Average cost for a bridesmaid to be in the wedding.

lam424 · January 2015

we are all going away for the weekend for the bach. (once again we were all together deciding of all of this) so i have a good estimate of what it will cost

lam424 · January 2015

i think reality is hitting my bridesmaids at the cost of things now that its getting closer, and its making me feel guilty, although we did all decide this together ( and still remains optional)

KatWAG · January 2015

lam424 said:

wow i really love how everyone jumps down my throat. i did ask them, we all went to the shop together, they picked out the dresses themselves. and we were all together shopping for the shoes, that they offered to pay for. they are obviously welcome to my bridal shower!!!! my mother just wanted to know if they could chip in. she is traditional and feels the bridesmaids should pay for the shower on their own, which i know is totally out of their budgets so i told her absolutely not.

You asked for opinions and you got them. $600 is way too much because it is too much for your bridesmaids.

And I just love how you completely changed your tune about your mom and bridal shower. Now you are saying you told your mom she couldnt ask the girls for money. Something smells fishy.

KatWAG · January 2015

lam424 said:

we are all going away for the weekend for the bach. (once again we were all together deciding of all of this) so i have a good estimate of what it will cost

---------

You need to discuss this and figure it out before you go away for a destination bach weeding (ie spend all kinds of money that they dont have)

lam424 · January 2015

wow i wish i lived in Alaska... there is nothing that cheap around boston

redoryx · January 2015

lam424 said:

we are all going away for the weekend for the bach. (once again we were all together deciding of all of this) so i have a good estimate of what it will cost

This is what we are all trying to understand: when you say "all together" do you mean like as a big group decision or did you go to each girl privately to discuss this and then make the decisions after you'd gathered all the info from each girl individually?

Group dynamics plays a BIG BIG role in someone agreeing to something she's really not comfortable with.

lyndausvi · January 2015

lam424 said:

we are all going away for the weekend for the bach. (once again we were all together deciding of all of this) so i have a good estimate of what it will cost

I would scrap the weekend b-party. It sounds good on paper, but execution always seems to come with drama. You already have people who are complaining about finances, nothing worse then going away with people with different budgets.

Plus I find while they have good intentions, people do not look at the whole cost. They look at the hotel. Find, then there are transportation costs. Not just getting there, but taxis and such. And cover charges and the food and drinks. Not just dinner, but you have breakfast, lunch AND dinner. It always ends up more than you expect.

lyndausvi · January 2015

redoryx said:

lam424 said:

we are all going away for the weekend for the bach. (once again we were all together deciding of all of this) so i have a good estimate of what it will cost

This is what we are all trying to understand: when you say "all together" do you mean like as a big group decision or did you go to each girl privately to discuss this and then make the decisions after you'd gathered all the info from each girl individually?
Group dynamics plays a BIG BIG role in someone agreeing to something she's really not comfortable with.

YEP.

lam424 · January 2015

yeah, i have my bridesmaids over and we talk and decide on wedding things. but we are all close enough to openly talk with one another. but now that its closer to doing things, it's too much for a few, that makes them feel bad, that makes me feel bad.

redoryx · January 2015

lam424 said:

yeah, i have my bridesmaids over and we talk and decide on wedding things. but we are all close enough to openly talk with one another. but now that its closer to doing things, it's too much for a few, that makes them feel bad, that makes me feel bad.

I am very very close to my friends and we are all very open about things but when it comes to money and finances, people aren't so open. And especially when it comes to wedding finances, because nobody wants to be that one BM who says she can't afford to the $200 everyone else loves or she can't afford the out-of-town party and would people be okay staying in town instead.

annathy03 · January 2015

lam424 said:

i just wanted to know what the average bridesmaid spends being in a wedding, including the dress, shoes, bachelorette, bridal shower, hair & makeup. If the bridesmaid decides to partake in everything that is.

Had my BMs bought the dresses instead of me:

Local bridesmaid:

$84 dress

$75+tip hair/makeup (half the BMs did their own but some wanted pro)

$50-$100 bachelorette (their own dinner at Cheesecake Factory, one girl insisted on buying my meal, $20pp tip to the club staff that hooked us up based on a friends connection, we stayed at my house so no lodging or other food costs- I made sure my house was well stocked for guests)

$50+gift shower (co-hosted at my moms house by two of my BMs with wine, food, and some crafty type supplies and they sent out neat invitations)

$50? Shoes? After prompting about what I wanted I asked them to pick silver or black, at least one BM opted to buy new shoes but already owned ones that would have been fine.

So about $300-350 if they participated or hosted everything and if I'd asked for a dress budget and it had been at least $125 (I got the dresses on super sale and wouldn't have considered these if I was targeting what I actually ended up spending).

Out of town bridesmaid:

Same, plus flights to the shower/bachelorette (they were the same day to minimize travel) and the wedding, and a hotel the wedding weekend.

lam424 · January 2015

But that's the thing, the weekend away is really cheap, and we did the math for everything including food, drinks, gas, cars, everything. And the girls are really excited about it as well, not just bridesmaids, but friends and family as well.

lyndausvi · January 2015

lam424 said:

But that's the thing, the weekend away is really cheap, and we did the math for everything including food, drinks, gas, cars, everything. And the girls are really excited about it as well, not just bridesmaids, but friends and family as well.

That is a relative term.

If you do a search you will see a ton of threads about weekend b-party drama. There are 2 going on right now. One on this board and one on Chit Chat. They always start of that everyone is on board and okay with the costs. But by the time the weekend comes around it's a different tune. People drop off, which ups the costs for the others and a lot of other drama.

If you are looking to cut costs a weekend b-party is where I would start.

flantastic · January 2015

lam424 said:

wow i really love how everyone jumps down my throat. i did ask them, we all went to the shop together, they picked out the dresses themselves. and we were all together shopping for the shoes, that they offered to pay for. they are obviously welcome to my bridal shower!!!! my mother just wanted to know if they could chip in. she is traditional and feels the bridesmaids should pay for the shower on their own, which i know is totally out of their budgets so i told her absolutely not.

You don't have to have a shower. Your mom is so wrong about what is required here. Since it's not your BM's obligation to throw you a shower, and your mom is the one who wanted you to have a shower and is making it happen, she shouldn't consider your BMs obligated to help her.

You don't have to have a bachelorette party. I promise you will not be any less married to your FI at your wedding if you do not have one.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

lam424 said:

wow i really love how everyone jumps down my throat. i did ask them, we all went to the shop together, they picked out the dresses themselves. and we were all together shopping for the shoes, that they offered to pay for. they are obviously welcome to my bridal shower!!!! my mother just wanted to know if they could chip in. she is traditional and feels the bridesmaids should pay for the shower on their own, which i know is totally out of their budgets so i told her absolutely not.

Asking questions for clarification so we can better answer your questions is jumping down your throat? Good Lord, grow a thicker skin if you want to play on the internet.

You asked our opinions, and we are giving them to you.

If you did not ask your BM's their dress budget privately before picking a dress, then that's a faux pas and rude on your part. I think the dress you picked is too expensive personally, I would not have agreed to it at the salon.

Your mother should not be planning a shower for you and then telling your BMs how much they should or can chip in- that's not "traditional," it's a faux pas and rude on her part. She should have asked them if they wanted to co-host the shower with her and how much they were willing to contribute financially. Good for you for sticking up for them and telling your mother no to that idea!

I have been in 10+ weddings and I only ever spent close to that amount in one because it was OOT and plane tickets were stupid, asinine expensive.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

lam424 said:

i think reality is hitting my bridesmaids at the cost of things now that its getting closer, and its making me feel guilty, although we did all decide this together ( and still remains optional)

So you need to tell them that you don't need to go OOT for a bach party and let them plan something within their budgets- if they want to throw you a bach party. And don't involve yourself in the planning unless they specifically ask you.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

My vote would be to tell them that you don't need an OOT bach party and that you would be just as happy with a nice dinner out.

lovesclimbing · January 2015

lam424 said:
wow i wish i lived in Alaska... there is nothing that cheap around boston

Seriously? It has nothing to do with living in Alaska and everything to do with brides not asking their BMs to spend a lot of money.

artbyallie · January 2015

lovesclimbing said:

wow i wish i lived in Alaska... there is nothing that cheap around boston
Seriously? It has nothing to do with living in Alaska and everything to do with brides not asking their BMs to spend a lot of money.

In any case, aren't most things kind of pricey in Alaska because of the cost of shipping everything to the stores there?

MGP · January 2015

Late to the discussion but here is a breakdown of the last wedding where I was a member of the wedding party. There is a reason why this is the last one as you will see:

3 out of town trips for pre wedding events and wedding = $275 in gas

5 nights in a hotel x $200/night = $1000 (this also does not include the hotels I paid for family members to travel with me since I needed help with my newborn baby)

Dress + alterations = $200 (bought while pregnant, that was fun)

Bra = $75 (also fun finding the only halter style nursing bra known to man)

Hair = $75

Wore my own shoes and did my own makeup, won't count nails because I get those done anyways

Bridal shower = $300 because I covered extra costs when my terrible co-host asked for more money from the other co-hosts after SHE went over budget

Bachelorette party = $400 (hotel suite, decorations, dinner, and drinks for the bride)

Gifts = $300 (shower, bachelorette, and wedding @ $100 each)

So yes a grand total of $2625. Did I also mention my newborn was not allowed at the wedding so I had to walk back to the hotel every two hours to nurse? Not fun times.

This is why my bridesmaiding days are OVER.

MandyS573 · January 2015

This is something that has been on my mind a lot since getting engaged. I was the MOH in a wedding last year that ended up costing me nearly $1600, and I didn't even have any significant transportation or accommodation costs as the wedding was local.
I have chosen my life-long best friend to be my maid of honor, as well as 3 other very good friends as bridesmaids. Each of them are in different financial situations and it is really important to me to make the whole process fun for them, and keep stress to a minimum, especially money stress.

Here are my thoughts about their costs, I'm wondering if other brides/bridesmaids/etc think this is reasonable?

They will be paying for their dress and shoes. Unknown as of now what this cost will amount to but I am pretty open as far as choosing a dress goes, and we will be outside in the summer so probably a white/brown sandal, but I will let them pick out their own shoes, in the hopes that they can use them in the future. (This is basically the only part of being in the wedding party that I feel is 'required')
If they decide to stay at the hotel again the night after the wedding, that is up to them to pay for. None of them are traveling in from a different city.

I plan to pay for a suite for the 5 of us the night before the wedding, breakfast the morning of, their hair, makeup, and most likely jewelry, as well as transportation to and from the wedding.
I'm leaving the details of the bachelorette up to the MOH and bridesmaids, but have told them that something like a weekend at someone's cabin with DIY mani/pedis and chick flicks would be preferred to some crazy night out.
My mom and future mother in law are hosting the shower together, and have asked that the bridesmaids and MOH be willing to help prepare food etc, but I do not think it will cost them anything.
As wedding projects and other things come up I would love their help if they are willing and able to give it but I'm not going to require it of them.

Out of all the planning so far this is for some reason on my mind a lot, not stressing me out exactly, I just know what it was like to be shelling out cash constantly and I don't want them to feel like they are doing that too.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

artbyallie said:

lovesclimbing said:

wow i wish i lived in Alaska... there is nothing that cheap around boston
Seriously? It has nothing to do with living in Alaska and everything to do with brides not asking their BMs to spend a lot of money.

In any case, aren't most things kind of pricey in Alaska because of the cost of shipping everything to the stores there?

Doesn't everyone make more money living in MA due to the higher cost of living?

I'm being sarcastic because the Alaska comment was just silly.

Dreamergirl8812 · January 2015

OP, it sounds like your mom and BMs are throwing you a bunch of parties none of them can afford. Why not skip them? Order some pizza and horror movies (or rom-com if that's your thing). Tell them you just want to spend time with them and don't need all the expensive pomp and circumstance (unless you do).

MGP · January 2015

MandyS573 said:

This is something that has been on my mind a lot since getting engaged. I was the MOH in a wedding last year that ended up costing me nearly $1600, and I didn't even have any significant transportation or accommodation costs as the wedding was local.
I have chosen my life-long best friend to be my maid of honor, as well as 3 other very good friends as bridesmaids. Each of them are in different financial situations and it is really important to me to make the whole process fun for them, and keep stress to a minimum, especially money stress.

Here are my thoughts about their costs, I'm wondering if other brides/bridesmaids/etc think this is reasonable?

They will be paying for their dress and shoes. Unknown as of now what this cost will amount to but I am pretty open as far as choosing a dress goes, and we will be outside in the summer so probably a white/brown sandal, but I will let them pick out their own shoes, in the hopes that they can use them in the future. (This is basically the only part of being in the wedding party that I feel is 'required')
If they decide to stay at the hotel again the night after the wedding, that is up to them to pay for. None of them are traveling in from a different city.

I plan to pay for a suite for the 5 of us the night before the wedding, breakfast the morning of, their hair, makeup, and most likely jewelry, as well as transportation to and from the wedding.
I'm leaving the details of the bachelorette up to the MOH and bridesmaids, but have told them that something like a weekend at someone's cabin with DIY mani/pedis and chick flicks would be preferred to some crazy night out.
My mom and future mother in law are hosting the shower together, and have asked that the bridesmaids and MOH be willing to help prepare food etc, but I do not think it will cost them anything.
As wedding projects and other things come up I would love their help if they are willing and able to give it but I'm not going to require it of them.

Out of all the planning so far this is for some reason on my mind a lot, not stressing me out exactly, I just know what it was like to be shelling out cash constantly and I don't want them to feel like they are doing that too.

Ask them individually and privately about their budget for the dress. Use the lowest number they give.

Either pay for the shoes or let them wear something they already have.

Do not require them to spend the night before the wedding with you. Let them sleep wherever they want so they can be well rested for the big day.

Paying for food the day of, hair, makeup, accessories, and transportation is great.

Bachelorette parties are never required of your wedding party, but if they offer let them plan within the budget they set.

NO to them doing food prep for the shower. It doesn't matter if it won't cost them anything, it is rude to ask people to work for free. If your hosts need help, they can hire it.

NO to help for DIY or crafts. The only person appropriate to ask of that is your fiancé.

You are certainly on the right track. Just a few tweaks and I promise they will be much happier and less stressed.

lovesclimbing · January 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

artbyallie said:

lovesclimbing said:

lam424 said:
wow i wish i lived in Alaska... there is nothing that cheap around boston

Seriously? It has nothing to do with living in Alaska and everything to do with brides not asking their BMs to spend a lot of money.

In any case, aren't most things kind of pricey in Alaska because of the cost of shipping everything to the stores there?

Doesn't everyone make more money living in MA due to the higher cost of living?

I'm being sarcastic because the Alaska comment was just silly.

---------boxes-----------

I was on my phone in a meeting break so I couldn't go into more detail, but yes. I don't know what the cost of living is in Boston, but it is fairly high in Alaska.

Also, going ANYWHERE for a weekend bachelorette, I can guarantee the travel costs are more expensive from Alaska than from Boston.

MandyS573 · January 2015

MGP said:

MandyS573 said:

This is something that has been on my mind a lot since getting engaged. I was the MOH in a wedding last year that ended up costing me nearly $1600, and I didn't even have any significant transportation or accommodation costs as the wedding was local.
I have chosen my life-long best friend to be my maid of honor, as well as 3 other very good friends as bridesmaids. Each of them are in different financial situations and it is really important to me to make the whole process fun for them, and keep stress to a minimum, especially money stress.

Here are my thoughts about their costs, I'm wondering if other brides/bridesmaids/etc think this is reasonable?

They will be paying for their dress and shoes. Unknown as of now what this cost will amount to but I am pretty open as far as choosing a dress goes, and we will be outside in the summer so probably a white/brown sandal, but I will let them pick out their own shoes, in the hopes that they can use them in the future. (This is basically the only part of being in the wedding party that I feel is 'required')
If they decide to stay at the hotel again the night after the wedding, that is up to them to pay for. None of them are traveling in from a different city.

I plan to pay for a suite for the 5 of us the night before the wedding, breakfast the morning of, their hair, makeup, and most likely jewelry, as well as transportation to and from the wedding.
I'm leaving the details of the bachelorette up to the MOH and bridesmaids, but have told them that something like a weekend at someone's cabin with DIY mani/pedis and chick flicks would be preferred to some crazy night out.
My mom and future mother in law are hosting the shower together, and have asked that the bridesmaids and MOH be willing to help prepare food etc, but I do not think it will cost them anything.
As wedding projects and other things come up I would love their help if they are willing and able to give it but I'm not going to require it of them.

Out of all the planning so far this is for some reason on my mind a lot, not stressing me out exactly, I just know what it was like to be shelling out cash constantly and I don't want them to feel like they are doing that too.

Ask them individually and privately about their budget for the dress. Use the lowest number they give.
Either pay for the shoes or let them wear something they already have.
Do not require them to spend the night before the wedding with you. Let them sleep wherever they want so they can be well rested for the big day.
Paying for hair, makeup, accessories, and transportation is great.
Bachelorette parties are never required of your wedding party, but if they offer let them plan within the budget they set.
NO to them doing food prep for the shower. If your hosts need help, they hire it.
NO to help for DIY or crafts. The only person appropriate to ask of that is your fiancé.

You are certainly on the right track. Just a few tweaks and I promise they will be much happier and less stressed.

1. This was not actually my idea, it came up amongst the bridesmaids that it would be fun to do, and all of them were in, so I figured a hotel would be nice and then there would not be one of them stuck hosting a sleepover for 5 at their house.

2. They all offered up their time to help with things like this when I asked them (each was asked privately) to be in the wedding party, without it being brought up by me. My MOH is pretty pumped to put ribbons on things and drink wine and eat cheese together, but any events like that would be totally optional.

The shoes is a good point, once we have the dresses and are closer to the wedding, we'll see what everyone already has in their closets and go from there.
For the shower, in the area I live it's traditional for the bridesmaids to foot the entire cost of the shower, but my moms have offered to take over the cost (I don't have any sisters, and neither does my fiancé, so they both only get to do this once and are quite excited). I wouldn't see it being a problem if some of them couldn't help out for whatever reason, I maybe had that part of my list too brief.

Thanks for your input MGP!

MGP · January 2015

lam424 said:

my mother just wanted to know if they could chip in. she is traditional and feels the bridesmaids should pay for the shower on their own, which i know is totally out of their budgets so i told her absolutely not.

Your mother should be ashamed of herself. Bridesmaids hosting a shower for you is not her decision to make, it is theirs and they obviously don't want to do it.

As a mother I would feel like a total and complete asshole if I asked other people to help fund a party that I wanted to throw for my daughter. Seriously this spending other people's money epidemic needs to stop. Now.

Butterflyz419 · January 2015

Another Boston area bride/BM here. The most recent wedding I was in last fall I spent about $350--shoes and dress and alterations, bachelorette party, which included one night in a hotel, hair and makeup and night in the hotel the night before the wedding, but not including gifts.

The first wedding I was in a couple years back cost me about $1000--pretty much the same reasons, except it was 2 nights in the hotel the weekend of the wedding which cost $400 since it was on the Cape over Labor Day weekend.

In both those weddings, the bride's mother handled the shower on her own and other than going in on a gift, I didn't have a cost associated with that, otherwise my costs probably would be closer to what you're saying.

Third wedding I'm in this June, not sure yet what the costs will be for the shower/bachelorette, but I'm guessing around $400 total for that one.

I don't really know what my BMs will be spending total for my wedding. I know they're planning both a shower and bachelorette but other than giving my availability and a guest list to my MoHs, they're keeping the details a secret so I have no idea how the money part is being handled. My BMs gave me a budget for under $200 for the dress and since I let them choose a style within the brand we chose, their dresses ranged in cost between $130 and $170 depending on which style they chose. I told them whatever silver shoes they want so the cost of that will vary, and for some will be zero as they already have silver shoes. Hair and makeup will be optional, but if they do both it's $130. The night before the wedding, I'm inviting them all to sleep at my mother's house where I'll be staying if they want so that'll be free and the night of the wedding the hotel is $120, although they all live close enough (a half hour drive max) to go home if they really wanted to.

dcbride86 · January 2015

lam424 said:

i just wanted to know what the average bridesmaid spends being in a wedding, including the dress, shoes, bachelorette, bridal shower, hair & makeup. If the bridesmaid decides to partake in everything that is.

Most of my BMs are paying for airfare and a hotel (although I have also offered them my condo for the night of the wedding, and I got an extra hotel room for the night before). I purchased their dresses, and they may wear any shoes they own, although I did ask that the shoes are more of a neutral tone or silver (basically just not bright orange). I'm also paying for hair and makeup for the girls who want to get that done.

As far as the bachelorette party, my MOH graciously offered to host that, but many of my BMs will not go because we are scattered across the country. So if they want to come, they may also have to pay for a hotel and chip in for the house rental my MOH booked, but that's it.

novella1186 · January 2015

lol another DD on this board? Seriously? JFC.

Lurkers, there is NO POINT in deleting your posts. You get quoted so it's there forever anyway. DDs are not cool.

Average cost for a bridesmaid to be in the wedding.

Re: Average cost for a bridesmaid to be in the wedding.

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