The lost art of the Thank You Note

plainjane0415 · January 2015

In the last year I have attended 3 weddings, and 2 baby showers. All which gifts were given, and no thank you cards. What is the deal? Are people lazy? Do they just not care? I just don't understand. Does this happen to anyone else or is it just my friends?

kat1114 · January 2015

I went to 2 baby showers last year and received thank you notes within a week. I also made sure we finished our wedding thank you notes within in a few weeks. On the flip side, two years ago I went to a friend's wedding. I gave her a gift for both her shower and wedding and never got a thank your for either of them. I was pretty annoyed, especially since it was a close friend and I was in the bridal party. Not even a casual "thanks for the JetBlue gift card!" on the phone.

I also just don't understand why people can't take a few minutes to properly thank someone.

maeday2 · January 2015

My momma would pop me upside the head, even to this day, if I failed to send a thank you.

But yes, people suck.

peachy13 · January 2015

Most of my friends are really weak when it comes to TY cards. Sending them out really late, pre-printed messages, sending none at all, etc. Writing thank you cards in a timely manner was always really enforced when I was little so I know I'll be doing the same thing for my children some day.

chibiyui · January 2015

I have a friend who did not send out thank you cards for either shower or wedding. Good intentions, just never found time to do it.

I like her enough to not hold it against her. Not sure how many people outside the immediate friend group feel the same way though.

JennyColada · January 2015

This isn't really related, but it's annoying me recently. Last Christmas (Christmas of 2013) I got my parents a $200 gift card (their anniversary is in January, so it was like a joint gift) to a nice steakhouse (it's enough to cover their whole meal, and since they don't really drink they'd probably have some leftover even!). Now, in January 2015, the gift card STILL hasn't been used. The restaurant is down the street from them (maybe a 6 minute drive if you include parking). It kind of pisses me off that they haven't used it.

plainjane0415 · January 2015

And then.... I was talking to a friend who got married last year, and they said yea, we just never got around to thank you notes. There were too many so we just didn't do them. What?!

plainjane0415 · January 2015

JennyColada said:

This isn't really related, but it's annoying me recently. Last Christmas (Christmas of 2013) I got my parents a $200 gift card (their anniversary is in January, so it was like a joint gift) to a nice steakhouse (it's enough to cover their whole meal, and since they don't really drink they'd probably have some leftover even!). Now, in January 2015, the gift card STILL hasn't been used. The restaurant is down the street from them (maybe a 6 minute drive if you include parking). It kind of pisses me off that they haven't used it.

My mom has done the same thing with a birthday gift I got her. I got her a mani/pedi gift certificate to the place that I go to because I just love them, and she has yet to use it. I don't know why but it annoys me.

maeday2 · January 2015

plainjane0415 said:

And then.... I was talking to a friend who got married last year, and they said yea, we just never got around to thank you notes. There were too many so we just didn't do them. What?!

That's bananas. I haven't even ordered our invitations yet but I have two boxes of thank you cards ready to go.

Heck I've already written one for a wedding gift!

chibiyui · January 2015

That said, this does remind me that I have a gift that I was given right around the beginning of December. I need to write that note.

So. Thanks!

JennyColada · January 2015

plainjane0415 said:

JennyColada said:

This isn't really related, but it's annoying me recently. Last Christmas (Christmas of 2013) I got my parents a $200 gift card (their anniversary is in January, so it was like a joint gift) to a nice steakhouse (it's enough to cover their whole meal, and since they don't really drink they'd probably have some leftover even!). Now, in January 2015, the gift card STILL hasn't been used. The restaurant is down the street from them (maybe a 6 minute drive if you include parking). It kind of pisses me off that they haven't used it.

My mom has done the same thing with a birthday gift I got her. I got her a mani/pedi gift certificate to the place that I go to because I just love them, and she has yet to use it. I don't know why but it annoys me.

It just feel ungrateful. It's not, so I don't know why I feel that way. But it just feels like I wasted my money. I tried to be thoughtful but obviously I failed, so it feels like a slap in the face. Had I known I would have just spent $4 on a nice card and called it a day. I could have used the gift card for DH and I!

amelisha · January 2015

I dunno, I never get thank you cards from my closest friends either. I dunno what the deal is and it's a landmine I don't want to walk on, but I've been to about ten weddings in the last ten years for people I consider my nearest and dearest and I think I've gotten two cards total. And one of those might have been for a baby shower, actually.

I've never been able to figure it out, but regardless, these people are getting thank yous from me just for spending the money to show up at my DW. Probably via champagne and strawberries in their hotel rooms.

ShesSoCold · January 2015

amelisha said:

I dunno, I never get thank you cards from my closest friends either. I dunno what the deal is and it's a landmine I don't want to walk on, but I've been to about ten weddings in the last ten years for people I consider my nearest and dearest and I think I've gotten two cards total. And one of those might have been for a baby shower, actually.

I've never been able to figure it out, but regardless, these people are getting thank yous from me just for spending the money to show up at my DW. Probably via champagne and strawberries in their hotel rooms.

The last time I got my dad a Christmas gift, it was several years ago and a gift card to Home Depot. He gave it to my sister. Last time I get him a gift.

climbingsingle · January 2015

I went to a wedding and a baby shower this past year. I did receive thank yous from both. The TY from the wedding arrived like 3 months later, but at least it came!

amelisha · January 2015

ShesSoCold said:

amelisha said:

I dunno, I never get thank you cards from my closest friends either. I dunno what the deal is and it's a landmine I don't want to walk on, but I've been to about ten weddings in the last ten years for people I consider my nearest and dearest and I think I've gotten two cards total. And one of those might have been for a baby shower, actually.

I've never been able to figure it out, but regardless, these people are getting thank yous from me just for spending the money to show up at my DW. Probably via champagne and strawberries in their hotel rooms.

The last time I got my dad a Christmas gift, it was several years ago and a gift card to Home Depot. He gave it to my sister. Last time I get him a gift.

I'm not even talking family - for me that's different and I don't care about formal thank yous for Christmas and stuff. I mean like my best friends' weddings, people I see all the time.

Chipmunk415 · January 2015

My nieces sent ty notes for Christmas gifts. But not birthdays. Pretty sure the Christmas notes came because my mom said something to sister when providing an address for a family friend as to how much they like getting notes (hint hint). I'm giving it one more year, and then the girls will get personalized stationery with a book on writing notes and letters. if that doesnt work, by then they will be 10.5 and 9, and I can say "you're old enough to express thanks without prompting. A lack of thanks tells me you didnt like the gift, so I must forgo gift giving"

My mom had to use that on her niece. Niece is 15. Niece sends no acknowledgement of receipt of gift check and does not get it cashed. For 3 months until my mom bitches about it again. Niece doesn't get gift checks anymore....

abl13 · January 2015

I was invited to a baby shower that I couldn't attend so I sent a gift and haven't received any acknowledgement whatsoever that the gift was even received. So, since the parents are ungrateful, their kid is never getting any gifts from us ever.

buttercup1958 · January 2015

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

maeday2 · January 2015

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

I write one for any gift I receive because of this:

My Granny sends checks for graduations/birthdays/Christmas, etc. She complains about my loser cousins not keeping in contact but they always cash their checks. She watches when the money clears her account.

This got me in the habit of writing a thank you before cashing a check or using a gift. Plus, as the sender of the gift (if not local) I want to know you've received your present.

I don't want Granny talking bad about me too.

lovegood90 · January 2015

I really don't get this either. It makes me so sad that basic manners are just gone for some people. Like, I get it if the act of writing a note and mailing it is just unheard of for some people, but pick up the phone! Send a thank you text! An email? Hell, how about a snapchat? Just something to acknowledge it, FFS.

I've talked about this before, but I sent a baby shower gift and a baptism gift to one of my family members and got no acknowledgement or thank you whatsoever. I think for the baby's birthday in a few months I'll send a card. If they can't spend 2 seconds to thank me, then I'll spend no more than that to acknowledge them either. It's petty but whatever.

amelisha · January 2015

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

I don't send thank yous for gifts from our parents as we see them frequently and our relationship is too close for that - to me it would be like sending a thank you note to my FI.

I do it on a case-by-case basis. I do send them for Christmas or birthday gifts received from extended family and especially the older generation as I know they appreciate it. But I certainly wouldn't send one for a birthday gift from a friend my own age.

lovegood90 · January 2015

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

My rule is I do it for any gift I receive. If I receive it in person I obviously thank them right then in person and all that. But if the gift was sent to me then I'll send a note. For interviews I'll send a thank you e-mail though, not a physical note.

KatieinBkln · January 2015

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

I think TYs should be written for any physical gift or monetary gift, no matter the occasion. Because, why not? When has anyone ever said, "A thank you note, how terrible!" upon receiving one?

Exception: my FI, whom I live with, so I feel like a specific note would be all kinds of weird. But birthday checks? Yes.

I'm also not one to send an individual card to anyone who comes to a birthday "party" at a bar/restaurant, but I will usually send a "Thanks so much for coming out!" email to the group (since that's usually how they were invited.) Maybe I'm violating a rule but that's sort of the etiquette in my circle.

levioosa · January 2015

Two weddings this year and no thank you notes from either.

I generally write thank you notes for any gift given, in response to @buttercup1958 , with the exception of maybe my parents and SO because we're very close.

plainjane0415 · January 2015

lovegood90 said:

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

My rule is I do it for any gift I receive. If I receive it in person I obviously thank them right then in person and all that. But if the gift was sent to me then I'll send a note. For interviews I'll send a thank you e-mail though, not a physical note.

Same here!

buttercup1958 · January 2015

Ok thanks guys! I was mainly thinking of my aunt. She flew out to see me on my 21st birthday and she gave me thank you cards! I do talk to her on a semi-regular basis and I did say thank you and hugged her when she gave them to me. I feel like we are close, she is my favorite aunt! I just wish I knew all of this before, I don't want to seem ungrateful. I've kept the birthday card she gave me too.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

lovegood90 said:

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

My rule is I do it for any gift I receive. If I receive it in person I obviously thank them right then in person and all that. But if the gift was sent to me then I'll send a note. For interviews I'll send a thank you e-mail though, not a physical note.

I got a check from FH's parents for my November birthday. I sent them a TY note with a thought as to how I would spend the money. When we had Christmas together with FH's family, I just said my Thank Yous while sitting in the room with them opening our gifts. I didn't send a note afterwards. I guess that's the difference for me. The gift-giver gets a Thank You no matter what, whether it's in person or in a note depends on the circumstances of the reception of the gift.

lovegood90 · January 2015

adk19 said:

lovegood90 said:

buttercup1958 said:

I have a question for you guys. Would you write a thank you card for birthdays? Or is mainly for showers, weddings, graduation parties, and interviews? I am really clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

My rule is I do it for any gift I receive. If I receive it in person I obviously thank them right then in person and all that. But if the gift was sent to me then I'll send a note. For interviews I'll send a thank you e-mail though, not a physical note.

I got a check from FH's parents for my November birthday. I sent them a TY note with a thought as to how I would spend the money. When we had Christmas together with FH's family, I just said my Thank Yous while sitting in the room with them opening our gifts. I didn't send a note afterwards. I guess that's the difference for me. The gift-giver gets a Thank You no matter what, whether it's in person or in a note depends on the circumstances of the reception of the gift.

Yeah, totally. I wouldn't send a note if I had already thanked them in person either.

rockin30ish · January 2015

Is it bad that my wedding isn't for a year and I'm already dreading the Thank You notes? Ugh! The hand cramps that await me.

Yes, TY notes/cards should always be sent following showers, wedding, graduations,etc. I say big events like those are an absolute! Birthdays and Christmas, eh, I don't really care. I usually tell people verbally, "Thank you," in those cases. But, there always has to be some sort of acknowlegment.

vulpiepop · January 2015

I never got a thank you card or letter from any of the weddings I went to and I got gifts for each couple. Half of the time, I never even got a verbal thank you. I just kind of let it go. Apparently no one does thank you cards or notes anymore, at least not in my social circle.

I'll be the odd one out and show them how it's done. I have a little notepad ready to make note on who got us what gift and a template picked out from vistaprint; we're doing thank you cards, dammit!

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

I have gotten a thank you note for every bridal shower and wedding (except for one- but I think they never received my present). I've been to one baby shower where I didn't get a thank you note. No one got a thank you, and we snarked hard about it.

The lost art of the Thank You Note

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