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October 2015 Weddings

Size of Wedding


Re: Size of Wedding

  • @nicole4793 That makes sense! That's probably what we'll do, too. My mother thinks it's rude to pick and choose, but my FI has a huge Italian family, so inviting everyone's kids would be insane. We're allowed up to 10 kids free, so we'll probably keep it around that number. Enough so they have other kids to play with, but not so many that it'll be chaotic. 
    (formerly rusticbride27)

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  • Our final list is about 180, but we have a lot of OOT guests on my side so I am unsure what to really expect. It could go either way but we are planning for the full 180. If FMIL had her way we would be having roughly 250. We both have huge families so on my side I am only inviting first cousins even though I am close with many of my second cousins and we aren't inviting a lot of friends we would have like to. FMIL butchered my poor FI list so I have a feeling there will be some hurt feelings over there. She took people off who should have been invited to make sure that her husband's cousins and extended family could be invited. It was a major issue for a while and I am pretty sure she is still pretty salty over it, but we couldn't afford to each have 100+ people on each of our guest lists so we split the number we were comfortable with (minus our mutual friends) in half. FI didn't want to deal with her dramatics so he let her build his list based on 85 people and he just accepted it. At one point she told us she would invite who she wanted, I almost lost my mind. 
  • Yikes, @jessc2010... sounds rough. If you don't mind me asking, is FMIL contributing financially to the wedding? If not, I don't really see why she thinks she has the right to "invite who she wanted." It's not very fair to you and FI to sacrifice people you want to be there to make room for people she wants there.
    (formerly rusticbride27)

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  • courtmcmcourtmcm El Segundo, CA member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Our guest list started at 164, but we have it down to 120 total people, including my fiance and I. This whole thing was kind of brutal!
  • @rusticbride27 She has offered to help with a few things (postage, $200 for the officiant, etc) but we are paying for the bulk of the wedding. She did offer to pay for the people she wanted there but that would just open a can of worms that she was allocating money to invite more people vs pay for what we already had planned. Plus, it could then open up the floor for his dad to say I want these people there I will pay for those few, or my parents to say instead of me paying for XXXX, I want to pay for these 10 people which I was not going to entertain. I do find it silly that we have his step fathers cousins attending when I am leaving out actual cousins, but it wasn't worth the battle. I felt bad because FI was in a tough place between the two of us and ultimately he decided to semi let her have her way by controlling his portion of the list. I don't agree with it but it has already caused a lot of tension so I let it go. As long as we don't go over our "magic number", I am fine. But yeah, he essentially took second cousins off his list that he wanted there as well as work friends to accommodate people I have never even met and he hasn't seen in years. She also has a back up list, which I refuse to do so when it's time to send out invites and whatnot she will probably be up my ass about RSVP's thinking she is going to send out a second wave of invitations. That will be interesting...
  • I have a looooooong history of family drama and per my mother I have to invite all of my aunts and uncles and their spouses.  Since she is 1 of 14 and I don't speak to most of them I'm not thrilled but since we are 500 miles away from most of them the ones I don't care for won't make the trip, it's more just out of formality.  So needless to say I come from a large family, add my cousins that I really get along with, his family, our friends that we have made together, and our friends from each of our hometowns, I actually don't know how we kept the invite list down to 180! We are estimating (and our wallets are hoping) 125-150 will show.

    As for the kid question we aren't allowing them. Mostly because we already have a large enough guest list, but also because I don't want to have to be worry about children being around.  Not saying we are going to get out of hand, but I refuse to feel like I have to censor myself at my wedding.  The only exceptions to the rule are my niece, my half brother, and my two cousins that I'm really close with, which they won't stay too late anyways, and volunteered to watch my niece when it's time for her to go to bed.
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  • ours was at 50 including us but I think its going to be upped to 80 by the time all the family hears we are engaged:/
  • My wedding guest list is 155... We started at 175 guests, came down to 110 guests and now back up to 155.  We also have a small list of B-list-ers... 
  • hicocohicoco Chicago member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We are at 370 now. Way bigger than I wanted! 
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  • We're inviting around 80 -- his parents are still wishy washy on who they want to invite so we may be up to 90-95 as I'm trying to be flexible for them, but my ideal is the 80. Big enough to feel like a party to my family (who is used to the huge 200 + guest weddings), but small enough to be managable both cost wise and venue-wise.
  • +1 to the kids thing. My FI's cousin's (who he doesn't even know the majority of) have tons of kids. We don't even send them holiday cards or see them... but I feel obligation to invite their kids if I invite my small group of cousin's and their older kids.... We are working on a very small and stressed budget already, so you can imagine how this is adding to my stress level!!

    - AC
  • rox2112 said:
    @vegasbride2015 I'm pretty sure we're going to have hurt feelings too. We can only have 25 people at the ceremony site itself. We've had people say they don't mind not coming to the wedding but want to be there for the reception. We're firm in our numbers. The 25 includes the person marrying us, which fortunately is also a friend. Big or small someone is always going to get hurt by not being invited. It's amazing who feels like they're an automatic invite to such things. Where were they the rest of the year?? :P
    I completely agree!  All of these people are just coming out of the woodwork.  Where were they before?
  • noodles84noodles84 Pittsburgh member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Between 60-70 currently. Both of our families are small so mostly friends.
  • Currently around 250 - 265
  • Our overall guest list has reached its capacity. We have added and taken off and cut and revised over and over and landed on the magic number of 115. We expect an attendance of anywhere between 75-85, but our minimum with our venue is 75 so we will be paying for that much food and drink even if 20 people show up!
    It is really hard to cut people and some people might be hurt, others will be understanding but the fact is everyone who gets married has a budget and anyone who hasn't been there or hasn't witnessed someone close to them going through planning and paying for a wedding might have difficulty appreciating the struggle of the guest list!.
    On the note of children: Let it be known that I LOVE kids. Love them. But if I had my druthers I wouldn't have any kids at the wedding at all. Every wedding that I have ever attended has been affected by screaming or crying or talking or whining children during all of the quiet parts, i.e. the ceremony, first dance, speeches, a prayer, anything that requires a soft moment. That being said, I will be having my sister's beautiful daughter there and involved in the wedding. She will be my wedding fairy, because flower girls creep me out...they somehow always end up looking like mini brides and that is a little weird to me. Though she might look like a flower girl anyway, I have given her a different title because she will be holding a ribbon wand. My niece, Evelyn will be just over two when our wedding is taking place so my sister has told me that her involvement is dependent upon her behavior at that stage of her life, which might be tricky with a toddler but so far she is just a sweetheart and she listens to us very well. My cousin has a son who will be three when we get married and my best friend and bridesmaid has a son who will be four. So ultimately my FI and my dream of no children at our wedding is essentially crushed by these three darling kids. But they will be the ONLY kids included.
  • We're at 40 which would be 45-ish if we allow kids, which neither of us want to. It's complicated by the fact that my nephew will be only 1 year old and it'd be hard to tell my brother he can't bring his kid.... We wanted 23 initially but have been told if we're going to have it at the family property, it won't go well if we don't invite aunts and uncles...
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