the grooms family. I agreed, but while we were doing the traditional shots following the ceremony the photographer said "we're one family now" so I just assumed that everyone was ok with talking group family photos verses separate family photos. I'd already taken ones with my immediate family only. So I do believe because I'd already done mine we should have done his family photos. But while in the moment of everything I didn't think about his family photos. Also the photographer once finished with the still shots mentioned there will be many opportunities to take photos with family during the reception. This morning I received a call from the mother of the groom- and she is irate about there not being any photos of their family. Back tracking- my husband and I paid for the entire wedding, but the cake that the grooms parents paid for. Mother of groom has contacted the photographer herself and expressed her anger ( of course in a nice way). However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong? Also he is a more of a movement photographer verses a still shooter. So there are incredible pictures of the reception on the dance floor and during the ceremony. The photographer mentioned he gravitates towards the bride and groom and apologized if he felt he didn't capture the pictures she wanted. But didn't want to leave us the bride and groom to capture those sitting down?

Help is this something anyone has experienced.

Read the bolded. Yeah, I'm sure the images the MIL is pissed about are actually a family portrait session from a different day...that seems likely.

Unless the photo of the groom's immediate family was left off a list of photos in the contract or specifically listed as one not to take then that's the most ridiculous argument ever. No photo would agree to have photos specified in the contract - things happen. Equipment breaks, hard drives fail, shit happens - that's why you would never have a "must have" list in your contract.

Any photog who thinks "we're one family now" is a dumbass - as evidenced by your antidote about your ex-bf - not one happy family if you don't want people at the funeral even. It's a HUGE assumption, and we all know what happens when you assume...

I think you are projecting. Just bc the family photos would not be important to you and you wouldn't care what anyone else thought about them does not mean the photog and the couple were rude and inconsiderate.

Bad photogs make life difficult for real photogs. In my professional opinion what this photog did was lazy and unprofessional and that makes him a dumbass. I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as you.

Jen4948 said:

Maybe this particular photographer took them ahead of time, not on the wedding day. If so, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for not taking any of the groom's family. In fact, he took the photos he was commissioned and paid to take. If photos of the groom's family were not among those specified in his contract, it doesn't make him "lazy" or a "dumbass" for sticking to his contract. I think you're in too big of a hurry to assign blame and ugly labels to the photographer that aren't warranted.

This is why I specifically tell brides to pay close attention to the formal portraits. Make sure your photog can take them and do a good job wight hem, bc it's the one photos the moms want of the day. Lurkers take note, if you care about your ILs make sure you have a formal portrait taken with them. If your SO's is estranged from his family, by all means skip it if SO doesn't want it. But don't over look it after taking care of your own family.
I think you're projecting too. Just because certain things matter to you, whether as a professional photographer or otherwise, doesn't mean they matter to everyone else or makes them "lazy" or a "dumbass" if they don't do them. I don't think photographers are required to inquire about who should be in photos other than which ones whoever's paying want taken. If that doesn't include both sides of the family, it's not his job to play a stupid head game. Yes, it is a matter of what's in the contract. If, as you day, shit happens, that goes the other way too. The only 'shit" he can be held responsible for are photos he agreed to take and didn't, not ones he wasn't asked to take. Yes, he can ask for a "must-have" list, but unless the bride deliberately omitted the groom's family from the list or otherwise deliberately prevented photos of them from being taken, it's not her fault if they don't make the list. And it's certainly not the photographer's fault! Neither is required to play a fucking head game. If anyone should be in charge of the groom's family getting photographed, it's the groom! No joint responsibility. And after the wedding is over, it's too late. That's not the time to bitch about photos not being taken.

******ETA - BOXES***********

The photog said "We're one family now" and made the deliberate decision to not take separate family photos. That makes him responsible and aware of his design to not photograph the groom's family. It was not an accidental omission. He clearly said let's just take photos of everyone together and not individual portraits or each family - knowing he had already done formal shots of the Bride's side.

And after the wedding IS the time to bitch about photos not being taken. If I was the bride in this situation I would be upset that my photog didn't take photos of each side. If the bride was upset and looking for advise on my board on how to deal with the photog, I would recommend that she ask the photog to photoshop a family portrait of the grooms family. If the photog could not do that I would for a print credit or other compensation for the oversight. But she's not upset about the missing image, the MIL.

Things matter to me bc I am a photographer. Not because I am projecting. Can't you come up with anything of your own? The "I'm rubber you're glue" shit gets trite.

There are certain elements of a wedding that should be assumed that the photog will do everything thing in their power to capture them, unless specifically instructed not to do so. Maybe you don't know this, and you don't have to bc it's not in your wheelhouse. He should have said, "would you like to get a photo of the groom's family now?" It is not acceptable to just say "we're all one family now" and "there will be time for more photos later." It would be like saying, "I didn't take any photos of your first dance bc I got a bunch of photos of you dancing later in the night."

It's not a fucking head game - it's an image that is expected t be taken. And image the photog should plan to take and not brush off with one family BS.

OP your photog fucked up. Ask him to photoshop a family portrait for your MIL. If he does not have the skill to do this, ask for a partial refund to have the work done elsewhere. If you don't think it's your photog's fault and it's your DH's fault solely as PP suggests, then have him pay to have a proper family portrait created. Please do this before your MIL decides she doesn't care to have a photo of your wedding on her wall. Be thankful that she cares enough about the two of you to be hurt by the oversight.

Jen, I'm done arguing with you. I don't think you are thinking clearly and I don't think you fully grasp the duties of a wedding photographer. I am only engaging in this argument for the sake of lurkers - obviously I care about this topic since I moderate photos and video page where OP XPed- I want to help them make informed choices and avoid situations like OP's.

Jen4948 · December 2014

Sorry @photokitty‌ , but it's not up to you to judge how clearly I'm thinking because I don't agree with you.

wrigleyville · December 2014

FWIW, I think you're way too riled up about this too. It's like someone attacked you personally instead of saying, "Hey, maybe someone (bride, photographer, whoever) should have spoken up since the groom didn't."

You're acting like someone suggested we should club a baby seal and use it as a centerpiece.

Jen4948 · December 2014

wrigleyville said:
FWIW, I think you're way too riled up about this too. It's like someone attacked you personally instead of saying, "Hey, maybe someone (bride, photographer, whoever) should have spoken up since the groom didn't."

You're acting like someone suggested we should club a baby seal and use it as a centerpiece.

I just think it's wrong to hold the bride or the photographer responsible because the groom and/or his mother didn't speak up. Why aren't they responsible for their own failures to speak up? To automatically assume it's a third party's fault for not asking assumes they can read your mind when they can't, and it smacks of transferring blame for one's own failures onto the shoulders of others - especially if one is engaging in name-calling like "lazy" or "dumbass" which doesn't come off as reasoned or mature.

wrigleyville · December 2014

Yes, and you've made that point. Several times. Chill. The OP hasn't been back, so maybe we should all just let this die.

(I'm not saying that as a mod, btw. That's just me talking.)

lyndausvi · December 2014

From the op "However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong?"

This is the OP's question. And my answer and a lot of others is a resounding YES. It is traditional for the photographer to take individual family pictures of both the groom's and bride's immediate family at a wedding.

Unless there is some background and the couple specifically ask those shots not to be taken, I find it very surprising ones of the groom's side were not taking. The OP has not indicated there was any hostility with the in-laws. She said simply she didn't think about them taking individually ones after the group one was taken. Although she does admit her own family had them done.

I personally think the bride, groom and photographer are to blame. Not one over the other, but they are collectively "responsible" for the oversight.

My photographers specifically told me they only takes order from the couple and no one else. I then told him him and his assistant were to take pictures of ANYONE who requested one. I DID NOT want him following me around all god damn night. I had no problem with people wanting pictures of themselves without DH and I around.

It's quite possible this photographer was the same way (the OP said the photographer gravitates to the couple). Some photographers will not honor special request shots unless okayed by the couple. Their job is to follow the bride and groom around.

I barely saw my parent or MIL during the reception. They would have one hell of a time tracking me down asking if they could take group shots.

mlg78 · December 2014

wrigleyville said:

FWIW, I think you're way too riled up about this too. It's like someone attacked you personally instead of saying, "Hey, maybe someone (bride, photographer, whoever) should have spoken up since the groom didn't."

You're acting like someone suggested we should club a baby seal and use it as a centerpiece.

This is my most favorite comment I've ever seen on any post on TK.

Jen4948 · December 2014

lyndausvi said:
From the op "However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong?"

This is the OP's question. And my answer and a lot of others is a resounding YES. It is traditional for the photographer to take individual family pictures of both the groom's and bride's immediate family at a wedding.

Unless there is some background and the couple specifically ask those shots not to be taken, I find it very surprising ones of the groom's side were not taking. The OP has not indicated there was any hostility with the in-laws. She said simply she didn't think about them taking individually ones after the group one was taken. Although she does admit her own family had them done.

I personally think the bride, groom and photographer are to blame. Not one over the other, but they are collectively "responsible" for the oversight.

My photographers specifically told me they only takes order from the couple and no one else. I then told him him and his assistant were to take pictures of ANYONE who requested one. I DID NOT want him following me around all god damn night. I had no problem with people wanting pictures of themselves without DH and I around.

It's quite possible this photographer was the same way (the OP said the photographer gravitates to the couple). Some photographers will not honor special request shots unless okayed by the couple. Their job is to follow the bride and groom around.

I barely saw my parent or MIL during the reception. They would have one hell of a time tracking me down asking if they could take group shots.

I disagree for exactly that reason. If the MIL wanted special shots taken, she should have said so so they could have been arranged, instead of expecting them to happen and then getting pissy at everyone for an "oversight" when they didn't.

It's been noted before that assuming makes an ass out if you and me, and that's just what this MIL did by getting pissy and demanding apologies instead of speaking up while there was still an opportunity to get those shots taken.

chibiyui · December 2014

Jen4948 said:

lyndausvi said:
From the op "However I don't know that she should be as upset and I'm wondering is it traditional for the photographer to take individual family photos- or am I in the wrong?"

This is the OP's question. And my answer and a lot of others is a resounding YES. It is traditional for the photographer to take individual family pictures of both the groom's and bride's immediate family at a wedding.

Unless there is some background and the couple specifically ask those shots not to be taken, I find it very surprising ones of the groom's side were not taking. The OP has not indicated there was any hostility with the in-laws. She said simply she didn't think about them taking individually ones after the group one was taken. Although she does admit her own family had them done.

I personally think the bride, groom and photographer are to blame. Not one over the other, but they are collectively "responsible" for the oversight.

My photographers specifically told me they only takes order from the couple and no one else. I then told him him and his assistant were to take pictures of ANYONE who requested one. I DID NOT want him following me around all god damn night. I had no problem with people wanting pictures of themselves without DH and I around.

It's quite possible this photographer was the same way (the OP said the photographer gravitates to the couple). Some photographers will not honor special request shots unless okayed by the couple. Their job is to follow the bride and groom around.

I barely saw my parent or MIL during the reception. They would have one hell of a time tracking me down asking if they could take group shots.

I disagree for exactly that reason. If the MIL wanted special shots taken, she should have said so so they could have been arranged, instead of expecting them to happen and then getting pissy at everyone for an "oversight" when they didn't.

It's been noted before that assuming makes an ass out if you and me, and that's just what this MIL did by getting pissy and demanding apologies instead of speaking up while there was still an opportunity to get those shots taken.

Since when is a pic with the MOG, bride and groom a special shot?

lyndausvi · December 2014

chibiyui said:
Since when is a pic with the MOG, bride and groom a special shot?

In Jen's world apparently. Not saying there are not some families where it would be requested that there not be a shot of them together. But I think it's safe to say in the majority of families individual shots are the norm.

Lurkers take note.

Jen4948 · December 2014

The OP doesn't say that there were no shots involving the MIL or her SO or other immediate family members. The MIL apparently pissed that shots weren't taken of her extended family members-which would be special shots.

In any case, if she wanted shots of other family members, she should have spoken up at the time or in advance instead of being pissy after the fact.

lyndausvi · December 2014

The OP stated they did group shots of BOTH families together and not separates ones. Then she stated that her family had already done the individual only.

MairePoppy · December 2014

My favorite memento from my daughter's wedding is a family picture from my side of the family. It's so rare to have the whole family together. Everyone I love is in that picture. After the ceremony, the photographer made sure to get the requisite shots of each set of parents and grandparents with the bride and groom. I don't blame your MIL for being disappointed.

@dietzerr1, Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about the family wedding picture. Offer MIL some sympathy and organize a family portrait session as a gift to her.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

I'm only chiming in because I've been slowly getting my pro photos back. I think I have half.

And I realized that of all the posed formal shots, there is not one of me/DH, my parents, my sister and brother in law.

There are plenty of my sis and BIL in my bridal party shots, and we have some with my parents and a few other family members... but none of just that nuclear family. WTF? How did I miss that?

Our photog had a model shot list and DH and I talked through everything with her together. We had a smallish wedding so the list of must-have shots was fairly short. I actually feel bad that I don't have that photo of my parents with their two daughters and sons in law.

My point is that shit happens, and even with the most well-intentioned efforts, a couple can miss things. We'd given our photog instructions to do more photo journalism rather than still photos, and DH hates having his photo taken anyway. Formals were not our priority. If anyone says something to me about missing that shot, I'm certainly going to apologize. It's a bummer but you cannot recreate the day.

banana468 · December 2014

Unfortunately I think a lot of the issue here is a lack of communication but there also needs to be the understanding that crap happens.

kmmssg · December 2014

mlg78 said:

wrigleyville said:

FWIW, I think you're way too riled up about this too. It's like someone attacked you personally instead of saying, "Hey, maybe someone (bride, photographer, whoever) should have spoken up since the groom didn't."

You're acting like someone suggested we should club a baby seal and use it as a centerpiece.

This is my most favorite comment I've ever seen on any post on TK.

Mine too - it is priceless.

Cookie Pusher · December 2014

There are exactly zero formal pictures of me with FIL and DH. There are a few of DH and FIL, a few of DH with BIL (he was best man), pics of me with my sisters (bridesmaids), pics of me and my mom, and even pics of DH with my mom. We did get a group shot of DH's family but there were just too many of them to do individual pictures.

We both made sure to ask our parents if there were any specific pictures they absolutely had to have, but warned that neither of us wanted to spend our entire cocktail hour on photos. We went through their lists and chose a few from each that weren't already on our list. Of course, none of us are really big on pictures (being in them or displaying them) so no one complained to us.

His family wasn't captured in pictures as much as the brides. Mother of Groom IRRRRRAAAAATTTTE

Re: His family wasn't captured in pictures as much as the brides. Mother of Groom IRRRRRAAAAATTTTE

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