Chit Chat

Open Bar

My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!
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Re: Open Bar

  • I say find a place to cut somewhere else and have a full bar. There are countless threads all over this website about saving money in appropriate places. 
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  • Cash bars aren't just a total bummer. They're majorly against etiquette. Host what you can afford and do not ask your guests to open their wallets.

    If you go to the Etiquette board, I believe there's a sticky that provides more information on why you shouldn't have a cash bar.

    Here you go, OP:

    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036615/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place#latest


    Formerly martha1818

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  • Yep, cash bars are extremely frowned-upon around these parts. Definitely see the sticky on Etiquette for thorough reasoning.

    However, I wonder if you could figure something out that isn't quite so expensive. I'd consider asking your vendor about the cost of doing just beer and wine, which is often a LOT cheaper than doing a full bar.

    The other option is having a dry wedding, which few people are excited about...but ultimately it's more polite to offer what you can afford than it is to "offer" booze...for a fee. Some guests may disagree and moan about there not being the option of buying alcohol, but whining about the way you're hosted is an etiquette breach in its own right, and you shouldn't feel bad if someone is tacky enough to bitch about a dry reception.
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  • If it's too much money, go with just beer and wine. Don't make your guests open their wallets, it's not cool.
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  • Cash bars are against etiquette, OP. You do have to optons 1) Have a wine and beer only bar, maybe with an option of a signature cocktail. Or 2) have a dry reception...which means no alcohol of any type.

    Anything else: cash, or partial cash ( weather you split it by time or type of alcohol) is rude to your guests. And your guests will not be happy with you.

                                               

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  • Cash bars are rude as hell. So are limited cash bars. There really isn't a choice.
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  • edited January 2015
    My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  

    We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  

    We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!
    I added paragraphs for you and anyone else who went cross-eyed at that. 

    To the bolded: those are not opinions or a matter of personal preference. It's a hard and fast etiquette rule that if you invite someone to an event that you are hosting, you must provide everything that's offered. This is not a matter of "communal hosting" like a Super Bowl BYOB; this is your wedding - people are coming to celebrate your marriage. Host them properly.

    What IS a matter of personal preference and budget is what you decide to offer. It doesn't have to be a full top shelf open bar. You can offer just soda/coffee/water/juice, those plus beer and wine, cheaper "well" brands or anything above. The ONLY rule is that everything that's offered must be offered free of charge to your guests.

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  • NO CASH BAR! 
  • Whatever you have must be hosted. 

    Now, you can do beer and wine only. You can just soda and a signature cocktail. You can skip the booze entirely. You cannot have a cash bar of any sort.

    Well, you can. But it reflects poorly on you.
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    Anniversary
  • No cash bar.

    Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.

  • Host what you can afford. If you can't afford a full open bar, host a limited bar (wine, beer, non-alcoholic beverages). Still can't afford that? Host a dry wedding. It's rude to expect others to subsidize an event you are throwing to thank them for witnessing your wedding ceremony.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    We had to choose our caterer pretty early on, and they provided a number of quotes with a variety of bar options (none of which were cash), so it was always part of our planning. I too am confused as to how it gets so often pushed aside.
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  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    Ditto to the bolded. The bar was one of our biggest concerns in picking out a venue. We like to drink and so do our families. We never would've thought to pass that cost on to our families and friends. We did wine and beer (venue didn't allow liquor) and wouldn't have picked that venue if we couldn't have afforded the cost. We would've kept looking until we found something that met all of our needs, alcohol included. Passing it off to our guests wasn't an option.
  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    We had to choose our caterer pretty early on, and they provided a number of quotes with a variety of bar options (none of which were cash), so it was always part of our planning. I too am confused as to how it gets so often pushed aside.
    I third this. The only thing I've had to decide with our bar is if we want to do 1 or 2. 
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  • Our venue allowed us to bring our own alcohol and we were given a sample alcohol order from a recent wedding that was similar in size to ours so we could plan out what, if any, alcohol we wanted to order from their partner liquor store. Not having an open bar was never a consideration for us. We would have cut our guest list if we had to.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    All of this.  When we picked our venue we knew we wanted a full open bar.  To get that we had to pay bit more then expected.  Thus we cut back on the cost of other things like flowers and I looked all over for an amazing photographer that wasn't the average $3K in my area.

    If the bar is important to you then it shouldn't be an after thought or something that you push the cost of onto your guests.

  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    Same here. One of the first things I looked at in the price list was how much it would cost to upgrade to whatever level contained Captain Morgan. We then figured the premium open bar plus our chosen food into our PP cost, and used that to determine how many people we could invite. AND THEN sent STDs to fewer people than that, JIC.

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  • Your reception is to host your guests.  Host what you can afford. If that is a dry wedding, so be it, but don't put the costs on your guests that you don't want to pay for.

    I'd ask for quotes with beer and wine only.  If that still isn't in your budget, you may have to consider a dry wedding.

    Also, how many of those 142 would actually be drinking (factoring in kids, if invited, etc)?
  • lyndausvi said:
    Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't isn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

    To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.



    *disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.



    All of this.  When we picked our venue we knew we wanted a full open bar.  To get that we had to pay bit more then expected.  Thus we cut back on the cost of other things like flowers and I looked all over for an amazing photographer that wasn't the average $3K in my area.

    If the bar is important to you then it shouldn't be an after thought or something that you push the cost of onto your guests.
    Such a great point. How is drinks an after-thought when planning a party around the comfort of your guests? It's right up there with food. 
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  • No cash bar.

    Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.
    @maggie0829 what are your thoughts on having a "signature cocktail" only available at the cocktail hour but beer and wine only afterward? I'm curious because I've run into it before and never really given it a second thought, but now I'm realizing this might be an insane blind spot. I guess I didn't consider the signature cocktail a problem because it's not like the full bar is just sitting there, unused, for the remainder of the reception, like it would be in your example above, but now I'm wondering what the common wisdom is.
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2015
    My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

    If you're doing an open bar, with a price per person, the bolded shouldn't matter in the slightest. You'll be paying the same amount for those people* whether they drink a little, drink a lot, or not at all.

    If what you mean by "open bar" is having all the kinds of alcohol imaginable, it's perfectly fine not to do that and just host beer and wine. But the guests can't be expected to pay for anything that's available. That's really rude, not just a bummer.

    ETA *Venues usually won't let you opt out of the price per person for "non-drinkers" because they have no guarantee that those people won't actually go up to the bar.

  • No cash bar.

    Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.
    @maggie0829 what are your thoughts on having a "signature cocktail" only available at the cocktail hour but beer and wine only afterward? I'm curious because I've run into it before and never really given it a second thought, but now I'm realizing this might be an insane blind spot. I guess I didn't consider the signature cocktail a problem because it's not like the full bar is just sitting there, unused, for the remainder of the reception, like it would be in your example above, but now I'm wondering what the common wisdom is.
    I think if you have a sig cocktail it should be available all night.  What if it is super tasty and people want to keep drinking it?  Or for people who don't like to mix alcohol, so they start with the cocktail and then after an hour no more drink for them?

    For me all drinks that you are hosting should be served all night.  To not do so is like dangling a piece of chocolate cake in front of me and allowing me one bite but not the whole slice.

  • You guys, I feel like we need an official NO CASH BARS EVER gif. Too bad I don't know how to make them.
  • No cash bar.

    Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.
    @maggie0829 what are your thoughts on having a "signature cocktail" only available at the cocktail hour but beer and wine only afterward? I'm curious because I've run into it before and never really given it a second thought, but now I'm realizing this might be an insane blind spot. I guess I didn't consider the signature cocktail a problem because it's not like the full bar is just sitting there, unused, for the remainder of the reception, like it would be in your example above, but now I'm wondering what the common wisdom is.
    not maggie - but I think it's a little odd.  Some people do not like switch alcohols mid-stream.  Also it would be kind-of a tease to get a Moscow mule when I walked in and then not be able to the next time I went to the bar.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • First we asked if there was a kitchen space for the food (there was), then we asked what the deal with the bar was. We were told to bring our own and shown where it was set up. So it was the second thing on our list. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    No cash bar.

    Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.
    @maggie0829 what are your thoughts on having a "signature cocktail" only available at the cocktail hour but beer and wine only afterward? I'm curious because I've run into it before and never really given it a second thought, but now I'm realizing this might be an insane blind spot. I guess I didn't consider the signature cocktail a problem because it's not like the full bar is just sitting there, unused, for the remainder of the reception, like it would be in your example above, but now I'm wondering what the common wisdom is.
    not maggie - but I think it's a little odd.  Some people do not like switch alcohols mid-stream.  Also it would be kind-of a tease to get a Moscow mule when I walked in and then not be able to the next time I went to the bar.


    I agree with this. 

    The last wedding I went to had only some sort of lemonade vodka mixture during the cocktail hour and it was fantastic. 

    The reception was only wine & beer. It is a bit of a let down and false expectations. 
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