Open Bar = RUDE

Coalette2013 · January 2015

So the MOB of my coworker told them last night that having an open bar was RUDE and that their guests would be absolutely offended by all of the alcohol at the wedding.

Bride and groom were shocked!! They can't wrap their heads around her logic. Their response to her was:

1. Absolutely rude to have a cash bar. It would be an open bar that they could afford or a dry wedding.

2. Both families are drinkers and love to party, so where is this coming from?

Ironically the mention of a dry wedding got a large gasp from the MOB. She couldn't give them an answer about this sudden view point on alcohol, they are thinking she thinks an open bar is "rude" to their wallet. .

When my coworker told me this story this morning I immediately thought of you ladies and just had to share. Luckily this couple knows etiquette, but its no wonder people are all over the place with what's rude and what isn't when people spout such nonsense.

mikenberger · January 2015

Coalette2013 said:

So the MOB of my coworker told them last night that having an open bar was RUDE and that their guests would be absolutely offended by all of the alcohol at the wedding.

Bride and groom were shocked!! They can't wrap their heads around her logic. Their response to her was:

1. Absolutely rude to have a cash bar. It would be an open bar that they could afford or a dry wedding.
2. Both families are drinkers and love to party, so where is this coming from?

Ironically the mention of a dry wedding got a large gasp from the MOB. She couldn't give them an answer about this sudden view point on alcohol, they are thinking she thinks an open bar is "rude" to their wallet. .

When my coworker told me this story this morning I immediately thought of you ladies and just had to share. Luckily this couple knows etiquette, but its no wonder people are all over the place with what's rude and what isn't when people spout such nonsense.

redoryx · January 2015

That.........DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

lovegood90 · January 2015

Yeah, inviting people to an event and not making them pay for anything is SO RUDE.

Wait...

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

Up near us, an OPEN BAR means that the venue opens their bar for the business of selling drinks to guests. A CLOSED BAR is one where no money changes hands. The only liquor available is that which your hosts have either provided for bartenders to serve, or that which your hosts have approved (may be not top shelf, or only 5 kinds of hard liquor, a few liqueurs and beer and wine for example,) but the entire bill including tips is paid for by the hosts. N New England, some of upstate NY, rural south Quebec and New Brunswick this is local talk.

So Open is rude and Closed is generous and polite.

People at old inns I worked in tell me the open and closed terms come from old tax and business laws, not the social terms we are familiar with in this generation.

novella1186 · January 2015

FI's parents tried to convince me that I absolutely must have an open bar for just the first hour, and then a cash bar the rest of the night. They thought I was so insane and ridiculous for wanting an open bar the entire night, and told me it was going to cost me upwards of $10,000 (the quote I got from our liquor distributor was $1,700 lol).

Since they're not paying for the bar, I just smiled and nodded and bean dipped. No fucking way would I do that to my guests. But I guess some people think it's a MUST. Ugh.

peachy13 · January 2015

My friend got married over the summer and was debating on what kind of bar to do (wine and beer only, etc.) since her and her FI were paying for their wedding. One day I was helping her with a few things and her mother kept saying things like "you really don't need to pay for everyone's drinks all night. Just give them some wine at the beginning and make them pay for whatever they want after dinner."

And unfortunately, that's what ended up happening. :-/

JellyBean52513 · January 2015

Just wanted to threadjack and offer some more fun etiquette gems picked up at work.....

Today my boss was talking to a client about her upcoming wedding, and the client was asking how far out she should send her invitations. My boss said "You're supposed to send them out 2 months in advance, but I sent mine out at 10 weeks. And, make sure you set your RSVP date to be a full month before the wedding. That way, people have plenty of time to make their plans to attend and you'll have plenty of time to catch up with the morons who don't know how to send an RSVP back on time." Lovely!!

short+sassy · January 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

Just wanted to threadjack and offer some more fun etiquette gems picked up at work.....

Today my boss was talking to a client about her upcoming wedding, and the client was asking how far out she should send her invitations. My boss said "You're supposed to send them out 2 months in advance, but I sent mine out at 10 weeks. And, make sure you set your RSVP date to be a full month before the wedding. That way, people have plenty of time to make their plans to attend and you'll have plenty of time to catch up with the morons who don't know how to send an RSVP back on time." Lovely!!

Oh JellyBean, just when I thought I had devoured every scrumptious bit of how insanely rude your boss was with her wedding, there are still more gems to be had, lol

.

db1984 · January 2015

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

JellyBean52513 · January 2015

short+sassy said: JellyBean52513 said: Just wanted to threadjack and offer some more fun etiquette gems picked up at work.....

Today my boss was talking to a client about her upcoming wedding, and the client was asking how far out she should send her invitations. My boss said "You're supposed to send them out 2 months in advance, but I sent mine out at 10 weeks. And, make sure you set your RSVP date to be a full month before the wedding. That way, people have plenty of time to make their plans to attend and you'll have plenty of time to catch up with the morons who don't know how to send an RSVP back on time." Lovely!! Oh JellyBean, just when I thought I had devoured every scrumptious bit of how insanely rude your boss was with her wedding, there are still more gems to be had, lol

.

Oh yeah, she's chock full of bullshit

Part of me is hoping that my SO and I get engaged before I leave this job, just so she can offer up all of her "advice" and I can politely decline it all and let her know that's we're actually inviting all couples regardless of marital status, and we're actually having a fully hosted bar because we don't want anyone having to open their wallets, etc.

ETF formatting... no boxes today, I guess

[Deleted User] · January 2015

WhatawagSBNy said:

Up near us, an OPEN BAR means that the venue opens their bar for the business of selling drinks to guests. A CLOSED BAR is one where no money changes hands. The only liquor available is that which your hosts have either provided for bartenders to serve, or that which your hosts have approved (may be not top shelf, or only 5 kinds of hard liquor, a few liqueurs and beer and wine for example,) but the entire bill including tips is paid for by the hosts. N New England, some of upstate NY, rural south Quebec and New Brunswick this is local talk. So Open is rude and Closed is generous and polite. People at old inns I worked in tell me the open and closed terms come from old tax and business laws, not the social terms we are familiar with in this generation.

If this is the case, it mades sense why the MOB would say it's rude. It might just be a difference in terminology that is causing the confusion.

xx802xx · January 2015

I think that it's less convenient for a guest to have a cash bar, but most of your guests should understand the expenses you've already dished out on the event. And based on your budget or guest list...drinks can pile up fast! I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, open cocktail but cash reception and it's always been fine for everyone...although people got more loose at open bar weddings.

Your guests may let loose more and maybe enjoy them selves more with an open bar, but it's up to you and our budget. A nice middle ground I've seen is where beer, wine and soda was open, but you had to pay for hard liquor, or there was a signature drink along with beer wine and soda that was open but anything else was paid for by the guest.

db1984 said:

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

I can't see the comparison...an extensively planned/ expensive wedding and Friday dinner and drinks with your friends at your place after work are not even on the same page for me. I see where you are trying to make the connection between paying at your house and paying at a wedding...but dishing out $50- $100 on alcohol at your house for a few friends is way different then the possibilities of a few $1000 if you have a strict budget.

I will be having an open bar, but I researched having only beer, wine, soda and a signature drink to help cut a little cost and my caterer's "discount" for not having an open bar was so laughable that they will actually make a ton less if I keep it open for my guests.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

LondonLisa · January 2015

xx802xx said:

I think that it's less convenient for a guest to have a cash bar, but most of your guests should understand the expenses you've already dished out on the event. And based on your budget or guest list...drinks can pile up fast! I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, open cocktail but cash reception and it's always been fine for everyone...although people got more loose at open bar weddings.
Your guests may let loose more and maybe enjoy them selves more with an open bar, but it's up to you and our budget. A nice middle ground I've seen is where beer, wine and soda was open, but you had to pay for hard liquor, or there was a signature drink along with beer wine and soda that was open but anything else was paid for by the guest.

db1984 said:

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

I can't see the comparison...an extensively planned/ expensive wedding and Friday dinner and drinks with your friends at your place after work are not even on the same page for me. I see where you are trying to make the connection between paying at your house and paying at a wedding...but dishing out $50- $100 on alcohol at your house for a few friends is way different then the possibilities of a few $1000 if you have a strict budget.
I will be having an open bar, but I researched having only beer, wine, soda and a signature drink to help cut a little cost and my caterer's "discount" for not having an open bar was so laughable that they will actually make a ton less if I keep it open for my guests.

I see no difference. In both cases you are inviting people to an event where you are the host. Some people plan amazing dinner parties for 30 and some plan pizza and beer for 5. The fact of the matter is if you are asking your guests to open their wallet, you stop being a host. If you are inviting people to a backyard BBQ and asking them to throw in money, you aren't hosting them. By definition, a wedding must always be hosted.

It is like potlucks- they have their place but one can never host a potluck. Everyone is the host in that case because everyone is providing the food and refreshments. There might be an organiser, but there isn't a host.

ETF: typo- apologies

[Deleted User] · January 2015

xx802xx said:

I think that it's less convenient for a guest to have a cash bar, but most of your guests should understand the expenses you've already dished out on the event. And based on your budget or guest list...drinks can pile up fast! I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, open cocktail but cash reception and it's always been fine for everyone...although people got more loose at open bar weddings.
Your guests may let loose more and maybe enjoy them selves more with an open bar, but it's up to you and our budget. A nice middle ground I've seen is where beer, wine and soda was open, but you had to pay for hard liquor, or there was a signature drink along with beer wine and soda that was open but anything else was paid for by the guest.

db1984 said:

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

I can't see the comparison...an extensively planned/ expensive wedding and Friday dinner and drinks with your friends at your place after work are not even on the same page for me. I see where you are trying to make the connection between paying at your house and paying at a wedding...but dishing out $50- $100 on alcohol at your house for a few friends is way different then the possibilities of a few $1000 if you have a strict budget.
I will be having an open bar, but I researched having only beer, wine, soda and a signature drink to help cut a little cost and my caterer's "discount" for not having an open bar was so laughable that they will actually make a ton less if I keep it open for my guests.

No, it's not different at all. It's just a matter of degrees. If you can only afford to invite two friends over and open a couple bottles of wine with them, you can't invite more than two friends over. If your budget allows you to invite 10 people over for the Superbowl, buy a couple 24-packs of beer and a handle of Jack, then you can't invite 25 people. If your wedding budget allows you to have 100 people for a chicken dinner, beer and wine, then you can't invite 300 people and offer top shelf liquor. The situation isn't different, the size is. If you can't afford to buy EVERYthing for EVERYone, then you can't afford to invite them all. Either invite fewer people or serve less expensive stuff, but you can't ask your friends to pay for it for you.

banana468 · January 2015

There is no difference. It's just scale.

I wouldn't invite a bunch of people over my house and keep drinking booze and giving booze to some people for free while charging others. I wouldn't bait and switch my guests either.

Why does it change if I go from having 10 people over for a dinner party vs. 100 people in a different location? These are MY choices. *I* am hosting this and *I* made the choices to have all these people. I don't get to cut costs and decide that because there are more people, I suddenly get to provide less.

Yes, you can say that it's expensive to host a big party. However pushing the booze costs on guests is simply due to poor planning and etiquette.

xx802xx · January 2015

adk19 said:

xx802xx said:

I think that it's less convenient for a guest to have a cash bar, but most of your guests should understand the expenses you've already dished out on the event. And based on your budget or guest list...drinks can pile up fast! I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, open cocktail but cash reception and it's always been fine for everyone...although people got more loose at open bar weddings.
Your guests may let loose more and maybe enjoy them selves more with an open bar, but it's up to you and our budget. A nice middle ground I've seen is where beer, wine and soda was open, but you had to pay for hard liquor, or there was a signature drink along with beer wine and soda that was open but anything else was paid for by the guest.

db1984 said:

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

I can't see the comparison...an extensively planned/ expensive wedding and Friday dinner and drinks with your friends at your place after work are not even on the same page for me. I see where you are trying to make the connection between paying at your house and paying at a wedding...but dishing out $50- $100 on alcohol at your house for a few friends is way different then the possibilities of a few $1000 if you have a strict budget.
I will be having an open bar, but I researched having only beer, wine, soda and a signature drink to help cut a little cost and my caterer's "discount" for not having an open bar was so laughable that they will actually make a ton less if I keep it open for my guests.

No, it's not different at all. It's just a matter of degrees. If you can only afford to invite two friends over and open a couple bottles of wine with them, you can't invite more than two friends over. If your budget allows you to invite 10 people over for the Superbowl, buy a couple 24-packs of beer and a handle of Jack, then you can't invite 25 people. If your wedding budget allows you to have 100 people for a chicken dinner, beer and wine, then you can't invite 300 people and offer top shelf liquor. The situation isn't different, the size is. If you can't afford to buy EVERYthing for EVERYone, then you can't afford to invite them all. Either invite fewer people or serve less expensive stuff, but you can't ask your friends to pay for it for you.

So are you also paying for everyone's hotel rooms too because you wouldn't charge someone to stay the night over at your house? Same thing right?

I agree that when an open bar can be provided, your guests may be happier...but I've never heard someone at a wedding complain that the bride and groom invited them but wasn't going to pay for them to drink...only eat or eat and only have beer or wine, not a double martini. Hopefully your loving guests are their to support you in your marriage...not complain about having to pay for a drink.

banana468 · January 2015

xx802xx said:

adk19 said:

xx802xx said:

I think that it's less convenient for a guest to have a cash bar, but most of your guests should understand the expenses you've already dished out on the event. And based on your budget or guest list...drinks can pile up fast! I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, open cocktail but cash reception and it's always been fine for everyone...although people got more loose at open bar weddings.
Your guests may let loose more and maybe enjoy them selves more with an open bar, but it's up to you and our budget. A nice middle ground I've seen is where beer, wine and soda was open, but you had to pay for hard liquor, or there was a signature drink along with beer wine and soda that was open but anything else was paid for by the guest.

db1984 said:

Would all of these people who think a cash bar is perfectly fine be equally as comfortable with inviting friends into their homes for dinner and charging them for alcohol in that setting? Same thing.

The idea of a cash bar gives me a headache.

I can't see the comparison...an extensively planned/ expensive wedding and Friday dinner and drinks with your friends at your place after work are not even on the same page for me. I see where you are trying to make the connection between paying at your house and paying at a wedding...but dishing out $50- $100 on alcohol at your house for a few friends is way different then the possibilities of a few $1000 if you have a strict budget.
I will be having an open bar, but I researched having only beer, wine, soda and a signature drink to help cut a little cost and my caterer's "discount" for not having an open bar was so laughable that they will actually make a ton less if I keep it open for my guests.

No, it's not different at all. It's just a matter of degrees. If you can only afford to invite two friends over and open a couple bottles of wine with them, you can't invite more than two friends over. If your budget allows you to invite 10 people over for the Superbowl, buy a couple 24-packs of beer and a handle of Jack, then you can't invite 25 people. If your wedding budget allows you to have 100 people for a chicken dinner, beer and wine, then you can't invite 300 people and offer top shelf liquor. The situation isn't different, the size is. If you can't afford to buy EVERYthing for EVERYone, then you can't afford to invite them all. Either invite fewer people or serve less expensive stuff, but you can't ask your friends to pay for it for you.

So are you also paying for everyone's hotel rooms too because you wouldn't charge someone to stay the night over at your house? Same thing right?
I agree that when an open bar can be provided, your guests may be happier...but I've never heard someone at a wedding complain that the bride and groom invited them but wasn't going to pay for them to drink...only eat or eat and only have beer or wine, not a double martini. Hopefully your loving guests are their to support you in your marriage...not complain about having to pay for a drink.

No. It's not the same thing. A guest doesn't HAVE to stay at the hotel. They're making a choice about where and if they want to stay. And frankly, when a couple decides to have a destination wedding that requires travel, the cost *is* a common complaint.

FWIW, I have been to weddings with cash bars or limited bars and you can bet that the guests were complaining when the B&G weren't within earshot. Something that is available to the guests needs to be provided to them at the hosts' expense.

xx802xx · January 2015

Neither does a guest HAVE to drink booze.

I hope that no one is really that shallow to truly be insulted by possibly paying for their own drink when someone wanted them to share their wedding day with them. I would understand the expense and choice of having a cash bar or only partially open bar even though I'm choosing to have an open bar myself.

redoryx · January 2015

xx802xx said:

Neither does a guest HAVE to drink booze.
I hope that no one is really that shallow to truly be insulted by possibly paying for their own drink when someone wanted them to share their wedding day with them. I would understand the expense and choice of having a cash bar or only partially open bar even though I'm choosing to have an open bar myself.

The reception is for the guests, it's not for the bride & groom (despite some couples thinking otherwise). So it's not shallow to be a little miffed at being a guest and having to pay for anything at the party being hosted for you. This is also why it's rude to host a wedding and have a potluck (guests shouldn't have to pay/provide the meal they are going to eat) or why it's rude to have a Stock the Bar party beforehand as guests shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol they are going to drink, which is the rule the cash bar falls under.

Also, because the guests are the friends and family of the couple getting married, nobody is actually going to TELL the couple this. That's what we lovely ladies here at the Knot are for -- we'll tell you what your polite guests won't.

xx802xx · January 2015

"This is also why it's rude to host a wedding and have a potluck (guests shouldn't have to pay/provide the meal they are going to eat) or why it's rude to have a Stock the Bar party beforehand as guests shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol they are going to drink, which is the rule the cash bar falls under."

I agree the stock the bar party is a little off putting and I probably would complain if I then also had to pay for a drink when I brought one of the bottles...But maybe I'm just happy being a part of the celebration then being concerned about paying for a drink...I'm going to smile, laugh, dance and be happy for the couple paying or not for my drink. We all understand how expensive wedding are and not everyone can afford to pay for a large open bar on top of every other expense the new couple has taken on to make however large or small their wedding be.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Technically, the alcohol will bet at the reception, which is not the wedding; problem solved. NBD if there's booze at a party I say.

banana468 · January 2015

xx802xx said:

Neither does a guest HAVE to drink booze.
I hope that no one is really that shallow to truly be insulted by possibly paying for their own drink when someone wanted them to share their wedding day with them. I would understand the expense and choice of having a cash bar or only partially open bar even though I'm choosing to have an open bar myself.

You don't have to eat either. People are insulted when they arrive to a hosted event only to find that things that are available aren't hosted. Either offer it or don't - but don't make it at the expense of the guests.

That YOU personally find it fine is irrelevant. Etiquette holds that what is available to a guest needs to be financed by the hosts of the event.

redoryx · January 2015

xx802xx said: "This is also why it's rude to host a wedding and have a potluck (guests shouldn't have to pay/provide the meal they are going to eat) or why it's rude to have a Stock the Bar party beforehand as guests shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol they are going to drink, which is the rule the cash bar falls under."I agree the stock the bar party is a little off putting and I probably would complain if I then also had to pay for a drink when I brought one of the bottles...But maybe I'm just happy being a part of the celebration then being concerned about paying for a drink...I'm going to smile, laugh, dance and be happy for the couple paying or not for my drink. We all understand how expensive wedding are and not everyone can afford to pay for a large open bar on top of every other expense the new couple has taken on to make however large or small their wedding be. *where did my boxes go*

*boxes*

Which is only why you host what you can afford. If you can't afford an open bar, have a limited bar. If you can't afford any alcohol, don't provide any. If a couple doesn't want a dry reception than they need to rework their budget.

What they shouldn't do is expect or ask their guests to open their wallets at an event they are hosting for the guests.

xx802xx · January 2015

redoryx said:

xx802xx said:

"This is also why it's rude to host a wedding and have a potluck (guests shouldn't have to pay/provide the meal they are going to eat) or why it's rude to have a Stock the Bar party beforehand as guests shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol they are going to drink, which is the rule the cash bar falls under."
I agree the stock the bar party is a little off putting and I probably would complain if I then also had to pay for a drink when I brought one of the bottles...But maybe I'm just happy being a part of the celebration then being concerned about paying for a drink...I'm going to smile, laugh, dance and be happy for the couple paying or not for my drink. We all understand how expensive wedding are and not everyone can afford to pay for a large open bar on top of every other expense the new couple has taken on to make however large or small their wedding be.

*where did my boxes go*

*boxes*

Which is only why you host what you can afford. If you can't afford an open bar, have a limited bar. If you can't afford any alcohol, don't provide any. If a couple doesn't want a dry reception than they need to rework their budget.

What they shouldn't do is expect or ask their guests to open their wallets at an event they are hosting for the guests.

You go back to my first comment about limiting the bar being acceptable. The bride and groom offering to pay for beer, wine, soda...maybe a signature drink...all paid by the bride and groom. Just not something off the menu of drinks that the bar tender might have the ingredients for still.

I can see everyone's point of view and when broken down into black and white "the host should pay for all guest expenses during the event" I get it and agree on the etiquette part. I just can't see why someone would be so utterly disappointed to buy their own drink when it's so common in receptions today. Just as common as brides having different bridesmaid dresses for each maid, men and women in both the bride and grooms parties. None of these shock anyone today...neither should someone be insulted to pay for their own drink. If someone is really complaining, they can't really be that supportive about you and your big day....even if it is bad etiquette.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

I'm in agreement with the bride and groom paying for the alcohol at the reception. How would you handle the situation when the funds have run dry, and the couple cannot afford to put anymore funds on the tab to keep the alcohol flowing, how would you handle that then?

banana468 · January 2015

xx802xx said:

redoryx said:

xx802xx said:

"This is also why it's rude to host a wedding and have a potluck (guests shouldn't have to pay/provide the meal they are going to eat) or why it's rude to have a Stock the Bar party beforehand as guests shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol they are going to drink, which is the rule the cash bar falls under."
I agree the stock the bar party is a little off putting and I probably would complain if I then also had to pay for a drink when I brought one of the bottles...But maybe I'm just happy being a part of the celebration then being concerned about paying for a drink...I'm going to smile, laugh, dance and be happy for the couple paying or not for my drink. We all understand how expensive wedding are and not everyone can afford to pay for a large open bar on top of every other expense the new couple has taken on to make however large or small their wedding be.

*where did my boxes go*
*boxes*
Which is only why you host what you can afford. If you can't afford an open bar, have a limited bar. If you can't afford any alcohol, don't provide any. If a couple doesn't want a dry reception than they need to rework their budget.

What they shouldn't do is expect or ask their guests to open their wallets at an event they are hosting for the guests.

You go back to my first comment about limiting the bar being acceptable. The bride and groom offering to pay for beer, wine, soda...maybe a signature drink...all paid by the bride and groom. Just not something off the menu of drinks that the bar tender might have the ingredients for still.

I can see everyone's point of view and when broken down into black and white "the host should pay for all guest expenses during the event" I get it and agree on the etiquette part. I just can't see why someone would be so utterly disappointed to buy their own drink when it's so common in receptions today. Just as common as brides having different bridesmaid dresses for each maid, men and women in both the bride and grooms parties. None of these shock anyone today...neither should someone be insulted to pay for their own drink. If someone is really complaining, they can't really be that supportive about you and your big day....even if it is bad etiquette.

Common doesn't mean it's acceptable. It also doesn't mean it's all that common. Cash bars are UNHEARD OF in the area of the state where I was married. You just don't go there. Venues didn't offer packages that didn't contain an open bar and hosts would never hear of it. I've been to many weddings and by far, more are open bar than are not. So the "it's so common" argument doesn't really hold water.

The concept of having different bridesmaid dresses or men on the bride's side and women on the groom's side has nothing to do with etiquette. Those are traditions and have absolutely NOTHING to do with the comfort level of the guests. If I see a man standing up for the bride, it has no effect on me.

If I see a waitress ask me for $5 once I ask for a glass of wine, you can bet that it has an effect on me.

Finally, quit with the "if someone is complaining then they aren't supportive" line of bullshit. That's the kind of behavior that a manipulator uses to convince a victim that he's in the right. "Baby, if you love me then you'll do this," is the phrasing of a BULLY. I can be plenty supportive of the couple and their nuptials but that hardly means that I should just blankly support their bad choices. I may wish them a lifetime of happiness but with those wishes come the wish that they make good choices. Poor actions have consequences and if a couple treats me rudely, the consequence is that I may not support their decision. I can still love them and support their marriage but I don't have to support rudeness. One hardly equals the other.

lyndausvi · January 2015

I've been to a lot of weddings. I've worked a lot of weddings. I've lived in various parts of the country and have attended weddings outside the country.

At least in my experience cash bars are NOT as common as BM's wearing different dresses. At all.

To date I've never been invited to a cash wedding. I've only work a couple and the guests were NOT happy. Especially the one that was a DW in the Virgin Islands. After paying for airfare and hotels they were told they had to pay for their own drinks. At the Ritz no less. The couple had planned on an open bar, but too many people RSVP'd yes. So they had to nix the open bar and the dinner for just a few apps and a cash bar (during dinner time.)

banana468 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

I'm in agreement with the bride and groom paying for the alcohol at the reception. How would you handle the situation when the funds have run dry, and the couple cannot afford to put anymore funds on the tab to keep the alcohol flowing, how would you handle that then?

Oh, my answer to this is: PLAN BETTER.

Seriously. If you're running a budget so tightly that you're sent to the poor house because Uncle Ebeneezer has asked for another Midleton neat then you budgeted too tightly.

If the ballroom wedding with open bar is going to be too much but you want alcohol then scale back. Make it a brunch or a backyard event. Make it casual or at an off time. Cut back on flowers, the limo and do DIY invitations.

A guest won't flip out if you served pasta over filet or if you opt for a casserole instead of Beef Wellington. But they will be upset if they find out that the hosts didn't do their job.

xx802xx · January 2015

Don't come to VT for a wedding/ reception, I'm having my wedding in another state where the caterer is catering to me, with an open bar included in my package. I looked at 6 venues in VT and NONE of the ones I looked at had an open bar as part of there packages. It was extra and by drink.

So I guess etiquette is completely varied per state on what is considered acceptable.

Open Bar = RUDE

Re: Open Bar = RUDE

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