All by myself...

Button5807 · March 2010

Someone in my life who is in no position to give anyone relationship advice decided I should have some from him anyway. It seems that through his infinite wisdom bestowed upon him by years of multiple marriages and affairs he has decided that no one has any business being married until they have lived on their own, completely 100% alone. College doesn't count and neither does sharing a rental with a roommate.

I disagree with this and apparently that makes me an idiot even though I haven't lived at home (with my parents) for 6 years.

So it's question time because I'm curious.

What is your current relationship status?
Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?

Narwhal · March 2010

What is your current relationship status? Just dating for now.

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in: Living with my parents, living with my sister, living at school

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why? I think its whatever is important for you. I can't say that I would ever want to live completely on my own, but I would like to have an apartment with a roommate before I get married, so I can have the experience of having to rely on myself to buy my own food and pay my rent, but I don't think that having a roommate would hinder that learning experience.

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to Re: All by myself...:
[QUOTEI would like to have an apartment with a roommate before I get married, so I can have the experience of having to rely on myself to buy my own food and pay my rent, but I don't think that having a roommate would hinder that learning experience.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

That was my point of view, that when I did have a roommate, and even now w/bf I pay my own bills, I get my own food. Aside from having someone else in the same residence how is that really different?

Apparently there's some magical x factor I'm missing here.

Narwhal · March 2010

Since this guy doesn't seem to care for the commitment of getting married, maybe his thought process is "if you live by yourself, you're going to love it and never want to get married!"

kmuthig · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
-Engaged

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
-lived in the dorms
-lived in apartment with roommate
-lived with ex bf
-lived alone in my house
-living with fiance

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
-I did it, and it was an interesting experience. I had to learn so much.....especially becuase it was my house, no land lords or maintenence guys to fix anything. I had to call and schedule repairmen, kill my own bugs, cut my own yard, etc. It was nice things were exactly the way I left them when I got home. I could relax and watch whatever I wanted with no complaints. Is it 100% necessary? I don't think so, but I guess it depends on the situation. It definitely helped me grow and learn but I could have done those things with a roommate. I wouldn't have chosen that either, it just worked out that way.

loopy82 · March 2010

What is your current relationship status? - Engaged

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in: College dorm w/ roommate; with my mom; college dorm w/ 2 roommates; with friends - there were 4 others when I moved in - 1 girl 3 guys, guy and girl moved out so it was me and 2 guys for a while- party house- real world like and I was 22-23 so it was awesome!; then again with my mom then in with FI (was BF at the time).

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
No I don't think you need to live 100% by yourself. I would hate this. I am a big chicken. I have no desire to live 100% by myself. I don't need to be with that person/ people 24/7 - I just like the idea of someone else being in the house at night when I am sleeping.

I think you need to be independant and know how to survive on your own and be paying your own bills, employed, etc before you get married.

noelle24 · March 2010

Engaged, not living together.

In the past I've:
Lived in dorms
Lived in college houses/apts
Lived in apts with roommates

If you can afford it, I think living alone is nice. However, being a poor graduate student, it's not easy to live alone. I'd rather save more money and share an apt. Also, I *like* living with people.

I'm still responsible to pay all the bills and do everything I would if I lived alone. The only thing I don't get is complete control over my living space. But honestly, I don't think I'm going to miss never having that.

So no, I don't think it's essential to have lived alone. Living "on your own" without help from parents, however, is critical.

SigKapLily · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
Dating for over 5 years, but we've lived together for about 3.

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
After high school, I moved to college. So I lived on campus for 2 years then moved off campus with roomates for 2 years before moving in with my boyfriend for about 2 years. Then I moved away for a job where moved back in with my parents (which was rather difficult! ). After that, I moved back in with my boyfriend and we've been living together ever since.

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I think it depends on the person. Personally, I feel as though I have lived on my own for a while. I've paid my own rent and bills, shopped for my own food and I can cook for myself, so I know that if I ever have to live competely by myself, I can. I feel it is important to be independent and know that you are able to take care of yourself before getting married , just my opinion though because that's how my mama raised me!

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:f17844a8-daaf-4977-8fa9-e03f5506cef6">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]Since this guy doesn't seem to care for the commitment of getting married, maybe his thought process is "if you live by yourself, you're going to love it and never want to get married!"
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

Well he's currently in the proccess of getting divorced and is engaged...

loopy82 · March 2010

Well that sounds like a good situation. I wish I could have met him before I met FI!

Button5807 · March 2010

I'm sure he'll be free again in a year or two, or if you don't want commitment just have at him while he's married...

Narwhal · March 2010

Okay maybe he's just a crazy fella.

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:5ec1d4df-6130-4f5d-a432-9db88ac75fc9">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay maybe he's just a crazy fella.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'd say so.
He was pretty shocked when I told him I didn't think he was in any position to be <strong>lecturing</strong> me about my relationship.

StephB1185 · March 2010

1) Current relationship status: dating

2) Since high school, living arrangements have been: college dorm for 5 years, one summer with my parents my freshman year, each summer for 4 years I found a random roommate for 3 months to live with in the area, apartment after graduating college (by myself - BF 'moved in' after finishing school in Dec. and helps pay min. bills ).

3) Do you need to be 100% alone before marriage? I've heard this opinion alot - but I don't think so. I think there's a difference between going straight from your parents house/no rent/minimal bills/school to living with your spouse, and living on your own with your own bills/roommate (if you've got one) and your own rules and responsiblities to living with your spouse. I understand the viewpoint of being on your own first, because it helps you learn who you are and your own thoughts and strengths concerning things you need to be secure abour before marriage. This 'rule' I think is for those people that try to get married right out of high school without having their own financial independence - or lived with their parents without living off their own means.

katanne9 · March 2010

He sounds like a REAL peach.

What is your current relationship status?
Engaged.

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
Lived in dorms with 1 roommate (2 years)
Lived in apartment with 5 roommates (2 years)
Lived in house with 2 roommates (2 years/current)

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
No. I think you need to have gone through the experience of paying rent/utilities/dealing with overflowing toliets/shoveling/neighbors/groceries/dishes/vaccuuming/laundry/etcetc. This can be done while living with roommates.

Living totally alone isn't feasible for some people. The $$$ of an apartment for a single person is VERY high around here. I'm sure my roommates and I would LOVE to have our own places, but the truth is that living with roommates is often a decision motivated by finances. But to pay twice as much just to be totally alone for the sake of it isn't possible for me.

oceana919 · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
Happily engaged.

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
Living with parents (while in college).
Living in dorm with roommate.
Living in house with 10 housemates & 1 roommate.
Living with parents (between undergrad and grad school).
Living completely on my own (3 yrs).
Living with BF/FI.

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I don't think you necessarily need to live 100% by yourself, but I think it's essential to live 100% independently, as in paying your own bills, not relying upon parents to fund your life, etc. before you're married. To be honest, the three years I lived on my own before I met FI were pretty pivotal - I learned how to live on my own budget, how to manage and balance my finances, what kind of lifestyle I wanted to live (how my place was laid out, how often I cooked, how often I cleaned, how neat/sloppy I was willing to live, etc.). By learning how to take care of myself, I was better prepared to enter an adult relationship. I know going into my marriage that no matter what happens, I know how to take care of myself and how to take care of us as a family.

To be honest, I think it should be a "must" that you live with your partner prior to marriage. I've seen several friends end up breaking up with long-time sig. others after moving in together because they realized they couldn't live with each other. Moving in with my FI prior to getting engaged was one of the biggest eye-openers of our relationship, and it helped strengthen our relationship. We figured out what we love about each other, what drove us nuts, what we were willing to live with and what we weren't when it came to ourselves and each other. I was able to figure out that I could care less if he leaves the toilet seat up, but he figured out he should probably pick the clothes up off the floor every day before I trip on them. After nearly a year and a half of living together, I'm damn sure I want to marry him because I know I can live with him without killing him. That's always a plus.

ekathleen684 · March 2010

What is your current relationship status? BF
Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
With my parents or inbetween their house and BF's parents. It's much easier and cheaper to pay your parents $100/month for rent than it it to pay $500+ for rent. I'd rather save that $400/month for a house payment later down the road. I think that if you can live with your parents, do it! I can understand how many leave at 18 though.
Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I don't think you do but maybe it depends on the person. I can see living on your own with a roomate or something because your still paying your bills and half of the rent/utilities/etc...Wouldn't you kind of be doing the same thing if you lived with your husband?

desertsun · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
engaged

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
-lived in dorms during school, with parents over summer first 2 years, then
-apartment with roommate for 1 year
-apartment by myself for 1 year
-house with roommates for 2 years
-apartment by myself for another year
-apartments/rented houses with FI for past 3 years

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
For me, living by myself helped me really KNOW who I am. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. There really is an "x factor" there, or at least there was for me.

BUT, I have always believed that what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for another. It's not my place to tell people how to live their lives.

Not having lived all by yourself won't make your marriage any less valid, IMO, and it's stupid to suggest otherwise.

aperitisa · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
Engaged

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
College - Dorm with 1 roommate
             - Dorm with 3 roommates
             - Study abroad, on my own in student apartements (we covered lots of the bills)
             - Dorm with 2 roommates

Post College - House sitting by myself
                    - Back with parents
                    - Boyfriend and roommate (male) for 6 months
                    - Boyfriend for a year

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I agree with Katanne on alot of what she said. I think its important to have responsibility for yourself before you have to have responsibility for others. I also know that in my situation it was just not going to happen. To live on your own in Chicago means a bit rent check that I couldn't afford.

Button5807 · March 2010

I was wondering if maybe it was a regional thing because around here the only people I know who were able to live 100% by themselves had help (usually their parents were landlords) and I don't really count that as being independent. I literally do not know a single person who can afford to live by themselves in a place where you woudln't want a roommate for safety. So it was kind of a shock to me to be told it was a requirement for growing up. ;-)

PaigeMcC · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?Living with BF:)

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
-Lived in dorm room with roomie (2 yrs)
-Lived in dorm room without roomie (2 years)
-Lived with mom and dad (4 months...too long!)
-Lived with roomie in a flat (2 months)
-Lived with BF & roomie in a flat (1 year)
-Currently living with just BF and the pugs...LOVE IT

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I don't think you NEED to. I agree that you need to be financially independent, etc etc but I don't think you'd need to live all by your self. I, personally, couldn't do it. I hate being alone...alone freaks me out! haha

PaigeMcC · March 2010

And now I have that song in my head...

All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymoooooore!!!

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:1ad83e50-1092-4e34-be9b-acf0751b9a36">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE] I hate being alone...alone freaks me out! haha
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Me too!
Last night when I got home BF was out for the evening celebrating his brothers bday so I was alone the whole night and went to bed by myself. The whole time all I could think was he's crazy I could never do this every day I am way too much of a wuss!

Jeff and Deepthi · March 2010

Current relationship - BF
Situations - parents, dorm, roommates, sister, and on my own.

I actually do live a 100% on my own and while I loved it honestly I can say I prefer having a roommate. I like that things are where I left them and in order and my food is still in my fridge. There is an aspect of having someone else there to talk to and be around. I don't think you need it before you are married. I mean what do you gain?? Having a husband is nothing like having a roommate or being on your own from what I heard. It's a different being in itself.

I think he was just trying to be helpful and say something. I have an uncle that says I should get my doctorate just so it says Dr. in front of my name. Uncles can be crazy

zaneopal · March 2010

What is your current relationship status?
Dating for 15 months. Some talk of the future (kids, marriage, etc), but I don't think either of us is ready for that yet. It'll probably be at least another year, which is totally cool with me. We're young, we've got time.

Since you graduated High school list all of the different living situations you've been in:
- Two years in college dorms
- One year in a 2BR apartment with a roommate who kicked me out a few months into the lease because she felt I wasn't home enough (I was taking 18 hours each semester, including research, of course I wasn't home!)
- One year in a 4 BR apartment, 3 roommates, it's all good. They're a little too loud for my tastes, giving my study habits and needs. But there's 2 months to graduation, I'll survive.
- Starting in May I will be living 100% alone for at least 14 months. Though odds are the BF will be around on weekends.

Do you think you need to live 100% by yourself before you get married? Why?
I don't think you do. Some people don't like to live alone (I actually don't, but I don't know any of the other interns yet and I need to be moved before I leave the country). But I do think you need to be able to live self-sufficiently and know yourself well. For me, this means being able to cover my rent, bills, and food needs myself, and being able to handle living alone, cooking, cleaning, etc.

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:e38e1859-006f-4a03-9782-2772719a9ea7">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : Me too! Last night when I got home BF was out for the evening celebrating his brothers bday so I was alone the whole night and went to bed by myself. The whole time all I could think was he's crazy I could never do this every day I am way too much of a wuss!
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

I hate this!!! BF went away on business in October for 10 days and I ended up going to bed early and being like wtf? I'm bored! I need someone else around to chat with, and so I don't go hide in my room b/c I hear a scary noise!

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:65686857-421e-43c9-9bba-c5c23e729bf6">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : I hate this!!! BF went away on business in October for 10 days and I ended up going to bed early and being like wtf? I'm bored! I need someone else around to chat with, and so I don't go hide in my room b/c I hear a scary noise!
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

We have 2 doors that access our bedroom, one in hall right at the top of the stairs and one that you have to access by going through the living room and sun room. So before I went to bed last night I loved the door that was in the hallway thinking if the boogeyman was in the hallway I'd probably hear him walking through all those other rooms before he got to the unlocked door. ;-)

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:1469060d-b8ad-49c1-b120-88627f73cae7">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : We have 2 doors that access our bedroom, one in hall right at the top of the stairs and one that you have to access by going through the living room and sun room. So before I went to bed last night I loved the door that was in the hallway thinking if the boogeyman was in the hallway I'd probably hear him walking through all those other rooms before he got to the unlocked door. ;-)
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

Boogymen are notoriously loud so that was a good call!! lol

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:6ce594d8-d722-4334-bb1d-32585c800a62">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : Boogymen are notoriously loud so that was a good call!! lol
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

I know!
Our house is like 100 years old and it was windy so it was super loud and creaky last night. Heaven forbid I'm ever left alone on a calm quiet evening. I didn't even watch anything scary before bed on purpose, I watched Babe!

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:9f18472b-7317-4c81-ab25-4ff76f3d9139">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : I know! Our house is like 100 years old and it was windy so it was super loud and creaky last night. Heaven forbid I'm ever left alone on a calm quiet evening. I didn't even watch anything scary before bed on purpose, I watched Babe!
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

LOL! That is totally what I did when BF was away!

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0d088c89-b6a6-4f7d-9c86-6806c36dcdb8Post:6a71a358-ea8a-4cd8-842e-eb38889cb15b">Re: All by myself...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All by myself... : LOL! That is totally what I did when BF was away!
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Glad I'm not the only one! :-D

All by myself...

Re: All by myself...

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