Can I tell the Bride I don't want to be a Bridesmaid anymore?

Re: Can I tell the Bride I don't want to be a Bridesmaid anymore?

• prideeinpynk member

  

  March 2010

  I disagree with Kmartella. The bride can't tell you "You need to have this done" beauty-wise and make you pay for it. She can give you the option, but it's rude to force your BMs into situations like that.
  
  If this has only been a few weeks, and nothing has been purchased, I don't think it's rude to politely back down. Tell her you re-evaluated your situation and it's just not feasible.
  

  Chrissy & David -- 10/10/10

  
  This is my "OMG-Don't-Drop-Me" face

  Planning Bio

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• lalap69 member

  

  March 2010

  Um, PP has terrible advice.  The things she is "asking" you to do are way beyond what she actually has the right to request.  If it's going to be too much for you, you are well within your rights to step down.  It's only been a couple of weeks; it's not going to hurt her at all for you to back out down.  But it sounds like she's swept up in my-day-itis.  I think your concerns are entirely valid.  Tell her that you were excited to stand up for her, but you realize now that it's going to be more than you can handle and you'd be more comfortable attending as a guest.

  Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
  
  "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert

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• ashleychow member

  

  March 2010

  I also completely disagree with Kmartella.
  
  I think it's completelky ok to tell her that you're not able to afford it right now and apologize, but tell her that you'll still be there for her on the day. I think if one of my girls said that to me? I would totally understand!

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• CFfiance member

  

  March 2010

  I, as a bride, would rather a BM politely back out then complain about anything I've asked of her (not that I'm asking my BMs much...I think asking you to spend 120$ on a dress is highly offensive! I'd never do that to mine!)
  
  I actually had to fire a BM just the other day for talking about me behind my back and b*tching and moaning about me to my MOH- I don't want people like that in my wedding, and she shouldn't want to be my BM if I'm making her so misserable.
  
  I say ask her for coffee and tell her that it's just not going to work out. I'm sure she'll understand.
  

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• lizstill13 member

  

  March 2010

  I would tell her that you were not expected these extra added expenses and you're not able to stand up with her. If she is demanding nails, hair, makeup and whatever else, she needs to pay for it. If she's suggesting you can politely say no.

  

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• vjcjenn1 member

  

  March 2010

  I think you are both a little unreasonable...
  
  When you accepted the role, you did assume some basic responsiblities, mainly to buy a dress...120 is actually REALLY reasonable for a dress.  I also feel it is your responsiblity (and one you should have expected from day 1) to have your dress altered.  Also, I have big boobs too, I have owned a strapless bra for a long time now, even though I rarely strapless dresses (in fact I never have).  So if you don't already have one, you need to own one.
  
  Now, the nails is absurd...she can not require you ruin your real nails for one day.  That's a non-issue.  You should let her know that you plan on having them manicured (and you can do that yourself).  Hair and makeup, I preferred that my bridesmaids did something with thier hair and make up, but did not require them to have it done professionally or done by the person I hired.  Of my 7, 5 of them had their hair done by my person, one went to her own salon, and one did it herself. You should simply tell her that you can afford to have it done professionally but assure her that you will look nice.

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