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Judgey Pants

mrscomposermrscomposer member
500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat

Every once in a while I have to shake my head at how ridiculous I am...

So, for background - J and I met in March, were planning our wedding by May, and got married in October.  That's fast, I know.  But our families and friends have been really wonderful, and haven't made any mention of being worried about how fast it was (to us, anyway).  Everything has been along the lines of 'when you know, you know', and 'you guys are established adults, why wait?'

So, J's brother, an avowed and cynical bachelor, had sworn off marriage UNTIL he saw how happy J and I were, and how maybe, hey, this could actually be valid if you find the right person.  He started casually seeing a woman after our wedding in October, and in the last few weeks has been getting more and more serious about her - culminating in J texting me today while I was at work to let me know that we need to plan for a wedding next summer. 

My (our) first reaction?  Holy crap, that's really fast!  Which is ridiculous coming from us, of course, which lead me to roll my eyes and shake my head at myself.  Completely different people, and very different approaches, but if it works for J and I to have a fast relationship, why on earth wouldn't it work for his brother?  And at least their engagement is going to be more than a year, which is more than we can say for ours.

Anyone else silly like me and have to burn your judgey pants every once in a while?

**The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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Re: Judgey Pants

  • mrsk616mrsk616 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    a cousin of mine met his now wife in may of last year engaged in october and the wedding was december. we are still wondering if he knocked her up his first and she already has kids. but no idea. FI and i judged them a lot for that and we never did go to the wedding. his sister getting married in august of this year. still dont know how i feel about that relationship they havent been together longer than 6 months before he asked in 2013. 

    FI and i will be getting married after 9 yrs together next year. thats what we wanted to do. finish school and get better jobs.

    dont worry everyone judges but remember every situation is different and everyones stories are different. 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yea, that's me except with people getting married young.  H and I got married at what many people consider to be a fairly young age.  Now, his sister and a cousin of mine have both gotten engaged.  They are also young and I feel like they're not ready and they should wait awhile.  

    However, I do feel like it's a little bit different than H and I with both of them. With my cousin, he was one of the last in our group of friends to start dating someone. And he started dating her after all of us were either married or engaged. So with him, I feel like he is just rushing to catch up or feels like he has to have someone. (And what doesn't help my feelings about them is that their pastor would not marry them because he felt like they had some things they needed to work through before getting married. And rather than listen to him, they found another pastor. That's a red flag in my book, especially since that pastor married us and did our pre-marital counseling so I know he's a sensible guy.)

    As for my sister-in-law, again I feel their situation is different than H's and mine. They started dating long-distance after meeting at a mutual friend's wedding. They have only been together a week here and there visiting each other's families and other than that, just calling and writing letters. Now they're engaged and getting married after never living in the same town or seeing each other on a regular basis.

    Oh well, I guess. I haven't said anything to either of them. I'm sure they'll make it work.
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  • charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2015
    DF's sister and her then DF/now DH did this to us (to our faces)

    They moved in together after dating for 8 or 9 months, then got engaged like 4 months later. DF and I were together for almost 2 years when we moved in together in August.

    Before DF and I got engaged, we were talking to them about when we might get married. At the time we had been living together for a month. FBIL says "Well I think you need to live together for AT LEAST a year before you think about getting engaged." 

    I literally said "Oh, like you and FSIL did?" He was clearly annoyed, but they laughed it off and let it go. No more comments from them about us moving to quickly (at least not to our faces).

    ETA: Pronouns are hard.

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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    We all do it! No worries :) I'm on the receiving end of it A LOT! FI and I spend 6 months out of the year in different states and I get the "I could never do that, how do you know he's even loyal to you" all the time.. It's funny because most other people's relationships wouldn't work for me, I have a friend that her H never holds down a job but in every other way he's so great to her so it works for her. I look at that and think no way could I do that and I don't get it, I'd rather not see him half the year and know he's working for our future, on the flip side, she wouldn't want to do what we do every year.. 

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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Yes :) lets have a judgey pants bonfire complete with marshmallows!

    Not wedding related, but

    Our new neighbors just moved in! They are lovely, sweet people and even invited us to their housewarming party on Saturday. Now, note, we are townhomes and very close together, share walls. On Friday night I get home from a terrible day at work (and no sleep the night before, sick puppy) and there are cars parked in front of my driveway (and everywhere up the street). Slightly annoyed but ring the doorbell and ask for so and so to please move their car so I can get into my house. I surprisingly didn't hear any party noise through our walls during the evening. Off to sleep because I'm exhausted and moody.

    Then, I was woken up around 5 am by a large group of them standing in their driveway conversing loudly (practically under our bedroom window, because so close together). This was an all night party! Ahhhh! Loud noises outside at 5 am when I was a tired grumpy goose! I'm not in college anymore, I want to get away from these shenanigans! *trying not to be judgey though, because they are great people and I now know this all night party is a norm in their culture* Party on Saturday for lunch still happens and theres a bounce house and tonnnsss of people and food. Awesome! Also decorated to the nines and I'm like I still have boxes in my kitchen whaaat? How did you unpack so fast. Also don't know how you're still up after 24 hours still haha. Judging you because I am tired and still don't have boxes unpacked and you do.. Somehow.. That's what everyone must have been doing Friday night, right?

    DH will bring ALL my judgey pants to the bonfire.

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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    I know what you mean! I'm sure a lot of people judge V and I's relationship. I'm 21 and he is 29. We moved in officially around 4 months of dating. So I'm sure people thought we moved fast. We aren't going to take anymore steps for awhile until we get settled into careers (we are both in undergrad right now).

    I'm a judgy person with work ha. I know some people work to live but I'm more of a live to work. I'm very passionate about what I want to do and I need to remind myself some people view it as just a job, which is up to them!

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  • mrscatymrscaty member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    My grandparents were set up on a blind date on NYE, got engaged in March, and married in late October. They will be celebrating 50 years this year (yay!). HOWEVER, I would probably think "whoa, way too fast" if one of my friends had this same timeline. So yeah, I'm a little bit of a judgey pants, too, even if it's none of my business what they do with their life.
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  • BrandNewJBrandNewJ member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Ooo I'll play! This is the only wedding related one I have:

    My grandparents had a PPD. They secretly wed in the courthouse in 1942 so my grandpa wouldn't be shipped out for war. They had their PPD, vows and all, a few months later. 

    I did judge and imagined rolling my eyes. But then I found out they also didn't have sex until the PPD because my grandma felt that was their wedding. And waiting that long, while married, sucks hard. 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    KatieinBkln said:
    I will never burn my judgy pants. They look SO good on me!
    I might eat crow every now and then, but I will never stop judging tacky ass crows.

    I don't have any wedding judgey stories right now, but I've been lurking on the bump and proboards bump, and goddamn some of the baby names. Someone wants to name their daughter Jaxon. I fucking can't even with this shit.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    I have been with FI since I was 13, so any short or young relationships/engagements always seem so rushed and I try so hard not to judge them. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet their spouse and recognize they should date when they are children. That doesn't make me the relationship expert.

    I do think I know a thing or two about relationships, but I need to shut my brain off and be happy for people sometimes.

    This is only for IRL people. You guys on the internet, I know that I don't know and so I withhold judgement. Most recently, I judged my 20 year old cousin for marrying a 22 year old almost exactly a year after meeting for the first time. I am only 23, but somehow I think I just know everything, lol.

    FI and I have also been in a long distance relationship through most of college and even now when he's off working most off the month in a different state. So when I see people whining that their spouse is leaving for the weekend and oh no how will they ever survive!!!! I kinda just lol at their stupidness and continue on.

    Anyone complaining about cold or snow and it's a balmy 30 degrees out is just lolworthy to me. Not everyone grew up where I did, not everyone has gotten frostbite so many times, not everyone has seen -55. I moved south to Detroit and OMG the weather here is so warm. I hate it. 30 degrees is a day in the park. 60 degrees is a beach day and I never saw 90 degrees except on a trip to Florida until this year.

    I'm a creature of negative temperatures. 
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  • l9il9i member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited January 2015

    I find myself not judging the length of a relationship but rather the type of relationship (I think a PP touched on this).

    I met my DH right after high school and knew after 6 months of dating I wanted to marry him.  After 1 year we lived together (some thought that was fast).  But then we waiting 3.5 years to get engaged, and 5 years total to marry.  I have friends that were together less and married sooner but I thought they were great together so it doesn't bother me. 

    I think more so I look at the type and think "No way I could put up with that".  For example.  Friend constantly complains about her BF.  To me he's a man-child and she acts more like his mother than partner and it irks me she doesn't see that.  I also have a couple whom I work with both.  They've been together about 5 years and both have such harsh personalities there is no balance.  They are currently in a "fight" and refuse to work out their issues of whether or not to take the next step to live together.  Neither beleives in compromising.  Will they make it or not, are they good for each other - who knows.  So there's my judgy pants for the day!

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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yup, that's me except in reference to online dating. 

    H & I met online, but I still get all weirded out when my girlfriends date online. It's so...weird!
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I hardcore judge a friend of mine because his FB posts are ALL about his girlfriend and how amazing and sweet and pretty she is. I'm not friends with her so I can't see her reaction but I feel like he's very insecure and worried if he doesn't sing her praises constantly she'll leave him. In all the pictures he posts of her she looks like she's smiling so that he won't skin her and wear her as a suit.

    Haven't talked to him in years and never met her. They could be made for each other. But I judge. Oh, I judge.
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    flutteringinfl said:
    I hardcore judge a friend of mine because his FB posts are ALL about his girlfriend and how amazing and sweet and pretty she is. I'm not friends with her so I can't see her reaction but I feel like he's very insecure and worried if he doesn't sing her praises constantly she'll leave him. In all the pictures he posts of her she looks like she's smiling so that he won't skin her and wear her as a suit.

    Haven't talked to him in years and never met her. They could be made for each other. But I judge. Oh, I judge.


    I TOTALLY judge people who overly FB their relationship.  FI and I are fairly private, and never feel the need to tell the world "zomg, FI sent me flowers and the card said I'm the beautiful girl in the world #luckiestgirlever" and I get a little snarky when I see posts like this on a daily basis (if you can't tell...)

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  • mrsk616mrsk616 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    flutteringinfl said:
    I hardcore judge a friend of mine because his FB posts are ALL about his girlfriend and how amazing and sweet and pretty she is. I'm not friends with her so I can't see her reaction but I feel like he's very insecure and worried if he doesn't sing her praises constantly she'll leave him. In all the pictures he posts of her she looks like she's smiling so that he won't skin her and wear her as a suit.

    Haven't talked to him in years and never met her. They could be made for each other. But I judge. Oh, I judge.
    i judge my cousin because of how short of the time they dated and how often they post about each other. ok we get it your married now lets stop. my cousin is making such a big deal out of her up coming wedding i am so annoyed and wish it was august so it could be over.
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  • danamwdanamw member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited January 2015

    "Judgey Pants" is a term to be used for a 4 year old, so I reject that right off the bat.

    Who doesn't judge? I do! I call it a personal opinion, and I don't force it on anyone. I don't go around spouting my unasked-for opinion on people.

    I may think a marriage won't work, for whatever reason, but it isn't up to me to go around saying it. It is up to the couple, and I would be glad if it worked out. If it doesn't, it will be just another divorce and still not my concern.

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  • okulew29okulew29 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    dcbride86 said:
    danamw said:

    "Judgey Pants" is a term to be used for a 4 year old, so I reject that right off the bat.

    Who doesn't judge? I do! I call it a personal opinion, and I don't force it on anyone. I don't go around spouting my unasked-for opinion on people.

    I may think a marriage won't work, for whatever reason, but it isn't up to me to go around saying it. It is up to the couple, and I would be glad if it worked out. If it doesn't, it will be just another divorce and still not my concern.


    I say stuff like that all the time.  Obviously, I say it in a joking way, but that doesn't mean it's reserved to children.  If FI is teasing me, sometimes I'll ask him why he wore his meanie pants that day.  Adults can be silly, too.
    I call FI a butthead all the time.  I also asked a 20-something (like myself) co-worker if they had a fire extinguisher for their firey pants when they lied about something the other day... OOPS i must literally be a child.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    chibiyui said:

    I don't have any wedding judgey stories right now, but I've been lurking on the bump and proboards bump, and goddamn some of the baby names. Someone wants to name their daughter Jaxon. I fucking can't even with this shit.

    One of my friends is way too gender-inclusive and tries WAY to hard to reject gender binary ideas for her baby.

    They named her Valkerie. Because it's "gender neutral". Valkerie? Really? You couldn't think of any more socially appropriate gender neutral name?
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  • flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    JennyColada said:
    I don't have any wedding judgey stories right now, but I've been lurking on the bump and proboards bump, and goddamn some of the baby names. Someone wants to name their daughter Jaxon. I fucking can't even with this shit.
    One of my friends is way too gender-inclusive and tries WAY to hard to reject gender binary ideas for her baby. They named her Valkerie. Because it's "gender neutral". Valkerie? Really? You couldn't think of any more socially appropriate gender neutral name?

    ---wtf boxes

    That...I actually really like that name.

    Come on, judge me like Judge Judy. I can take it.
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    JennyColada said:
    I don't have any wedding judgey stories right now, but I've been lurking on the bump and proboards bump, and goddamn some of the baby names. Someone wants to name their daughter Jaxon. I fucking can't even with this shit.

    One of my friends is way too gender-inclusive and tries WAY to hard to reject gender binary ideas for her baby. They named her Valkerie. Because it's "gender neutral". Valkerie? Really? You couldn't think of any more socially appropriate gender neutral name?

    ********What's wrong with these boxes?****

     

    Valkerie?  OMG no.  Had they never heard of names like Taylor, Sam, or Jordan?

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  • mrsdee15mrsdee15 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    chibiyui said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    I will never burn my judgy pants. They look SO good on me!
    I might eat crow every now and then, but I will never stop judging tacky ass crows.

    I don't have any wedding judgey stories right now, but I've been lurking on the bump and proboards bump, and goddamn some of the baby names. Someone wants to name their daughter Jaxon. I fucking can't even with this shit.
    Truth.  I can't with Ryder.  

    ETA:  And I'm definitely keeping my baby name judgey pants.
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  • mrsk616mrsk616 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    HeatherKat said:
    Ooh, I've got a judgey pants story!

    FI and I have been engaged for 13 months. In that time, his 20 year old cousin has:

    1: met a girl
    2: gotten engaged
    3: gotten married
    4: gotten divorced
    5: asked me if his new girlfriend is invited to the wedding.

    I'm wearing GIANT judgey pants. Like, if JNCO made judgey pants, those are what I'd be wearing.
    we foresee my cousin who got married in december being like this. my FI and i have been together 8 years this coming Feb. my cousins (they are siblings) have not been with their SO's longer than a few months before getting engaged. the one though is waited until this year to get married, the other is already married.
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  • l9il9i member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Ahhh so much judging for strange/poorly spelled (thinking of a recent Devyn as opposed to Devin) baby names.  While the potential names I have for my hypothetical children would be very much on the normal side I will for sure not be sharing when I am expecting simply for the judging that ensues.  I know this because I am guilty too.  People typically don't hate on the name once the child is born and out there.
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    I definitely admit to being judgey pants about other peoples relationships. I think it stems from being the odd one out in my family, for not marrying 'young'

    My parents were married at 19, my older brother at 23, my little sister at 23, all my cousins married their high school sweethearts in their early 20's. I'm going to be 29 when we get married.

    And I don't consider myself old at all, but when you get engaged and people say things like 'oh we wondered if that would ever happen for you' it makes you judgy pants against the youngins in retaliation hahah!!

    My little sister and I both started dating our significant others within 2 months of each other. They dated, got engaged, had a short engagement, got married. Got pregnant 2 months after their wedding and will have the baby before they've been together for 3 years. She's 23. So to me i'm like whoa slow your roll!!! But mainly its because at 23, I was fiercely independent and wouldn't have considered marriage and babies so to me its quick and young. (I also still see her as a 12 year old hahaha)

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