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send the invites and RSVP date

cmperry17cmperry17 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?
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Re: send the invites and RSVP date

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    6-8 weeks is the perfect invitation range, so August works!

    For the RSVP date, check with your venue/caterer to see when they need numbers and then put your deadline about a week before then. If they don't need the numbers until a week or so out, two weeks is perfect. For me, anything under 4 weeks before the event is fine, but the longer I have to reply, the better.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    sounds good to me.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    cmperry17 said:
    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?

    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    xx802xx said:
    cmperry17 said:
    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?

    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

    Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

    Invitations go out in the 6-8 week range. NO second round of invitations, ever. That is B-Listing, which is very rude (it's like saying, "hey, we're inviting you now only because people we wanted to be there more than you couldn't make it" - not cool). While people may not say to you that they found it rude because they love you/are polite, you'll find plenty of people have complained on TK about being B-listed and feeling hurt over it.

    If you have concerns regarding lodging and accommodations for your guests, you can send Save the Dates with room block information. The caveat here is that anyone who receives a Save the Date must also receive an invitation. 
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Cookie Pusher said:
    xx802xx said:
    cmperry17 said:
    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?

    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

    Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

    Invitations go out in the 6-8 week range. NO second round of invitations, ever. That is B-Listing, which is very rude (it's like saying, "hey, we're inviting you now only because people we wanted to be there more than you couldn't make it" - not cool). While people may not say to you that they found it rude because they love you/are polite, you'll find plenty of people have complained on TK about being B-listed and feeling hurt over it.

    If you have concerns regarding lodging and accommodations for your guests, you can send Save the Dates with room block information. The caveat here is that anyone who receives a Save the Date must also receive an invitation. 
    Everyone has "B" list friends whether you want to admit it or not. They are not all your very best friends...and if It turns out I can invite them after all, I'd rather get the opportunity to invite them then not. This is one of the reasons narrowing down a list can be so hard. You don't want to hurt someone by not inviting them if you could have after all...and you don't want them to know they were a "B list" person either. I'd rather send my invites a little early (especially for traveling weddings) so that I do have time to still send out a "B" list invite politely instead of a phone call 2 weeks before the wedding or not inviting them at all.  

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  • charlottesmom0626charlottesmom0626 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    xx802xx said:
    Cookie Pusher said:
    xx802xx said:
    cmperry17 said:
    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?

    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

    Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

    Invitations go out in the 6-8 week range. NO second round of invitations, ever. That is B-Listing, which is very rude (it's like saying, "hey, we're inviting you now only because people we wanted to be there more than you couldn't make it" - not cool). While people may not say to you that they found it rude because they love you/are polite, you'll find plenty of people have complained on TK about being B-listed and feeling hurt over it.

    If you have concerns regarding lodging and accommodations for your guests, you can send Save the Dates with room block information. The caveat here is that anyone who receives a Save the Date must also receive an invitation. 
    Everyone has "B" list friends whether you want to admit it or not. They are not all your very best friends...and if It turns out I can invite them after all, I'd rather get the opportunity to invite them then not. This is one of the reasons narrowing down a list can be so hard. You don't want to hurt someone by not inviting them if you could have after all...and you don't want them to know they were a "B list" person either. I'd rather send my invites a little early (especially for traveling weddings) so that I do have time to still send out a "B" list invite politely instead of a phone call 2 weeks before the wedding or not inviting them at all.  
    WHAT? So let me get this straight. Your "B-list" people aren't super important to you that you want them there on your wedding day, unless they fill in for an A-list person who couldn't make it? Why? Oh I get it, so they can bring a gift and cover their plate?

    PS- Do you have a honeymoon registry?
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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    It's more of people who my fiancé and I may have been closer too when we met but have lost touch with as each others lives have changed. So no...they are not close friends now but if someone replies to me 2 weeks after I send my invites out saying "sorry we can't make it", I'd love to add someone else to the list. I would never do it 2 weeks before the wedding, but right after someone says they can't make it, sure. It has nothing to do with gifts or plates. I'd just love to see them there if it turns out we can invite them. I've been a "B" lister and was not offended...I was actually glad that I was wanted there even if I didn't originally make the cut.

     

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  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    xx802xx said:

    It's more of people who my fiancé and I may have been closer too when we met but have lost touch with as each others lives have changed. So no...they are not close friends now but if someone replies to me 2 weeks after I send my invites out saying "sorry we can't make it", I'd love to add someone else to the list. I would never do it 2 weeks before the wedding, but right after someone says they can't make it, sure. It has nothing to do with gifts or plates. I'd just love to see them there if it turns out we can invite them. I've been a "B" lister and was not offended...I was actually glad that I was wanted there even if I didn't originally make the cut.

     


    And what happens if 2 more weeks down the road that first person comes back to you and says "Oh, guess what? Plans changed and we're able to make it to the wedding after all!"
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    xx802xx said:

    It's more of people who my fiancé and I may have been closer too when we met but have lost touch with as each others lives have changed. So no...they are not close friends now but if someone replies to me 2 weeks after I send my invites out saying "sorry we can't make it", I'd love to add someone else to the list. I would never do it 2 weeks before the wedding, but right after someone says they can't make it, sure. It has nothing to do with gifts or plates. I'd just love to see them there if it turns out we can invite them. I've been a "B" lister and was not offended...I was actually glad that I was wanted there even if I didn't originally make the cut.

     

    Still rude.

    Everyone has to make cuts somewhere when it comes to their guest list.  It sucks but it has to be done.  Once invites are sent your guest list is finalized.  If you really want to invite these once close but no longer close friends then adjust elsewhere and invite them at the same time as everyone else.

    And just because you were okay being second choice at someone's wedding doesn't mean everyone feels the same way.

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    If someone else comes back and says they can come after all then we'll accept both people and possibly go over what we wanted our limit to be...but our choice and the hard choice of who to invite and who not to invite. Not everyone will think it's polite, but not everyone will think in a timey manor  its rude. My list will be final 6 weeks prior to the deadline giving a couple weeks for people to get back to us and still plenty of time for guests to make plans.

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Seriously, @xx802xx, you're posting terrible etiquette advice on the ETIQUETTE BOARD. No amount of justifying is going to make B-List invitations not rude. You can go ahead and tell your friends that they are only good enough to attend your wedding if someone you like more is unable to attend, but we will never tell you it's not rude to do so.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    Well now, where were you lovely advice givers when I asked about this months ago? No one argued then that this advice that was given to me and am now forwarding was rude. And I wasn't offended to be a B list person in the past, so seems simple enough to send your college friend from out of state in which you share no other circle of friends with an invite 10 days after you've mailed out the rest since someone had sadly said they can't make it. I like the idea still, I see how it can very easily be rude to someone who would be offended or if they found out they were not first on the list, but in a situation like this, I see no harm. If I can't invite them a week or so after my invites were sent out, then bummer, but if I can, great.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    xx802xx said:

    Well now, where were you lovely advice givers when I asked about this months ago? No one argued then that this advice that was given to me and am now forwarding was rude. And I wasn't offended to be a B list person in the past, so seems simple enough to send your college friend from out of state in which you share no other circle of friends with an invite 10 days after you've mailed out the rest since someone had sadly said they can't make it. I like the idea still, I see how it can very easily be rude to someone who would be offended or if they found out they were not first on the list, but in a situation like this, I see no harm. If I can't invite them a week or so after my invites were sent out, then bummer, but if I can, great.

    Did you ask about this on this forum?  Because yes, we would have told you months ago that this is rude.

    And guess what?  You still have time not to do the rude thing.

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Maggie0829 said:
    xx802xx said:

    Well now, where were you lovely advice givers when I asked about this months ago? No one argued then that this advice that was given to me and am now forwarding was rude. And I wasn't offended to be a B list person in the past, so seems simple enough to send your college friend from out of state in which you share no other circle of friends with an invite 10 days after you've mailed out the rest since someone had sadly said they can't make it. I like the idea still, I see how it can very easily be rude to someone who would be offended or if they found out they were not first on the list, but in a situation like this, I see no harm. If I can't invite them a week or so after my invites were sent out, then bummer, but if I can, great.

    Did you ask about this on this forum?  Because yes, we would have told you months ago that this is rude.

    And guess what?  You still have time not to do the rude thing.
    Sure did...on this forum over the summer when my list was being put together

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    xx802xx said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    xx802xx said:

    Well now, where were you lovely advice givers when I asked about this months ago? No one argued then that this advice that was given to me and am now forwarding was rude. And I wasn't offended to be a B list person in the past, so seems simple enough to send your college friend from out of state in which you share no other circle of friends with an invite 10 days after you've mailed out the rest since someone had sadly said they can't make it. I like the idea still, I see how it can very easily be rude to someone who would be offended or if they found out they were not first on the list, but in a situation like this, I see no harm. If I can't invite them a week or so after my invites were sent out, then bummer, but if I can, great.

    Did you ask about this on this forum?  Because yes, we would have told you months ago that this is rude.

    And guess what?  You still have time not to do the rude thing.
    Sure did...on this forum over the summer when my list was being put together
    Please, link that post because I would love to see what was said.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Cookie Pusher said:
    xx802xx said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    xx802xx said:

    Well now, where were you lovely advice givers when I asked about this months ago? No one argued then that this advice that was given to me and am now forwarding was rude. And I wasn't offended to be a B list person in the past, so seems simple enough to send your college friend from out of state in which you share no other circle of friends with an invite 10 days after you've mailed out the rest since someone had sadly said they can't make it. I like the idea still, I see how it can very easily be rude to someone who would be offended or if they found out they were not first on the list, but in a situation like this, I see no harm. If I can't invite them a week or so after my invites were sent out, then bummer, but if I can, great.

    Did you ask about this on this forum?  Because yes, we would have told you months ago that this is rude.

    And guess what?  You still have time not to do the rude thing.
    Sure did...on this forum over the summer when my list was being put together
    Which thread was this? The only ones you've started on the e-board were asking about inviting children and rowdy guests. If you asked within another thread, it's possible the question got buried if replies were coming in quickly.
    And there haven't been any replies prior to October so unless you meant "the fall" you didn't post anything over the summer.  Unless of course you did so under a different username.

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    It was under a different ID that I don't have anymore since I wanted to change my username as to not give away name privacy's.

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  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Viczaesar said:
    xx802xx said:
    It was under a different ID that I don't have anymore since I wanted to change my username as to not give away name privacy's.
    Bullshit.  There's not a single regular here who would tell you that B-listing is okay. 
    As we have all seen far too often, sometimes the OP will only see/hear the replies that validate what they want to do and then turn around and say nobody else gave her any advice.
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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/articles/how-to-make-your-wedding-guest-list.aspx

    Tips for making your guest list from theknot.com

    Make an A-list and a B-list.

    Shhh, we'll keep this little secret between us. Having two lists is how you'll get to invite the most people without actually raising your budget or finding a larger venue. Here's how it works: Your A-list is made up of the must-invites who you couldn't imagine not having at your wedding, like your family and close friends. They'll receive your first round of invitations. Your B-list is still guests you really want to be there, so don't put just anyone on it. If you start getting RSVPs back and it turns out you have enough "regrets," then you'll start sending invites to your B-list (in order of importance).
    Tip for the taking: Send out your B-list invites too close to the wedding (within a week or two) and you might as well tell those guests they're second-best. Do it without being obvious: Send your A-list invites three months before, and then there's still time to send your B-list invites six to eight weeks before your wedding. Print a second set of reply cards with a later RSVP date too (sending RSVPs with a date that's passed is a dead giveaway).


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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    xx802xx said:

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/articles/how-to-make-your-wedding-guest-list.aspx

    Tips for making your guest list from theknot.com

    Make an A-list and a B-list.

    Shhh, we'll keep this little secret between us. Having two lists is how you'll get to invite the most people without actually raising your budget or finding a larger venue. Here's how it works: Your A-list is made up of the must-invites who you couldn't imagine not having at your wedding, like your family and close friends. They'll receive your first round of invitations. Your B-list is still guests you really want to be there, so don't put just anyone on it. If you start getting RSVPs back and it turns out you have enough "regrets," then you'll start sending invites to your B-list (in order of importance).
    Tip for the taking: Send out your B-list invites too close to the wedding (within a week or two) and you might as well tell those guests they're second-best. Do it without being obvious: Send your A-list invites three months before, and then there's still time to send your B-list invites six to eight weeks before your wedding. Print a second set of reply cards with a later RSVP date too (sending RSVPs with a date that's passed is a dead giveaway).


    Theknot.com is definitely not an accepted etiquette source.  It is a business, designed to make money off of brides (and grooms) and their weddings.  
    Anniversary

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  • xx802xxxx802xx member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Your right, I'm usually too busy of a person to waste tons of time on forums snarking but since we are on the website "theknot" it would make sense that you all like this site...otherwise the forums are all just rude comments to people seeking help

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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I doubt that, and I agree with PP, The Knot is a BUSINESS. They make money when you spend yours, so OF COURSE they are perfectly fine with a B list. Having been on one, if royally sucked to know that I wasn't good enough to make the first cut, but since someone else did they would love to have my gift. (That wasn't the only rude thing this couple did either). 
    If you think someone pointing out that what you are doing to your guests is rude as a just a rude comment then real life might be really tough from here on out. 
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  • bb2016bb2016 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    WOW! Just because you're getting married it doesn't mean you don't have to act like a decent person. It's one thing to be naive enough to not understand that this is a rude thing to do (Although I would really argue that I doubt I could find a person that didn't understand how rude this is to do), but you know how rude it is and you still don't care.

    And you're on an etiquette board posting about things you're doing at your wedding that you in fact know are rude to do.



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