Did you have a POA before your marriage?

JennyColada · January 2015

My mother's parents gave her POA and of course my aunt threw a shit fit about how now my mom is stealing money and changing the will.

1. My mom gets no money from being POA (lol) and 2. It doesn't let you change the will or inheretence.

Ugh family drama.

lyndausvi · January 2015

JennyColada said:

My mother's parents gave her POA and of course my aunt threw a shit fit about how now my mom is stealing money and changing the will. 1. My mom gets no money from being POA (lol) and 2. It doesn't let you change the will or inheretence. Ugh family drama.

MIL had the POA for her mother. The only sister was pissed and then demanded MIL cash out a annuity to split. Grandma lived with MIL. Umm, grandma was still alive, still needs living expenses.

Sister actually wanted them to split the annuity and then MIL pay all the living expenses. Yeah, doesn't work that way. As long as MIL was alive the money went to her expenses. Then if anything was left over it would get split then. She even tried to go through the back door to get the annuity, but MIL was too smart and already had the annuity flagged for something like that.

Grandma had insurance policy that all 7 grandkids would split. Aunt didn't think that was fair. She thought it should be split in 2 (because there was only aunt and MIL) THEN split by the number of kids. Aunt had 3 kids, MIL 4. So by the aunt's way her kids would get more. Yeah, no. Grandma's intentions were well known and each grand kid was going to get the same amount.

Crazy what end of someone's life does to some people.

rockin30ish · January 2015

We have discussed our wishes extensively. Him being in the military, it's kind of needed. I never thought we needed a POA here. I'll definitely have to discuss that with him.

alpacalunch · January 2015

I read POA to mean "piece of ass" and was immediately intrigued. This thread was not as juicy as I'd hoped.

That being said, we have nothing in writing but have discussed things at length. We will be drawing up things soon, we're nailing down a lawyer.

larrygaga · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

What I have learned, is that even if you are aware of their wishes, unless you have a POA with their wishes, the hospital/doctors will continue with what they believe, but if you have it written and clear instructions, then they listen to your concerns and wishes.
As for visiting, I believe it's up to the hospital staff, as well as the patients wishes. If you have POA you can limit who reiceves medical information.

They will do everything they can to keep a patient alive until an authorized power of attorney decides otherwise. They can't just not give CPR unless there is a DNR form filled out by a POA.

It would be against their oath to do so.

larrygaga · January 2015

BrandNewJ said:

larrygaga said:

Yeah it's a scary document but it's so so important. Since most of you are young, remember the Terry Schavio case? Just because you don't think or want anything to happen doesn't mean it won't happen.

When I was getting my MSW, my focus was end of life. I did a presentation on the Terry Schavio case and...

lolo883 said:

FYI this is what my doctor gave me to fill out. I have to mail it in then they'll file it and send me back a copy.
http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php

Gave everyone a copy of 5 wishes after.

If this is a concern, you should fill out an advanced health care directive as a pp said. That is a legally binding piece of paper, at least in CA, and the doctors and social workers must follow it. You should be able to find a copy on your states website. 5 wishes isn't legally binding here, but it is more inclusive of what the person may want including religious services. While not legally binding, we made sure to follow it as long as the family agreed.

My FI and I, as well as all of our parents, have discussed what would happen in various cases.

Better to be prepared than not. Everyone should a copy of either of these documents in a safe place that at least one other person knows about.

I'm not sure if this answers the OP, but oh well. It's still good information.

ETA: here at least, because 5 wishes isn't legal, the hospital won't keep it on record, so make sure it's in a safe place. The advanced health care directive, on the other hand, will be kept by your hospital since it is legal.

A fellow MSW!!!! I knew I liked you for more than archer pictures.

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

lyndausvi said:

JennyColada said:

My mother's parents gave her POA and of course my aunt threw a shit fit about how now my mom is stealing money and changing the will. 1. My mom gets no money from being POA (lol) and 2. It doesn't let you change the will or inheretence. Ugh family drama.

MIL had the POA for her mother. The only sister was pissed and then demanded MIL cash out a annuity to split. Grandma lived with MIL. Umm, grandma was still alive, still needs living expenses.

Sister actually wanted them to split the annuity and then MIL pay all the living expenses. Yeah, doesn't work that way. As long as MIL was alive the money went to her expenses. Then if anything was left over it would get split then. She even tried to go through the back door to get the annuity, but MIL was too smart and already had the annuity flagged for something like that.

Grandma had insurance policy that all 7 grandkids would split. Aunt didn't think that was fair. She thought it should be split in 2 (because there was only aunt and MIL) THEN split by the number of kids. Aunt had 3 kids, MIL 4. So by the aunt's way her kids would get more. Yeah, no. Grandma's intentions were well known and each grand kid was going to get the same amount.

Crazy what end of someone's life does to some people.

Sounds like grandma picked the right child to be POA. What a bitch. Your mother is still alive. What does "going through the back door" to get the annuity mean?

mlg78 · January 2015

I work as the legal guardian to a caseload of severely mentally ill adults so I certainly had this discussion with my husband since I have to make major medical and end of life decisions on a weekly basis for my clients... We have POA paperwork done as well. A couple weeks ago my husband was very sick and headed to the emergency room thinking he may need to have surgery. While it wasn't a good time to have this chat, we went one step further in asking what final wishes would be as far as funeral arrangements should something happen. I feel more at peace knowing what decisions to make if something goes wrong.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

I have all the paperwork already. My BFF is the current person, and will go to second once married.

I've had living will/POA since 18 as I refused to let my parents have those rights further. Then I became a mom, so it was all the more important. Because it's not a fun discussion, but I want that plug pulled so any investments can pay for my children to stay in a stable home with the same quality of care I gave. That money isn't to make me some puppet of deranged minds who keep my shell alive for their own perversion. Thankfully, my friend and fiance are both in agreement with me.

lnixon8 · January 2015

@MagicInk I'm sorry your Mom (and you!) had to go through that. Hoping wherever you and your wife live now has lawmakers without heads up their asses.

flyingfoxes · January 2015

It's odd that this post came up yesterday and my sister just messaged me yesterday to ask how to go about getting POA for my grandmother that lives with her. She's a stubborn woman who refused to quit going down into the basement to do laundry but 2 weekends ago fell down that stairs and got a huge knot on her forehead and a big black eye. I guess that one scared her enough that now she listens - but then let my sister know she wants her to be able to make decisions if grandma isn't able to.

VulgarGirl · January 2015

lnixon8 said:

@MagicInk I'm sorry your Mom (and you!) had to go through that. Hoping wherever you and your wife live now has lawmakers without heads up their asses.

Oh, we have a legal marriage now. DOMA was struck down, so the feds allowed it, and then our state finally got it's head out of it's ass and allowed us to be treated like straight people. We do have some paperwork in case we're ever in a place that doesn't recognize gay marriage and we need medical treatment. We also have back up POAs. Like if I'm incapciated and also so is she, have X person be POA.

melbenso · January 2015

We didn't have medical POAs before we got married. Mostly because we never got around to it. We had discussed what we wanted to happen if we were hospitalized, etc. I have one now. My husband hasn't filled his out yet. (I have them in my office, so I just needed one of my coworkers to notarize it for me - yay lawyerness!). It's not a bad idea to have one. We also have our individual bank accounts set up through the bank as payable on death to each other. That way, the accounts wouldn't have to go through probate. Not much of a big deal for my husband, who went through all his savings when he lost his job a year and a half ago. But I've got a savings account with money I have been putting aside for a down payment on a house. I wanted to make sure he could access that right away if something happened to me.

Did you have a POA before your marriage?

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