A high-functioning evil

novella1186 · February 2015

I just talked to my mom this morning and told her I don't like my sister's childish/manipulative BS of speaking to me through my mom.

I said "the next time she tries to do that, all you need to say is: 'You need to speak directly to Novella.' If she has something to say to me, she can say it to me. Stop cleaning up her messes for her."

My mom came back with her typical overly dramatic response, "I know. My heart bleeds. I just hope I can see this get resolved before I die, but I'll leave it alone."

Let's hope my mom actually does get it this time and will say that to my sister. But even if she doesn't, next time she tries to relay something my sister said, I'm not even going to listen. I also let her know that anything that isn't said directly to me was never said at all, as far as I'm concerned.

I pointed out the fact that when the original blow-up happened, BSC sister told my parents she knew she was wrong and she was sorry, and she told them she was going to apologize to me. Well, we all know she never apologized to me. Instead I reached out to her several times and she attacked me again and actually said she was NOT sorry because she was "just being honest." So she plays nice to my parents, and then is a psychotic bitch to me, and it's underhanded and dishonest and manipulative. (Said this to my mom).

I know exactly what she's trying to do, and I'm not playing that game. My grandpa always said I was the smart one.

DaniBites · February 2015

Stay strong! It seems like your dad realizes what she's doing and I'm sure your mom realizes too even if she's trying to pacify the situation.

I'm bracing for some of this myself, we're taking a trip to see FI's family at the end of the month and I know it's going to come up at some point. FI told his mom FSIL is out of the wedding party, but according to him she isn't invited at all and I'm hoping to be scarce when that landmine comes up.

novella1186 · February 2015

DaniBites said:

Stay strong! It seems like your dad realizes what she's doing and I'm sure your mom realizes too even if she's trying to pacify the situation.

I'm bracing for some of this myself, we're taking a trip to see FI's family at the end of the month and I know it's going to come up at some point. FI told his mom FSIL is out of the wedding party, but according to him she isn't invited at all and I'm hoping to be scarce when that landmine comes up.

Oh man, good luck. Family drama is really the worst! I think that's very wise of you to try to be scarce.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

novella1186 · February 2015

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Thanks for the pep talk! The advice and encouragement from you ladies has really made a world of difference in how I deal with this crap.

ETA: and in regards to the shit she did when we were little kids, yeah. She was just as much of a psycho back then. What gets me about it is the fact that she was far more dramatic than me (screamed and cried, while I stayed calm and was merely concerned with just telling the truth) so she was always believed over me. Cuz the crying kid MUST be the one telling the truth, and the calm kid MUST be the one lying, right?

And she still does that too. When she went psycho at my Eparty she screamed and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. And I stayed calm. So my mom initially sided with her because oh look how upset and hurt she is! I actually had to explain to my mom that just because I'm not crying and I'm not putting on a big show doesn't mean I'm not hurt. Dramatic does not = right.

lovegood90 · February 2015

novella1186 said:

I also let her know that anything that isn't said directly to me was never said at all, as far as I'm concerned.

This is SO spot on and the exact attitude I would have!

novella1186 · February 2015

lovegood90 said:

novella1186 said:

I also let her know that anything that isn't said directly to me was never said at all, as far as I'm concerned.

This is SO spot on and the exact attitude I would have!

It stems from the fake apology she gave my parents that was supposedly meant for me. You didn't tell ME you're sorry, so you're not sorry, and that is not an apology. You say it to ME if it concerns me.

I'm a very direct person. I have no patience for that kind of bullshit.

AprilH81 · February 2015

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Yeah, this is way beyond your run of the mill "crazy" and into "she needs serious help". Has she ever been evaluated or on meds?

novella1186 · February 2015

AprilH81 said:

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Yeah, this is way beyond your run of the mill "crazy" and into "she needs serious help". Has she ever been evaluated or on meds?

No, because she's perfect. It's everyone around her that is crazy. If you don't agree with her, it's because you're crazy and evil. If you criticize her, it's because you're stupid.

A lot of our relatives have commented that she needs to see a mental health professional, and my mom commented recently that she needs "serious mental help." But the problem is, you can't FORCE someone to seek help, and she'll never admit that there's anything wrong with her.

kmbay84 · February 2015

Oh man @novella1186, I am so sorry you are going through this! Good for you for standing your ground though! I agree with others that you win by not having her toxic behavior in your wedding!

You do sound like such a kind lady that I don't think anyone who knows you would believe her stories!

novella1186 · February 2015

kmbay84 said:

Oh man @novella1186, I am so sorry you are going through this! Good for you for standing your ground though! I agree with others that you win by not having her toxic behavior in your wedding!

You do sound like such a kind lady that I don't think anyone who knows you would believe her stories!

Thank you! That is very nice of you to say

dcbride86 · February 2015

I'm sorry that your sister is being such a pain in the ass! It isn't fair to you. But at least she's no longer in your wedding party, and you can (hopefully) have a wonderful and stress-free wedding without her being a BM

AprilH81 · February 2015

novella1186 said:

AprilH81 said:

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Yeah, this is way beyond your run of the mill "crazy" and into "she needs serious help". Has she ever been evaluated or on meds?

No, because she's perfect. It's everyone around her that is crazy. If you don't agree with her, it's because you're crazy and evil. If you criticize her, it's because you're stupid.

A lot of our relatives have commented that she needs to see a mental health professional, and my mom commented recently that she needs "serious mental help." But the problem is, you can't FORCE someone to seek help, and she'll never admit that there's anything wrong with her.

Didn't your parents ever have her evaluated or were they "stick my head in the sand" type people until recently?

novella1186 · February 2015

AprilH81 said:

novella1186 said:

AprilH81 said:

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Yeah, this is way beyond your run of the mill "crazy" and into "she needs serious help". Has she ever been evaluated or on meds?

No, because she's perfect. It's everyone around her that is crazy. If you don't agree with her, it's because you're crazy and evil. If you criticize her, it's because you're stupid.

A lot of our relatives have commented that she needs to see a mental health professional, and my mom commented recently that she needs "serious mental help." But the problem is, you can't FORCE someone to seek help, and she'll never admit that there's anything wrong with her.

Didn't your parents ever have her evaluated or were they "stick my head in the sand" type people until recently?

Well she acts EXACTLY like my dad's mother and his oldest sister, so I'm sure he thought her behavior was normal. Plus she was their sweet little princess. And like I said, I always got blamed for stuff, so they were pretty much in complete denial that she was an out of control bitch, until we got older and became harder to just completely ignore/deny/excuse.

lovegood90 · February 2015

Just curious, do you think you'll send Mrs. BSC an invite to your wedding, or is that also a big pile of nope at this point too?

AprilH81 · February 2015

novella1186 said:

AprilH81 said:

novella1186 said:

AprilH81 said:

KatieinBkln said:

You're doing it right. You're still winning.

Just remember--there is no chance that any sane member of your family will be swayed by any story she tells them of trying to extend an olive branch and you denying it. Sane recognizes crazy, and I guarantee you the people in your family know she's like this. Anyone who buys what she's selling will only conveniently let you know that you don't have to hang out with them, either.

Also: that story of her cutting you with her nails and then turning it around when you asked for help is fucking chilling. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of older siblings who have pulled that kind of shit on their little siblings, but most people grow out of the psychopathy of childhood. It seems your sister never did.

Trust that the people in your life recognize this about her. Carry on giving no fucks. You're doing great!

Yeah, this is way beyond your run of the mill "crazy" and into "she needs serious help". Has she ever been evaluated or on meds?

No, because she's perfect. It's everyone around her that is crazy. If you don't agree with her, it's because you're crazy and evil. If you criticize her, it's because you're stupid.

A lot of our relatives have commented that she needs to see a mental health professional, and my mom commented recently that she needs "serious mental help." But the problem is, you can't FORCE someone to seek help, and she'll never admit that there's anything wrong with her.

Didn't your parents ever have her evaluated or were they "stick my head in the sand" type people until recently?

Well she acts EXACTLY like my dad's mother and his oldest sister, so I'm sure he thought her behavior was normal. Plus she was their sweet little princess. And like I said, I always got blamed for stuff, so they were pretty much in complete denial that she was an out of control bitch, until we got older and became harder to just completely ignore/deny/excuse.

That is sad on so many levels.

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing and anyone who believes her crazy-ass stories isn't worth your time.

novella1186 · February 2015

lovegood90 said:

Just curious, do you think you'll send Mrs. BSC an invite to your wedding, or is that also a big pile of nope at this point too?

Yep, I'm pretty much stuck inviting her. I know I don't HAVE TO, but it's the lesser evil of dealing with the fallout of not inviting her at all. I'm going to talk to the venue about having security on-hand.

BrandNewJ · February 2015

Isn't it amazing when the parent you thought was the worst sticks up for you? If Your dad sees your sister is being crazy, it's safe to assume your other, "normal", relatives will also. There's nothing she could say that erases the engagement party fiasco. She's horribly manipulative and seriously aggressive. Your wedding is like your victory party over not letting crazy control your life anymore. Enjoy!

anjemon · February 2015

I'm sorry to hear your sister is still trying to cause drama. But you've got a great attitude! And the PP's have given you a lot of great advice.

paperpusher · February 2015

novella1186 said:

lovegood90 said:

Just curious, do you think you'll send Mrs. BSC an invite to your wedding, or is that also a big pile of nope at this point too?

Yep, I'm pretty much stuck inviting her. I know I don't HAVE TO, but it's the lesser evil of dealing with the fallout of not inviting her at all. I'm going to talk to the venue about having security on-hand.

---------
I didn't invite one of my sisters. No matter how manipulative my mother got I refused to invite her. Closer to the day I was more and more worried about her crashing but she never did. But it was probably because she didn't have the location.
I don't regret it at all.

A high-functioning evil

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