Using your BMs to pay for you?

novella1186 · January 2015

I'm feeling really icky about this so I thought I'd post it here to get it off my chest. I'm still on a stupid frustrating quest for a hair person to do my BMs hair, and one of my BMs, Holly,(not her real name) was in a wedding recently. She said the bride hired a hair and makeup lady to come to the hotel and everyone really liked the results so I decided to contact this person to see if they could travel to my venue, which is in a different city than the other wedding (farther away than the wedding Holly was just in).

Through the course of our chat Holly complained a little about the cost of being in this wedding ($300 for a BM dress not including alterations, and the bride never checked on their budgets, and then $160 for REQUIRED hair and makeup.) Bleh.

I contact the hair lady and she sends me prices. For BM hair and makeup combined it's $110. But.... wait... Holly paid $160. I asked the lady if her prices had changed recently and she said they've been the same since she started the business a few years ago. I saw Holly's photos on facebook from this weeding so I knew how many BMs there were. Since I'm a total fact stalker, I added up the total if each of these BMs paid $50 extra. And guess what? It added up to the exact amount that it costs for bride's hair and makeup. WTF?

I know I'm totally jumping to conclusions here, and I could be totally wrong. I hope I'm wrong. But based on how rude and selfish this bride sounded (from several things Holly told me) I feel like I could be right. I didn't want to bring it up to Holly (even though it kind of seemed awful to me) because it's done and over, and I see no point in starting drama between her and this bride, or making Holly feel bad knowing she kind of got screwed in order to cover the bride's cost. But ugh. If my assumption is correct, how icky is that?!

I remember my sister wanting me to hire a makeup artist she knows of who charges a minimum of $500, which I said was out of my budget, so my sister said I should just have "all the bridesmaids pay a little extra to cover it." I told her all my BMs are on tight budgets (one is a teacher and just had a baby AND just bought a house. Why would I expect her to want to shell out tons of money for MY wedding? We all know my wedding is way more important to me than it is to her!!! JFC). So I was not going to require anyone to get pro hair and makeup done, nor would I ask them to pay for it if they wanted to get it done. My sister went off on me about how dumb I was being, and how if we didn't hire this MUA then we would all "look ugly in pictures." (this happened several months ago before she quit talking to me). But her shitty suggestion plus finding out Holly's issue makes me wonder.... Is this a thing? To scam your BMs into paying for your shit?! Is this something brides think is ok to do??? So many levels of gross.

lurkergirl · January 2015

I 100% think there are brides who do this. They're all sitting in their hive patting each other on the back for their brilliant bridezilla moves.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

Gross. I covered all the tips for my girls (plus upcharge for the one who wanted false lashes) so I ended up paying about double what they each did.

novella1186 · January 2015

lurkergirl said:

I 100% think there are brides who do this. They're all sitting in their hive patting each other on the back for their brilliant bridezilla moves.

Ew. It seriously makes me feel awful. It's bad enough that brides seem to think bridesmaids are meant to carry out all these "duties" but then to also use them as your personal ATM?? How can someone treat friends that way, and how do people like that even have friends?

[Deleted User] · January 2015

WinstonsGirl · January 2015

Eww. You almost hope people find out and realize how shitty it is. I happily paid for my MOH. It's pretty common in my circle that the Bride pays for the WP to get whatever they want done. Not required hair, but Bride often used as their WP gift, along with the jewelry for the day, so there's that too.

flyingfoxes · January 2015

Ick. I'm paying for the hair and makeup for my girls, not the other way around.

Liatris2010 · January 2015

Ewwwwww.

I would tell your friend the price you were quoted. Maybe she gave a $20 tip, and then rounded up what she told you to be $150 instead of $130. Maybe her friend is a sneaky jerk.

loveislouder · January 2015

I would never make my girls do that. I found a girl for hair and make up that told me if I had 5 bridesmaids do hair and make up she'd do mine for free, but I feel like that's completely different. I wouldn't force my girls to do it just to get mine for free.

mrscaty · January 2015

I mean, if you end up going with this girl it's going to come out in the wash anyway, but what a shitty thing to do to people you call your friends.

I payed for my sisters hair and MU because she couldn't afford it and we gave the free tux we got for having 5 rentals to my man of honor because he is in graduate school and it would have been tight for him to get. My goal was to make sure people in the wedding spent as little as possible on everything, not try to get free shit out of everyone.

vulpiepop · January 2015

Ew! I really hope this isn't a thing! I can understand if the BMs paid a little extra because they all tipped the MUA but paying that much extra is some high tipping.

OliveOilsMom · January 2015

That's a really shitty thing to do to a friend period. Your BM will find out eventually, assuming you go with this stylist.

LadyMillil · January 2015

I paid for hair and makeup for my BMs. One of them tried to give me enough money to cover her stuff plus half of mine. I didn't take it. It's one thing if a friend offers or sneak-pays as a gift for the bride, but it is gross for the bride to have the BMs pay extra to cover her.

climbingsingle · January 2015

That's so fucked up!

AddieCake · January 2015

Shady.

novella1186 · January 2015

ClimbingBrideNY said:

That's so fucked up!

Agreed. And the worst part is, it seemed like Holly had no idea she had paid for the bride (if that's what happened, cuz again I'm just making assumptions). Being sneaky and dishonest about it just makes it seem so so so much worse.

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

This is terrible. Who thinks to do that to their friends. Disgusting. I also paid for the bridesmaids and mothers to get their hair and makeup done.

lovegood90 · January 2015

This is just beyond gross. Ugh, how entitled can you get?

mrsdee15 · January 2015

Ew, so gross. I can't believe someone would do that.

WinstonsGirl · January 2015

Want to bet that this person didn't get tipped?? If the Bride did have her BM's secretly pay for her, I bet she didn't think of the extra cost of a tip for working on everyone.

wrigleyville · January 2015

This is absolutely disgusting. I cannot imagine doing this to someone I consider a good friend, or anyone for that matter.

Since our wedding was in Vegas, I paid for my MOH's dress/alterations, hair, and makeup. (I only had a MOH, no BMs.) She wore shoes and jewelry she already owned, but if she'd wanted new stuff, I'd have bought that too.

I already felt so grateful that she was paying for her and her husband to fly to/from Vegas, stay in a hotel, and eat out for a few days. The last thing I wanted was for her to have even more expenses.

novella1186 · January 2015

wrigleyville said:

This is absolutely disgusting. I cannot imagine doing this to someone I consider a good friend, or anyone for that matter.

Since our wedding was in Vegas, I paid for my MOH's dress/alterations, hair, and makeup. (I only had a MOH, no BMs.) She wore shoes and jewelry she already owned, but if she'd wanted new stuff, I'd have bought that too.

I already felt so grateful that she was paying for her and her husband to fly to/from Vegas, stay in a hotel, and eat out for a few days. The last thing I wanted was for her to have even more expenses.

This is my thought process too. I'm letting my BMs choose their own dress (one of them found an awesome dress on clearance for $20!) and wear any shoes (doesn't have to be high heels)/jewelry they want so they can wear stuff they already own. And then if they want hair and make-up, I'm paying for it.

None of them live near the city we're getting married in so they all have to pay for a hotel room. I figure this is already expensive enough. I really don't feel like my wedding is a valid excuse to make them break the bank.

But apparently some brides are too self-centered to think that way.

ETA: one of my BMs is wearing her old prom dress (which is seriously the most perfect awesome dress and still fits her) so she didn't even have to buy a dress! Woohoo! Just thought I'd throw that in cuz I thought it was cool lol

velvethelicopters · January 2015

DW here - paying for flights, half of rooms for non required days, full rooms on two required days, dresses, hair & makeup, jewelry, shoes. I want them there, I pay for it.

What on earth makes people think being nasty, petty minded snots is a good idea? Hope your pictures are lovely because you won't keep friends with that attitude.

novella1186 · January 2015

velvethelicopters said:

DW here - paying for flights, half of rooms for non required days, full rooms on two required days, dresses, hair & makeup, jewelry, shoes. I want them there, I pay for it. What on earth makes people think being nasty, petty minded snots is a good idea? Hope your pictures are lovely because you won't keep friends with that attitude.

Can I come to your wedding?

velvethelicopters · January 2015

Sure

Seriously, it's actually cheaper doing this. Locally, because guest list would be huge, it's stupidly expensive, really restrictive on where we could be, and I'd have to plan crap. Now, it's we want x, y and z. Done. Bring outfits, show up.

sophhabobopha · January 2015

Fucking christ. Why.

SIL/MOH is going to be so mad when I tell her I don't give a fuck what she looks like on the wedding day. She's a psycho, haha.

I'll be buying outfits (of their choice) for her, her daughter/flower girl, and my seven year old sister who is my "most important bridesmaid".

Gustafson28 · January 2015

A friend of mine is having a destination wedding so "they can put the cost back on the guests". Yup.. Also telling people what to wear and certain drinks for specific groups of people (local, tourist)

novella1186 · January 2015

Gustafson28 said:

A friend of mine is having a destination wedding so "they can put the cost back on the guests". Yup.. Also telling people what to wear and certain drinks for specific groups of people (local, tourist)

That's just so gross.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2015

GROSS!!!

I have never heard of this. I have always been given the option if I wish to get my hair done, then I can pay for it OR it was gifted by the bride. I also gifted hair to all my BMs (well 2 close friends offered their skills to me and my wedding party for free as their gift to me!)

arrippa · January 2015

Gustafson28 said:

A friend of mine is having a destination wedding so "they can put the cost back on the guests". Yup.. Also telling people what to wear and certain drinks for specific groups of people (local, tourist)

If my friend ever said that to me, I would re-evaluate my friendship.

melbenso · January 2015

Wow. What a bitch. Yep. I am sure that there are brides that do this. It makes me a little sick. But I'm sure there are. *smh* Even more glad now that my mother surprised my bridal party by paying for our (totally optional, but they all decided to at least have their hair done) hair and makeup. What kind of a horrible person does that shit? And to lie about it and tell them that their costs are actually higher rather than say, plus you are paying for mine... that's even worse.

Edit - spelling

Using your BMs to pay for you?

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