Say what? You want to have individual family pictures?

MnHGirl · December 2014

Sitting down to lunch yesterday with my FI parents he mentioned to me that his mom and dad want to get a nice picture with just those two when we do the wedding pictures. Being that they graciously gave $2k towards the wedding (which does not cover the full cost of the photography) I said that we could let the photographers know when we do our picture list and I am sure something can be arranged on the side (two people taking pictures).

Then she mentioned my FI brothers family- I said that we would be doing a full family photo and she said that they just wanted some shots with them and the kids and pictures of the kids together. I then repeated that we would be doing a full family photo and she is insisting that we allow time for just their family. Being that it was Christmas and our wedding isn't until July I didn't fight it anymore (nor did I OK it). But is that normal to do? I feel like we would be taking our time away and they would be getting a free photo session off of us. Plus, then I would need to allow my siblings and their families a chance at a photo session and I could see this taking a lot of time and pictures away from out allotment.

I talked to my FI about this last night and after I explained what she wanted he and I seem to be on the same page not allowing a ton of individual family pictures... but I think this will be an uphill battle with the future MIL.

Am I out of line with my thinking that this is not right? I have never been in a wedding where they start doing individual family pictures without the bride and groom in them (exception of the candid shots). I just do not feel that we need to be paying for a photo session and photos when they could do it on their own time and dollar!

vulpiepop · December 2014

I don't think you're out of line thinking it's not right. I've never been to a wedding where there were formal photos without the bride and groom.

If they want individual family photos, then they can and should pay a photographer to do it for them. Your photographer is there to take pictures of your wedding for you, not give everyone a free photography session.

Tell them that you're sorry but have not allotted time on the schedule for their family photos and change the subject.

AddieCake · December 2014

Yeah, I don't think it's right for them to be expecting pics that at least the groom wouldn't also be in.

bethsmiles · December 2014

That is ridiculous. If they want professional family pictures taken they need to hire their own photographer and do this on their own time. Your photographer's job is to document your wedding day not taking family photos.

Because this is your FI's family, have him tell them no and then both of you should refuse to discuss it with them any further.

mikenberger · December 2014

That is beyond annoying. Just because a professional photographer is around doesn't mean they get to get in on free services. But your FI should fight this battle, not you.

I wouldn't be surprised though on the day of if she tries to pull the photographer aside and get all the individual photos done.

littlemushroom · December 2014

I don't see an issue, honestly. My photographer went around to all the tables and got photos of each individual family group that attended the wedding. They were framed in a way that it doesn't look like they are at a table for the most part. He also went outside for 5 minutes to get a photo of my aunt and uncle with their kids and grandkids (one big family photo). It didn't interfere with the rest of the photos he took, we ended up with almost 1000 photos on the day, and it is nice to look back and see who all was there that day.

Everyone in my extended family used the photos taken at our wedding for their holiday cards this year (our wedding was in August). We also gifted some photos to guests because they liked the photo with their SO so much. I was happy they liked their pictures that much, and I know the photographer was happy to have all the business of people purchasing photos.

DH and I are happy to have pictures of all the family units and couples who attended our wedding as well. We also made a collage page in our wedding photo book for everyone in my family, everyone in DH's family, and all the friends who attended our wedding using all the photos. We love those three pages and it will be nice to reminisce in the future.

I can understand if they want a half hour of your photographer's time with a bunch of different poses, then that would be a definite no. But it takes less than 2 minutes to snap one formal photo of a family. I would let it go and let them have their photo. You might appreciate having a nice photo of your extended family as well.

Liatris2010 · December 2014

My cousin's Christmas card photo was taken at our wedding. By his wife. Yes there is the appeal of having everyone together and in nice clothes, but your wedding is your wedding, not the JC Penny portrait studio. If people want to scamper off during cocktail to snap a quick family photo, great. But they should not be using the photographer you hired to take wedding photos to take family photos during your wedding. Give the photographer the list of family photos you want done, and if people feel the need for something additional, they can do it on their own dime and time.

climbingsingle · December 2014

Yeah, I think you're right to be annoyed. That's not cool.

Jen4948 · December 2014

Yeah, that is annoying. Your FMIL needs to arrange for "non-bride and groom" family photos for her relatives on her own time and dime-not yours.

banana468 · December 2014

I think it depends on what she's wanting here. Our photographer went around and did shots at every table. If that will work then that can be a suggestion.

If she's looking to turn your wedding into a time to have posed family portraits that include neither the bride nor the groom then you may need to say, "We've talked to our photographer and he's open to doing something like that but it needs to be after he's captured all the other shots that we need and it requires a separate payment."

But in the grand scheme of things, I would pick and choose my battles carefully. If she's looking for one extra picture, no big deal. If she's looking to turn your wedding into a private family photo session you'll want to talk to your photographer and tell him that s/he may need to be the bad guy to say no.

MnHGirl · December 2014

Thanks everyone for the help!

Future MIL is looking for a posed picture session for my FI brothers family (with myself and FI NOT in the picture). I think she is thinking that it would be an easy way to get pictures since they will be dressed up.

I am totally for the quick random "say cheese" pictures that can be taken at the reception, or even during our pictures since we have two photographers- but I just can not handle making sure they get their time for their family specifically. We will be doing a extended family picture (for both sides) immediately following the ceremony for the relatives that do come to the wedding along with a handful of other family pictures prior to the wedding- but was not planning on individual families.

I might have my FI suggest that they have another relative take pictures before or after the wedding outside the church (or inside if it is raining).

I also like Banana468's idea of talking to the photographer ahead if time. One of the reasons we hired him was because he does the time management and does not have a problem stepping in when things are getting tense with pictures.

rcher912 · December 2014

I would definitely talk with the photographer about this for two reasons:

1) So they're aware this is a potential situation and

2) To gauge how they feel about so many random photos.

My sister's wedding photographer did a fair number of pictures without the bride and groom in them, although very few were posed portraits during the "photo session" (as PP have said, they were mostly at the reception and catching great moments or groups of people that were important). The photographer also offered posed photos of each BM and their SO (not sure if she did this with GM or not, but I don't think so). I got some phenomenal pictures out of it of my family with my sister, and then also just me and my now-FI.

Was it necessary? No. But it was lovely and I'm so happy it was offered. It didn't take away from the time or the pictures my sister was really hoping for, so I think it was a win-win.

But it all depends on you and your photographer!!

CMGragain · December 2014

Most photographers will be happy to take whatever photos they can sell. This has changed with the advent of digital disks. I really don't see the problem. Are you afraid that there won't be room on the disk for a few extra photos?
My grandparents had a picture taken of themselves at my wedding. They paid the photographer for prints of it.

holyguacamole79 · December 2014

Liatris2010 said:

My cousin's Christmas card photo was taken at our wedding. By his wife. Yes there is the appeal of having everyone together and in nice clothes, but your wedding is your wedding, not the JC Penny portrait studio. If people want to scamper off during cocktail to snap a quick family photo, great. But they should not be using the photographer you hired to take wedding photos to take family photos during your wedding. Give the photographer the list of family photos you want done, and if people feel the need for something additional, they can do it on their own dime and time.

This. Or you can suggest that the family get this picture before your wedding. You'll be rushing to take pictures after the ceremony (assuming you're not doing a first look), and you don't want to keep your guests waiting while your photog is taking pics of his family. We had one family at our wedding get a great shot at the reception and used that as their Xmas card pic.

Jen4948 · December 2014

CMGragain said:
Most photographers will be happy to take whatever photos they can sell. This has changed with the advent of digital disks. I really don't see the problem. Are you afraid that there won't be room on the disk for a few extra photos?
My grandparents had a picture taken of themselves at my wedding. They paid the photographer for prints of it.

The problem is that this is not a family reunion solely for the groom's family. It's a wedding. It's not appropriate for members of one side who are not paying for the photos to try to co-opt a wedding photo session to take photos of themselves alone on someone else's time and dime-regardless of how much room there is on the disk. The OP:s FMIL needs to arrange and pay for a photo session of her own for these photos-not use the wedding of a son who she doesn't want to include in these photos.

marie2785 · December 2014

I'm not sure its possible for you, but I know my photographer and second photographer can add on time, and charge an hourly fee. Maybe see if they want to pay the photographer or second photographer for an hour, and do the shots before the wedding or after when you don't need both photographers? They would then need to pay the fee of course. Time wise it likely wont be convenient for FMIL, but thats life. I am guessing FMIL will freak out and say this is ridiculous. So realistically you'll just need to tell her you'll let the photographer know if he has a spare minute to do the shot, but otherwise, claim the photographer said he cant fit it in. Likely, you'll have 5 min somewhere where a photographer is free, but it shouldn't be a priority.

huskypuppy14 · December 2014

My photographer took pictures of couples, and families, and tables, etc, whatever people wanted. However, it was a couple pictures per couple/family, not a photoshoot.

As long as the important pictures were done, why do I care. However, this was done during the reception. It's rude of someone, not paying for the photographer, to insist on having pictures of their family done at someone else's wedding. I think saying, we'll try to fit it in, but don't guarantee anything is a nice compromise.

My husband and I do not have any nieces or nephews (maybe we'll have the first kid!) Our family pictures were my husband and I with my sisters and their SO and parents.

My husband's family pictures were his brothers and us and his parents (sister in law wasn't there for pictures). We also did the brothers together, the sisters together, etc.

I'm sure if one of our siblings had kids, we would have done a family picture of them. But it's not their photoshoot, it's your wedding.

allispain · December 2014

I too think you should discuss this with your photographer and see what he suggests. For example, our photographer took pictures throughout the reception of each couple/family/etc. Usually it was 1 photo per pair/group. Some of the pictures were indoors, while others were outside to take full advantage of the gorgeous venue. When she was doing this, her assistant would be inside doing candid shots of us, the guests, etc. Or vice versa (in terms of which photographer was where). She also did a mini shoot with each of the members of our BP and their SOs as well as with my mom and her BF (DH's parents turned her down when she offered to them). These were 4-5 frames per couple. My mom ended up ordering prints of a number of her friends and our family members to use as gifts for those people.

That all being said, we knew this was going to happen and were okay with it. We knew it wouldn't detract from our own photos, since there would always be at least 1 photographer in the reception taking pictures of what was going on. We also didn't have anyone coming to us and insisting on these pictures being taken - the photographer offered it and those that were interested took part. Had someone come up to us and insisted, I probably would have been a little annoyed :-)

dcbride86 · December 2014

CMGragain said:

Most photographers will be happy to take whatever photos they can sell. This has changed with the advent of digital disks. I really don't see the problem. Are you afraid that there won't be room on the disk for a few extra photos?
My grandparents had a picture taken of themselves at my wedding. They paid the photographer for prints of it.

It's probably more of an issue of time. It takes a lot of time to do so many pictures, and the bride probably (understandably) does not want all the time spent taking individual portraits of so many other people

Maggie0829 · December 2014

If they want family photos then they can call up a photographer and pay for a family photo session, not use your wedding to get some free shots.

Yes, pictures of the family should be taken, but a wedding should not be the place to take individual family shots, especially if those shots do not include the groom or bride.

badbnagdway · December 2014

It's a very odd request to me. It is one of those things where if it took a few minutes, it wouldn't be a big deal, but the fact that she has made a special request about it makes me think she has something more involved in mind. Is FI's brother in the wedding? I guess I could see a few family photos of a WP member making more sense than someone else.

I have seen it done where the photographer takes photos of each table (sometimes with b&g), sometimes not. I also think it is nbd at the reception for the family to get a few shots with the photographer. I would probably really love some shots of my mom with her grandkids for example, even if they aren't my kids, though my mom doesn't have any yet. It's right after or before the ceremony that is kind of strange time for the photographer to be pulled aside for more than 5 minutes or so.

flantastic · December 2014

scribe95 said:

I honestly don't see this as a big deal. Especially since they are contributing several thousand dollars to the wedding. Don't we say he who pays gets a say? Well they want a few nice photos of themselves and son's family.

True, but I would be offended that their payment would be for the purpose of hijacking the wedding away from... the wedding and the wedded parties.

I mean, I'd be offended in general if my H's parents specifically wanted to exclude me and H from family pictures when we were present, wedding or not. Apart from the donation of the photographer's time which OP would have to make, it's a super odd and maybe hurtful request.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

I agree it's an annoying request. And I understand that their general $2,000 contribution to your wedding doesn't cover the full cost of photography. I also think its rude of them to expect you to take time out of your wedding photos so they can do pictures - without you two!! - as a family.

However, they are contributing and snapping two or three photos shouldn't take more than 5 minutes. I would let them know that you two will remove yourselves after the big family photo for 5 minutes. No more. Be clear that YOU are paying the photographer and this is not a family photo session.

If they want more than that, find out how much extra hours cost for your photog. Tell his family they can pay $xxx for an hour on either the front end of your time or the back end, but not in between.

Bubblegum5586 · December 2014

I didn't read all the responses, so I am not sure if this has been said.

I think to take these pictures during the formal pictures/cocktail hour time is very rude! But with that said I think there is nothing wrong during the reception when things slow down a bit grabbing the photographer and asking for a quick picture. My family has done this before, it's not posed we just stand where we want in whatever room we are in and get a quick snap all together!

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

I think Banana hit it on the head.
We did posed formal portraits prior to the ceremony and our photog was on orders to do photojournalism the rest of the event. During cocktail hour she said family was asking her to take group shots and I said that's fine. We now have lovely group photos of various combos of family and friends too. Out of 8 hours of contract time and two shooters I'd guess one of them took a whopping 20 minutes of time for the groups that wanted their picture taken.

Do you really expect, as a bride, to be in every single photo for 8 hours?

lovegood90 · December 2014

I think some casual photos of their family while everyone is mingling at the reception is fine, because the photographer would be walking around taking pictures of everyone. But to specifically schedule a bunch of formal portraits during photo time- hell naw I would not. If they want a bunch of formal posed photos your wedding is not the time or place for that, IMO.

badbnagdway · December 2014

thisismynickname said:

Do you really expect, as a bride, to be in every single photo for 8 hours?

I don't get the sense that is what the OP is saying.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

lovegood90 said:

I think some casual photos of their family while everyone is mingling at the reception is fine, because the photographer would be walking around taking pictures of everyone. But to specifically schedule a bunch of formal portraits during photo time- hell naw I would not. If they want a bunch of formal posed photos your wedding is not the time or place for that, IMO.

All of this.

ashley8918 · December 2014

littlemushroom said:

I don't see an issue, honestly. My photographer went around to all the tables and got photos of each individual family group that attended the wedding. They were framed in a way that it doesn't look like they are at a table for the most part. He also went outside for 5 minutes to get a photo of my aunt and uncle with their kids and grandkids (one big family photo). It didn't interfere with the rest of the photos he took, we ended up with almost 1000 photos on the day, and it is nice to look back and see who all was there that day. Everyone in my extended family used the photos taken at our wedding for their holiday cards this year (our wedding was in August). We also gifted some photos to guests because they liked the photo with their SO so much. I was happy they liked their pictures that much, and I know the photographer was happy to have all the business of people purchasing photos. DH and I are happy to have pictures of all the family units and couples who attended our wedding as well. We also made a collage page in our wedding photo book for everyone in my family, everyone in DH's family, and all the friends who attended our wedding using all the photos. We love those three pages and it will be nice to reminisce in the future. I can understand if they want a half hour of your photographer's time with a bunch of different poses, then that would be a definite no. But it takes less than 2 minutes to snap one formal photo of a family. I would let it go and let them have their photo. You might appreciate having a nice photo of your extended family as well.

Agreed. This is such a non-issue to me. My photographer tool formal photos of anyone who wanted them during cocktail hour. She spent literally no more than a minute of two with each group. Not a big deal AT ALL, and it was actually pretty cool to get a bunch of Xmas cards with pictures of my friends and family from my wedding.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

badbnagdway said:
show previous quotes

thisismynickname said:

Do you really expect, as a bride, to be in every single photo for 8 hours?

I don't get the sense that is what the OP is saying.

But what I mean is, family are wedding guests. The couple won't be in every photo. Taking 10-20 minutes to take group shots of family shouldn't be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Jen4948 · December 2014

thisismynickname said:

show previous quotes
badbnagdway said:

thisismynickname said:

Do you really expect, as a bride, to be in every single photo for 8 hours?

I don't get the sense that is what the OP is saying.

But what I mean is, family are wedding guests. The couple won't be in every photo. Taking 10-20 minutes to take group shots of family shouldn't be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Depends on who's paying for it and whether it prevents the photographer from taking contracted for shots. If the FMIL isn't contributing to the photographer's fee, she has no business co-opting him to take family group photo's of just her family. And if he's being paid to, say, get the couple with their wedding party members or get a photo of the cake-cutting or whatever and this would prevent him from getting those taken because that's when she wants them done, then again, she has no business co-opting him away from what he already agreed to do.

Say what? You want to have individual family pictures?

Re: Say what? You want to have individual family pictures?

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